Chapter Three: Relax-O-Vision
xxx
"Welcome back, fans! It's only been minutes after the Cannonball Run began, and boy this audience won't stop cheering tonight!"
"You said it, Haruka!" Hikari agreed. "And our Cannonballers will have lots of crowds to deal with on their way across the USA! Let's hope nobody gets hurt!"
"I hope so too!" said Kasumi. "Let's go live right now to one of our correspondents reporting way on the other side of the USA, Waldo!"
XXX
"Thanks, girls!" said Waldo, amongst a growing number of fans, all too excited to be seen on TV. "People here in California are certainly staying up every night for the Cannonballers! Half the streets in San Francisco have been blocked to make way for these enthusiastic supporters! They…whoa! Hey!"
Waldo was suddenly engulfed by a tsunami of fans pushing their faces at the camera.
XXX
"Waldo?" Hikari waited for his response. The screen zoomed out in hopes to find him in this overpopulated situation. But it proved to be more than a difficult task for the girls. "Where's Waldo? Can you find him?"
"I can't find him." Haruka scratched her brain.
Kasumi cleared her throat. "Folks, I'm afraid this could take us quite a while. We'll leave you now with our Cannonball monitors, Taichi and Yamato! I'm Kasumi!"
"I'm Hikari!"
"And I'm Haruka!"
XXX
"Well, Taichi." said Yamato, checking the map. "It seems that although most of our Cannonballers are making a desperate dash across the fifty states, a handful of them have decided to head over to Canada. Would you consider this is an easier route, in your expert opinion?"
"Hard to say, Yamato." thought Taichi. "Who knows what kind of people they'll encounter in an open country of such natural beauty…its flowing blue rivers…its mighty fresh cut timber…why, it makes me want to sing! Oh, Canada…"
Yamato slapped him on the head, snapping him out of his daydream. "We're not being paid to sing, Taichi! We've got to keep an eye on the Cannonballers!"
"Sorry…"
XXX
"But, sir. I don't understand." said Mauser. "How could we sit here in your office while there's Cannonballers driving rampant across our highways? And consider what they'll do when they're overseas."
"Maybe they'll be more careful." said Proctor, rewarded with an elbow in the stomach by Mauser.
"You needn't worry." said Foyt, spinning round on his chair, throwing his boots up onto his desk. "Those Cannonballers won't be getting far in this outing. I've recruited my best men out there around the globe to do the work for us. As for now, you can rely on Buford T. Justice to watch our American roads."
XXX
"I hate night traffic." grumbled Eddie Valiant. The Blue Falcon wasn't getting too far in Manhattan's busy streets. "Of all places, it has to be New York. I sure hope those three gargoyles aren't ahead of us."
"Not to mention that Smith fellow." said Roger Rabbit. "I wouldn't want to run into that sour puss in the race."
"It's double trouble." Baby Herman was fearing the worst out of both of them. "This ain't gonna be an easy time, folks. This could be our biggest challenge yet to come first! We gotta fight hard for it or nothing!"
"Drive carefully, Eddie." advised Dolores. "You just don't know who you'll crash into next…"
XXX
"Out of the car, all of you." Tracy forced the group to step out of their machine. "Let me see your driver's license."
The trio handed them to the policewoman without fuss. Instantly recognizing their photos, Tracy swung her flashlight on the faces of Team Rocket, who grinned innocently. How in the world did they get into this mess?
"Hello, Tracy." a sweat-dropping Musashi offered her a friendly wave. "Nice to see you again. I see you're still in the police force after all these countless times."
"Team Rocket." Tracy shook her head. "You three live to cause trouble…don't you? Last time I caught you creeps here, you were stealing Pokémon cards off little kids in the Pikachu convention we had."
"I needed one more to complete my collection." slipped out from Kojiro's lips.
Tracy was going to arrest them for good this time, for being a public nuisance. But she was rudely disturbed when another 'policewoman' stepped into the scene.
"I think I'll take it from here, sis." said the voice of Rachael, Tracy's no-good twin. "An officer like you is not qualified enough to arrest such notorious criminals as bad ass as Team Rocket."
"Buzz off, Rachael." Tracy spoke back. "You got kicked out of the NYPD…remember? Get your facts straight before I have to knock your brains in with my tonfus!"
"Well, yours aren't as classic compared to mine!" Rachael showed hers off arrogantly. "Now THESE are tonfus!"
While a sisterly argument ensued, Team Rocket tiptoed back into the Fire Stingray…
"You want to do this here right now?" Tracy threatened her. "'Cause it sounds like you want to pick another fight with me."
"What else?" Rachael shrugged. "Bring it on, Tracy! I could beat you like a punching bag any day, you goodie little two shoes!" she raised her tonfus, ready to engage combat.
Tracy did the same. "Fine…have this your way."
The girls circled each other, preparing for a brutal bout. It looked as if this was going to grow rather bloody…
"HEEYAH!"
"YAH!"
XXX Relax-O-Vision XXX
"Good evening. I'm H.A. Futterman, Professor of Movie Standards here at Golden Harvest. By request of the Censor Lady, I'm here to talk to you about what you've just witnessed: Relax-O-Vision. Relax-O-Vision is a process that inserts calm and mirthful images into scenes that might be too intense for the kiddos watching in the theatre. For example, Tracy's extremely violent brawl with Rachael was replaced by a soothing scene of fishies, as they think their happy little pleasant thoughts. Now settle back, and get ready to enjoy the first Cannonball Run movie ever screened in calming, safe, kid-friendly, Relax-O-Vision."
XXX
Tracy and Rachael were tired and bruised after their long fight.
"I told you my tonfus are better than yours!" moaned Tracy.
"Yours are still pussy, you pussy!" moaned Rachael.
Both of them passed out.
XXX
A fresh start of the morning in the state of Pennsylvania, and Jack Twist and Ennis del Mar were having a bit of trouble in their hands…
"Dang! That car's been at us with that siren all night!" said Ennis, poking his head back. "We're never gonna shake him off!"
"Don't you worry!" said Jack. "This here Luna Bomber ain't called the Luna Bomber for nothin'!"
The Luna Bomber howled with flames, catching the police car on fire.
XXX
In Delaware, Richie Rich was still having trouble controlling Audrey and Lulu.
"Come on, Richie!" said Audrey. " Lulu and I want to stop for some ice cream!"
"For the last time, you two. We're not stopping for anything."
"That's okay." said Lulu, hearing a distant siren. "I think the ice cream truck's coming to us!"
Richie glanced at his mirror to find a police car on their tail. Now if only he could turn in the girls to the cops…that would make the race more of a leisure…but then again, the parents would mostly disapprove if they ever found out.
XXX
"What is he up to now?" Sally Brown couldn't believe that Snoopy had stopped the Fire Ball to rush into a restaurant. "Here we are, stuck in Maryland, and that dumb beagle is making us fall to last place! Who could think of food at a time like this?"
Snoopy came rushing out with Woodstock, carrying a plate of fresh crab cakes.
"I'm not sure." said Charlie Brown. "But that sure smells good!"
XXX
"My God! I was already in the lead! No other Cannonballers in sight! It was unbelievable…until upon closer inspection of my map I realized that I had steered far off course in the opposite direction. I was in New England! Through Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Vermont and Maine…this was an utter waste of time! Don't despair though! I'm stepping back on that accelerator and turning round to get back into that race! I won't give up a fight this easily!" (-Adrian Mole)
XXX
"Damn!" Duke Nukem was being pursued by five police cars in New Jersey. "I hate those police bastards!" but an idea struck him at once. He threw a Holo-Duke onto the road. "That should take care of them!"
The police cars skidded and collided into each other.
XXX
Down in Washington D.C., Sheriff Buford T. Justice had organized a massive road block in high hopes to catch the Cannonballers…
"Okay, boys! Keep an eye on those Cannonball bastards!" he ordered his men to get into their positions. "Let's get those sum of a bitches and fry their asses! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY gets away from Sheriff Buford T. Justice and lives to tell the tale!"
A few blocks away, the Outer Senshi were having the thrill of their life, competing parallel with another four-girl gang.
"(I'd say we've met our match.)" said Michiru.
"(They're proving to be more difficult than I had predicted.)" suggested Setsuna.
"(You think you can outrun them, Haruka?)" asked Hotaru. "(They're sure as fast as you.)"
"(Not for long!)" Haruka stepped on it.
"Got any bright ideas, Joanna?" said Lara Croft, watching the Super Cat get away from their White Cat. "We'll be needing them now!"
"Hold on!" Joanna stepped on it as well, catching well up with their rivals.
Buford T. Justice was the first man to sight the two Cannonballers coming their way. "One shit at a time, boys!" he said. "We got some bitches to catch!"
But the police were not as well prepared as expected, when the White Cat and Super Cat zoomed straight through the road block at the speed of a gun, causing a massive hole. Police leapt for cover as their cars were fiercely shoved aside. Buford T. Justice was nothing but infuriated at his men's failure.
"Shit!" he shouted, throwing his hat onto the road. "You sum of a bitches couldn't close an umbrella!"
Ada Wong was feeling a bit uncomfortable on her seat all of a sudden. "I sense there's somebody else in here other than the four of us."
She was right. The head of Glenn Quagmire rose in astonishment at the women's arousing appeal. He felt like he was in heaven.
"Who the hell are you?" said Aya Brea. "How did you get into the White Cat?"
"All right!" Quagmire shouted in excitement. "I've got four in a row!"
Ada opened the roof and Aya chucked him out of the vehicle.
"Call me sometime!" he sniggered.
XXX
"I love this chicken so much, I want to buy the company!"
Corvax couldn't enjoy anything better than homemade fried chicken in Kentucky. Unwilling to stop to take a bite, he continued to drive while eating.
"Want my wing?" Elwood handed it to Jake, feeling car sick.
Jake felt too nauseous, throwing up in his bucket full of chicken bones.
XXX
A dozen police cars were after Pee-wee through Alabama and Georgia. He realized that he hadn't fastened his seatbelt since the start of the race.
"Remember, kids!" he said to his audience. "Always put your seatbelt on if you're going to take part in the Cannonball Run!"
The magic word was said!
"AAAAAAAAH!"
XXX
Just at the tip of Tennessee, Obelix was dying to smash up the police cars chasing them.
"(Please, Asterix!)" he begged. "(Let me just take on one!)"
"(No, Obelix.)" was Asterix response, knowing that there were many. It would waste too much time for them. "(We'll lag behind if we stop now.)"
Just then, they crossed right into Arkansas.
"(How about now, Asterix?)"
"(No!)"
XXX
In New Orleans, Louisiana…
"Hey, Butthead." said Beavis. "So…if we beat Alex in this race, then he'll like, let us join his gang, right?"
"Uh…yeah. That's what he said." replied Butt-head. "We should be miles ahead of them by now, or something."
He wished he hadn't spoken so soon. For Alex drove right past them, his gang flipping the boys off.
"Viddy well, boys!" he said, blasting away in the Wild Boar.
"Catch him, Butt-head!" shouted Beavis.
XXX
"(Kaolla-chan!)" exclaimed Shinobu. "(The police are gaining on us!)"
"(Kaolla, do something!)" shouted Keitaro.
Kaolla was already on it. The Green Panther steered off the road and right towards…
"(Are you nuts?)" shouted Naru. "(We're heading straight for the Mississippi River! We can't get across it! We'll sink!)"
"(Watch and learn!)" Kaolla smiled, speeding up.
The Green Panther splashed across the Mississippi River like a hopping stone, reaching the other side in no time.
XXX
"(Target set!)"
Through West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, the Machinegal Dolls had been after the Mask for a few days. Operating in their giant car-eating truck, the truck opened its jaws filled with razor teeth, ready to devour the Groovy Taxi in one bite.
"Uh-oh!" the Mask's jaw dropped to his seat. In haste, he pulled out a can of grease from his pocket. Spilling it onto the road, the Machinegal Dolls lost control of their truck as it spun uncontrollably. "HA! HA! HAAAAAA!"
XXX
It was pretty hot in Miami, Florida. Yet even so, Sportacus was strong enough to stand the heat. He waited patiently at the gas station for Stephanie to return with some snacks.
"AAAAA!!"
Stephanie came running out from the beach, chased by the sex-crazed Quagmire in his tiger briefs.
"Giggity-giggity-goo! I'm after you, sweet cheeks!" he grinned.
"Sportacus!" Stephanie shouted. "Let's get out of here!"
Sportacus somersaulted back into the Rainbow Phoenix and started the engines. Stephanie hopped into her seat, shutting the door as quickly as possible. Quagmire reached a hand out for her, but his fingers were caught.
"Oh, God!" Quagmire squealed in pain. "Well, at least this isn't worse than that time I got my penis stuck in the window!"
His fingers were freed once the Rainbow Phoenix blasted away.
"That's the first and last time I'm coming to Miami." said Stephanie, although noticing that one of her shoes missing. "Hey! Where'd my shoe go?"
Quagmire inhaled the alluring scent of Stephanie shoe. "All right!"
XXX
Somewhere outside of Montreal, Canada, friction was building up between Mario and Sonic. Their exchanges of curses and insults never ceased…
"Hey, Mario!" Sonic shouted. "When's the last time you shaved? Judging from the hair on your moustache, your butt must look like a forest!"
"Oh? I think I know why-a you and Amy aren't-a getting married." Mario sniggered. "You've-a been hanging round with-a Tails too much!"
Not far away, Tootle the train was debating with Katy Caboose whether he could leap off the rails at the train crossing…
"You heard what everybody said, Tootle." said Katy. "Stay on the rails, no matter what. It's for your own safety."
"That's no fun." Tootle sighed. "Face it. We've been bored stiff since nobody picked up our pilot episode. We need some adventure, Katy! I'm serious!"
His prayers were answered. The King and Queen Meteor came ramming into Tootle and Katy, knocking them off the track and onto the green grass.
"WE'RE FREE!" Tootle screamed, leaping across the flower fields in pure bliss. "Eat your heart out, Thomas!"
"Oh, dear." Katy shook her head.
XXX
In Ottawa, the Magic Seagull was strolling clean through the city without any problems…despite a police car after them. Something else was troubling Death's mind.
"Why do Canadians always say 'aboot' ?" she asked her brother.
"It's their way of saying 'about'."
"Tell me something else I don't know."
"Canadian bacon is just ordinary ham." Dream replied.
XXX
Having driven through Ohio, Michigan and Indiana, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids were in the 'Windy City' of Chicago, Illinois. Downtown, Dumb Donald saw somebody he had to point out.
"Look! It's J.J.!"
The Iron Tiger stopped dead on the road beside J.J. Evans, one of the gang's closest buddies. The boys burst out immediately to meet their old pal.
"J.J.!" Fat Albert greeted him first. "What are you doing here?"
"What's it look like?" he said, pointing to his sign above. "I'm selling lemonade now. After 'Good Times', I've been stuck all year with this job. And if you think this ain't humiliatin' , check out that guy. He's doin' his act for free."
The Old Jewish Man was side-stepping on the street with his pants down, singing: "Old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be!"
"Looks just like me, slim, black…well, not black but DYN-O-MITE!" J.J. laughed.
The sirens were not far away, which wasn't a good sign.
"J.J.!" said Fat Albert. "We need a favor from you! We gotta get moving and win the Cannonball! But we've got cops coming after our bacon!"
"Why'd they want your bacon? Ain't they happy with just the eggs?"
"Never mind that. Just distract the cops for us, would you?"
Fat Albert jumped back into the Iron Tiger with the gang, driving away before the police turned round the block to catch them. Out of pure instinct, J.J. leapt across the road, waving his jug and shouting out:
"LEMONADE! NICE COLD JUICY LEMONADE!"
The police cars braked, smashing into each other.
J.J. couldn't stop laughing at himself. "DYN-O-MITE! That always works!"
XXX
"So, if you see any of those Cannonballers, don't hesitate to cut off their heads!"
Dick Dastardly was up to his dirty deeds with the deranged and dysfunctional Sawyer family in Texas. It was an advantage to him that he knew various villains around the globe to help him out.
"Sure will do, Dastardly!" said Drayton Sawyer. "Me and the boys are hungry for some blood! Ain't that right, fellas?"
Nubbins and Leatherface were ready for action. Grandpa slowly nodded his head.
XXX
"It sure is pouring down tonight!" Homer Simpson said, switching on the Blood Hawk's headlights. "Thank God we don't have this kind of weather in Springfield!"
With the other family members fast asleep, Bart was staring blankly out of the window, watching the thunder clap now and then. His eyes slowly dropped, indicating that he was about to fall to dreamland anytime soon. But his eyes shot open when a pickup truck appeared with Leatherface yanking his chainsaw.
Bart gasped, pointing hysterically at the window with no clear words coming out of his mouth. "D-d-dad!" he stuttered, pulling on his t-shirt.
"What is it, boy?"
"O-o-outside…!"
"You want to open the window for some fresh air? Good thinking!" Homer opened the window for Bart, much to his extreme horror. "Air conditioning wastes gas, you know!"
"Get 'em, Leatherface!" shouted Nubbins.
Bart shut his eyes. Leatherface raised his chainsaw for the slaughter…until he heard the horn of massive tanker truck, about to ram straight into the Sawyers…
XXX Relax-O-Vision XXX
When Bart opened his eyes, the Sawyers had vanished.
"Phew! Just a bad dream." he wiped away his sweat and sat back down to his seat. "That's the last time I drink an Icee and a Dr. Pepper in one go."
XXX
Gazpacho had done a magnificent job driving through New Mexico, Arizona and Utah. Nevada didn't seem too difficult to for him either. His friends were pleased with his contribution to the group. However, he had one thing to complain about…
"(I don't get it.)" he said, looking at his wrapped up taco. "(I got this out from some place called Taco Bell, but I didn't receive any bell! Just the taco!)"
Everyone tried to hide their laughs.
XXX
Toya had lost track of where they were in Oklahoma. Tomoyo and Sakura stepped out of the Hot Violet to ask somebody for directions. That was when they bumped into an odd stranger…
"(Excuse me, sir.)" Tomoyo asked the old man. "(We're quite lost. Would you be kind enough to assist us with directions please?)"
"Old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be!" The Old Jewish Man performed his ridiculous dace at the girls, who covered their faces in embarrassment.
"(Tomoyo-chan. I don't think this weird otaku understands Japanese.)" said Sakura. "(We'd best be going!)"
XXX
Through Missouri, Kansas and Colorado, Alex Karev had driven the J.B. Crystal without any damage done.
"Now stay calm, young lady." Dr. Van Helsing was preparing to give Meredith a sedative shot. Before doing so, he gave his syringe a little taste. "You'll only feel a little pinch out of this!"
Just then, George spotted police cars behind them.
"We're being followed!" he said, distracting the interns' attention, even Meredith.
Dr. Van Helsing plunged his syringe into Alex's arm by mistake.
"Ow!" Alex rubbed his arm, and suddenly felt sleepy…
"Oh, Jesus! No!" Meredith threw her hands onto the wheel, steering the J.B. Crystal awkwardly past all the honking cars and angry drivers.
XXX
Calvin and Hobbes were in Montana, trying to lose the police car.
"The route through Minnesota and North Dakota has proved to be successful." said Hobbes delightfully. "We've only had one cop after us in each state so far."
"This is more fun than our wagon rides!" said Calvin, enjoying the hell out of the race.
XXX
Down in South Dakota, Stewie Griffin had stopped to offer his 'kind' help with a lost man and his car.
"It's quite all right." he said, insisting that the man's car would be able to cross the river in one piece. "Trust me, it's a shortcut!"
Otto Meyer drove into the river, his car sinking slowly as he was pulled in by the river's current.
"What's the matter with you, kid? You told me the stream was shallow!" he shouted angrily, shaking a fist at him. "You double-crossing little brat! Why, I oughtta…ooh! I'll get even with you!"
Stewie waved him farewell to the grumbling man as he was carried away.
XXX
Hinata and Sakura weren't expecting to bump into the Lee Brothers in Seattle, Washington. But there they were in competition, exchanging friendly winks and smiles. Amidst the police cars, they were far too distracted.
"(Great drivers!)" Sakura gave the boys a thumb up.
"(These girls are more talented than I imagined.)" Yang thought. "(Let's see if they can outrun us on the next track!)"
XXX
The route from Wisconsin to Iowa to Nebraska to Wyoming to Idaho to Oregon was calculated to be an easy path, according to Washu. But the worst thing they ran into along the way were too many police cars.
"(I'm bored.)" Mihoshi yawned. "(Hey, let's watch some TV! I hope Moldiver's back with a second season!)"
"(Mihoshi, how could think about TV at a time like this?)" Kiyone growled, frustrated at her idiocy. "(We've been chased none stop by the police in every state!)"
"(What's this channel?)" said Sasami, looking curiously at the old man on the screen, singing:
"Old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be!"
Misao looked away in disgust. "(That's rather distasteful.)"
"(I'd rather watch Big Bird did big poop on Sesame Street.)" said Rumiya.
XXX
In San Francisco, California, Jon Arbuckle was becoming a little too carried away with his driving downtown. He didn't care about the police cars chasing them.
"This is amazing!" he said, dodging and swerving past every car that got in his way. "I've never felt so alive! I feel like the king of the road!"
"Hey, Jon." said Garfield. "Would it be okay if I took the dricing wheel and had a shot at this at some point?"
"Sure, Garfield." Jon replied, his attention elsewhere. "You can have all the lasagna you want after we win this race!"
XXX
Somewhere outside of the state, Norman Bates was welcoming his new guests at the famous (or infamous) Bates Motel. He hadn't had a customer in quite a while…
"Dirty night." he said under his umbrella.
"Evening, sir." waved Chef. "One of our boys needs to use the bathroom."
"We have twelve vacancies, twelve cabins, twelve…"
"This is an emergency, god damn it!" a dancing Cartman couldn't hold his bowels much longer. He desperately needed the toilet fast…or else. "Just give me a friggin' cabin or something!"
"Very well." Norman reached for his keys and handed them to Cartman. "Cabin One."
One hour later…
"Jesus! How much longer does Cartman have to crap in there?" complained Stan. "He's like, been in there forever!"
Cartman was taking his time in the cabin, indulging himself in his own private luxury. Humming a sweet lullaby to himself in the shower, he had completely forgotten about his friends and the Cannonball Run. He only wished life was better…
"Come sail away, come sail away with me!" he sang, unbeknownst of the dark figure that had entered his bathroom. Norman crept silently towards the child, clutching the shower curtains.
"What the…?" Cartman jumped when the curtains unveiled Norman in his mother's clothes, holding a butcher knife with a disturbing grin. "AAAAA!!"
"AAAAA!!" Norman dropped his knife, screaming his head off before Cartman's hideous and grotesque body. It was far too much to bear for his weak eyes.
"AAAAA!!"
"AAAAA!!"
XXX Relax-O-Vision XXX
A terrified Cartman dashed out of the cabin in his towels for the Crazy Bear.
"Cartman? What the hell happened to you?" said Kyle, shocked to see him without any clothes on. "Did the shower run too cold for you?"
"Mmmmphmpmhpmh." mumbled Kenny, pointing at Cartman's exposed private parts.
"DRIVE!" Cartman screamed at the top of his lungs. "JUST DRIVE!"
Chef stepped on it, leaving the Bates Motel behind.
XXX
In Los Angeles, Chiyo rushed back to her friends, after purchasing a strange dummy from a store in Hollywood.
"(What did you buy?)" Tomo asked her.
"(The storekeeper gave me this free of charge!)" Chiyo replied joyfully. "(People sure are kind in California!)"
Slappy tried to keep as still as possible when he felt the Super Piranha move. Rolling his eyes around the Japanese girls, he knew he'd made the right move. They were the perfect slaves for him…especially considering their strong form of politeness.
"Huh?" Slappy felt someone sniffing on his shoe. Mr. Tadakichi sensed something rather fishy about Slappy, and he licked his foot to see if anything was to happen. Very ticklish, Slappy held back his giggles, nudging his leg to shoo off the pesky dog. "Stop that, you overgrown rug!"
But Mr. Tadakichi didn't obey. He bit Slappy on the leg and swung him around like a toy.
"Tadakichi-san!" cried Chiyo, watching him smash her dummy against the walls.
"OW! ACK! STOP!" Slappy begged in agony. "PUT ME DOWN!"
Mr. Tadakichi did so, tossing him out of the Super Piranha and onto the sidewalk.
"Fiddlesticks! I've failed again!" an annoyed Slappy kicked against the brick wall.
But a pair of new hands suddenly raised him off the ground, and Alfalfa stared at him peculiarly. The rest of the Little Rascals caught up, amazed to see what their pal had picked up.
"That's one weird dummy you got there, Alfalfa." said Spanky.
"He's not a dummy!" Alfalfa objected. "I think I'm going to keep him!"
Slappy was smiling with pleasure…though it was abruptly cut short when their dog Petey growled antagonistically at him.
"Uh-oh."
XXX
In Hawaii, Mulder and Scully were having a frisky encounter with Stitch, who simply refused to leave the Green Amazone. Mulder searched frantically for his stun gun.
"Hurry, Mulder." said Scully. "Who knows what this thing is capable of doing."
However, Lilo Pelekai stepped in to defend her loving pet. "Stop! He's doesn't mean any harm!" she cried. "Stitch here just wants to have your autograph! He's a big fan of the Cannonball Run!"
The agents paused.
"Young girl, do you own this…?" a confused Scully pointed at the playful Stitch, offering his pad and pen to her.
"Sure!" Lilo nodded. "Don't be scared…he doesn't bite Cannonballers!"
Scully accepted Stitch's pen, although it was half covered in his saliva.
"That's the first alien we've encountered, asking for our autograph." Mulder commented. "Young miss, I hope you understand what kind of life form you're dealing with here."
"Of course, we were all drawn from Disney, you know! They don't allow us to do anything violent in our movies, you know!"
XXX
Outside somewhere in the Pacific, Gilligan and Jonas Grumby (otherwise known as the Skipper) had successfully built a raft in another attempt to escape from their island.
"Okay, Gilligan." said the Skipper. "First we'll sail as far as we can to find land. And then we'll come back here to rescue the others! Sound easy?"
"Clear as glass, Skipper…I just hope we don't sail halfway out of space."
"You don't know anything about space."
"I do know one thing. You take up more of it than I do."
A distant rumbling broke their conversation…Gilligan and the Skipper peered out into the distance to see the Hyper Speeder speeding towards their direction.
"Over here!" Gilligan waved at them. "Help us!"
The Hyper Speeder was too fast to notice them, and it crashed into their raft, hurling them both into the sea.
"Did any of you hear something?" said Ryan amongst his team. "I could have sworn I heard something back there."
None of the Madagascar Penguins replied, and they continued on with their journey, leaving Gilligan and the Skipper floating back to their island.
"Oh, Gilligan, not again."
"Sorry, Skipper!"
XXX
"Alaska?" Nyasu hissed at the map. "How the heck did we ever get here to Alaska?"
Musashi snatched away the map, scrolling it up to whack Kojiro on the head continuously. "You idiot, Kojiro! You gave us the wrong directions! How are we meant to get to Australia at this rate?"
"But I always wanted to visit Alaska!" he whined. "I've been reading all about it in this latest edition of Lonely Planet!"
Nyasu tore the book up to shreds with his claws, making Kojiro's face turn blue.
"Enough reading and back to racing!"
XXX
"How long have we been out in the Pacific?" asked Baby Herman.
Nobody was exactly sure. But Roger Rabbit had a stroke of an idea to keep the group entertained and on their feet from their exhausted state.
"Say…why not we turn on the good old fashioned radio?" he suggested. "Boy, it's about time we had some music around here to lighten our moods! I'm dying for it!"
Roger switched on the radio, and immediately, a disturbing voice sang:
"Old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be! Ain't what she used to be!"
xxx
Author's Note: I suggest you try downloading the Freakazoid episode 'Relax-O-Vision' (pretty funny stuff!). Or better yet, search on youtube. You're bound to find it!
You'll be seeing it occasionally throughout the story…perhaps at moments you least expect!