It's been a long time since the last time I'm writing updates for this story. Don't worry, I won't abandon it but the updates might come out super slow unless I can force myself to create a new plot for this story. Honestly, I almost forgot most of the details. I am really sorry. Thanks for keeping up with me. I appreciate it so much.

*Sound of head slamming to the desk repeatedly.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ao no Exorcist or Blue exorcist.

It was like tons of bricks being put on him, his heart beating too fast and his emotion swirling around uncontrollably like a tsunami destroying the tides on its rampage. The burden was too much; Rin just stood there and keep silent, his mind couldn't accept what is happening around him. Everything just disappears, what was left is only the extreme hurt in his heart. Maybe it was also the feel of anger beside sadness. Why? Rin know the answer but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. He should not be in anger or jealousy or anything else right now. His little brother finally found his own love and he shouldn't be in the way just because of some stupid one-sided feelings.

His body feels numb. Rin didn't know what to do right now. None of his friends know about his little secret and they shouldn't know about it. He need some time alone and he need to get away from them or they will see the dam that he's trying hard to built falling apart and the streams of emotion will flowing out. He couldn't let anyone know, couldn't let anyone see it. If it does he will definitely destroy Yukio's new relationship. Yukio will hate him and if that happen it will be the end for him. Life is not worth anymore. Besides, he's the older brother and older brother is the one need to do the sacrifice for the younger one.

Unconsciously, he started to trails slowly behind everyone else and no one seems to notice him. They're chatting happily and walk out from the train station, heading to the town. The station was busy like always. People flooding the train station and the flow continue with people getting in and out from of the trains. It was then a crowd start to move towards the newly arrived trains and Rin was accidentally pushed away. He didn't do anything and letting himself go with it. He couldn't think, much to moves his muscle to the right direction. The feels still consuming him and here he was, face blank without any reaction; body moving on its own. But he feels weird; his demonic sense can feel a danger ahead. Still, he didn't care.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

He was snapped away from his thought. His sense coming back to him and at that time he finally can hear a loud horn from a rushing train just a few inches from his face. The fast moving trains looks like a blur in front of him and the strong wind feels like it was pulling him into the railways. Luckily he didn't move an inch from his place or being sucked into it. He stays there like there is a strong blockage between him and the things that most likely will be the cause of his death.

It was then he completely aware of his surroundings. A man holding him from behind, trying to avoid Rin from being pulled by the inertia while the crowds before murmuring between them. Most of them circling him and look at him with pity.

That man who hold him turn him around, his hand still gripping Rin's shoulder tightly "Hey kid, what's wrong with you?" Rin couldn't answer him. His eyes look straight to that guy's face before trailing behind him; he didn't see any of his friends there. Rin letting out a long sigh and falls on his knee as both of his legs was trembling badly and it refused to support his weight anymore. Raising his hand to his face he feels like he want to explode right there but he hold it in. Correcting his expression, he lowers his hand down and sits there quietly. A woman beside the guy comes to him and slowly she pet his head asking where is his parents and Rin's only reply was his parent is dead. At least that was the best answer he can think right now. The woman will think that he wanted to do suicide by throwing himself into the railways because of his parents dying. His secrets will save from anyone, he won't know what the crowd reaction if he tells him he is heartbroken because his brother is falling in love with someone else. Come on, it's not normal for someone to openly admit that they're gay for their own sibling.

"Dying won't do anything little boy, and are you sure you okay?" The kind woman was now hugging him in attempt to calm him. Rin appreciate it very much but he couldn't stay like that, he wants a release from all the emotion he hides inside him.

"I-I'm okay…t-thanks…" Struggling to get out from that woman, later what he knows was he already on his feet, leaving the crowd startled on his act and run towards the toilet, locking himself in.

Then, stream of tears flowing down his cheek; dripping to the cold floor that was as cold as his broken heart.

"Hey, did anyone see Okumura? He was here before…" Konekomaru turn around and start to search for the said boy.

"Eh? Right, where is he?" The others just realized it too proceed to call his name. It was then Shima's phone buzzed, signaling that he got a message.

"Sorry for getting away without informing you guys. I just found a store having a sale and damn, they sold good and fresh meat really cheap! I'm going to check it out since I'm making dinner to celebrate Yukio's engagement. See ya guys later! "

"Oh, Okumura send me a message saying he's going somewhere else"

As he pushed the send button, Rin continues to lean silently on the wall. Then, when he forced himself to smile a chuckle escaped from his lips.

"If there is anything he can do…"

"It was to live his life like normal right?..."

Short chapter but it was still an update. I feel bad if I was not able to write anything at all.