Blinded Depths Chapter 4: A Dream of the Past, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

Blinded Depths

by: Wolfcry17

Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing.

My Dear Precious Reviewers!!!! Thanks for being so patient!!! I am truely SORRY!!!

Sorrow: Thank you so much for your review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as I slowly progress!

Kai'sLover: Thank you so much for your enthusiasm!!! I really love it when a reader is so enthused... it really inspires me! Thank you so much!!!! And I agree about Daniel, but I am having an interesting time with his character, which will be further developed later! I hope you like this next chapter!

mysticalfairy-05: LOL!!! I am sorry I didn't update soon... I am a very slow writer... very slow. blushes with embarassment I hope you like this next chapter... I worked really hard on it... an I would really like your opinion!!

Vashs-daughter: Thanks so much for reviewing! Hope you enjoy!!!!

Airen2: Thanks so much for your loyal input as always!!! I appreciate it so much!!! And I am so sorry about Too Lost to be Saved. I am working on it, but I am kinda stuck... kinda really stuck. I have it all planned out... it is just getting there that's really hard. But I hope you enjoy this chapter for now. Thanks Airen2!!!!

jisAtsU siLENcE: I am so sorry for not updating soon enough... and I really hope you like this next chappy. It is not quite so dark!

Ladybug: Thanks so much for your review! I was hoping to hear from you again! Please enjoy!!!

blissful trinity: Thanks so much for your review and opinion. I do hope this next chapter draws your attention again! Thanks!!!

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Ch. 4 -- A Dream of the Past

Flashback....

The day was bright with no clouds to hide the beams of the sun, no clouds to dampen the spirit of the young vice foriegn minister. After a tiring, but successful week if debates with the ESUN delegates, Relena could do nothing to stop herself from dragging her cheif of secruity to this simple little park. There was nothing Heero could do either to stop her. He wasn't sure he wanted to. Something possessed him in her office less than an hour ago to follow her, to let her lead him from the stress of work. Whether for the prime reason of his job: to protect her, or maybe because he came to realize that he indeed loved her, either way, he wanted her silently.

She was certainly in a playful modd, carefree of the world around her. That strength of her spirit was amazing to Heero. Any normal young woman who actually worked as hard as Relena would do nothing but complain. Not Relena. No, she took on her responsibility with great confidence and no complaint, and though difficult, she never faltered. It was her strength that attracted him to her as well as her kindness, her self-less kindness toward even the lowest of the low. But more than his love for her, her love for him vexed him beyond any comprehension.

He continued to watch her, but found she had disappeared over the horizon, or really, just a small hill. Anxious, Heero darted after her only to find that she was nowhere, absolutely no---. Something suddenly hit his head, not hard, but enough for him to react. His head snapped up to find the source and found Relena sitting on a steady branch of a mightly oak tree with a few nuts poised in her hand. She smiled gleefully at him.

"Relena, get down from there," Heero seethed.

"Sorry Heero, but if you really want me to come down, you're gonna have to catch me. Because, I feel rather comfortable up here!" Relena hadn't climbed a tree in years, but when she saw this perfectly climable oak tree, she couldn't resist. And now, she was teasing her body guard to dare to try to catch her, which was completely silly. Heero would have no problem catching her, especially if he was intent on getting her down.

Heero merely smirked at the obvious challenged and ascended up the tree with ease and to his amusement, Relena also ascended in attempt to get away from him. Fat chance.

"Relena, stop being foolish. You are going to hurt yourself."

"I'm not a fragile rag doll, Heero!" Relena huffed in irritation and a little defiance." I can handle a few bra---AHHH!"

Heero's eyes shot up as soon as he heard the branch snap. He saw Relena's loose body falling, helplessly attempting to grab something, anything to escape her fall. Heero dug his foot to steady himself as he quickly stretched out his hand to grasp her. As she fell, he grasped her upper arm, but she slipped through him until their hands interlocked. Relena held on to him for dear life as he lifted her slowly up to his branch, to the safety of his arms. She breathed heavily into his chest as he held her protectively to him once he had he safely straddled on the branch.

"...branch," she finished, though the word was muffled by Heero's preventer jacket. Now, she felt foolish. Why did she have to fall like a clumsy, indoor girl, like a helpless damsel-in-distress?

"Relena?" Heero breathed heavily into her hair, his own breath cut short. He lifted her chin tot ake a look at her." Are you alright?" She wasn't; he could tell. She was trembling, though she was bravely trying to hide it.

"Y-yes... I'm fine. Thank you, Heero." She tried to calm her heartbeat, but her close proximity to heero was not helping in the least.

"Relena, you should have come down when I told you--"

"Heero, please don't, don't patronize me. I know it was stupid, but I...I just wanted to feel like I wasn't so... so helpless."

Heero's eyes hardened as he gently shook her. "Don't talk like that, Relena, don't you ever talk like that. You are too good for that." His hands dug through her mangled hais as he held the sides of her tear-stained face.

Relena starred into his prussian orbs as his thumbs gently caressed away her tears, the tears she didn't even know she had begun to shed. "Heero, I..." But Heero shushed her as he abruptly pulled her to him, to capture her. She melted to his savory touch, to the gentle, though uncertain caress of his lips against hers. But, Relena pulled away, shocked, to say the least, and questioning.

Heero, also dumbfounded, for both his actions and her reaction, studied her with a clouded mind. He couldn't think, couldn't move. It wasn't the first time he had subconciously kissed her without a second's thought, but the first was nothing like this. "Relena, I'm so--"

Her fingertips shushed him immediately. "Don't." She cautiously moved towards a very stunned Heero Yuy and hesistantly removed her slender fingers to reveal his lips right before she shyly brushed against him. However, it wasn't lomg before he hungrily took over.

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flashback....

Heero strided down the hall with a single cup of steaming coffee and a small vanilla folder with a determined, yet slightly amused look etching his features. She was making this job harder than it was supposed to be. Not that he couldn't handle a challenge, but then again, she was probably the only person who could defeat him. But he had a mission to complete, a mission he assigned himself, and he could not fail, not this time. He failed once, or rather screwed up, and it resulted in an all-out war ecause of operation daybreak. This time would result much worse if he failed, because it would not only destroy this new era, but it would destroy his whole being, his whole soul.

A door appeared at the end of a plain hall, which he strode right through without a second thought, which alarmed a newly-hired assistant who was too slow to stop him from entering another room. "Relena."

A newspaper was shuffled around and laid on top of the desk to reveal a very amused, though strictly professional, Relena Darlian. She very casually set her elbows on her desk to settle her chin in her palms... almost too casually. "Yes, Mr. Yuy. Did you want something?"

Heero glared back to her sparkling, mischievous eyes. She was enjoying this a little too much. And, he didn't like how casually she was playing out to be, as if the apparent issue at hand was no big deal. 'Damn it, Relena... this isn't a game.' She was too much like him in so many ways, yet in others, they couldn't agree on anything.

"Oh, Coffee!" Relena's mask broke to adament desperation for the precious cup of caffiene, which was steaming up, in her bodyguard's hand, teasing her mindlessly. She ran up to Heero to clutch the life source, but was denied when Heero casually lifted the cup too high for her reach. "Oh, Heero! You're not playing fair!" She pouted pitifully. Depriving her of coffee was a rotten trick.

"And you are?" Heero eyed her satirically, placing emphasis on the word you, as he kept the cup steadied just above her reach. He wouldn't lose. "Sign it." He thrusted the vanilla folder in front of her, willing her to take it. And in an end effect, he took a sip of the cup before raising the cup agilely above her reach once more.

"You're so cruel!" Relena melted as she watched Heero enjoy the simple pleasure of caffiene on his tongue. That was horribly cruel. She glared at the folder with malice and weighed her options carefully. There really was no way out. If she tried to divert his attention, he might spill it, but if she didn't yield, she wouldn't make it through the day... and damn, she had a business meeting with the president of the ESUN this afternoon. "Heero, you would really deprive me, a workaholic and insomniac, of caffiene?"

"Yes."

"Heero!"

"If it means keeping you safe, then yes."

"But I have a meeting today!"

"I'll cancel it."

"Heero!!"

"Sign it."

"No."

"Okay. I didn't really want to go get another cup across the street anyway."

"It's from across the street! That little coffee shop!" She melted again. This was worse than slow torture. She grabbed the wretched vanilla folder and stalked over to her desk to grab a pen. This cup of coffee had better be worth it! She felt Heero casually walk up beside her with a most-satisfied gleam in his eyes, though it was very subtle. She thrusted the folder back into his hand as he carefully gave her the steaming liquid.

"Thank you."

Relena glared terribly toward his general direction as she sipped the warmth of the coffee. "You are not welcome." She hated to lose, but Heero cheated in a most crafty and devious way. It just wasn't fair. There seriously needs to be some sort of guideline to love and war. And now he was starring at her, gently, but overwhelmingly. There really, really needs to be rules for this love and war thing. It was hard to stay mad at him. After all, he was only being a bastard about the whole thing because he cared, right?

He suddenly pulled her closer to him within seconds and claimed her lips as his own in a hungry kiss, which she fully responded in. Okay, he cared; how could she have ever doubted him? Maybe there were no rules for a reason. She melted in his arms as he surrounded her in a firm embrace. He pulled apart reluctantly to allow her some air as he leaned his forehead against hers soothingly.

"What... what was that for?"

He looked deep into her eyes, into the window of her soul, her every being. "Because I owe you."

"You bet your ass you do!"

He was taken aback for a second before Relena smiled sheepishly at her direct boldness.

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months later...

In many years, Relena could never remember when she'd ever been so happy. All of her friends were together, staying at one of Quatre's cabins that was secluded in the Swedish Alps near a small lake. It was a bright April morning and everyone was fired up to go on a hike. Duo and Hilde were of course, leading the way, with Wufei grumbling behind beside Sally. Quatre was being pulled off by Dorothy while Trowa, Middie, and Catherine mused quietly to themselves. Heero stayed close to Relena, but not too close. Relena and Heero weren't officially together, they never were. Their relationship was hard to explain, to say the least, and nobody dared question it, well, with the exception of Duo and Hilde. But, no one really knew what was going on, not even Heero or Relena, but somehow, that was good enough for now. Relena kind of liked the mystery and the random, much anticipated moments between them, and Heero liked keeping it to himself.

Just the same, Relena couldn't be happier, until she clumsily tripped down a couple of large stones as she was trying to climb down. Heero, who was already down below caught her instantly to prevent her from injuring herself further. Everybody had fussed over her, especially when Heero saw that she had sprained her ankle, but she tried to convince then that she was fine. In the end, Heero told them to keep going and he'd take Relena back to the cabin, so she could rest.

Relena felt horrible about the whole thing until she found herself alone with Heero in the living room as he tended to her sprained ankle. His simple touch, massaging her ankle, was enough to erase the pain and send a deep fire through her entire body. She suddenly flinched, though, when he rubbed against a very tender spot.

"I'm sorry. My hands are rough."

"No, please, don't stop."

Heero looked up at her, deep into her ceralean orbs, searching her, and suddenly lost all control. He didn't know it happened, or what caused it to happen, but he had her lips locked with his in a lustful hunger that he had never felt before. It was driving him mad, and he had to have more of her. And Relena was doing nothing, but encouraging him to continue as she dug her fingers through his mangled hair, which he automatically decided was his favorite feeling that he had ever experienced in his life. Her slender fingers, brushing through his locks, caressing and edging him closer to her. It was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.

She was intoxicating to his every being and soon both of their shirts were discarded on the floor as Heero trailed more kisses down her neckline, which she preceded to arch back. Her mind was too cloudy, too obscure to do anything, but react to his every lustful move. She felt his arms snake around her body, down to the small of her back. It was the most amazing feeling: his flesh pressed against hers. It was more than she could ever dream of... until a door opening sounded from the kitchen.

Heero and Relena pulled apart in a frantic.

"Hey Heero, Ojousan. I just came back to grab soething we forgot!"

Heero and Relena looked back at each other, both pairs of eyes wide and full of shock. "Duo!" they said in unison as they scrambled off the couch, kicking their discarded shirts underneath in the process and then jolting to the single bathroom to hide. Childish, perhaps, but how could one think with a clouded mind in apprehension?

But, Duo was heading in that exact direction without a second thought, or even a glance to the disheveled living room. He opened the door to find the shower running with steam rising out, foggin up the mirror. "Hey Heero, is that you?"

Heero and Relena jumped slightly in their arms in an attempt to make it look like only one person was in the shower as Duo scrambled around through the medicine cabinet. "Duo, what are you looking for?" Heero yelled over the steaming water as he held onto Relena, who was slightly under the shower head. Out of the two, she was the most soaked.

"I'm looking for Hilde's medicine. She's not feeling too well, but she's too stubborn to quit the hike, so now, I'm here." Duo spoke as he knocked several bottles to the floor.

" Why don't you check her suitcases?"

"Great idea, Heero!" he sprinted out down the hall in the next second.

Relena and Heero both let out a sigh of relief as they heard the door close shut. "Oh gosh... that was close! What do we do now... I'm all wet." Relena smiled sheepishly as water slid down her back and strands of wet hair stuck to the sides of her face.

Before Heero could respond, Duo re-entered the bathroom with a bottle of medicine and an empty bottle, which he preceded to fill up with water from the faucet.

The next thing Heero and Relena knew, a spurt of ice cold water splashed on them causing Relena to yelp from the bitter shock, catching Duo's curious, somewhat dumbfounded attention. Heero immediately brought her closer to him from out from under the cold water and to suppress her scream as much as possible, but it was too late.

Duo turned the faucet on higher, causing the shower to be unbearably freezing, and Heero and Relena both stumbled and fell in an ill-attempt to get away from the "ice shards". They took the shower curtain down with them until they were sprawled on the floor in each other's arms, tangled in an unmanagable knot with the curtain. Not good.

"Hello Duo," Relena smiled sheepishly with a bright blush coloring cheeks. Heero only glared at Duo, who was trying hard to suppress a laugh...okay, more than a laugh.

"I'm not even going to ask." Duo left with the goofiest smile on his face.

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Everything seemed perfect then, then when he was with her. But her mother told her long ago that attachment was risky, emotionally dangerous, because nothing lasts forever... nothing. She never fully believed it, though she remained cautious, especially when her father was assasinated during the war. But though her relationship with her bodyguard was strange, she couldn't believe that piece of advice. She was a fool, a fool in love.

Everything started to change when her brother came back to the preventer organization with Noin. It was around that time when she first met the son of politician Guierro, Daniel Guierro, an exceptionally successful and wealthy banker. He was the kindest person she'd ever met, nect to Heero, but Heero had begun to act distant from her around then. She couldn't understand why, couldn't understand what happened between them. He had quit his position as her personal bodyguard, sinking further into the shadows, sinking further into the perfect soldier once again. It would be weeks when she never saw him and weeks when he was often around and then one day, he just disappeared until that last rainy day.

During this time, Relena slowly fell apart until Daniel started to take care of her, heal her from the hole in her heart. She was reluctant to let him in at first, especially with Heero heavy on her mind. But soon, months later, she started to move on, with Daniel by her side every step of the way. She was grateful of course, but she didn't quite love him, and in her heart, she never gave up searching for Heero, looking around every corner or turning around whenever she had the strangest feeling of being watched or followed. But in the end, he was never there.

Until that day, that rainy day. it hadn't started out that way of course. It was bright and lucid with sunshine as she lingered in a public park in Tokyo, Japan. She lost herself in the huge park, admiring the beauty that surrounded her, until she came upon a lake, until she saw him.

Her heart stopped, jumping halfway in her throat. His figure was huddled on the ground, looking into the water as his hands moved along its surface, his face obscure. But it was definitely him. "Heero..."

He looked startled as he shot up at the sound of her voice and turned around to face her, subtlely timid, the girl he hadn't seen in months, the girl he was purposely trying to avoid. "Relena."

The gentleness in his eyes that he once held for her was gone, every emotion was gone. He stared blankly at her like the day he threatened to take her life. She wasn't frightened, she could never be frightened of him. However, she felt everything else: shock, anger, remorse, and grippling sadness. But she shallowed it all down beneath her best political mask. "So, um, how are you?"

Pain flashed through his eyes for a second when he noticed her political mask immediately replacing her true form. She had never done that before around him, especially when it was directed toward him. "I'm fine... what are you doing out here alone? You should go back."

Hurt. That was all that pulsated through her soul. Anger sudenly fired up to consume her weakness as her hand shot out to slap him hard across his cheek, which jerked his head to the side. "How dare you! How dare you patronize me after disappearing for months upon end without reason, without even a good-bye. You didn't think about what it would do to me, you didn't... you didn't."

Heero let her words sink in, knowing full well what he had done, what he had to do. It was for her own good. He had done everything for her. He would die for her. That's why he left, to protect her from the dangers of the world, and to protect her from him. He wasn't good for her, but she was too blind to see past that, too niave to look for someone better. "Relena, I didn't mean to cause you any pain, but... I didn't have a choice. I had to leave and good-byes just aren't my thing."

Tears threatened to cascade down her cheeks, but she fought to keep them concealed inside. But she felt a drop of wetness on her cheek. It wasn't her tears though. It started to rain lightly, and Relena secretly thanked God. If a tear did slip, at least it would appear as a raindrop instead. Soon, her hair was matted, soaked to her skin. She watched the rain fall across Heero's skin and his own mangled hair was matted on his own skin, slightly concealing his eyes. She slightly shivered, but he appeared to be unaffected.

"You should go."

She shook her head mildly in refusal. She couldn't leave, not just yet, bot until she knew the truth. "Heero, I have waited all this time just to see you again. I think I at least deserve an explanation."

"What about Daniel?" Heero cringed as he spit out the name. He didn't know why, but there was something entirely sinister about that man, especially in the way he treated Relena. It was almost like a con.

Relena looked up with a confused expression. Daniel had nothing to do with this. "What about him? He's just been a good friend for the past several months."

Heero unconciously clenched his fists tightly. Why was she so blind; couldn't she tell that it all had to be a scam. "I don't trust him, Relena. I think you should stay away from him."

"What? Why? He's a true gentleman," Relena cried out in frustration, "Are you jealous or something, which wouldn't make sense, because you left, remember? You left me all alone, and he was the only one to help me up. Where do you get off trying to tell me what to do anyway?"

"I'm not good for you Relena, and I will never be. I can't give you what you want, what you deserve. And that guy! He doesn't deserve you either! There's just... something not quite right with him."

She knew he was right about Daniel, well the not-being-right-for-her part, not the latter. She just didn't care for Daniel in that way, not in the way she did for Heero. "What I want Heero is you, not your past, not the perfect soldier, not the gundam pilot... just you. We all make mistakes Heero, and you are not the only one with fault, much less guilt. Without mistakes, we can't grow and learn from them. We can't change the world in light of those mistakes. You have to go through trials that make you a better person in the end, or life wouldn't be worth living in the least. And, you deserve anything that you could ever want, because you were always selfless enough to risk your life for another. And the war is over now, so you don't have to kill anymore."

"You're wrong, Relena... I was wrong. Look, Relena, I'm leaving on another mission tonight, and I won't be coming back, so don't try to find me." It was difficult to say... tormenting, but he had to do it. He had to let her go. And, more importantly, he had to get her to let him go, to move on with her life with someone better, someone worthy.

However, Relena was far from willing to let him, to let them go. And he was talking about another mission, like a final mission. He was planning to die again, wasn't he... only this time, he wouldn't try to survive. Her whole body was screaming, unable to accept reality, only the fantasy she had built up inside of her. "But... Heero, what about what we had, what about all those times, when we--" She was facing the grass now, watching the rain dance upon it.

"It was dream, Relena... nothing more."

Relena's eyes shot up to meet his, but only met with his retreating figure. Her eyes were in shock, void of emotion. He was already too far away, only a silhoutte hidden against the rain, which came down in an outpour, chilling her body to the bone. Only this time, she didn't shiver, didn't try to shake off the cold. Lightning sounded in the distance, crashing across the sky in brillant, jagged patterns. But she didn't jolt. She couldn't move. She was numb all over, and she let the rain consume her.

A shadowing figure, well hidden in the bushes and trees, carefully observing the painful exchange until the man he knew to be the former gundam pilot Heero Yuy left. The man smirked maliciously, 'She's vulnerable now.' He removed himself from his hiding place and walked up to the motionless Relena, who looked like a wet gutter rat, but with all the beauty she always possessed. "Relena? Relena, what are you doing out here... you're soaked!"

Relena looked toward Daniel, but didn't really see him, her eyes void of any emotion... just blank. She didn't respond. She didn't even awknowledge him.

Daniel came up to her with his trench coat and placed it protectively around her. "Here, let me take you home." He led the numb Relena through the park to his car with her hardly realizing what was happening.

It would be weeks until she recieved a most disturbing telegram that Heero Yuy was KIA. It would be months before she could stop crying over him. It would be half a year before she gladly accepted Daniel's proposal. It would be a year after that when he started abusing her and a year before she first ran away. It would be a year after the marriage before she knew why Heero really left, and that he was still alive.

AN: I am really sorry about any errors in this chapter, but I was really rushed to finish it and send it in that I didn't have time... so if I find errors later, I will just revise, but for now, I hope this is enough. I am so sorry that it took so very, very long. It was hard to finish this chapter, because my thoughts were so scattered, and my main aim was to give a few glimpses into what Heero and Relena once were, and how it ended, even though the real reasons are still obscure. There is a major, though subtle, clue in this chapter to what really happened. Maybe one of you can figure it out before I get the next chapter out... which will give you plenty of time. hee hee! It is really subtle though. Anyway, I will try to get the next chapter out asap! And also the chapter for Too Lost to be Saved...heh, first I have to find the story... I will find it, but it has been temporarily misplaced. SORRY!!!! :(

Please Read and Review!!! I really want to know what you guys thought! Should I completely revise it, or leave it alone to add to the mystery? Was the scrambled flashbacks too much, or was there not enough flashbacks!! I really would like to hear what you think!!!

byz Wolfcry17