Yes, this is Yumichika and Soi Fong...Didn't I tell you people I was a crack fairy?

Anyway...I've dropped the rating down because, well, frankly, I was being over-cautious. If you don't agree with me, flame me. I'll flame you back. And it might devolve into a flame-war, which would give me something to do for once.

I'm blaming this one on Enkou, who wrote a 'Twenty Things About...' for Yumichika and Soi Fong, and thereby introduced me to this pairing.

And if you're asking, yes, I am so totally doing a Yoruichi&Byakuya one, and I have a thing for using a frying pan as a weapon, and it just seems to fit Soi Fong. If anybody ever draws a picture of Soi Fong brandishing a frying pan, it will SO become my background!

1. Everyone seriously thought it was a joke when Yamamoto-soutaichou announced that Soi Fong-taichou was pregnant.

2. After she thoroughly decimated everyone who had the guts to laugh in her presence or tell her it was a really good joke did people start figuring out that it really wasn't a joke.

3. And then everyone wanted to know who the father was.

4. Soi Fong refused to say anything, and so the betting began. There were bets on everybody.

5. Except the real father. Soi Fong found this highly amusing, but refused to place a bet on him.

6. So Yumichika placed a bet on himself when no one was looking or too drunk to remember that he did. Everyone who then saw that someone had placed a bet on him laughed hysterically, but not in front of Soi Fong. They didn't want her to know about their betting pool, even though she already did.

7. Soi Fong found this even more highly amusing than the fact there was a betting pool. And it meant that she got all the silence she wanted.

8. So when the baby was born, everyone was shocked.

9. It's not like no one could figure out who the father was after they saw the baby.

10. Who knew that freaky eyebrow was genetic!?

11. Everybody wanted to know why the child was named Kumo (which means cloud). As nobody had the guts to ask Soi Fong, they asked Yumichika, who gave them his usual brilliant trademark smile.

12. Yoruichi got quite tired of this and went and asked Soi Fong why she had named her kid Kumo. She was awarded with a remarkably bright blush.

13. Yoruichi has never brought up the subject again, and when it does come up in a conversation, she very delicately changes the subject. Or she hopes she's very delicately changing the subject. Yoruichi is not very good at being subtle.

14. Yumichika, after he collected his winnings, used that money to throw a gigantic drunken party, mainly so that people wouldn't accuse him of cheating.

15. And there was ANOTHER betting pool, this one concerned with who would get pregnant at Soi Fong and Yumichika's party.

16. Most of the bets were on Yumichika and Soi Fong, as a couple, and a large portion of the remainder were on Yoruichi with various people.

17. No one actually won that betting pool, because even though lots of people chose the right person to get pregnant (Yoruichi) no one chose the right partner (Byakuya).

18. Soi Fong was actually quite happy with the news as now everybody had something else to talk about.

19. Especially as she had better things to be dealing with (like Kumo) than people walking in and asking her about her relationship with Yumichika. What was it like to be the masculine one in the relationship?

20. The Second Division began spending a lot more money on pens during that time period. So much more that Yamamoto demanded an explanation.

21. After he got his explanation, he (very wisely) gave more funds to the Second Division. He also sends Soi Fong ten new pens a week, and occasionally something for Kumo.

22. Kumo grows up in the Second Division office, pretty much. If she's not in the Second Division office, she's either in the Eleventh Division with her otousan, Uncle Kenpachi, Uncle Ikkaku, and Yachiru-chan, or off with her mother somewhere.

23. The only thing that matters is that Kumo can already hold her own against a huge portion of the shinigami, and is getting better.

24. Soi Fong and Yumichika have had several arguments over which division their daughter will join.

25. When she was little, Kumo would just sit there listening with her head cocked (Soi Fong and Yumichika have no idea that fighting in front of their child might scar her for life, and even if they did, they wouldn't care). As she got older, she had less and less patience with the arguments, so she finally told them that if they didn't stop trying to plan her future, she was going to join the FOURTH DIVISION!

26. Soi Fong and Yumichika then decided that Kumo was very able to choose her own division.

27. Kumo is very good at both her father's brilliant smile and her mother's detached mask (and even better at putting them together).

28. So nobody ever knows what she's thinking.

30. Which is a good thing, as Kumo's thoughts are usually related to how fast she can beat someone, or she's insulting someone in her head. Or thinking about other things that most people would concur that a child of her age – even though she's rapidly approaching the end of her childhood – should not be thinking about.

31. There was some discussion over whether or not Kumo would go to the Shinigami Academy, but seeing as she hardly had any friends (let alone any her own age, save for Yoruichi and Byakuya's eldest boy, who was really not a good influence) they decided they would send her to the Academy.

32. They were not expecting her to pull a complete Soi Fong and almost completely ignore her peers.

33. Or for her to drive a few (oh, only about ten) of her teachers absolutely clinically bonkers.

34. A few made it through her façade (a very small few), and were quite shocked to find that Kumo had pulled almost all of the pranks in the past year or so.

35. Kumo's explanation was that she'd been bored. She'd learned all the stuff they were trying to teach her when she was a baby, and there wasn't even anyone decent to spar with.

36. When they said that it sounded like Kumo was going to join the Eleventh Division, she laughed at them and told them that there was no way, that was the division her dad was in. And besides, she's very good at kidou, too.

37. Actually, Kumo joins the Tenth Division, and then proceeds to (very quickly) become a seated officer.

38. And then Soi Fong lost all patience with Omaeda and thwacked him with a frying pan...a thwack that sent him flying through a wall.

39. Omaeda is demoted and sent to another division (where he gets sent through another wall) and Kumo is sent to her mother as a vice-captain.

40. Neither of them really minds the situation, and Yumichika finds it nice, as now both of his girls are in the same place again.

41. He mentioned this to Soi Fong once, and she raised one eyebrow and asked him if he really wanted to refer to her as a girl.

42. Kumo really did not want to walk in on the response to that. Too bad she did though.

43. Kumo has always wondered why she's an only child. So after that particular episode, she asked why.

44. Soi Fong said something along the lines of the fact that the sex talk was really, really awkward and she didn't want to do it again.

45. Yumichika is confused. He wasn't there for that episode. But Kumo was. And it was awkward, especially as Omaeda walked in on the middle of it. Though Omaeda doesn't remember it. Soi Fong is absolutely deadly with a frying pan.