Summary: Soifon's plan may not be as brilliant as she thinks it is…

"Uwah-ha-ha-ha!"

The wailing sobs filled the courtyard of the eighth division's compound echoing off the walls. Third Seat Tatsufusa Enjōji sat cross-legged on the ground in the middle of the courtyard, tears rolling down his rugged face. He cried with intensity of a man whose heart had been ripped from his chest and stomped on. His agony seemed infinite and inconsolable. Whenever he would calm down enough to be able to read, he would glance down at the newspaper in his lap. Though soaked with his tears, the headline was clear enough.

"Byakuya and Soifon – ENGAGED!"

"UWAH-HA-HA-HA!"

"Good grief, who's torturing a cow out here?" Ise Nanao complained as she came outside. She nearly tripped over her captain who was taking a nap on the sunny porch, sake bottle in hand and hat over his face.

"Captain! How can you sleep with all this racket? Aren't you going to do something?"

Kyōraku Shunsui's only response was to start scratching himself in what Nanao thought was a most inappropriate place considering he was in public and in broad daylight. She turned her head away and blushed, but continued to protest.

"Captain, if you don't do something about this then I will." Glancing down, she saw he still wasn't responding.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" She demanded. He didn't even twitch

"Captain?"

Either he was really drunk, or…

Bending down, she snatched his hat off of his face. He winced and turned his head as the light struck his eyes. It made the bright yellow earplugs he was wearing very visible. Angrily, Nanao grabbed the plug and yanked it from his ear.

"Captain, wake up!" She yelled.

"Ow." Shunsui sleepily protested as he rubbed his ear. "Nanao-chan, be gentle. I was having such a lovely dream too. You were in it. Do you want to hear about it?"

"Absolutely not!" Nanao replied. "I'm sure it was something sick and perverted anyway."

"Well actually…" Shunsui began with a naughty grin.

"I said I don't want to hear it!" She said throwing his hat back at his face. "Besides, you need to get up and do something about Third Seat Tatsufusa."

Shunsui groggily forced himself up into a seated position and put his hat back on his head. He took the remaining earplug out of his ear and looked out into the courtyard where Tatsufusa sat, soggy rags of newspaper scrap clutched to his chest.

"I already tried." He said. "He's very hurt by losing Captain Soifon to Kuchiki-kun."

"How?" Nanao exclaimed. "She was never his to begin with. I doubt Captain Soifon knows he exists."

Shunsui smiled nostalgically and took a swig from his sake bottle.

"Sometimes love from afar can be the sweetest love of all." He mused. "Yearning for someone so high above you, knowing they can never be yours, it is a delicious agony. Still, you have to know when to give it up. I told him, it is sad to have lost this particular flower, but he needs to look around. The world is filled with beautiful flowers, each with their own special charms. Indeed, as a man you are obliged to be like the honeybee, visiting as many flowers as you can, sharing the sweetness of their nectar to help them bloom."

Nanao sniffed in disgust. "I suppose one flower is just as good as another to you?"

"Of course not." Shunsui said while rising to his feet. "While all flowers are beautiful in their own unique way, some flowers keep their true beauty hidden away. These are the kind a bee finds fascinating and it makes him work harder to get inside."

He gently reached his free hand out towards her face. She whacked it with her book before he even got close.

"Such sharp thorns!" Shunsui whined as he pulled his hand back.

"If you are quite finished with this nonsense, what are you going to do about Third Seat Tatsufusa?" Nanao demanded. "He's embarrassing the whole division with this display. Can't you at least make him go somewhere else?"

He shrugged and stepped down from the porch into the courtyard. "I'll see what I can do. It won't be easy. Wounds to the heart hurt most of all."

"I do not understand." Byakuya said as they walked down the street. "Why does your mother want to see me? Didn't she believe you when you told her we were engaged?"

"I'm not sure." Soifon replied. "She kept looking at me funny and pressing me for details. Good thing it was late after my examination so I had an excuse to go home."

That had been the most humiliating experience in Soifon's life. Captain Unohana cheerfully told her mother that Soifon wasn't pregnant this time, but considering Captain Kuchiki's powerful reiatsu, she recommended using some form of birth control if the young couple were to continue being sexually active. That was followed by demonstrations of the various methods they could use on models, Captain Unohana deftly slipping the various prophylactics on the anatomically correct mock ups, never once losing her tranquil smile. It didn't help at all that her mother kept poking her in the ribs, saying "Did you get that? Are you paying attention?" She was a grown woman dammit! Why did she keep letting her mother push her around like that? As she remembered why, she rubbed her still bruised ear. For a little old lady, her mother could pinch like a vise grip!

"So did you memorize the story I sent you about how we met?" She asked

"I don't think it's going to work." He replied.

"Why not?" Soifon said. "It's realistic and most of those events actually happened. Why wouldn't it work?"

Byakuya held up his hand as he counted the various points off on his fingers. "First, you were never my bodyguard. Second, we never trained together. Third, we had no traumatic separation leading to a tear-filled reconciliation."

"Well I'm sorry." Soifon grumped. "You have to write what you know. We're almost at my compound. What are you going to tell her?"

"I will improvise, adapt and overcome." He replied as they entered the gate.

Soifon shook her head at hearing her own words thrown back at her and took the lead, taking Byakuya to the visitor's lounge where her mother, Su-Yin, was waiting. Byakuya greeted her with polished, impeccable manners as befitting someone from his class. Soifon had Omaeda serve tea and refreshments before kicking him out, making it painfully clear what terrible, terrible things would happen to him if they were disturbed by anyone short of the Captain-Commander himself. She sat down next to Byakuya facing her mother over the low table as they engaged in the necessary polite chit-chat required before they could get on to their real business. It was Su-yin who made the first move.

"So I am to believe you wish to marry my daughter Kuchiki-dono?" she asked skeptically.

Byakuya nodded gravely. "I have asked for your daughter's hand in marriage Madame Fon. It is my hope that I may also receive your blessing."

"Not so fast." Su-yin said. "First I want to know why you want to marry my daughter now that I've eliminated the obvious. It makes no sense. You are from different social stations. I'm sure there are many women it would be far more advantageous for you to marry as a nobleman."

Soifon waived her hands haphazardly as she began to explain. "Well, you see mother…"

"Not you!" Su-Yin snapped. "I want to hear it from your so-called fiancé."

She turned back to Baykuya. "So tell me Kuchiki-dono, why exactly are you ignoring your own clan's customs and protocols to marry my daughter?"

"Class distinctions and political alliances mean little to me, Madame Fon." Byakuya replied. "You may have heard about my first marriage with my now departed wife."

Su-yin nodded gravely in acknowledgment. Byakuya's defiance of his clan to marry a commoner was widely known. Even now, Byakuya's face conveyed the deep love and respect he had for Hisana.

Byakuya continued. "What matters to me is a woman's character. Your daughter has favorably impressed me and awakened feelings I thought I no longer possessed. It would bring me great happiness to share the rest of my life with her. It is my hope that she feels the same."

Wow, Soifon thought as she stared up at his face, He's such a great actor! He sounded completely sincere. It helped a lot that he kept his typical poker face. She could see her mother's eyes narrow as she tried to get a read on him. It was obvious Byakuya's true emotions were a mystery to her.

"So tell me how you two met." She prompted.

"Oh, that's a funny story." Soifon said. "You see…"

"Not. Asking. You." Su-yin growled. "Please continue Kuchiki-dono."

Byakuya glanced at Soifon before answering. "As we are both captains in the Gotei 13, we met during the course of our duties."

"That's it?" Su-Yin asked "You just met at work? That doesn't sound very romantic to me."

"There's more to it than that of course." Soifon insisted. "You see…"

"Shush!" Her mother barked. "One more outburst from you young lady and its soap time!"

Soifon involuntarily covered her mouth with her hands. She still had vivid memories of standing for hours with a bar of Su-Yin's stinky homemade soap in her mouth.

"You were saying, Kuchiki-dono?" Su-Yin asked sweetly.

Byakuya took a deep breath before continuing.

"As your daughter says, there is more to it than that." He said. "For years, we merely worked in our respective divisions, meeting only on professional occasions. I never noticed your daughter in anything other than a professional capacity until one certain day."

He stood up a little straighter and his eyes took on a faraway look, as if remembering some treasured vision from long ago.

"It was a spring. The division officers were invited to the first division compound to enjoy the flowering of the cherry blossoms. I attended out of obligation, but had no desire to participate. Such frivolities hold no interest for me and I soon found myself wandering among the orchard alone. The appearance of the trees meant nothing to me. They passed unseen before my eyes as I walked aimlessly, seeking only to avoid my fellow officer's company. However, I soon discovered I was not the only one."

He leaned forward slightly, looking deeply into Su-Yin's eyes as he related the rest of his story.

"Obscured by the falling petals, I saw a figure approaching. I stopped, not wishing to meet anyone. Without her noticing me, your daughter walked out into a clearing. She reached out to catch a falling blossom in her hand. I could see her face as she gazed at the flower, joy and wonder in her eyes. Holding up her hand, she blew it back into the air and laughed with the simple pleasure such beauty brought to her. I saw the orchard in a different light and realized the beauty around me I had been missing. I looked at your daughter and also saw the beauty she had kept hidden within. In that moment, I became obsessed. I wished to stay in that beautiful world your daughter revealed to me. Nothing would satisfy me until I came to know her and explore the wondrous spirit I saw that day. I'm afraid in my obsession, I took liberties with your daughter that I should have found the strength to resist. I offer you my deepest apologies."

Suiting actions to words, he bowed humbly to Su-Yin. Soifon stared at him in amazement. Absolutely none of that had happened, but she was halfway convinced it was true herself. Byakuya was amazing! As he returned to a seated position, Su-Yin turned to Soifon, her expression unreadable. After a moment, she spoke.

"My daughter, "she said, "I truly wished I had known I would hear such a story before I came here today."

"Why do you say that mother?" Soifon asked, somewhat puzzled.

"If I had known, I would have chosen to wear my knee high boots." Su-Yin replied "Because it is really getting deep in here!"

"What!" Soifon said in shock. "You didn't believe him? I mean that was romantic as all hell!"

"Oh it was a real corker all right." Su-Yin agreed. "But something is just not adding up. You two don't act like a serious couple. Your words say one thing Kuchiki-donno, but your body language is all wrong. Look at how you're sitting, how you're spaced apart."

"We're being polite." Soifon protested. "We don't want to act improper in front of you, that's all."

Su-Yin shook her head. "When two people are in love, they constantly lean towards each other a little, like they're being pulled towards each other even if they are on opposite sides of the room. I'm just not seeing that kind of magnetism between you."

"Well he's not a demonstrative man mother." Soifon explained. "In fact, when nobody's around, why, we just can't keep our hands off each other."

Scooting over to Byakuya, she clumsily threw her arms around his waist and gave him a bear hug.

"Grrr, I just love cuddling with him!"

Startled, it took Byakuya a second to react. He clumsily draped an arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know." Su-Yin drawled rubbing her chin. "How do I know you're not just making this all up to cover up your little drunken fling? You could be feeding me a pack of lies just to get me to go home, and then in a week or two you'll announce that you're 'breaking up'."

Soifon was beginning to panic. How was her mother able to figure her out so easily? Her mind flailed wildly about as she desperately tried to find a solution to the problem.

"We don't look like a young couple madly in love?" Soifon asked weakly, giving Byakuya a half-hearted squeeze.

"Not from where I'm sitting." Su-Yin sneered.

"Of course we are!" Soifon insisted as she let Byakuya go. "We are totally in love! Why else would he sit here and be humiliated like this?"

Su-Yin leaned back as she considered this.

"You have a point." She allowed. "Still, I'm not convinced."

"You want more proof?" Soifon cried.

Su-Yin gave an evil grin. "If you think you can prove it, yes."

Soifon scowled in determination. It was going to be tough, it was going to require sacrifice, but she would not back down from her mother's challenge.

"Oh, I'll prove it all right!" She declared. She turned to face Byakuya.

"Kiss me." She ordered.

He raised an eyebrow. "Kiss you? Now?"

"Yes darling." She replied through gritted teeth. "Kiss me. Like you always do when we're alone. Kiss me like you really, really mean it."

She rolled her eyes a few times towards her mother for emphasis. He almost frowned. Clearly this was going beyond what he expected to do for this little charade. She looked back at him with her eyes wide in mute appeal. With an almost inaudible sigh he gave in. He leaned in towards her to give her a kiss.

Soifon closed her eyes as Byakuya's face drew near. This was so humiliating. She was glad people normally closed their eyes during kissing. It made her anticipation more bearable. She fought back unpleasant memories of the clumsy, greedy kisses boys had given her in the past. She didn't look forward to putting up with more of that, but she had to convince her mother!

When Byakuya's lips met hers, she was actually surprised. There was no awkward pawing, no trying to force his tongue into her mouth. His hand gently cupped her face as he kissed her, his mouth seeking, not demanding, asking, not forcing. He didn't even have bad breath! In fact, with her eyes closed and his hair tickling her face, it wasn't at all hard to imagine him as…someone else. Embracing the fantasy, Soifon's arms circled around her imagined lover's/Byakuya's back. Fire spread through her body as her fingers dug into flesh. A moan rose from chest as she gave herself totally to her passion.

"All right, all right, that's enough!" Su-Yin shouted turning her face away in embarrassment.

Byakuya quickly disengaged, needing a second or two to get Soifon's arms unlocked. She swayed slightly as she let go, flushed and dizzy from lack of oxygen.

"See mother," she panted, "totally in love."

"Fine." Su-Yin said with a frown. "I believe you. So you're really going to get married?"

"That's right."Soifon confirmed. "We are. Nothing could ever make us want to break up."

"Nothing?" Her mother asked.

"Nope." Soifon answered. "We're going to get married no matter what happens, even if both our families disapprove, any time, any place."

Byakuya coughed in warning, but it was already too late. Su-Yin pounced on her words!

"Any time you say? Well that suits me just fine." She pulled out a pad and pen and scribbled down some information. "Kuchiki-dono, please have your people meet with mine at this time and place. There should be no problem making arrangements for your wedding. If you two are ready to be married at anytime, there's no reason not to do it now, eh?"

Byakuya, somewhat stunned, accepted the paper as Su-Yin rose to her feet.

"Mother, you can't be serious?" Soifon squeaked.

"What's that?" Su-Yin shot back. "I thought you just said any time, any place. Are you going back on your word?"

"Um, well, I, that is…no." Soifon meekly replied shrinking from her mother's withering gaze.

"Then it's settled." Su-Yin said with a nod. She gave Byakuya a smile. "Welcome to the family Kuchiki-dono. I'll see the both of you later."

Still smiling, Su-Yin made her way out giving a little wave as she stepped out the door. The room was thunderously silent in her absence. Slowly, Soifon turned her head to look at Byakuya. She'd never seen so much emotion in his face before. Too bad it was 100% pure rage.

"Don't worry." She assured him. "I'll think of a way out of this."

"The meeting she requested is in three days." Byakuya ground out between clenched teeth.

"See, plenty of time." Soifon replied. "I tell you what. I'll go to the library and look over the clan's wedding customs. I'm sure there's something I can find that'll give us an excuse to call this off."

Byakuya did not speak. His eyes bored into hers with the intensity of a nuclear blast. Soifon forced herself to smile.

"Trust me!"

Soifon struggled to her feet with the tray carrying the family's breakfast. Her huge stomach was throwing her off balance. Was she really going to have to put up with this for another two weeks? And it was going to be twins again! The polished floorboards were cool on her bare feet as she set the table. She was just in time as Byakuya entered the dining room.

"Good morning husband," She greeted him, "I made your favorite today."

"I have no time." He replied pouring himself a cup of tea. "I will pick up something on my way to work."

"You haven't eaten at home all week." Soifon complained. "Are you at least going to be home in time for supper?"

"I doubt it." He said heading out the door.

"The children are beginning to forget what their father looks like." She pointed out as she followed him down the hall.

"My work is important." He coolly replied. "It cannot be helped."

"More important than your own family? More important than me?"

Unable to see the floor, she tripped over one of the children's toys. Stifling a curse at the pain in her bare foot, she had to grab the wall to maintain her balance. Byakuya was exiting the house as she waddled to catch up.

"Should I least send you something for lunch?" she shouted at his retreating back. He did not answer. Someone tugged at Soifon's kimono.

"Mama," Keiko said, "I'm hungry."

"Go sit at the table." Soifon replied. "We'll eat in a second."

"Mama!" Ryu cried. "Tadaaki hit me!"

"Well you should have dodged and counter-attacked. Now go sit down, we're about to eat."

"Mama!" Tamiyo called out. "Koto and Koyo are playing in the toilet again!"

"Well get them out of the toilet, I can barely move here."

"Mama, I'm still hungry!"

"In a minute."

"He's still hitting me!"

"Stop that!"

"Mama, mama!"

"Just a second."

"Mama! Mama!"

Where was that one coming from?

"MAMA! MAMA!"

They're seemed to be children everywhere, crawling, running, crying and shouting. One stomped on her bare foot forcing her to sit down. Immediately a tidal wave of grubby faces and sticky hands surged towards her.

"MAMA! MAMA!"

She was being overwhelmed! Suffocated! There was no way for her to escape. And the children kept screaming louder and louder.

"MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMAAAAAAA!!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Soifon's heart was trying to pound its way out of her chest as she sat bolt upright. Someone angrily shushed at her. Slowly, she began to remember where she was. She was in the great library. The desk in front of her was covered in books and hastily scrawled notes. Feeling something on her face, she found a piece of paper stuck to her cheek. She pulled it off and placed it on the desk. She had fallen asleep. Thank goodness it was only a dream. She gratefully put her hand on her flat stomach. Checking the time, she saw it was very late.

Note to Self: Calm down! We have three whole days. We're bound to find something to get us out of this.

Figuring she wasn't going to get anything else done that night, she gathered up her notes and picked up the books to return them to the shelf.