You guy have been so enthusiastic and awesome with your reviews! I feel like it's my birthday whenever my phone buzzes with another alert. Please continue! Hope this story continues to keep your interest. Pardon any typos - I am bleary-eyed and beta-free but determined to give you all frequent updates!

FYI - This chapter is slightly M-ish.

Previously: Dick tested positive for roofies. Veronica interrogated him about the redheaded, Ukrainian hooker and discovered she lived in Veronica's old building. Veronica decided to visit Gory Sorokin and interview him herself. Gory denied involvement in Logan's assassination attempt and told Veronica he wanted to hire her to find out who used his name to hire her. He also hinted that he had Logan severely beaten just after she left town. She confronted Logan about the beating and he became chilly toward her, suddenly reminded of her abandonment of him.

CHAPTER 4

Logan walked briskly from the car to the back entrance of the Neptune Grand Hotel, leaving Veronica scrambling to catch up with him. He knocked out a complicated pattern on the back door and it opened slowly, with Ratner waving him inside.

Without double checking, Logan activated the car alarm over his shoulder before stepping inside, nearly leaving the door to slam shut in Veronica's face.

Okay...seems somebody forgot their manners back at Chez Sorokin.

"Trouble in paradise?" Ratner asked Veronica, with a poorly concealed smirk.

"Live vicariously much?" she muttered back under her breath, as she followed Logan's long strides through the bowels of the hotel.

Ratner rolled his eyes. "Never through your life, Veronica Mars. You can go ahead and keep those memories all to yourself."

"He has a point," Logan said.

Like you're one to talk!

The part-time concierge pulled his retractable key ring from his belt and unlocked the freight elevator.

Logan still refused to look at Veronica while they waited.

"Are you...is there something I've done that I'm not aware of?" she asked him in a whisper, before shooting a glance at Ratner, who was pretending not to listen.

"Oh you're aware of it, Veronica," he said with fatigue, leaning sideways into the elevator wall as he drew shapes on one of the cushioned moving-in pads with an index finger. He obviously didn't feel like talking, he wouldn't even look at her, but she knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep until he got everything off of his chest. In that way, they couldn't be more different.

Her hands fretted anxiously in her pockets. She could always tell when he was truly furious, as opposed to the times when he was just acting out. He was a known 'drama king', which is why she found his current silence so deafening.

Logan focused on the wall, letting his fingertips drift lazily over the stitching of the padded elevator walls. It had been years since he'd used the service elevator, years since he'd stayed overnight at the hotel. It was too painful for him to continue sleeping in the same bed that Veronica Mars once helped warm.

Once he came home from the hospital and realized she really had no intention of ever returning to Neptune, even after he had been so injured, he couldn't bear to stay in that room any longer. It only reminded him that he once had everything he had ever wanted, and then lost it all due to a lack of self-control.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Elation, Depression and Deja vu. Those were the six stages of Veronica Mars.

Denial: Of course, she had run away before for a few days here and there, but she always returned in the past. It was inconceivable to think she'd leave her entire life behind in Neptune for a new one away from her dad. Away from him. They may not have been in the best place when she left, but in his mind, they were always together. To him, those periods of 'off-time' that punctuated their relationship were just that – off. Even the last five years had been an 'off' time, since he always believed she'd come back to him. The feeling never wavered.

Step 1: Anger - The more he loved her, the angrier he got each time she did something dangerous, rejected him or judged him without all the facts. There were times he was so mad he could only walk away at the mention of her name. For a few months, he hated her like he did their junior year in high school – and just like then, his hatred also wouldn't stick. How do you hate the only thing you've ever truly loved?

Step 2: Bargaining – Whether he was literally bargaining for information on her whereabouts, or bargaining with himself or God, he would have done anything – would still do anything – to have her back in his life. As much as he enjoyed the trappings of his wealth, he'd give it all up in a heartbeat to eat beans from a tin - as long as it meant he would be doing it with her.

Step 3: Elation - The moment their hands touched over her gun, the past five years fell away in the blink of an eye. She was there, in front of him, and he finally felt whole again. Every time they found their way back to one another, it was the same. None of those times compared to tonight though, except maybe that first moment their lips touched in the second floor hallways of the Camelot Motel.

Step 4: Depression - While she was gone, he had been arrested for a few drunk & disorderlies, but Keith always let him go. The sheriff said he understood what the young man was trying to do by residing at the bottom of a tequila bottle, but he didn't approve. He told him Veronica wouldn't approve. Logan knew deep down that all the tequila in the world wouldn't erase her from his thoughts.

Step 5: Deja vu - It's a strange feeling knowing your entire happiness rests on the shoulders of a mercurial blonde with high expectations and trust issues. Try as he might, he would never live up to her standards, they both knew this. Part of him resented her for always placing the bar too high, just out of his reach. Another part of him was glad though, that somebody had enough faith in him to believe he was even capable of greatness. His father certainly never felt that way about him. Every time it was over and every time she took him back, he knew it wouldn't be the last time they lived through this cycle. He knew it was only a matter of time before he'd find himself right back on Step 1.

Logan and Veronica cycled their way through the vast corridors of the Grand, to get to their room. It had only been hours ago that he had walked through these hallways himself, on his way to have a drink with a woman who unknowingly drugged his friend to get him alone.

"Oni ne sushchestvuyut!"

Logan stopped short and Veronica walked into him from behind. He turned to her with a finger against his lips and pointed for them to walk back the way they came.

Noticing an electrical closet, he opened the door and pulled her inside with him.

The closet was pitch black and so tiny it nearly forced them into an embrace. They were silent, except for the shallow breathing he heard as it tickled his chest.

A few hours ago this would have thrilled me. Of course, that was before the high of he being here wore off and the hangover set in.

"If you wanted to get me alone in a dark room, all you had to do was buy me a drink," she whispered.

Your charm isn't getting you out of this one, Bobcat.

"I heard a man leaving our room. He was speaking in Russian, which means there are at least two of them out there," he said, making an educated guess.

She leaned the top of her head into his chest and his heartbeat speed up. He was sure she must be hearing it too, loud and clear like a snare drum.

"I'm surprised you didn't leave me out there to get whacked," she said in a low voice.

Right, because everybody knows how unconcerned I've always been about your safety.

Every word that left her lips felt like a jackhammer to the heart. He loved her more than his own life. How could she even joke about that?

Logan pulled Veronica against his chest and held her body tightly to him. "Why would you even say something that stupid?"

"I thought you hated me," Veronica whispered into his sternum. He could hear the relief in her voice. Maybe she still did love him, after all?

He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Come on Veronica, you know I could never hate you. I might want to murder you sometimes, but that's all part of the foreplay." He intended on sounding laid back and confident, but his voice wavered embarrassingly.

Way to appear confident.

"You hated me in high school," she said, pointing out the flaw in his claim.

She always did that, she was worse than a lawyer.

"That wasn't hate, that was sexual frustration," Logan admitted.

He could practically see her rolling her eyes through the darkness. "That's probably the only area of your life you've never been frustrated, Logan. Does anybody say no to you?"

"You did," he said.

"But then I said yes," she reminded him.

"And then you left."

Gotcha.

Veronica wrapped her arms around him tighter. "You're really mad at me right now."

He didn't respond. She was right, he was pissed off, regardless of how badly he wanted to be over it. What the hell did she want him to say? One thing he'd never do is lie to her. It would be like lying to himself, and he was way too self-critical for that.

"Feel free to jump in at any time," Veronica said with a forced laugh.

Logan pulled away from her and rested his hands on her hips, creating some distance between them. "Yeah, I'm mad. I mean, what did you expect? You just left me and vanished."

"It wasn't just you I left, I left everybody," she said. "Mac and Wallace..."

Logan shook his head. "You didn't leave Mac and Wallace, you left me."

"I wasn't even dating you!" Veronica whispered a little too loudly.

As if I could forget.

She cleared her throat and rested a hand on his chest. "Piz is the one who should really be mad at me."

"Piz is nothing," he said, his eyes seeking her reaction through the dark of the closet.

It wasn't a swipe at Piz. Logan didn't care enough about Piz to bother slighting him. He needed her to know that no matter how much time had passed, no matter where they had been or who they had been with, in the end, it would always be them. He also needed her to prove to him that he hasn't been deluding himself all these years.

'Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic.' It amazing how everything can come back to you when you push through the wall of alcohol.

She placed both hands flat on his chest and he wondered if she could feel his heartbeat fighting to tear it's way through it.

"Veronica" he pleaded weakly, leaning his forehead against hers. "Come on..."

She nodded against him. "Piz is nothing."

Thank God.

Like the world's most soothing balm, Logan let Veronica's words wash over him, and he was pulled back in faster than you could say 'Step 1'.

He rubbed his hand roughly over his tired-looking features. "Why did you leave?"

She let her palms slide down and off of his body. "You know why."

"Then at least tell me why you're back," he said.

Veronica let out a long breath and pulled away. "Not here."

"Davay!" Somebody screamed out as two sets of heavy footsteps clomped their way down the hallway.

They clung to each other tightly as they both held their breath and waited for the Russians to pass. As the two foreigners walked past the electrical closet, one of them paused and placed his hand on the doorknob, rattling it a little. Finding it locked, he gave up and followed his partner out of the building.

"You locked it behind us?" she asked, clearly impressed by his foresight.

"After being walked in on by various mothers and roommates, one gets in the habit," he said, then slowly cracked the door open to check for a clear path. "Well. I haven't felt this popular with Neptune's underbelly since Felix Toombs got shanked," he said with a smile. "Nice to know I've still got it."

"That's not funny."

He shrugged. "It's a little funny."

Logan opened the the door and waved Veronica through, like a gentleman. "After you, Ms. Manning."

Veronica approached their room and found the door left ajar. She grabbed her gun and slowly went into the room, checking behind doors and closets along the way. When she cleared it for safety, she motioned for Logan to join her inside.

"Happiness is a warm gun..." Logan mumbled as he watched her put her gun back into the holster.

"Yes it is." She tilted her head and smiled. "You hungry?"

"No, but I'm going to assume this means you are." Logan flopped onto his back on the bed.

She approached him apprehensively and perched herself on the edge of the mattress.

He picked his head up to look at her. "You can sit closer, Veronica, I don't bite...well, not until I'm asked."

Put that image out of your mind, Veronica.

"So, a weird thing happened when I was talking to Gory," she started, timidly.

"He wasn't a scumbag?" he asked with complete seriousness.

She shifted closer to him. "Fret not, Logan, he's still a scumbag. However, he's a scumbag who wants to hire me to figure out who's impersonating him."

Logan smiled widely and fell back onto the mattress. "You're cute."

Veronica narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You really think Gory Sorokin needs to hire you to find that out?" he asked through his laughter.

"I happen to be good at what I do, Logan," she said, leaning over him. Finding herself irritated, she grabbed his face to make him look at her. "You think he's doing this to try to get in my pants?"

Logan grinned mischievously. "I would."

Veronica swallowed hard and forced herself to maintain eye contact with him.

Don't let him get the upper hand. You need to control this or you'll lose your mind. You always do.

She flashed him a smirk that fell away from her face as quickly as it appeared. "You wouldn't have to."

His mouth dropped open slightly and they locked eyes.

Just do it! You've been thinking about it since the moment you saw him. That's a lie. You've been thinking about it for the last five years.

Before he had a chance to contemplate the consequences of his actions, he sat up and pulled her beneath him. Resting his forearms on either side of her shoulders.

She panted hard, her chest making contact with Logan's each rapid breath she took. He smoothed a loose hair behind her ear and stared as though intently admiring the view below.

"What are we doing?" Knowing that the face he was looking into appeared petrified was unnerving her.

"I don't know," he admitted with a laugh.

Just as his head moved very slightly downward, a sharp knock on the door shocked them out of their intimate moment causing them both to freeze and look nervously toward the door.

"Don't shoot – it's me," shouted an unmistakable voice from the other side of the door. "Time to pull out of Nancy Drew and answer the door. I come bearing pressies."

Fucking hell! You can't exist unless you're a pain in my ass.

Veronica shook her head in disgust and sat up. "You deal with that. I'm going to go call my dad," she said, and walked into the bathroom to make the call in privacy.

And maybe to stick my head under the faucet to cool down.

Logan shuffled irritably to the door and swung it open. "I'm disgruntled."

I could not hate you more right now, bro.

"Nice to meet you, disgruntled. I'm Dick Casablancas," the blond man said jokingly as he pushed past his friend to enter the room.

Logan waved him in. "As usual, you have perfect timing, Dick."

"Wow. This room is not nice at all." Dick grimaced as he dumped out a bag filled with new clothes on the bed. "I thought you were rich."

"Mars Investigations rented this room. You know what they say though: Location! Location! Location!" he said with his usual flourish, then pulled the curtains to the side to showcase the crime scene. "Voila!" The windows were blown out in certain places, and there was blood spatter on the walls and carpet.

"Fuck!" Dick said, covering his mouth with both hands. "That's fucked up."

"That's one way of putting it." Logan shrugged and opened the mini bar.

"Get me a whiskey, bro," Dick said. "That just fried my brain."

"That just friend you brain?" He looked at his friend like he was nuts. "You just spent the night praying to the porcelain god after a hooker slipped a roofie in your tequila."

"Notice I didn't ask for tequila." Dick winked as he pointed to his buddy.

Nice to know that some things never change.

Logan gave up and tossed him a small bottle of Maker's Mark. "It is only the wisest and the stupidest who cannot change."

The surfer scrunched up his face, failing to understand to proverb. "Ronnie?"

"Confucius," he offered.

"Gezunteit, man," Dick said as he screwed the top off the bottle and chugged the contents. Maybe life was easier when you spent half the time in blissful ignorance?

Veronica skipped out of the bathroom practically vibrating with joy as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. "Ask me who Ivan Ivanovich is."

"Why don't we skip the bumper this time and go straight into Act 1?" Logan asked as he unscrewed the top of his mini bottle of Ketel One.

Veronica settled down on the edge of the bed and pulled a Red Bull from the fridge. "He's the guy who paid for the room both across from and next to us." She pulled the tab off and swallowed the entire thing in one go.

He tipped his head to the side and smirked. "I assume he paid with plastic."

Her brow furrowed and she narrowed her eyes impatiently. "What are you getting at, Logan?"

"Ivan Ivanovich is the Russian equivalent of John Doe. It was the name given to the space dummy the USSR put into orbit in the 60's," he said as he unscrewed another bottle of vodka. Off her silence, he looked back into a pair of bemused eyes. "What? Haven't you ever seen 'Space Race' or 'Space Race 2: Moon Marathon' starring ruggedly handsome film star Aaron Echolls?"

Dick raised his hand. "I have."

"Shut up, Dick," Veronica snapped.

Should I be worried that most of my childhood education came from watching my father's movies? It's not everybody who is forced to watch their dad - while wearing tights - take a swing at Iambic Pentameter in English Lit class.

"Fine. So you're saying we're back to square one?"

"I sent Ratner to buy new clothes from the boutique in the lobby. Maybe that will cheer you up, Ronnie?" Dick gestured to the pile on the bed. "Not sure about the guy's taste, but they're not covered in blood, so there's that."

Veronica's eyes softened toward Dick. "Thanks. It strangely does cheer me up."

"Awesome. But listen, there weren't any kid's stores open this late at night, so the stuff might be big on you," he said, helpfully warning her.

Logan slid to the bed laughing.

"That's not funny!" she yelled, frowning as she lifted a shirt and held it to her chest. It was too big, which only made Logan laugh harder.

I'd like to see her wearing my shirt again.

She pouted out her bottom lip and dropped the item. "God, this night has been a bust," she said, then spun around and held her finger up in Dick's direction. "I'm gonna stop you there!"

"What? Dude. I wasn't even gonna say anything. Just for that, you have to watch me change out of my puke jeans," he said, promptly dropping trou where he stood.

"Gross!" Veronica averted her eyes to the ground and then peered intently at a red packet of matches next to Dick's feet that had fallen out of his pocket. "What's that?"

Dick bent over and retrieved the matchbook, then flipped it over to read the inside and smiled. "Oh, this is Anastasia's number. She didn't have any paper, so she just wrote it on some matches she had in her purse. It's from a Russian bar she hangs out at all the time. She said she'd take me...guess that's not going to happen anymore," he said bitterly. "I said it once and I'll say it again: a waste of a great rack."

Logan leaned over Veronica's shoulder and looked at the matches. "That place is over on Clover street. It's a private club for Russian ex-pats. I could probably bribe our way in."

She put a finger to her lips in thought. "Yeah, but the way we look, they'd make us in a second for cops or PI's. What we need is an insider."

He bristled, picking up immediately where she was going with this. "No."

"He speaks the language," she said.

"No way," he said tersely, holding firm.

"Nobody would question why we're there. It's perfect, Logan."

Logan stood up and started pacing the room. "Yeah, it's perfect. Perfectly idiotic! He can't be trusted. He tried to have me killed!"

How can she even think of asking for his help when she knows damn well how brutal and remorseless he can be?

She stood up to steady him. "He told me he didn't do that."

He looked her in the face. "I'm taking about the first time. I saw him! He stood there and watched as his thug beat the life out of me. I don't think he would've stopped if the police hadn't come." He grabbed her shoulders. "Look, I know that you obviously don't give a shit what happens to you, but I do. If you want to do something monumentally reckless, I can't stop you. But unlike him, I don't have the stomach to just stand there and watch."

"Dick, get out!" Veronica shouted without turning her attention away from Logan.

"With pleasure!" Dick frantically scooped up all of his clothes and rushed out into the hallway in just his underwear and a t-shirt.

He slammed the door shut behind himself, and they both jumped from the noise. This night had put everyone on edge.

This is is. I can't walk backward anymore until I know where you're leading me.

"Why are you back? Did the FBI toss you out of did you leave under your own auspices?" Logan asked.

She remained eerily still. "What does it matter why?"

He sighed bitterly at her inability to grasp the true intent behind his question and shook his head.

Veronica pulled a sharp intake of air into her lungs and held it.

Then again, maybe she does get it?

"I left. Okay? I chose to leave. Is that okay?"

He grabbed her face and stared intently into her eyes, searching for the truth, then took a deep breath himself and smiled. He wasn't getting the answer he wanted, but the fact that she'd even stayed to answer him showed progress. "Yeah. It's okay."

Logan ran his thumb along her cheekbone and she closed her eyes.

"I just - - I just wanted life to be easier," she said, and pulled more air into her chest. "When Gory released that sex tape...I couldn't look at myself anymore. It was like high school all over again, but worse, because at least in high school they were just rumors, not actual videos. And you attacked Piz and then afterward you and I ended up in...it was just...you were right about us. That look you gave me as you left the cafeteria that day you beat up Gory...I just knew. We were just going to keep hurting ourselves and each other and anybody who got in our way. Lives ruined. Bloodshed. You said it yourself. Parker, Piz, Duncan, Leo, and even Meg - they were all just collateral damage."

I don't care about any of them and neither do you, so stop muddling the point.

He looked down at her sad face with tears brimming in her eyes and his chest burned. He hated seeing her like this. It wasn't in her nature to break down in front of people - not even him - so he knew this had to be more serious than he originally thought. "It doesn't have to be like that..."

Veronica shook her head. "It is like that, so we have no other choice."

"Then why did you come back?" he asked, anxious to hear her answer.

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away for her. "Just say it Veronica. Please. I have to know."

If she wanted him to beg he would have, but deep down if he thought about it, he already knew her reason. He knew, but he couldn't lay his heart on the line this time. It had to be her saying it, or it wouldn't work any other way.

"I - I couldn't stay away anymore," she admitted, and another tear rolled down her cheek.

Logan wiped it away with his thumb, but remained focused. "Why?"

Say me. Tell me you came back for me.

She tried to lunge at him, but he held her back. He wouldn't fall for that tactic again, he knew she'd do just about anything not to talk. "Not until you tell me."

"This isn't easy for me, Logan. Not like it is for you. I know you've been knocked down too, probably more times than I have, but I'm not like you," she said, tearfully.

He felt the velvet of her skin on the back of his hand as he gently brushed her cheek with it. "We're more alike than you think."

Just in different ways.

"But you never give up, and you're so wonderfully transparent. I wish I could wear my heart stitched to my sleeve like you do. Like Lilly did. But - too much has happened..."

Fuck. She's going again. I fucking knew she'd find any excuse she could to leave.

He released her face and ran both hands through his own hair, tugging on it slightly, as if to pull out his own thoughts. "Then I think you should go. If it makes you happier to be away from me, then leave and don't look back. I just want you to be happy, Veronica."

She shook her head. "There's no point. I realized a while ago that I can't be happy without you, and I don't even want to be. I...love you, okay? I came back to Neptune because I still love you."

You...love me? Did I just dream that?

He closed his eyes and opened them again to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, then exhaled the breath he had been holding for the last two minutes. "See, and I was so sure you were going to say you came back for the pizza."

Veronica sniffed a few times and then reached up and dug her fingers into the back of his hair like she used to. "That too," she laughed, breaking the tension. "The pizza really sucked in D.C. Too doughy."

He wrapped his arms around her thighs and she curled her legs around his waist. "I've heard that. Well, you're home now."

She leaned forward and tentatively pecked him on the lips. "Yeah. I'm home."

Yeah. It finally does feel like home again.

His eyes grew dark with lust and he kissed her back ferociously, slamming her into the wall as they grappled for each other.

Veronica Mars still loved him! If he had to get nearly shot to have her again, it was worth it.

SO worth it.

Logan grazed her lips softly with his own, sliding them back and forth in-between hers before probing her mouth with his tongue. After all these years, she tasted the same. Her weight felt the same in his arms, her silky hair brushed against him the same way as he ran his fingers gently down the sides of her face. It was all amazing and all the same - except things were entirely different now.

She didn't run away from him this time, she sought him out - and he knew she would stay - for a while at least. "I missed you. So. Much."

"Oh God..." she called out in a guttural whisper as he hungrily mouthed his way down her neck.

He could feel her chest heaving against him again and his pants grew tight at the thought of putting his hands all over her naked body, and hearing those special noises she made only for him.

"Oh God!" she said with alarm this time. Her eyes flew open, and she immediately made him put her back down onto the floor.

"What's wrong?" he asked through his panting, completely stricken by the idea that he'd done something to upset her.

She smiled and unbuckled the gun holster fastened across her body. "You've already been shot at once tonight. I'd like to blow your mind the old fashioned way," she said impishly, as she carefully placed the gun on the nightstand with the safety off, ready to use, in case of surprise.

Blow away!

Logan ran to the door and put the latch on, figuring it would buy them a little more time if somebody tried to break in.

Veronica watched him eagerly. "I don't think they'll be back. Too much ground to cover at this hotel."

He removed his shirt and smirked and heard her sigh from across the room. They met at the center of the bed and he took his arm and swiped all of the new clothes onto the floor in a heap.

"Hmm. And here I was really looking forward to having sex on those cargo pants," she said, faking a pout.

"Next time." Logan kissed her. "You sure you want to do this?" He kissed her again.

She ran her hands down his bare chest and let them rest on his belt buckle. "This is nice, but I have some other things in mind, too," she muttered breathlessly, between kisses. "What about you? Are you worried it's too risky?"

Logan kissed her soundly until her lips were swollen. "You know my backstory, kitten. This is pretty much how I always expected our reunion to go down." He pulled her shirt over her head in one motion and lowered her to the center of the bed.

A/N – Keep in mind, I have yet to take you down the rabbit hole :)

Please review and let me know what you think!