A Marauder's Thoughts
Peter Pettigrew
The darkness seems to swallow Peter as he climbs out of bed and tiptoes across the room. He cannot sleep, and he just wants to walk, to plod along the corridors and let his worries stream out behind him. In reality though, he is afraid to be caught out of bed on his own, without the Marauders there to back him up, so he settles for curling up on the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room, and staring into the dying embers of the fire.
To Peter, the dwindling fire represents his happiness. It's his birthday in two days, and he should be full of joy and celebrating. But, really, his birthday represents nothing but more loss of youth and innocence. He is getting older, this is his last birthday at Hogwarts, and soon he will be expected to stand on his own without his friends. He knows that they all have big plans for life after Hogwarts, yet Peter has decided on nothing. They all want to marry, and to become Aurors so that they can help in the fight against You-Know-Who. He can't even decide what he wants to eat for dinner some days.
Peter knows that his birthday won't be all doom and gloom though, because his friends are already planning a major birthday party for him. Sirius has plans to sneak in Firewhiskey, and James is looking for a way to convince Lily to be his date.
He doesn't know why, but he thinks James is delusional. Perhaps it's the fact that he's a Marauder, and not just an outsider looking in, but he sees James' faults, and sees that, no matter how much he's tried to change, that he can be an arrogant jerk. Peter is always trying to convince himself of this, because he's jealous. Jealous because Lily gives James so much attention, while the girl Peter likes sees him as nothing more as one quarter of the Marauders.
He doesn't even know her name; just that she's a fifth year Hufflepuff. Once, when he dropped his bag on the way to Divination, she picked up his books and handed them to him with a bright smile, before scampering away. That day will be forever engrained in Peter's memory, accompanied by a love heart, as corny as that sounds. It's the sort of thing he will only ever admit to himself, for fear of being ridiculed. He's never worked up the courage to ask anyone her name, either, especially not his friends. James would laugh like crazy, and Sirius would make all sorts of crude jokes, complete with sexual innuendos, even though Peter, and everyone else, knows that he's never shagged anyone in his life. Remus would listen, but then he'd accidentally let the cat out of the bag, because that's what friends do, they share their hopes and dreams and secrets. So Peter tells no-one, and ignored the pitter-patter feeling he gets in his heart whenever she's around.
The fire is dead now, nothing but a pile of smouldering coals, so Peter stands up and stretches, a few inches of bare stomach showing from under a too-short pajama shirt. If he was one of the other Marauders, people would swoon at that. But, because he's Peter, people would probably cover their eyes and groan. He's never understood that because he's not hideous or disfigured, he's just normal. Normal, despite what everyone thinks. His best friends are a werewolf, a boy disowned from his family for doing the right thing, and a boy obsessed with being number one at everything. Yet he's the one who is shunned, ignored and ridiculed, and that frustrates people, because he knows he's worth something.
Sometimes, just sometimes, Peter wants to rebel, to do something extraordinary, something that will shock everyone. While he knows he's something more than what people think of him, he doubts he would have the courage to do anything major, especially if it involves hurting his friends. Nothing is worth destroying bonds like those the Marauders have formed. James, Remus and Sirius know who he is, and understand and respect his strengths and weaknesses.
He owes them so much for it, because without their support Peter would have faded away into the background long ago. Remus is smart, and James is good at Quidditch, and everything thinks Sirius' mysterious aura is sexy, and, beside them, Peter has nothing. It's not that he's dumb, he got six OWLS in his fifth year, and he knows how to fly quite well, yet it seems like he has nothing. But then they compliment him on a joke, or send him a letter, and Peter knows that all those hours of trailing after the three most popular people in school are worth it.
Glancing at his watch, Peter realises that it's almost four o'clock, and that he should get some sleep for the day's classes. It will be the same as every other day: meals, classes, maybe a prank, discussion of Lily, teasing Snape. Peter wishes that his friends wouldn't tease Snape, but he doesn't have Remus' guts to stand up and stop them. He's just as much of a misfit as Snape is, just slightly less Dark Arts orientated, and he knows how much laughter can hurt the soul. Every human being deserves to be happy, not to live in fear of unprovoked attack and torture. It's one of the basic rights of life, yet it's one that seems to have escaped his best friends.
But in the end, it all falls back to the fact that they are his friends, and without them, he feels vulnerable and insecure. And, with that thought, he scrambles out of his chair and treads up the stairs to bed.
a/n: I have a very different view of Peter to a lot of people, and I'm happy with being unusual. Yes, he was a stupid twit that betrayed the most important people in his life, I don't deny that, but there's a reason - he was not born evil, and he certainly didn't make such a choice just to watch people die. I think it was just his way of standing out, and while that does not excuse what he did, it certainly explains it. That said, Padfootatheart (yes, I'm reccing her again), has a wonderfully written story called 'Peter the Great,' which explains my idea in slightly more detail, and I urge you all to check it out.