NSFW... NSFW.

Lena flopped down on a pile of hay and it squished out from underneath her scattering across the dirt floor. The barn her and Nicholas had been given was little more than a shanty that didn't really keep out the cold, but she wasn't going to leave him. Her scent eased his fear and she was afraid his instinct to attack and kill when he woke up would take over. If that happened it would be better if she was there.

She'd busied herself with making the small barn comfortable for the two of them. After Jean and Levi laid Nicholas out on a blanket covered pile of hay, she'd used an old rag and some melted snow from outside to clean off most of the blood. Surprisingly the long lacerations that she could see were completely closed up and healing. After she'd finished cleaning him up, she'd washed her hands then made herself a make shift bed in what was left in the hay.

"Leezle is still alive," she said aloud to herself finally taking the time to truly wrap her mind around the shocking news and what it meant. Her twin sister was not just her twin sister, Leezle was Lena's soul mate. Or maybe because they were twins they'd shared the same soul. The two had the same sense of humor, the same penchant for trouble, and the same stubbornness that got them into trouble in the first place. As children the two existed in their own world where no one else was invited to join. As teenagers, they were more open to others, but only as a means to entertain themselves. After the accident, Leezle was the only thing that kept Lena from going insane. Then just like that she'd been taken away. Now, Leezle had been returned and Lena suddenly felt overwhelmed with so many emotions most of which she couldn't name. She hugged her knees into herself, rested her head on them, and cried.

The stable door rattled open bringing with it a blast of cold air just before Erwin said, "I brought you something to eat and a hot drink." Lena willed him to turn back around and walk out of the barn because she didn't want him to see her tears. He didn't, instead, she heard the door close with a bang and the latch rattle and slide into place.

"Levi brokered a deal on some good black tea," Erwin went on and she felt the hay next to her shift and heard it crunch as he sat down. She knew she needed to look at him because certainly he'd know she was crying, but even if he did know she didn't want him to see the evidence of it. "I also brought some of your meat pies, a blanket, and I wanted to take a look at that cut on your forehead."

The harder she tried to stop her tears the more that fell so she was forced to answer him without looking up. "You could have sent Izzy."

"That's very true, but she was asleep and to quote Levi, 'If you wake her up and she starts bitching at us again I will tie her up, gag her, and hang her from a tree." She felt a soft cloth being pushed into her hand. "Plus, I felt we needed to discuss some things."

She didn't respond and the two of them fell into silence. It took ten minutes for her tears to stop falling and all the while he seemed to be patiently waiting for her. After she was certain she was done she used the handkerchief to dry her eyes and cheeks, before she looked up at him. He simply held out a thermos. "The tea is actually quite good," he said prompting her to take what he offered.

"Why are you suddenly being so nice and not so commander-ish?" She took the warm thermos from him.

He looked at her and smirked, "is that your way of calling me uptight?"

"Is that your way of agreeing that you are?" she quipped.

"Well…"

"Don't worry I get it. You're on a mission to save humanity." She unscrewed the lid of the thermos and took a sip. The tea was hot, sweet, and spiced with apple. "This is good."

"It goes well with your meat pies." He pulled out a package of neatly folded paper that contained the meat pies she'd previously packed. That morning seemed like years ago and she suddenly felt overwhelmed and exhausted. "And, I was told to give you some candied dried fruits." He handed her another paper package.

She took the packages from him. "Thanks."

"Now," he pulled out a small box and opened it. Inside was a small vile of iridescent liquid and several pieces of gauze. "Let me take a look at that cut on your forehead."

She lifted her hand to her forehead and hissed at the pain when she touched her fingertips to the raised scab. "It's okay really."

Erwin reached around her and piled some hay before shifting closer to her. "It looks infected," he slid the box to him and pulled out a piece of gauze and the small vile. "This will help."

"You're making me nervous. Where's the uptight asshole I've come to know as Commander Smith." Then she thought about it and tried to get some sense of his motives, but his mind was so busy and full of so many different thoughts it felt impossible. She did get the sense that any really strong feelings or emotions he had he kept well hidden deep inside himself. Still she wasn't stupid. "It's another way to manipulate me?"

"I can't imagine the intelligence it takes to process the standard five senses, plus your empathic ability," he went on without addressing her statement, in her estimation it confirmed it.

"Careful commander you just called me smart," she pointed out. "Tell me what you really want."

"I'd like you to tell me how your ability works."

"Sure, when you're more forth coming with information. Tell me about Leezle."

"I'm merely a tool. My mission was to find you."

"Of course it was." She frowned at him. "I'd have probably been more cooperative if you'd told me the truth. That would have been the easier way to earn my trust and maybe I'd be answering your questions now." A spike of annoyance came from him and somehow it satisfied some need in her that she couldn't explain.

They fell into silence and she studied him carefully. His eyes were as blue as she imagined them and he was even more handsome under the brightly burning lamp. There was something very compelling about him and she had to admit she found him appealing, even with is over active and impossible to read mind. It pissed her off that he was in fact very attractive, distractingly so.

He leaned forward lifting his hand to her. She held up a finger and said, "just one thing first." Carefully she set the packages of food and thermos of tea down, raised her hand, and smartly slapped him. "Don't lie to me again."

"Not telling you the truth is not the same as lying." He said staring at the wall then after a couple of seconds added, "if I had told you about your sister being alive, even if I convinced you that it was the truth, we still had and have a long journey ahead of us." He looked down at the gauze and the vile in his hand. "I don't like making promises even if their assumed."

"I got all that earlier," she informed. When Mike had told her about her sister he'd been aggravated and she'd caught onto why. "The next time a mostly blind person asks you what you look like, don't lie, because believe it or not, it's important to them."

He snapped his head back to her, his lips parted slightly, and then the barn was full of rich deep laughter. After a couple of seconds he said with a smile, "because you don't want your ass next to the crotch of an uggo."

She huffed at him. "That doesn't sound right when you say it."

He smiled again. "No it doesn't." He lifted his large hand and offered her the vile. "Open this."

"Great, back to barking orders."

"No, back to being the man I am and your right it isn't fluffy or kind or even considerate."

She took the bottle, twisted out its cork, and held it out for him. "For the love of God, please stop justifying who you are to me. I get it. 'You're a hardened commander that lost an arm in the war to save humanity.' "

He snorted as he took the bottle from her. "Fair enough. Now that I've been properly reprimanded in my etiquette I'd like to see to your cut." He placed the gauze over the end of the bottle and flipped it upside down. "And since I have been reprimanded, maybe you will now be gracious enough to explain to me about your ability to read other people's minds."

It was her turn to laugh and she did. "Wow, I can see where you're good at politics too."

"I couldn't be an effective commander if I wasn't." He handed her the vile back and then raised his hand and dabbed the cold wet gauze to the cut on her head.

"Ouch,"-she backed away from him-"that hurts." She lifted her hand to the cut and he slapped it away.

"I told you it was infected." He leaned in and pressed the gauze and she caught scent of something citrusy smelling before she felt more burning.

The burning got stronger. "Ouch," she tried to push back herself back into the hay and he leaned forward hovering over her. "If I tell you, I'm really a whimp will you stop?"

"No," he replied at the same time he pulled the gauze away.

The burning was fading to an irresistible itch and she lifted her hand to her forehead to scratch it. When her fingers encountered flat smooth skin, she gasped. "What did you do?"

"One of the benefits of having an association with your sister." He lifted the vile from her hand and soaked a clean piece of gauze. He leaned in and dabbed it to her neck. The cut there didn't burn but it did itch and tingle. The two of them fell into silence and he kept soaking clean gauze then putting it to her many cuts.

"Ow,"-she backed away from him-"that hurts." She lifted her hand to the cut and he slapped it away.

His proximity was slightly unsettling but more so the fact that even when she concentrated and tried her hardest, she could not understand his mind. It went too fast and in too many directions all at once. There were even thoughts in other languages, or at least she thought they were, because they felt like other languages. Quietly she watched him tend to her and wondered how she could get him to open up.

"So what are you reading from me?" he asked interrupting her attempts to read him.

"Would you believe me if I said not much?"

"I might," he reached out, grabbed her arm and pulled it up. "Stay like that," he commanded then asked. "Were you born with your ability?"

"So you really aren't being nice to me for the sake of being nice." She said as she took the gauze from him and started dabbing it to the scratches on her hands fascinated at how quickly the red scratches healed. After a couple of second she was able to rub the dried blood away. Underneath there would be smooth white skin. He held the vile for her as she continued to go up her arm and treat the wounds on the backs of her hands. "No, I wasn't born this way," she finally answered.

"How did you meet Izzy?" His change of questioning surprised her and she wondered what he was up to.

"Is everyone this unnerved by you?" she asked then changed her mind about wanting the answer. "Never mind don't answer that. You probably like people this way, guessing what your real intentions are."

"It's seldom that people work that hard to understand me. Either they're afraid or intimidated by my intelligence. So, I guess it's a true statement that people are unnerved."

"Okay, anyway Izzy used to be a, well her words, 'I like sex, I'm good at it so I should get paid for it.'" She paused to see if he reacted to what she said. Erwin didn't. His face was unreadable and she seemed to have his complete attention. "People like to say lady of the night or whore, but those all have negative connotations. I've read Izzy and she really did and does like sex and though she had a lot of customers, was choosy with her partners. She didn't take anyone as a client that sex wouldn't be equally beneficial for both of them. Because she was picky she refused a lord that wouldn't take no for an answer. He had the Military Police arrest her on some fake charges of treason. She managed to escape and well…" Lena stopped. She felt blood rush to her cheeks. "We met because we were both picking through the same trashcan for food."

"I see," Erwin said softly as he took the gauze from her and dabbed at the cuts she'd missed on the back of her arm. "So the two of you went into hiding together?"

"Yep. She's taught me a lot about common sense and living on the street. I wonder if there's something she was right about that I didn't pay attention too before."

"Right about what?" he asked seemingly absently, but she knew for sure that he wasn't the man that the term 'absent minded' applied to. He had the unique ability to split his focus into a thousand different directions while maintaining a genius level of perception. For her it was frustrating because trying to read him was like staring into the dark and she was compelled by an attraction, she didn't understand, to know what that dark held.

Izzy had once theorized that Lena's ability might be stronger with touch, not just touch but intimacy. The thought drove Lena and she suddenly had a single minded purpose, because she needed to know what kind of person Erwin Smith really was. "She has this theory about people and I wonder if it would apply to you?"

"What about me? If there is something about me that you want to know and I can answer it I will."

"But, there is no guarantee you will answer me honestly. You're here to assess me to see how you can use me so anything you say would only serve that purpose." He pulled his hand away from her and she could have sworn she caught a flash of amazement coming from him. Again, he suppressed whatever he was truly thinking or feeling too fast for her to be sure.

"We won't know until you ask your question, so ask."

"I will," she said smiling as she put the cork back on the bottle she held and set it on the ground. "But first"-in one quick movement she grabbed fistfuls of his jacket, pulled him to her, and gently pressed her lips to his.

His lips were hard and his surprise was evident, but the combination of the close physical contact and his surprise allowed her to glimpse into his mind. She'd never seen or felt anything like it. His millions of thoughts twinkled and sparkled like stars against a clear black night, tempting her to walk into them. They were his intelligent processes, his constant assessing and calculating of everything around him. Still, all the stars told her was something that she already knew. His intelligence was above the standard genius and she wanted to know what lay behind the stars.

Leaning back, she pulled him with her so that he ended up on top of her in the hay as she continued to carefully brush her lips over his stiff warm ones. When she thought he'd forcibly pull himself away his lips softened and returned her caresses. Unexpectedly, his mind opened up and flooded into hers or maybe it simply absorbed her. She stepped into the sparkling night sky of his psyche and found herself staring up at the stars as she ascended into them. Beyond the stars was where Erwin's universe lay, where his soul was, safe and protected. His mind was like a crisp winter night under the millions of sparkling stars, but his soul was the warm inviting hearth beneath it.

The first thing to surface was what she'd already known; he was extremely intelligence and thirst for knowledge. His genius mind studied all manner of subjects from math to the occult and he knew and spoke several languages fluently as she already suspected. Still, she was surprised to find that as shrewd as others knew he was, he still hid a great deal of his genius.

Though he was a very intellectual man and prized knowledge above all, he still had very deep emotions. Erwin carried the guilt of hard decisions and loss of lives. His thoughts continued to unfold and she saw how deeply it affected him. He remembered every name and face of every soldier that died under his command or with him in battle. In life he appreciated them in death he vowed to love them as individuals even if their lives were sacrificed.

She felt him move his lips against hers and his body relaxed so that she could feel the full weight of it. At the same time his hand came up and cupped her face. Heat radiated between them and she could no longer feel the cold.

Now that his feelings and memories were open to her she couldn't stop their flow. His military life was full of self-sacrifice. He didn't make close friends, because his heart would break if he lost them. He didn't pursue feelings of love, because he was afraid a woman would make him choose between her and his mission, even if he lost that woman. He'd chosen to walk away in part because he didn't want to see the heart break in her eyes when he chose the military over her and in part because he couldn't stand the thought of returning to a wife as a corpse. Dying in the field was something he was certain would happen, probably should have already happened. Still he was glad that the woman he once loved married, even if it was an old friend. His friend could offer the woman he loved a security Erwin couldn't.

She felt the longing for a lost father. She saw images of a boy who loved that father so well that he hung on every word and she saw a father that was open and wise. The life and death of that father was what had shaped him into the man he was and he was grateful for such a wise and intelligent father.

Beneath everything she felt in him, she found profound loneliness. It was bitter sweet because he wanted to love and share human contact, but he'd denied himself for so long and would continue to do so. His heart was fragile and couldn't take the loss. He was just as afraid of dying and leaving someone behind as he was of watching someone die. He truly wanted to love and be loved as he was, Erwin Smith. The man with a higher purpose and the strength to pursue it. Lena thought that he was sad and beautiful all at once. His heart was just too fragile to set loose the strong feelings it was capable of.

She wanted to comfort, assure, and take away all that had and would hurt him. Again she caressed his lips and let hers fall apart against his, he took the invitation and his tongue slid into her mouth. Their lips parted so that they could discover each other with more depth and his desire flamed and focused on her. He thought she was one of the most alluring enigmatic woman he'd ever met. From the color of her eyes, to the enticement of her body, to the mystery of her mind, he wanted her.

The kiss deepened and became desperate as his tongue wound around and teased hers. She explored his mouth giving in to the new sensations he was stirring in her. Despite the coolness of his skin, the heat the radiated between them seemed to burn her through her clothes. She let go of his jacket and wound her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. Somehow he settled himself between her legs and the heat between them turned into torturous need. Lifting her legs, she wrapped them around him as her skirt fell back. Though her panties and his pants were a firm barrier between them she could still feel the length of his hardened shaft pressed to her.

Her desire turned to heady lust that was fueled by his thoughts. He thought of all that he wanted to do to her, starting with undressing her then, discovering every inch of her skin. His body tingled with anticipation and made hers tingle in return. He wanted to bury himself in her over and over again, with her screams echoing in his ears and her heated skin enveloping him in intoxicating sex. He had visions of her waking up next to him with her skin glowing in the morning sun, then taking her again.

God, how she wanted all that his desire for her had conjured. She wanted to know his body, she wanted to run her fingers, her lips, then her tongue over every crevice and she could easily imagine making him moan the way he was imagining doing the same.

She couldn't help but move against him and he in turn moved, stimulating her beneath the layers of clothes. The hand that was on her face drifted down her neck, over her collar bone and stopped to gently caress her breast. The kiss managed to go deeper and got more fierce and they moved together, thrusting as if there were no barriers between them. His hand drifted down over her stomach and around her waist. He held her so tightly to him that she could barely breathe. He moved against her as if the clothes weren't there and his empassioned body and mind mingled with hers and she was lost. Lost in the sensations he was inflicting, in the passion that they shared, and lost in all the layered complex emotions of his mind. It was all too much for her to understand or control and a heady pressure built up as he continued to move against her. She let out a low moan when it released and her body shook with the force of the waves that surged from it.

Still, he didn't let her go and the rhythm of their bodies took on a faster pace. He continued to rub against her and the exquisite pleasure started to build again. "Please don't stop," she breathed in his ear.

Suddenly, he pulled away and scrambled off of her. At the same time his mind closed off so abruptly, hers felt like steel trap had been sprung inside her head and she nearly screamed from the pain of it. She stifled a small scream as she rolled away from him. Black and white spots danced in front of her eyes and she willed herself not to slip into unconsciousness. It took several minutes for her to adjust her breathing and for the hard throbbing sound in her head to settle.

"Did you get enough?" Erwin said harshly from behind her. She wanted to look at him, but felt too traumatized. The world was cold and awful without the touch of his mind and body. She tried to turn toward him, but couldn't manage it, because of a strange pain that emanated from her chest. It wasn't physical and it wasn't a pain she'd felt before she kissed him. Maybe it was physical, but it didn't emanate from her body. It came from deep inside her spirit and she was confused, scared and hurt all at once.

"That was a dirty tactic." She heard the sound of clothes rubbing then the tromp of boots as he marched past her to the door and opened it. "I apologize for falling for it." He stepped out into the cold night and slammed the door behind him.

Lena was certain she'd been shattered into thousands of tiny pieces the pain inside her chest was so acute. She'd never experienced anything like it before and for a moment she was breathless as she tried to pull the parts of herself back together. Then she wept. At first she had no idea why she was crying then she thought of Erwin's fragile, lonely, and longing soul. She thought of his beautiful mind and more than enticing body and the more she thought about it the harder it got to pull the pieces of her heart together. She'd never encountered someone like him before and she was certain she never would again.

She rolled into a ball and hugged herself. No more tears fell, because tears were cleansing and she couldn't be cleansed. It felt like there was no end to her sadness and pain. Not even the thought of returning to her sister offered any comfort. She was a ridiculous idiot. How could she fall in love with a man in an instant and in the very next be torn apart by it?

Erwin patted his horses neck as it stomped it's hooves impatiently. It had been lightly snowing since early that morning and the powder at their feet was almost four inches deep. So when his horse huffed its objection to standing still it came out in a cloud of mist.

Erwin was ready to get going for many reasons. First and foremost, his mission. Then there was the desire to see colony, but more than a large part of him needed to get moving because he needed the distraction. He needed to be distracted from that nagging thought in the back of his head, the one with green eyes, subtle body, and tasted of strawberries and cream.

He had to assume her kissing him was a means to read him, because she had admitted she couldn't. Though, he wondered if she knew what that kiss sparked between the two of them. Of course it was a mistake and she would see that. However, as far as the mistakes he'd made in his life, kissing Lena was one he wouldn't regret. He just needed to focus on the current mission so that he could work to his purpose of saving humanity.

"Erwin," Levi emerged from the cabin with a severely frowning Izzy following close behind him. "She's started up again," Levi said clearly aggravated as he pointed behind him with his thumb. "I've listened to all I'm going to." He stomped off and went to his horse.

Izzy stepped up to Erwin with a severe look. "Commander, where is Lena? If you left her out in a freezing barn all night long…"

"I can assure you I didn't leave her. She chose to remain with her wolf. However, if you care to check on her to see if she's awake and preparing for the day's journey you can assuage your fears that we in no way have mistreated her." He motioned to the still closed barn door with his hand.

She turned to look at the barn then back to him and seemed to hesitate. "Nicholas is a feral wolf. He only responds to Lena."

"Jean," Erwin said looking down on her. "Take Izzy to her horse while I go check on our other guest."

"No need." Mike suddenly appeared through a clearing of trees dressed in a heavy winter jacket and carrying a rifle. "She's not in there. The stable was empty when I went to check on her after my patrol. I did a twenty yard sweep she's not here." Alarm bells went off inside Erwin's head. He didn't think she'd run away, not with the incentive of being reunited with her sister.

Erwin looked to Levi, who was already pulling his rifle from his saddle. "Jean you stay here," Erwin said as he turned to go in the opposite direction of Levi and Mike. He'd barely gotten out of sight of the cabin when he spotted a figure thirty yards in the distance standing beneath a tree. Something in him told him it was Lena even though he couldn't clearly see her through the light snowfall, so he walked toward the figure. "Lena," he called out and the figure stopped it's movements.

"For the love of God, can't a girl have a moment a lone to get a bath." He saw her move, but couldn't quit tell what Lena was doing until the curtain of snow seemed to pull away and he nearly stopped walking, he almost stopped breathing.

Before him stood Lena, bare from the waste up and scrubbing at her skin with handfuls of snow. Her mussed red hair sparkled with freshly fallen flakes. She was clad in a pair of dark brown pants with high boots and the brown of her pants made her exposed skin look like white cream. Though it had a pink hue from where she'd been scrubbing at it. She bent down and scooped up some more snow and fiercely rubbed it over her forehands, then up her arms, and over neck and upper chest. His eyes were drawn to the one place he knew he shouldn't look, but couldn't stop himself, her perfect teardrop shaped breasts with rosebud sized nipples. His mind tried to wonder and he immediately squelched any ideas about how they'd feel in his hands or filling his mouth.

He took another step forward and the fresh snow crunched under his foot. She stopped her movements and immediately folded her arms over her body. "I understand the appeal of wanting to check out my tits, pervert. But, I promise watching me scrub my armpits won't be as attractive as you imagine."

"I've found her!" he called out taking several more steps unable to tear his eyes away from the vision of Lena standing topless underneath the bare branches of a tree with snow twinkling as it fell on her.

"What a pain in the ass!" Levi yelled in return letting him know that he'd been heard.

"Maybe you'd prefer I smell like a dog!" Lena retorted then looked at him. "Commander," she stated in a lower voice, "unless you plan on joining me for my fresh snow bath do you mind if I have a little privacy?"

He abruptly turned his back. "We need to get moving and I'm sure you want to eat something."

He heard the sound of her vigorously rubbing her skin. "I don't want any. Besides you may want to return to the cabin. Nicholas will be back soon. He just went hunting."

"It's good that he's better, but I'm not leaving you alone."

"Careful Commander, a girl like me could take that the wrong way."

He heard more movement from behind him and couldn't resist looking over his shoulder at her. She was bent over scrubbing snow into her hair. His eyes went back to her tempting breasts. They shook with her movements, making them all that more tempting especially with perfect pink nipples hyper reacting to the cold. Then he noticed her once creamy pink skin had a tinge of blue to it and he could see her shivering. "It's cold you should get dressed." Suddenly he had a strange sense of familiarity. Not like he'd done this before, but more like he was standing with someone he'd known his entire life. It felt odd and he questioned the feeling wondering at its cause. He didn't know much about Lena Larkin, certainly not as well as she probably now knew him.

She stopped and looked up at him. "Listen pervert, I don't have the energy in me to act embarrassed or even berate you like I should. I just want to get clean then warm, in that order. So if you're going to stand there and stare at my magnificent breasts, at least wipe the drool off your chin and close your mouth."

He turned his back to her again. "I apologize."

"I don't need to be a mind reader to know you're a latent pervert." She snorted then continued more softly, "but there is no need to apologize." He heard the rustling of clothes. Ten minutes later he felt a presence next to him and he looked over to find her fully dressed and wearing the jacket he'd given her the day before. She stared at him with a strange expression on her face. A soft smile touched her lips and sparkled into her bright eyes and he knew without a doubt it was a smile that was his alone. How he knew it he couldn't say, but he wasn't one to question such a gift. Then her eyes turned down and the smile faded into a sad frown before she hiked up the bag she carried onto her shoulder and used the staff in her other hand to navigate her way through the trees. He walked up next to her and wrapped his hand around her elbow in order to help guide her. Deep inside him he had the feeling he was missing something very important that was happening between them, but couldn't for the life of him figure out what.

I almost did a complete rewrite on this story, because there has been some heated debate between me and a friend of mine. Then I ultimately decided 'yes' Erwin would be a closeted pervert and a boob man.

So the reason I can't work on my second book is because this fanfic has taken root in brain and will not let me go. I should warn you though, if I can break free of this plot bunny, it could be a while before I update. Con season starts soon and yeah. I am still debating on whether to add the con that has the American voice actor for Levi to my list. If it was J. Michael Turner it would be a hell yes, I'm going. Because he is not only Erwin, but also Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss. Oh god, is my Otakuness showing.

I left the sort of NSFW stuff in but the next time all that will be edited out.

I don't own AOT/SNK nor do I get paid for this. However, the feels from the latest chapter. :'( I'm just not sure how I am supposed to not have anxiety attacks every time a new chapter is released.