A/N: Hey hey. So, my original intent with this story was to give it all to you from Leah's POV, as this is her story. However, I changed my mind. I'm the author, so I get to do that haha. Some things just had to be told from a different perspective, and so with this chapter you get...Embry's POV! I hope you enjoy this rather long glimpse into his head. All chapters will be in Leah's POV unless otherwise noted. May even throw in some omniscient POV here and there, we will see. But for now, enjoy this look at life from the mind of MY favorite wolf boy ;) Oh, and reviews are ALWAYS appreciated.
E POV: Two Years Later
I'm not sure exactly when I fell for Leah Clearwater.
It could have been at the huge bonfire the tribe held the summer I was twelve. Pretty much everyone was there, just hanging out, eating, and having a good time. I was with Jacob and Quil, as usual, and Seth was following us around most of the night. Leah came over to talk to us at one point, and I made the mistake of pulling one of her braids after Quil made a comment about her being in need of a haircut. Most girls around that age probably would have run away crying at being teased like that, but not Leah. Quil ended up getting a good smack upside the head, and I ended up getting my ass shoved in the dirt. Leah then flicked her long braids over her shoulder and marched off while Jacob laughed his ass off at us. I looked up to see Harry Clearwater watching from a distance, and I could have sworn the old man was beaming as he watched his daughter.
It could have been less than a year later when she started dating Sam Uley. Every guy who had hit puberty knew Sam was one lucky bastard. At just fifteen, Leah was growing into one of the hottest girls on the rez, and we were all a little jealous.
It might have been almost three years later when Sam broke her heart. I couldn't help but feel awful for her when she came into school for weeks straight with her eyes red and puffy, as if she'd cried her eyes out the night before. She was broken. You could see it by the way she hid her face behind her long, silky hair and didn't talk much to anyone besides a few of her friends. Eventually she stopped coming to school with red eyes, stopped avoiding everyone, and started acting normal again…except she wasn't the same. She had changed somehow, and the difference was saddening. She had always been tough for a girl, but now there was a hardness about her. Her smiles and laughter had a bitter twist to them. I almost hated Sam Uley for that, unable to imagine how he could have ditched a girl like Leah for her cousin. It seemed pretty low to me, but that was before I knew the whole truth, before I understood…
It could have been almost a year later when Harry Clearwater passed away. His untimely death took a toll on the whole tribe, but his family was a mess. I was dealing with a lot of shit myself. Having phased somewhat recently, I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was a shifter on top of trying to hide it from my mother and deal with her anxiety about me. She would yell and cry and lecture me for what seemed like an eternity when she caught me sneaking in at all hours of the morning after hard patrols, thinking I had been out partying or getting involved with drugs and bad crowds and who the hell knows what else. Hard as that all was though, I knew it didn't compare to the pain and hardship the Clearwater family was going through. Seth was a wreck, but he stood strong by Sue's side during the funeral. And Leah…Leah was almost frightening. Her face, her eyes, everything about her seemed dead. She stood silently, her face a stony, emotionless mask. I had the crazy urge to take her by the arms and shake her, tell her it was ok to cry, as I watched from my place in the crowd beside my mother. It wasn't long though before I found out, through the connection of our minds when she joined the pack, that she did cry. At night, alone in her bed where no one could see her or hear her pain, she would sob and hug her pillow tightly to her chest, crying for her father. Crying out for help. It was one of those things you wished you'd never seen in a pack mate's mind.
It might have been just weeks later when Leah first phased and joined the pack. What a nightmare that was. We were out in full force on our patrols, making sure that red-headed bloodsucker stayed away from our land and from Forks too. All of the sudden there was a new feeling, that weird shimmer that you feel in your mind when someone phases. It was followed directly by an agonized mental shrieking accompanied by a vision of Sue Clearwater's horrified face. For a moment we all thought it was Seth, as Sam had mentioned he was keeping an eye on the kid, knowing it was a possibility he could end up joining the pack too. The new mind finally recognized our presence, and a confused howling and whimpering ensued. We were all thrown for a loop when we saw Sue through the new wolf's mind swearing and mumbling, "Leah, oh my God, my baby," as she ran for the phone and quickly called Billy Black. LEAH? Everyone went a little crazy for a moment, enough thoughts and emotions bouncing back and forth among us to cause a headache. Sam quickly took control of the situation, gently using the Alpha command to get Leah out of the house and into the woods. Surprisingly enough she obeyed without even second-guessing it, but her confusion and terror were tangible. Sam ordered us all to keep to our patrols and try to keep our minds quiet while he went to deal with Leah, but of course we were all listening, watching. I cringed when I saw her in Sam's mind as he found her and approached her. She was crouched, her back hunched and hackles raised, claws digging into the ground as if to anchor herself there, her ears laid back and teeth bared, low growls coming from her throat. Sam was calm and gentle with her, explaining what had happened the best he could, because even he was as confused as hell. Females weren't supposed to phase. Females never had before. While Leah eventually calmed down and got a grip, she was still a wreck. Her mind gradually began running over what had happened right before she phased. She'd been sitting in the kitchen with Sue, pushing her lunch around her plate, complaining about not feeling well, when the phone rang. Sue picked it up and started talking with one of her friends from the rez, eventually breaking down into tears over the subject of Harry. Leah had been holding everything in when she wasn't alone, but seeing her mother in tears this time, she just exploded. Jumped out of her chair as soon as Sue hung up the phone, angry tears streaming down her face as she took a book off the counter and threw it at the wall, screaming "Why?" over and over again, until she literally exploded right out of her skin. It was painful to watch. I had to bury the urge I had to comfort her, direct my thoughts away from the desire to somehow take her pain away. I had quickly become skilled at hiding my thoughts, but I didn't know if anyone had caught that. It probably didn't matter though. Everyone felt bad for Leah in some way or another…but not for very long.
I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't after Leah had been in the pack for a little while, adjusting to things and letting the full force of her anger, jealousy, and bitterness show. I'd felt really bad for her not even a week later when Seth phased, his grief causing the transformation as well. She was a mess all over again as her little brother's life was forever changed, but we all knew that some part of her was glad to have Seth with her. The day we went as a pack with both of them to get their tattoos done was the last day for awhile that I felt sorry for her. Leah looked miserable, but she showed no sign pain as her tattoo was being done. The only time she flinched was in reaction to Seth flinching as he got his done right beside her. It was also pretty sad to see her absentmindedly reach her fingertips up to run them through her hair, a little bit of shock registering each time they reached the short ends. Maybe it was vanity, but I couldn't blame her for mourning the loss of her long, beautiful black hair. I wished I could blame her for the nasty behavior she started exhibiting not long after that, especially when it was directed at me. Her constant harping on the unknown identity of my father not only grated on my nerves but also just plain fucking hurt. I'd never done anything to her to deserve that. Hell, I was probably nicer to her than any of the other guys in the pack. They'd all lost patience with her pretty fast and started treating her like the bitch she was being. I could never bring myself to treat her like that though, even when I was the one she was cutting up with her malicious thoughts. When it got to be too much Sam would order her to drop it. She stopped because she had to, but she never failed to retort with something underhanded and taunting. I never replied to her harping about my father in kind though. The most I ever did was just ask her to stop, which she rarely listened to. It would have been so easy to shut her up with some kind of cruel comment about her own life, but I just couldn't do that. I knew she didn't have anything against me personally. She was just looking for a distraction from her pain, a way to distract herself and everyone else from her thoughts about her father and even more so about Sam and Emily. I was just an easy target.
I suppose it actually could have been a few moments during those early days in the pack. Moments where we caught Leah's mind running over her situation in a frenzy, trying to figure out what she had done or what was wrong with her to make her the freak, the only female wolf. Moments where she worried over the fact that she was no longer getting her period, trying to hide her fears that she was sterile. She knew she couldn't be pregnant, as it had been over a year since Sam left her. When she came to the conclusion that she was sterile because Sam would have imprinted on her rather than Emily, who wasn't even Quileute, if she were able to pass on the shifter gene, everyone had to suffer the pain that tore through her. It wasn't just her pain, either. I actually started to feel a little sorry for Sam, too. Being in her mind was like torture for him.
It quite easily could have been that night in Seattle. What a night. The whole thing seemed sort of crazy and surreal, looking back at it. A harmless trip to a club turning into the hunt and slaughter of a leech in a dark, abandoned alley in the city. Leah pulling me to the dance floor with her, turning me on with her kisses and touches and her ass grinding into my lap. "Work" or not, it was fucking hot. Then there was later in the night, when I'd pissed her off with my comments about Sam. I knew I'd hit a nerve, and honestly I was a little surprised at myself for being bold enough to say the things to her that I did. I could handle her wrath though, and it didn't stop me from holding her in my arms a moment or two longer than necessary when I picked her up out of that damned chair and put her on the bed after she fell asleep. Probably wasn't smart of me, for the sake of my own sanity, to tuck her in and brush away the few strands of hair that had fallen in her face before settling into the chair for an uncomfortable night's sleep. That night became the subject of my dreams for months afterwards. It took every ounce of control I had to keep anything and everything about it out of my head while patrolling.
If I were forced to pinpoint a moment though, I would probably say it was the moment I saw her walking down the aisle…at Sam and Emily's wedding. She was stunningly beautiful. The soft curls and light makeup she wore gave her a gentle appearance I hadn't seen on her since before her transformation, and the bridesmaid dress perfectly accentuated her womanly curves and the color of her skin. Granted, every other bridesmaid was pretty, too, and the bride herself was absolutely radiant. Somehow, on this day, Emily's scars seemed to add to her glowing beauty rather than detract from it. All of that taken into consideration, though, it was Leah Clearwater I could barely manage to keep my eyes off of. In addition to looking more beautiful than I'd seen her look in years, there was something about the calm composure of her expression that held my attention. I wondered if it was genuine. She had a proud lift to her chin and she stared straight ahead the entire time. I never once saw her look in Sam's direction, let alone directly at him. If this was as hard for her as anyone would imagine it to be, I wondered why the hell she would have put herself through such an ordeal by agreeing to be a bridesmaid. Why would she torture herself like that? I didn't find out until later in the evening.
The reception was held at the tribal meeting hall. The place was big enough to accommodate all of the guests comfortably and had been decorated simply and tastefully with all of Emily's favorite flowers. In addition to an almost ridiculous amount of food, there was also a seemingly endless supply of booze. I was a little surprised by that, as neither Sam nor Emily were much for drinking. Plenty of people on the rez were though, so I supposed it was for their benefit…until I counted the tenth bottle that Leah tossed in the trash. Overboard as it may seem, I couldn't help but start to wonder if they'd really done it for her. I guess it wasn't really fair or reasonable to expect her to get through the day without it. She'd been drinking somewhat heavily even at Jared and Kim's wedding two years back. I watched Leah for a little while longer, grimacing with each new bottle she opened and glass she tipped back. If she was trying to get herself drunk, she was on the right path.
The night was full of laughter and high spirits, the women not failing to blubber and shed happy tears all over each other. Sam must have gotten slapped on the back by every man on the rez, and I lost count of how many times I heard him get congratulated for "finally tying the knot." The phrase "made for each other" kept getting thrown around in excess too. Every one of us guys took a few turns each dancing with the bride. We all loved Emily dearly and were glad to see the mother figure of our packs so radiantly happy. She'd done a lot of the cooking for her own reception dinner herself, so of course the food was delicious. There was music playing almost constantly, an odd but somehow fitting mixture of romantic songs, traditional tribal compositions, and of course the prerequisite party songs that everyone could dance to. In an atmosphere like that, it would have been easy for anyone to forget all about Leah as she sat at a table towards the back of the room, downing drink after drink, alone except for the occasional visit from Sue, Seth, and Jacob just to check on her. Easy for anyone except for me, that is. I wondered if it was obvious to anyone that I was having a hard time keeping my eyes from the back corner of the room. After about two hours of driving myself nuts by trying to avoid her, I finally gave in with a sigh, picking up a beer on my way over to her table.
Leah barely glanced at me as I sat down next to her and leaned back in the chair, cracking open my beer. I watched her long lashes brush against her high cheekbones as she closed her eyes, tilting back her head to take a drink. "Pretty sure there's a ping pong table in storage somewhere around here, if you wanna have some fun while you're at that," I teased lightly, tipping my chair back and balancing it on two legs. Fortunately, my sharp eyes caught the movement of her leg before she could hook her high heel-clad foot around one leg of the chair and pull. I lurched forward, letting the chair drop onto all four legs again, shaking my head as I laughed at her. "Aw come on, Lee. That wouldn't have been very nice."
"No, but it would have been damn funny," she snorted, setting her empty glass down on the table in front of her as her eyes traveled towards the coolers again.
"Your liver is your friend, you know. Might wanna take it easy there," I said as I watched her, noticing a slight slur to her speech. She had to have been at least buzzed at that point, if not a little tipsy. Leah just stared down at her empty glass, pushing it back and forth from hand to hand on the table. "Hey…," I nudged her with my elbow, turning towards her slightly, "You ok?"
Leah continued her silent stare for a few more long moments, startling me a little as she murmured suddenly, "You ever envy them, Emb?"
"Envy who?" I asked quietly and cautiously, glancing around the room before returning my gaze to her face more even more intently.
"Them. All of them," she said softly with a flippant wave of her hand. "The ones who, you know, have somebody? Like, do you ever wish you had an imprint too?"
I lifted my brows in surprise. Leah asking me personal questions as if she actually cared? Yea, she was definitely feeling the effects of all the alcohol she'd poured down her throat.
I was quiet for a minute, taking a sip of my beer as I contemplated how to answer. "Well," I began slowly, "yes and no. Yes, sometimes I envy the ones who have somebody because, well, doesn't everybody at some point?" I shrugged. "But no, I don't envy them for having imprints…I don't wish I had one."
"Why?" she challenged, finally tilting her head to the side to look at me.
"Because. It's just…not for me. I want to have a choice," I answered, lifting a brow at her. "Well what about you? Do you wish you had an imprint?" I winced a little as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Perfect timing for something that's a sore subject to begin with. Nice going, Call. I reasoned with myself that it was alright though, considering she was the one who brought it up.
Leah returned her gaze to her glass, staring at it thoughtfully as she slowly responded, "No…no, I don't. At one point I thought I would have welcomed it…when I saw the way Jacob changed when he imprinted. Much as that hurt, since I'd thought he was the one person I could count on to…well, basically be miserable right along with me…I don't know, just something about how easy it was, how everything else from the past was just erased…it made me think I might want to, or would at least be ok with it. Easy escape from the pain, you know?" She shook her head a little before lifting the glass to her lips, tilting her head back to pour the last tiny drop down her throat. "But the more I thought about it…just…no. I want a choice too, and I don't want any easy outs. Some of us just have to make our own way…" she trailed off, lifting her eyes to the middle of the room where couples were slow dancing.
I followed the direction of her gaze, cringing internally when I realized she was staring directly at Sam and Emily as they slowly spun in each other's arms. She didn't seem to care if anyone noticed or not. But then, she had just been rambling moments before, spilling her guts to me about her thoughts on imprinting. I fleetingly wondered what she would be acting like if she got herself really smashed. I'd never seen her drunk, but I'd be willing to bet it would be quite a sight.
I slowly looked back and forth between Leah sitting next to me and Sam and Emily dancing in the middle of the room, seemingly aware of no one but each other. Eventually Emily laid her head on Sam's shoulder as they moved, closing her eyes as he removed one hand from the small of her back and brought it up to stroke her hair. Sam rested his cheek against Emily's head, and I saw his eyes lock with Leah's. I couldn't even begin to imagine and probably wouldn't even want to know what he was thinking and feeling at that moment. Leah's eyes never flickered, never wavered, and there was an expression on her face that puzzled me. Her eyes squinted a little, and I could have sworn I saw one corner of her lips pull upwards right before she rose to her feet, setting her glass down.
"Leah?" I questioned, reaching out a hand to steady her when I noticed her sway a little, her gracefully perfect balance doubtless being thrown off by high heels and alcohol. I glanced at her chest, the rise and fall of the upper swells of her breasts visible in her bridesmaid dress catching my attention as she inhaled and exhaled deeply, pushing her chair back. "Where are you going?" I asked, returning my gaze to her face.
She stared down at me for a moment before responding, "There's more than one way to erase the past. Screw imprinting, I'll just do it the normal way."
"What are you talking about?" I questioned as I rose slowly beside her, her words and the expression on her face worrying me.
"Hey, come on, Call," she said as she grabbed my arm and tugged a little, "I need your help with something." She let go of my arm and turned away, heading for the nearest door. I followed, naturally, and I wondered if she'd known I would follow without further question.
If anyone noticed us slipping out of the small building together, they didn't make it obvious. I followed a pace or two behind Leah as she headed down the sidewalk and stepped out onto the gravel of the parking lot, eventually stopping to take off her heels. I offered to help as she bent down and fumbled with the straps, but, true to form, she pushed me away and declared that she didn't need help. I fell into step beside her, wondering where we were going as she marched off, high heels in hand. The gravel didn't seem to bother her, but that wasn't surprising considering how often we all ran around in the woods barefoot. Eventually we made it to the dirt road and I guess by the direction we turned that we were headed for her place.
I was right. Within minutes the Clearwater house appeared in the distance, and Leah picked up her pace. The determination in her step and in the set of her jaw had me curious, but I was patient. I was always patient. Completely the opposite of Leah, who was like a little tornado, especially when she got worked up over something. Tornado…now that's a perfect way to describe her…right down to the way she can be completely calm before fucking blowing up into a storm.
I wondered if this was some kind of "calm before the storm" as Leah walked into her house, leaving the door open for me to follow in behind her, and headed straight to her room. I glanced around the familiar living room before following after her. It had been a good couple of months since we'd all been at the Clearwaters' place to have dinner or just to hang out, but nothing had changed. The house looked exactly the same as it did when Harry was still alive.
I found Leah dragging a rickety desk chair over to her closet as I sauntered in and leaned against the door frame. "Want help with that?" I asked as I watched her step up onto it and begin fishing around on the top shelf of her closet. I couldn't help but stare at her long, toned legs as she pushed up on her tip toes, causing the muscles of her calves to flex. What the hell? I'd caught glimpses of Leah naked before, and here I was just gawking at her exposed legs like a fool.
"Hmm, what?" Leah asked, turning around to glance at me as if she'd forgotten I was there. Who was I kidding, she probably had. "Oh uh…no," she continued, steadying herself as she almost lost her balance on the chair. "Go out back and get some wood. There's a stack by the shed."
Lifting a brow, silently betting on hearing a crash as soon as I left the house, I did as she asked. Asked? Ha. Commanded is more like it. I really would have liked to know what the hell Jake was thinking when he put Leah in the highest pack rank next to himself. He'd given an already bossy woman a serious complex. Granted, she was a good Beta, but she took the whole thing way too seriously. As if you don't actually like it…
Shaking my head, I stacked a few logs in my arms and turned to go back to the house, only to find Leah standing right there with a big shoe box tucked under her arm. Her wolf stealth was obviously still fully functioning as she hadn't made any noise, but I wondered as I looked down at her and inhaled how I could have missed her scent as she joined me outside. She smelled wonderful, and it was almost impossible to describe. Something completely natural and feminine mixed with the musky odor of the outdoors we all shared. Today though there was something extra, something light and floral that, combined with her natural scent, made me want to bury my nose in her hair, trail it along her hot skin, take in every nuance of her scent. What the fuck? Get a grip, man.
"Oh shit, I forgot something," Leah said, blinking up at me before dropping the box and running back inside the house. She returned a minute later with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a lighter in the other.
"Seriously, Lee?" I asked, raising my brows at the bottle in her hand. Although I had figured out by now that she wanted to make a fire, I was pretty sure she wasn't going to use that bottle of Jack for fuel.
"Either shut up and follow me, Emb, or go back to the wedding," she spat with a glare at me as she picked up the box and headed off onto a trail through the woods behind her house. Of course I followed.
After a few minutes the trail got a little rockier and the trees more sparse, and I could smell the ocean much more strongly. We turned onto another narrow trail that led us right along the edge of the forest by the cliffs until we reached the one big, open ledge that had a fire pit. When I had dumped the firewood into the pit and arranged it properly, Leah opened her bottle and actually did pour a little over the damp wood before taking the lighter to it. The alcohol caught ablaze instantly, and Leah bent down to open the shoe box, tossing the cardboard lid onto the fire. I crouched down beside her as she started picking up stacks of papers out of the open box, grimacing as I caught some of the words. Words like love and someday and forever. I didn't even have to see the Dear Lee-lee or the Love, Sam written at the top and bottom of each paper to know exactly what these letters were.
"Wow," I said, clearing my throat a little awkwardly as Leah began shifting through the letters in her hands. "Never would have taken Sam for the letter-writing type."
Leah snorted softly without looking up at me. "Yea, believe it or not, he was. It was easier for him than talking straight to my face about a lot of really personal things," she answered with a shrug, lifting her hand suddenly and tossing the papers straight into the fire. I glanced back and forth between her calm face and the papers going up in flames, momentarily strengthening the fire.
"You uh…you alright with me being here?" I asked with a lifted brow as Leah continued to pick up letter after letter, glancing over them before adding them to the fire.
"I asked you to come help me, didn't I?" she retorted, finally looking at me as she reached for the Jack Daniel's, opening it again and taking a long drink.
I nodded slowly. "Mhm, you did, but you're also a bit under the influence." Leah just rolled her eyes in response to that, taking another drink before offering the bottle to me and picking up a letter in an envelope, squinting at it slightly.
I took the bottle she offered and took a slow drink, watching as she slowly opened the envelope and scanned the letter inside, growing confliction evident on her face as she glanced towards the fire. "Something wrong?" I asked cautiously, waiting for her to lose it at any given moment.
"Noo," she said slowly, grabbing the bottle back from me and taking another long swig, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand before continuing, "It's just…this letter isn't mine. I mean, it isn't to me." She shook her head a little, blinking rapidly and taking another drink. "It's a letter from Sam's dad that Sam passed on to me. Wanted me to read it so I would understand some things about him better. He told me to keep it, didn't want it back. I'm not sure what I should do with this…" she trailed off, looking at the fire uncertainly.
"Give it back to Sam," I interjected quickly, reaching my hand out for the letter. Something about it just instantly gave me an odd feeling, like it was something I myself might want…might need to read. It actually made me feel a little sick.
"No. Sam didn't want it. I don't want it either," she said, carelessly tossing it into the flames with the rest. I stared at the letter as it caught fire, gradually blackening and crumbling away into ashes.
I didn't want to stop and think about why that might be bugging me so much, so instead I focused on Leah. I watched the way the faint reddish rays from the setting sun peaking through the clouds mixed with the light of the fire and caused her copper skin to glow. I watched the flames dance in her determined black eyes as she threw letter after letter into the fire. I caught the glistening of her short black hair as she tossed it away from her face each time she tipped her head back to take a drink. Shit, she's beautiful.
"Why did you do it?" I asked her softly, my eyes locking with hers as she turned to me in surprise. "Be a bridesmaid, I mean. You didn't have to do that for Emily. I'm sure she would have understood. Nobody would have blamed you."
Leah slowly turned back to the fire, blinking a few times as if to clear her head before responding. "I know I didn't have to. Fuck, nobody coulda forced me to do it if I didn't want to. But…I did want to. For myself. It was like…my way of saying that I'm over it. Above it. That I'm stronger than it all. Make sense?" she asked with a quirked brow, sitting back on the rocks and stretching her legs out in front of her as she threw the last of the letters into the fire and then the whole shoe box on top, dusting off her hands.
I tilted my head as I gazed at her, a smile pulling up one corner of my lips. "Yea, it does…kind of like…flipping off fate and the world and, well, anyone who didn't think you could do it?" I laughed a little, sitting back next to her, bending my knees and resting my elbows on them, turning my gaze to the fire.
"Exaaaactly like that!" she nodded enthusiastically, lifting her bottle into the air with one hand and her middle finger with the other. "FUCK YOU, universe!" she yelled loudly, erupting into laughter before tipping back the bottle and draining it of its contents.
My smile widened as I watched her, and I suddenly found myself wishing that she could be like this without the aid of booze. Carefree. I wanted her laughter to be genuine. I want to be the one who makes her feel carefree, who makes her laugh simply out of real happiness.
"Woah, easy!" I cautioned, reaching to put a hand behind her back as she almost tipped over backwards. She laughed and surprised me by catching herself and flopping into my side as I reached behind her. I instinctively curled an arm around her and took the empty bottle out of her hands with my free hand, setting it aside. And as if she hadn't surprised me enough for one night, Leah snuggled herself into my side, resting her head on my shoulder as she calmed down and watched the fire.
"Lee?" I questioned as I rested my head on top of hers. She mumbled some sort of noise from her throat that I took as a response and continued. "When…if you remember this tomorrow and want to kick my ass, try to also remember that you asked me to come here with you and that you threw yourself at me, ok?" I chuckled, giving her a squeeze with the arm I had wrapped around her.
"Ohhh shut up, Emb," she mumbled with a yawn, rubbing at her now-bloodshot eyes.
"Whatever you say, Lee-lee," I responded with a laugh, stiffening as soon as I realized what I'd just called her. I looked down quickly, trying to see her face as I felt her stiffen too. "Shit," I muttered softly, "Sorry, Leah, I didn't mean to…I don't know where that came from…" I trailed off, cringing internally. Why the hell did I just call her that? Fuck. No one had dared use Sam's old nickname for her since the day she almost bit Jared's head off for it. I hadn't even been there for it, Sam's attempt at keeping me tied to him and his pack, but seeing the incident replayed in Jared's mind later that day had been enough warning for everyone. Even Sam realized his mistake in having Jared use a manipulative tactic like that to bring Leah and Seth back to his pack. It had backfired right in his face, serving to drive Leah further away. Aaand there goes any connection you just made with her. Way to go.
"No," Leah said softly, pushing herself upright and looking at me with narrowed eyes. She didn't look angry though. I watched in confusion as her face scrunched up for a moment and then smoothed out, that calm, determined look settling into place again. "It's…ok, Emb. Yea, it's ok," she said slowly, punctuating each "ok" with a firm nod. "I always really loved that nickname, and I still do. Sam can't…I won't let Sam take that from me anymore. So…" she trailed off a bit, turning her gaze to the fire and chewing her lower lip for a moment before going on. "So from now on, Lee-lee is ok. You can call me that. Anybody can call me that. Except...well, I'll change it, just a little." She blinked rapidly and sat up completely straight, turning to look at me again. "We spelled it L-E-E dash L-E-E…so I'll just drop the baggage," she smirked slightly, nodding. "Yup, drop the baggage. Who needs the extra e's? From now on it's just L-E-L-E. How's that sound?"
I grinned widely at her, unable to help myself. Her rambling was fucking adorable, and I was proud of her for coming to that conclusion, no matter how drunk she might have been. "It sounds perfect…Lele," I responded, watching an answering smile spread over her face. "Hey, Lele" I said, glancing at the fire as it died down and then to the darkening sky. "We really ought to be getting back to the wedding."
Leah nodded slowly, wobbling as she tried to stand up. "Okaaaay Emby," she snorted with laughter, finally getting herself upright and stumbling slightly as she took a step towards the fire, kicking ashes over the remains of it. "You need a new nickname too then, Embyyyy!" she laughed again, bending over and picking up the half-full bucket of water that rested by the fire pit.
"Let me get that before you spill it," I said, grabbing the bucket from her. "And uh, no thanks. I don't need a new nickname, especially not Emby," I said with mock disgust as I tossed the water over the fire.
Leah giggled, plunking down on a log when she couldn't keep her balance. "No Emby? Okaaay then…hoooow about...'Bry, or...Ember?" she asked with a laugh as she pointed at the glowing embers that were the only remains from the fire.
"That's what my name means, genius," I rolled my eyes at her, hiding the smile on my face as I turned around and covered the rest of the embers with dirt and ash.
She scrunched up her nose. "It does?" she asked with a tilt of her head. So fucking cute.
"Yes, Lele, it does," I said, feigning exasperation. "Well, basically. 'Smoldering fire' is actually more accurate. You know this, or at least would be able to figure it out on your own if you weren't drunk."
"Oh," she responded. "Smoldering fire, huh?" she burst out laughing at that, almost falling off the log. "It's like…lava!" she giggled, rolling the word off her tongue.
I shook my head and laughed. "That shit is really hitting you now, isn't it? Am I gonna have to carry you back?" I asked, only half joking.
"No!" she yelled, jumping up off the log. "I'm a big girl, I can walk," she said as she took a few steps, trying to find her balance.
After tripping over her own feet several times, Leah finally consented to hold onto my arm while we walked back. She was so fucked up, but she was smiling and laughing, so I couldn't really look at it as a bad thing. When we finally made it back, people were already starting to make their way out of the meeting hall, and I didn't fail to catch the funny looks some of them threw us. Sue and Seth walked out of the building together right as we reached the steps.
"Leah? Where on earth were you?" Sue asked, her brow wrinkling in concern as she approached her daughter and laid a hand on her arm.
Leah flashed Sue an endearing smile as she put an arm around her. "Nowhere really, Mom. I just made a campfire," she answered with a laugh that turned into a hiccup.
"Woah, sis, you're smashed!" a wide-eyed Seth commented. "Dude, what the hell?" he asked, turning on me with narrowed eyes.
I lifted my hands defensively in front of me. "Hey, I had nothing to do with it. I tried to get her to stop. She just wanted my help making a fire out on the cliffs."
"Stop talking about me like I'm not right here!" Leah protested, smacking my arm and rolling her eyes at Seth. "I'm not that smashed."
"Alright, alright," Sue cut in, giving Leah and Seth both that "mother" look. "Let's get you home, sweetheart," she said as she grasped Leah firmly around the waist. "Embry?" she questioned, turning to me. "Thank you for taking care of Leah," she said with a warm smile as I tore my gaze from Leah's face to hers.
"No problem," I answered with a nonchalant shrug. "Just looking out for our second-in-command," I smiled back at Sue, noting the way she was observing me with a slightly lifted brow and a look in her eye that made me think she wasn't fooled by my casual attitude.
All three Clearwaters bid me goodnight and walked off towards their car. I stayed out on the porch, leaning against the railing as I watched them go. After they were gone, I dragged a hand down my face and went back inside to look for my mom. What the hell just happened?
I went home that night with my mind replaying everything like a broken record. I couldn't stop thinking about Leah, and I didn't know what to expect from her after all of that. I should have been able to guess, though. The next day Jake invited us all over for dinner since Billy was grilling and Sam's pack had taken over patrols for the whole day while he and Emily left for their honeymoon. Apparently Leah had slept til late afternoon and was still nursing a hangover at dinnertime. She was in a foul mood and barely said a word directly to me the whole night. I was stupid to think that anything would have been different between us. She acted just the same as she always had. Nothing had changed. For her, anyway. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. My attention was riveted on her when she was around, and my thoughts started revolving around her when she wasn't.
A few days later, I approached Jake while he was working on one of his old cars and asked him to take me off of patrols with Leah until further notice. I usually didn't patrol with her more than once a week anyway and had comparatively good control over my thoughts, but I just couldn't hide it. And I did not want her knowing. She could be vicious for absolutely no reason, so I didn't even want to imagine what a rejection from her would be like.
I didn't explain to Jake why I didn't want to patrol with Leah anymore, and he didn't ask. He was my best friend. He didn't have to. He just shook his head a little, finally commenting that it was alright. Apparently he and Sam had been talking and they had jointly decided that double patrols were no longer necessary, that at least one wolf on patrol at all times would do. There had been no vampire incidents since the night in Seattle, and no threatening vampires had been in the area since the incident after Nessie's birth. Some friends of the Cullens would visit here and there, but we were always given advanced warning of their presence, and the ones who were not "vegetarian" knew better than to hunt with hundreds of miles of La Push and Forks. Jake concluded that I could patrol with Quil if double patrols became necessary again, and Leah could patrol with Seth. I slapped Jake on the back and thanked him, preparing to head home, before he stopped me with a hand on my arm.
"Dude…" he started, seeming to be trying to find the rights words. "You're asking for a helluva lot of trouble, you know," he finally commented, giving me a knowing, worried look.
I shrugged his hand off, backing out of his garage. "No I'm not, bro," I said slowly with a shake of my head. "I'm trying to avoid it."
Avoid it I did, but to no avail. In fact, everything inside just got worse the more I tried to avoid trouble, avoid her. Patrol or no patrol, there was really no escaping having to be around her on a regular basis, even though she started distancing herself from me in response to me distancing myself from her. And the further away she got, the worse I wanted her.
I had fallen in love with Leah Clearwater. Fuck. My. Life.