SLEEP TIGHT
LOS ANGELES
6:48Pm
Gravel crunches under my tires as I pull into my driveway. I turn the car off and pull the key out of the ignition. We look at each other again and smile briefly before getting out. I head for the trunk and pull her luggage out carefully. She waits patiently as I unlock the door and lead her in, placing her luggage in the living room. I watch her take off her brown cowboy boots and look around curiously.
"Your place is beautiful," she says, walking slowly past the couch, running her fingertips along the black leather. I smile. It's essentially just a one floor condo with five steps leading up to the bathroom and bedroom, but I think I've done a decent job of making it home.
"Make yourself comfortable. Did you want something to drink?" I take my shoes off and head toward the kitchen. She's looking at pictures I have propped on my mantle over the fireplace. Pictures I've taken on numerous expeditions around the world.
"Tea please," she replies as she continues her exploration up toward my bedroom and bathroom. I pour water into the kettle and place it on the stove in one fluid motion. I exhale deeply. After seven years of drifting apart I'm making tea for Madison Atwood as she settles in for a night in my house. I almost laugh aloud at how unlikely the situation seems, yet, here I am, right in the middle of it. I couldn't be happier. She appears in my doorway with tired eyes and a warm smile.
"You look tired Maddie, you're taking my bedroom tonight," I say as I pull two mugs out of the cupboard. She immediately shakes her head.
"No way, I'm sleeping on the couch. That's more than good enough," she replies, motioning toward my couch. I reach for the tea bags.
"Like I'd make you sleep on my couch after a 14 hour flight." She yawns wholeheartedly and leans against the doorframe; too tired to protest any further.
"Thank you, Josh." A sharp whistle pierces the air and I quickly shut the stove off. I grab a blue cloth off the counter and pick the kettle up by the handle, carefully pouring the boiling water into both mugs.
"I hope you like Tetley, it's all I have," I say as I bob the tea bag gently up and down in each of the mugs.
"Tetley is perfect," she replies, joining me at the counter. I reach for the honey and our eyes lock as I hand her the jar. She smiles before looking away. I watch as she takes a cautious sip of her tea and her eyes close gently, as though it has hit the spot.
"Let's watch a movie," she suggests, turning to me excitedly. I grab my purple mug off the counter and head toward the living room. I want nothing more than to do just that.
"Sure. You're not too tired?"
"I think I can hack it," she replies as we venture toward the couch across from the T.V. I motion toward my movie collection to the left of the screen.
"Pick any one you want." I watch her skim each title, dismissing them quickly as if looking for a particular one. Her eyes light up suddenly.
"Yes! I knew you had it." She pulls it out and heads for my DVD player, placing it gently in the tray. I try to get a glimpse of the cover but I think I already know which one it is.
"Which one is it?" I ask as she heads back toward the couch.
"Only the best movie of all time." She holds the case out in front of me, beaming. I chuckle. Just as I had suspected: Jurassic Park. Her fascination with that movie still amazes me. Even though she knows the chances of something like Jurassic Park ever happening are zero, she hangs on to the notion with every fiber of her being. I think it's the cutest thing. She settles into my couch carefully and takes another sip of her tea before placing it back on the coffee table. I'm leaning against the left armrest, trying to get into a comfortable position when she slowly leans into me. I stop breathing as she snakes my arm around her, resting her head on my chest, sighing. I stare, stiff and wide eyed, at the main menu playing on the television screen. I can already feel her body heat through our clothes. The remote is a foot away from my right hand, on another small table bearing a reading lamp. I reach for it slowly and carefully, trying not to disturb the position I'm in. I finally reach it and shakily press the play button.
"You okay Josh? Your heart is beating a mile a minute." She lifts her head and looks up at me worriedly. I'm caught off guard by the question and search for something to say.
"Oh, uh yea –" I chuckle uneasily, "I just get excited when I watch Jurassic Park." I wince at how pathetic that sounds. She must be extremely tired because she accepts this with a smile and turns back to watch the opening credits. I take a few deep breaths and try not to think about how close together our bodies are. A few minutes pass and we're both silent, watching as Dr. Alan Grant gives a terrifying lecture on the hunting techniques of a Velociraptor to a skeptic 10 year old.
"I missed this." She sounds tired and wistful.
"Me too, I haven't watched this movie in a really long time. I almost forgot I had it." She shifts slightly but doesn't turn.
"No, I mean, being with you." My eyes widen and any words I might have thought to say are stuck in my throat, I swallow them down hard. A moment passes and she lifts her head to look up at me. She takes my silence as a chance to explain herself further.
"Sleeping over at your apartment; watching movies on your futon; staying up all night talking about dreams, making plans." I can see the sleep in her eyes and hear it in her voice, but there's something else there too; a weary longing for a time that has long passed. I smile gently. She sits up and slowly reaches for her mug, taking a long sip. The parts of me she was laying on get cold instantly and I want to pull her back into me.
"I missed it too." My throat feels dry and I reach for my own mug of tea. She takes another sip of her tea and looks at me.
"We had so much fun together," she says, smiling at me over the rim of her mug.
"I know." We're looking at each other but I know our thoughts are somewhere else, clutching at a past half forgotten. Her eyes drop to her mug briefly before she looks back to me. I can almost hear the seriousness of her tone before she speaks.
"Why did we stop being friends?" She rests the cup back on the coffee table. I exhale deeply. I want to ask her the same question but I can tell she's longing for my response, as though the answer to her question will make up for the years that we've lost.
"You moved to Australia, Maddie." I can hear it in my tone: the hint of blame. She hears it too.
"Why didn't you stop me?" Her eyes beg me for an honest answer and it takes everything I have to stop myself from imploding. My expression is one of thoughtful remorse. I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out. I swallow hard and try again.
"I- I didn't know you wanted me to." My voice is a hushed whisper.
"I did." She's looking at me through those bright blue eyes and all I want to do is find a functioning flux capacitor, procure the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of electricity and travel back in time to that dreaded August afternoon. I feel like such a fool. If only I had known how easy it was to make her stay, all I had to do was say the word. Well, maybe it wouldn't have been that easy, but I could have tried. The feel of her hand on my bicep halts my train of thought abruptly, causing all thoughts on board to crash into each other. I lose all of them in the wreckage. She speaks to me softly and with a diminutive smile.
"Do you know why I agreed to do this with you?" She retracts her hand and my entire arm tingles. I hadn't really had a chance to think about it between the elation and picking her up at the airport. I answer with silence.
"We were studying for our archeology finals in your bedroom, we had The Kinks playing in the background, do you remember that?" She asks. I do, clear as day. She was wearing a plain white T-shirt and short black denim shorts. I remember because every once in a while when she'd crawl along my bed toward my boom box and reach over to change the song, I'd catch a quick and alluring glimpse of her red lace panties. I'd be grinning foolishly as she turned back, and when she'd ask what I was smiling about I'd just shrug and plant my nose back into my textbook. I tried to remember conversations or snippets of dialogue but my mind couldn't retrieve any. Again she takes my silence as a cue to continue.
"We talked about never getting real jobs and just traveling the world, conducting our own digs and investigations; about how amazing it would be." My jaw drops in sudden recollection.
"Then I said you'd never make it out there in the wilderness and you punched me," I finish the rest of the memory with a chuckle as she smiles at me.
"I think this is a good idea. It's exactly what we wanted. Even better, we're looking for monsters." Her eyes light up as she verbalizes the last word. I smile. She yawns, leaning into me again and I carefully drape my arm around her. We both shift into a comfortable position and there's a moment of silence as John Hammond and Dr. Ian Malcolm bicker about abusing the power of creation. She speaks softly.
"I don't want to lose you again Josh, you're the best friend I've ever had." I swallow a knot in my throat as my heart recovers from the blow. I try to gleam with pride at the thought of how important I am to her but there is something in the way she says the word friend; so definitive, so conclusive. As if friend is the end of the line. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach and I watch the rest of the movie in dejected silence.
I wake slowly and my heart skips a beat as I remember where I am. I rub the sleep out of my eyes with my knuckles and blink a few times to clear my vision. Madison's head is resting lightly on my lap, her chest rising and falling slowly with every breath. She looks so peaceful in her sleep and I wonder where she goes when her eyes close, and whether she would take me with her if she could. I glance at my watch: it's 12:30 A.M, I must have nodded off sometime after the lawyer makes the mistake of running off into the bathroom and gets eaten with his pants around his ankles. I shift my weight carefully and snake out from beneath her. I pause to make sure the movement hasn't disturbed her before lifting her gently into my arms. She stirs briefly but doesn't wake. She seems so small in my arms, so precious; so delicate. I reach my bedroom door and bring her in, placing her in the middle of the bed as gently as I can. I pull the covers over her. Moonlight streams through the blinds and dances across her face. I reach down and brush a tress of hair behind her ear, lingering at her earlobe. She's so soft. I take a deep breath and adjust the blanket.
"Goodnight, Maddie." I turn to leave with a dull sadness humming in my chest. Her voice, faint and misty, calls through the black silence.
"Josh?" I stop cold in my tracks and turn back.
"Yes?" She stirs, turning to face me.
"Can you stay here with me tonight?" I'm scared, walking slowly and cautiously back toward the bed. I swallow.
"Of course," I whisper, climbing onto the bed over the covers. I lie beside her and she turns to me with closed eyes.
"Thank you." She smiles and within seconds she's fast asleep again. I stare at my ceiling through the darkness as thoughts fill my mind. I try to imagine which would hurt more: living life without her or with her as my best friend, having her close enough to kiss and touch, never being able to do either. She moves closer to me, reaching out to touch my arm. I watch her smile in her sleep and I dismiss all my negative thoughts. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman, and next week we're going to be exploring the world in search of monsters. This is going to be perfect.