A/N: I'm not dead.

This story has been on hold for so long, I'm actually pretty pissed at myself. A lot of things happened in my life, and it was hard for me to even think about my dear Double Dee. I also had the conflict on if I should make this story a lot longer than I intended, but I'm just gonna let this story take me where it wants to go.

I am so sorry this chapter is so delayed. I hope you all have stuck with me and still love this story, mainly because this fanfic still has therapeutic value to me.

Please go listen to the song before reading the chapter. It's a super amazing song.

Also, I am aware that is going through and deleting stories. I fear that a couple of mine may be taken off, but I sent a request for ao3, so I'll let you guys know when I get an account there.

flyingpigmonkey: Thanks for letting me use your laptop.

Always-Unpredictable: It's being continued, I swear (:

Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd n Eddy, I'm Not Sick But I'm Not Well or Harvey Danger. I also do not own Nintendo, any game licensed for Nintendo, Titanic, Monster or RedBull.

~Can't Forget The Curves Of Your Body~

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"Hey, Double Dee! Over here!"

I turned around and sighed, seeing my best friend standing up awkwardly at our now usual table and waving at me. Ed did this every single day, even though we sat together at the same table for the past three weeks. Sometimes, the antics of my lumpy friend makes me smile and sigh, wondering if he'll stay like this forever.

Briskly making my way over to Ed, I managed to avoid running into other classmates or dropping my lunch tray of god-knows-what. Ed grinned ear to ear as I sat down with a slight sigh, dropping my backpack to the right on the table. Sun filtered through the high-windows to our left, the snow finally gone along with my emotions for Eddy.

"So, Double Dee, today in gym…" Ed enthusiastically began telling one of his school tales, which I usually listened very hard to, but the focus wasn't on his voice today. Instead, my attention seemed to be drawn to the way Ed told his story; his hands flailing about in excitement, his eyes shining as if every part of his being was dependant on this one little tale. In between bites of gravy and mashed potatoes, Ed grinned like a child on Christmas morning, just after the presents had been opened and the grandparents were soon to arrive.

Ed let out a loud, rumbling laugh, breaking me from my thoughts. "And then – and then Rolf just danced around in his underwear, trying to catch Kevin!" I managed to let out a half real laugh, mainly because something that ridiculous actually did sound very funny.

"So Ed, tell me how the rest – "

A loud THUD stopped my voice, a heafty sigh causing me to get slightly irritated.

"Eddy," I started, as Eddy sat down gruffly next to Ed, his face in a scowl. "How kindly for you to interrupt me and Ed. Do I dare even ask what all the fuss is about?"

My short friend huffed, almost growled. "Nazz."

My insides unexpectedly went cold. My heart felt as if it had turned to ice, my blood rushing loudly through my ears and hard through my wrists. The muscles in my throat suddenly decided to close shut, almost making me vomit the food I had just swallowed. I suddenly had the urge to scream, to run, to cry, but none of those commands seemed to make it from my brain to my body; I was frozen.

The shapeless food on my tray suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world as I averted my gaze from Eddy. "Oh, this again? Did you catch her with Kevin finally?"

The ice couldn't be kept from my voice, but Eddy simply glared at me and shrugged it off. Was my hate for Nazz really that normal for him now? My chest clenched slightly.

"No, Eddward, she's not with Kevin, or in love with him for the last fucking time." Eddy huffed again, shifting in his seat. "Nazz told me she loves me."

His voice was nervous, which only made my chest clench harder. Ed didn't say a word, but I could feel his eyes flickering between Eddy and me. I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath.

"Are you in love with her too?" I didn't intend for my voice to come out as quiet as it did, and I was honestly surprised that Eddy even heard me. I heard him shuffling about again, but I just couldn't gather the courage to look up at my childhood friend, my past love, my heartbreaker.

"Yeah, I think so."

The silence was so strong I could almost feel the ice in the air between the three of us, even though I know that is physically impossible. My hands became sweaty, the back of my neck hot, my eyes feeling as if they were going to pop out at any given second. I couldn't find any civil words to say to Eddy, or to anyone at all at that moment.

To my surprise, Ed cleared his voice. I looked up at him, doing my best to keep my eyes from locking onto Eddy next to him. Ed glanced at my briefly, a look of pity and concern flashing on his usually kind face, before turning fully to Eddy. I refused to look at our shorter, dark haired friend, keeping my eyes glued to Ed's face.

My red-head friend managed to muster up a polite smile before saying to Eddy, "I'm happy for you both, Eddy."

And like a switch, like a car horn, like a lightning bolt on a summer night, anger filled my chest, my head, every part of my body and soul. My thoughts were all jumbled together, yet so very far apart from each other. I couldn't breathe, let alone look at Eddy smile at Ed, for his approval made up for my hatred of Nazz. But it wasn't even Nazz I hated.

I hated myself, and my emotions.

"Well," I said in a voice that was much too clear for how angry I felt inside. I managed to look steadily at Eddy, even though I wanted to throttle him. "I hope you both are very happy with each other. I bid adieu."

My shaky hands managed to grab my backpack, swinging it over my right shoulder while picking up the lunch tray, standing up quickly. I desperately wanted to run away from the both of them, but the pressure to look somewhat normal in front of a boy I could never have pressed hard on my muscles.

So, instead, I threw my entire lunch tray into the garbage bin and shoved people out of the way to try and get miles away from the broken shards of my heart.

I burst through the cafeteria doors, finally letting myself run through the mostly empty hallways, doing my best to fight the haze of anger settling into my brain. The front doors to the high school were so close, my adrenaline coursing harshly through my veins.

"DOUBLE DEE!"

I spun around haphazardly, nearly running my right shoulder into the row of lockers next to me. Ed was standing about ten feet away from me, panting harshly. His hair was mussed up, his messenger bag clumsily hanging from his shoulder. Ed's eyebrows were skewed up in confusion and worry, and for a moment I felt a pang of guilt for being so selfish. My friend kept his green eyes locked onto mine, running a hand roughly through his shaggy hair.

"What, Ed?" I didn't mean to say it so harshly, but the adrenaline seemed to force the words right out of my throat.

Ed didn't even flinch at my outburst. "Where are you going?" Are you okay?

I laughed a little bit, even though nothing about this was remotely funny and what I really wanted to do was cry. "Home, Ed. I'm skipping school and going home."

A surprised and slightly scared look took over Ed's face and he hurried closer to me. "But, Double Dee, it's only gravy-time. You can't go home yet."

"Watch me," I almost bit out, putting more venom into my words than Ed really deserved. I turned around briskly; walking confidently to the front entrance of this place they call school. My hands clutched the cold bar of the door, before I looked over my shoulder at Ed.

"Well?" I said, matter-of-factly. "Are you coming?"

Ed nodded and began to follow, his face still clouded with worry. I nodded, letting out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

We shoved open the old doors of the high school, the crisp, early spring air doing nothing to soothe the hot anger settled in my neck.

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The walk back to my house took much longer than it usually does, mainly due to my bouts of panicky, nervous hyperventilating, causing me to play with the edges of my hat and remind myself that going back to school was not the ideal choice at the moment.

Ed, bless his giant heart, would simply stand there, penitently waiting for me to finish twitching about. Not once did he try to touch my shoulder or hug me. A small part of me sort of wish he had.

We eventually made it to my house. The adrenaline of the realization that I, Eddward, had actually skipped a school day settled into my nerves, making me feel like a rebel for once in my short life. It almost felt like flying, this new sense of rebellion; yet the anger at myself kept one toe firmly on the ground.

Shoes and coats were thrown off carelessly, hastily making our way to my bedroom. For my 13th birthday, Ed looked all over Peach Creek and the two towns surrounding it, just to find me an old, beat up, barely working Nintendo Entertainment System. Along with the consol, Ed managed to convince his parents to buy three games online to go with it; Super Mario Bros. 3, Ninja Gaiden and Legend of Zelda. To be honest, only the Zelda game interested me, and I managed to finish that game in about a week. The puzzles were so easy, unlike the other two games, which required skills and quick reflexes. It's a shame I have neither.

But, every so often, on a lazy day or when I was stressed about something simple calculus couldn't help be forget about, I would plug the good old Nintendo system into my old TV on my dresser. Ed would usually play the hardly working, temperamental games with me, yet we never seemed to finish them.

I pressed the power button on my TV forcefully, shoving in Ninja Gaiden. A frustrating day can only be fixed with an equally frustrating game. Ed sat down next to me on my bed, quietly watching me smash the buttons on the controller.

A couple of hours later, I couldn't even get past the third level. It was like all the frustration and unknown pent up anger kept making my fingers slip from the little red buttons. Each time I messed up, Ed would flinch slightly and I would just barely whisper a curse word under my breath.

Finally, an enemy ninja had thrown a knife in my face for the last time.

"Damn it! Ugh!" Swiftly, I chucked the small, rectangular controller at my TV, feeling only slightly satisfied at the small tink! when it hit. I buried my eyes firmly into my hands; the sudden feeling of wanted to run a mile, sleep for forty hours or cry while watching Titanic took over me. Why, why was I feeling this way? Wasn't I fine? Didn't I listen to the message so clearly spelled out for me in my dream? Weren't my feelings for Eddy –

Eddy.

"Ed," I said suddenly, forcing myself out of that destructive train of thought. "Let's go to the gas station." I stood up quickly, turning off my faithful Nintendo system with a little more force than I should have. Ed nodded, his head going up and down so fast it almost made me a little dizzy.

The walk to the gas station was short and quiet, and by this time in the day, the sun was just beginning to set. It's amazing, really, that Ed and I basically just spent at least five hours playing a video game that we didn't even half beat.

Occasionally, Ed would glance at me, bite his lip, and then disregard whatever he was trying to say. Guilt began to edge at my chest. Ed didn't have to skip school with me, yet he did anyway. Even though Ed hadn't said a word since we left school during lunch, the fact that my big, lovable, faithful friend was with me was enough to take the edge of frustration away.

We bought energy drinks – a RedBull for me, and a Monster for Ed, for I never really enjoyed the sugary taste that eventually gave me a stomach ache – then left quickly for the junkyard, our long forgotten childhood hangout. We managed to climb on top of the old, disgusting van that was starting to rust so bad we could no longer open any of the doors.

Silence stretched between us as we sat and drank our drinks. The sun was just about to set, the sky set ablaze with gold, pink and purple. How long had it been since we came here? How long had Eddy been confidently trying to get Nazz to date him?

There's the answer.

I took a big swing of my drink, trying to let the bitter taste of RedBull rid my thoughts. Thoughts of what? Oh yes, Eddy. Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, all I ever thought about was Eddy. And Nazz, oh poor Nazz. What did Eddy see in her? In fact, what did Kevin see in her? True, I was attracted to her in my youth, but past her blonde hair and her pretty eyes and her stupid red lips, what was there? What does Kevin see in her?

"What does Eddy see in her?"

Ed looked at me, slight surprise on his face. I continued to stare blankly at the setting sun, only glancing at Ed periodically out of the corner of my eye to my right. Ed took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but then crinkled his eyebrows and tightly shut his mouth again.

For some obscure reason, this fueled the fire in my chest. I turned my head sharply towards Ed, staring at him dead in the eyes. My friend looked slightly scared, and a bit worried, but his gaze never left mine.

"What does Eddy see in her?" I repeated, a little louder than the first time. The prickling of tears started to form behind my eyes, my throat closing a little bit. I blinked a couple of times, doing my best to ignore it. Too many tears had been shed for my dearest Eddy, too many nights spent awake, wondering what I could do different, how to forget him, how to move on, how to live for once.

"Why did I fall in love with Eddy?"

The tears finally broke free, but instead of endless sadness I expected to feel, anger filled me up instead. I scrubbed at my face hard with my left hand, the RedBull still in my other hand. The harsh wool of my sweater stung, but it just wasn't enough. I scrubbed harder and harder, but nothing seemed to calm the raging beast I had awakened.

Never before had Ed or I said out loud the feelings I held for Eddy. It was always implied, always known, so why even bother to say it? But, now that the words had slipped from my lips, now that the truth was floating about in the air, it was all much too real. The false sense of being completely over Eddy was a rue set up by none other than myself.

Frustrated, I chugged the rest of my bitter drink, swallowing it all in greedy gulps. When finally finished, I stood, the ceiling of the old, beaten up van relaxing slightly under my weight. With all of my strength (which, to be honest, wasn't much at all), I threw the RedBull can as far as I could. It only went about 20 feet and did absolutely nothing to still the anger inside of me.

I looked back down at Ed, who now had a look of terror on his face.

"Am I not good enough, Ed?"

More tears broke through, and no amount of scrubbing with my wool sweater could stop it. I was so tired of crying over Eddy, crying over the love I could never have, but always dream about, so tired of crying over the simple things I wasn't allowed to have. A simple thing like love.

I felt a pull at the bottom of my sweater. Slowly, I stopped rubbing my face and looked down, only to see Ed's hand gripping the edge of my jumper. My eyes followed Ed's arm, eventually following the invisible line to my dear friend's face. Ed looked so … sad, like he was just told that the kitten he had tried so hard to save had just died. Yet, his eyes were once again firmly planted on mine, acting like an anchor to pull me out of my emotions.

Ed managed to smile a little, pulling at my sweater playfully. "You're better than you'll ever know, Double Dee."

I stared at Ed for a little while, before reaching down and grabbing his hand. He let out a small noise of surprise, blinking rapidly, but Ed still kept his eyes on mine. I squeezed his hand in what I hope was a reassuring gesture, the tears finally ceasing to fall.

"Thank you, Ed." I whispered, smiling slightly. Ed just nodded his head, still blinking.

I collapsed back into a sitting position on the van, still holding Ed's hand tightly in mine. I let my gaze go back to the almost fully set sun, letting my heart finally be still and content.

Ed's eyes stayed on my face.

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Oh wow! I really hope this makes up for my absence. The next chapter, things will finally start happening between our lovable couple (:

Again, I am really sorry for the really late update. You guys should bug me more when I do shit like this D:

I hope you all enjoyed and will stay with this fic, cause I have really good ideas for it.

With much love and hugs, xxignoredxx