AN: REVISED

4: Repressed Annie.

The next morning I didn't get that blissful moment of forgotten horrors, instead I got knocking on my door. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my bat before unlocking the door. It was just Daryl.

Before I could ask him what he wanted, why he needed to wake me up, he spoke, "I'm going hunting."

I nodded, still foggy from sleep. "Alright. Don't die." I began to shut the door, but his hand stopped it.

"I need the keys to get out," he said as he held out his hand.

I just looked at it for a few seconds, and then a laugh escaped me, "Fat chance, man. And have you rob me while I'm sleeping? Yeah, right."

"You don't trust me?" A playful smile appeared on his face, and had I ever been a morning person I might have thought it was charming, but that wasn't me today, or any day.

I groggily nodded. "Just let me get my shoes on and I'll unlock it for you." I slid on some shoes and walked down the stairs after him on autopilot. I unlocked the gate and let him out before locking it again. My eyes were still half-closed as I grumbled, "Just holler when you're back or if you need any help or whatever." He nodded and left so I began walking back to the house, looking up at the building with a sigh, "I guess there is no use in going back to sleep."

When I got inside I changed into some working clothes, and tucked the silenced pistol, safety on, into the back on my shorts, covering the top with my shirt. I changed into my work boots and grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table on my way out of the house. The sun was just rising when I finished watering everything that needed watering. "Laundry time," I said to myself when I went back inside and grabbed the washboard and my new guest's clothes. I'd gotten used to washing things in the creek. If anyone had told me I would be doing this before everything went down, manual washing in a river, I would have laughed obnoxiously in their faces, but here I was. Once I was finished being the best host in the world to this stranger, I had put the newly cleaned clothes in the dryer, and thanked God that luxury was still working. It had been a while since he went hunting. I felt a bit worried for him. Wait, what if he wasn't hunting? What he was getting his group together to come and kill me? What if they were on their way now to steal everything I'd rightfully scavenged? I grabbed my things and took my place on the roof just to check. Sure enough there he was in my first pass with the binoculars, heading up the road with something. Were those squirrels? At least he was alone. I sighed and made my way down to the front gate. I only had to wait for a minute before he came around the bend.

I think he caught me eyeing the tiny fur balls he was carrying, because the first thing he said was, "Hope you aren't picky."

I unlocked the gate with a laugh and let him in, making sure to secure it behind us. "Not as long as you do the butchering." I smiled at him, a mix of me trying to be friendly and being glad that he didn't just ambush me with his posse of thugs, but he was already well on his way back to the house. "I'm gonna walk the fence, and then I'll head back in," I hollered to him. He held up his hand to signal he heard me, and I began my walk. A minute into it I began to whistle an arbitrary tune to myself. For the first time since back home things felt a little lighter, the first time since that first day in the cabin all those miles away things felt good. Maybe that's what groups did, eased the suffering? Suffering. That was the word. The things I had to do in Louisiana, the things I did to survive long enough to get here, I was still suffering from it all. All the work I had day to day here just kept my mind off of it, helped me push it deep down. I looked towards the house and could barely make out Daryl on the roof. My eyes lingered a bit longer than they should have as I kept on whistling. It was nice having him around, regardless of any potential treachery. I felt a carnal jolt within me, and looked back to the woods. Shit. I knew that feeling. It was wrong. Was it wrong? Was it wrong to be attracted to someone at a time like this? There was nothing in the Bible about this sort of thing, and Mama never said anything about it. All I knew is that Mama and Papa hated both of the guys I had brought home in the past. The mean dork and the douche bag as Papa always put it. They would've liked Daryl so far though. Joey would have hated him though; he hated everyone I was interested in regardless of if they were decent or not. I laughed to myself for thinking something so stupid at a time like this, and pushed the thought aside to focus on the fence again.

As a rule I don't think about anything from that day, the first day. But sometimes it creeps in, and this new presence stirred up the dormant thoughts. I looked down at the bat I was toting. His favorite bat, just two days before everything went insane he had hit the winning home run in that game. No. Focus on the fence.

Once I finished my check and got back to the house I had packaged the nagging thoughts neatly away somewhere deep within my mind, right where they belong. I grabbed a ragged looking plastic bag from the drawer right next to the sink and walked out back. I found Daryl tending to the squirrels on the back porch. "When you're done with those come get me. I'll be on the roof in a couple minutes." I walked out into the garden to the far north corner. I had one cluster of plants that bore no fruit but the sweet smoke of forgetting. I pulled off a few of the flowers, about a handful, shoved them into the baggie and walked over to one of the sheds that were lined up near the house. I set the flowers I'd collected out on the counter before filling the bag back up with buds that had spent their time curing, then I made my way back to the house and up the stairs. Slinging the rifle over my shoulder and putting on the binoculars I searched my room for the things I needed. I had a Sherlock style pipe, several things of papers and at least twenty lighters, the best way to push these thoughts back. Instead of taking the pipe I grabbed a thing of papers and a lighter, then grabbed the iPod from its dock on the nightstand. I would be fine. My guns were locked up. Daryl had been straight with me so far, and I had the gun if anything happened.

Climbing up onto my perch, I sat down in my usual spot and set my goodies down on the carefully placed table beside me. I began to situate myself. Clunky headphones over ears, turn on music, The Beatles today. Pick apart a bud, sprinkle, carefully roll, and voila. It was a magic wand. Fire it up. I felt the sweet smoke in my lungs and in that moment I felt a bit of peace I hadn't indulged in since the last time I thought about life before all this. That had been weeks ago. This was the drill; if I think about them, I smoke them away. This worked for me. This kept me going. This kept my house of cards from toppling over. The things I had seen, no one could deal with those, at least not until after a good deal of time had passed. This was me buying time. I rolled two more joints and finished the first one when I did a scan. Nothing. I smoked and rolled again, beginning to sing along.

"Ooo I need your love, Babe. I guess you know it's true. Hope you need my love, Babe, just like I need you. Hold me, love me, hold me, love me. I ain't got nothing but love babe, eight days a week." I couldn't help but continue to belt it. In that moment I was with Paul, George, John, and Ringo. That's the thing I always loved about music. Music transported me through time and space and out of this hell, even if it was just for a few minutes. I relit as soon as the other one was done. Half of the way through singing along to 'Here Comes the Sun' and my next joint I did another sweep. I nearly jumped when a dark mass filled my view. The binoculars fell out of my hand and swung from the neck strap. My free hand reached to my back, where my gun was nestled. Busted. Be cool, Annie. I put the joint in my mouth and pulled my headphones off with a jerk before straightening myself up. "Sup?" I gave a nod. "Something wrong?"

He laughed. No, laugh isn't the right word. Laugh was too casual, too calm. He was busting out, and I laughed with him for a second, though I didn't understand what was so funny. He snatched the joint from my mouth.

My eyes were wide as the word popped out, "Woops." I felt a redness fall over my face.

He took a puff from the confiscated spliff. "The squirrels are ready."

"Right. Food. Good." I took off the binoculars and handed them to him. "Keep an eye out for trouble. Don't steal my stuff." I shrugged the rifle from my shoulder and handed it to him before making my way back inside. When I got into the kitchen I found the meat on the carving board. I took off my headphones and turned on the speaker dock in the kitchen. That's not too much electricity, I'm sure. I flipped on the tunes, resuming my singing, and then I set to cooking the first meat I'd seen in a long time, completely neglecting to consider that I gave a total stranger one of my guns.

-o0o-

"So, having a group works?" I bit into the tiny leg. The fact that it was squirrel had completely slipped my mind. To me it was just something good to eat that didn't come from a can or my own hard work.

His words were blasé, "Made it this long, haven't we?"

"See, you'd think that is reason enough." I pointed at him with the now bare bone. "But I've made it this long, too. And all by myself."

"That's true." He didn't seem to know how to respond to what I'd said.

"Plus y'all split up," I added.

"We'll be back together in a few days. Hopefully someone finds a place."

Hurt? Was I hurt that he hadn't considered Casa de Annie as a potential home for his group? What did I care? My mouth began running on its own accord, "But I mean, it would be nice to have people working the land besides me. There's more than enough, and we can add a few more rows different places."

He stared over at me. "What are you sayin?"

I shrugged, still digging into the food in front of me. This was not a conversation to be had tonight, not when I was blazed up and eating roadkill, but my mouth never got the message. "If you don't want to, I'd understand. I'm a stranger." I took a long glug from my glass of water. "And there would be rules, of course, so it might not work."

In my peripheral I could see his eyebrows furrow. "What kind of rules?"

I set the next empty bone down and licked a few of my fingers, "Well, I get my room of course. Everyone plays their part with the work that needs to be done. No electricity in the daylight, or at least it needs to be used sparingly. Plus what I say goes, since this is my place after all. Stuff like that. And you'd have to ask before you could use my supplies." I couldn't read his expression. "You say you have a week? Think about it."

"I'll do that." I could see the wheels turning in his mind, but I couldn't focus on much besides stuffing my face.

I finished the last of the meat with a grunt of pleasure. "That was surprisingly good. Thank you for catching that stuff."

"You're a good cook." He looked down at his plate, so he didn't see the astonishment in my face that he'd paid me a compliment. "They normally taste like shit."

"Thanks." I wasn't sure if I wanted a bunch of people around, but this guy wasn't so bad. I gave him a gun and he didn't immediately shoot me in the face. And if he liked the people in this group of his, then they couldn't be all bad. Or maybe they were? What was I thinking, inviting strangers into my paradise? Why did I not shoot him on the spot in the first place? No. Killing people was still wrong. I knew that. Plus, after all of the things I had done since hell broke loose I needed to prove to myself that I was still human. Not just human, but I needed to be the same kind person I was before things fell apart. I needed to be the kind of person who was good deep down, the kind of person who could help people.