Author's notes: Thank-you for taking time to read our fanfic! This story is a joint effort by myself ( DisappointedSon) and ( JustGeneralHux), and is a work in progress RP storyline on Twitter. Feel free to follow us there for updates as we write them.
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Once back inside his quarters, Ren pulled a black satchel from under his bed and quickly stuffed inside a few extra tunics and pairs of pants, undergarments, and a few small trinkets, each having either superstitious or sentimental value. His outer robes, hood, and cloak, he reasoned, could be worn several times before needing to be cleaned, and most of his other needs would be met by the Force. Fastening the bag securely shut, he hoisted it over his shoulder, and exited his quarters. 'Hangar Deck 4' he reminded himself, recalling General Hux's words. The sudden thought of the General caused his stomach to flop. They were going to be alone together on Utapau, and they were going to have to eventually discuss what had happened between them. The fiery young man, though deeply passionate, was equally deeply averse to /discussing/ his feelings. Having been raised by two emotionally distant parents, he'd never really learned to discuss things of an emotional nature. His mother had been too proud, his father too stubborn and arrogant, to take the time to guide a child through the process of dealing with his emotions. With a heavy sigh, Kylo Ren made his way to Hangar Deck 4, his heart rate gradually increasing in direct relation to his proximity to General Hux, with whose energy he'd become so well acquainted.
The ginger tapped his foot as he worked. He had dropped his bag at his feet, ignoring and disposing of it to instead be able to use both of his hands. Message after message was written, signed, sent. Schedules were listed, changed, edited, relisted. At a certain point, the General had run out of things to to and just stood and glared at the screen in his hands. The few other people in the hanger kept their distance after the first few who approached were sent away with icy glares and cold words. (How fitting, to think of myself as ice, when I always see Ren as fire.) Hux pondered that fleeting idea. That's what the knight was - unpredictable, uncontrollable, ready to burn down an entire world in a destructive sweep and raise it again from the ashes...passionate beyond all else. Hux was jolted out of his thoughts as heavy footsteps approached him. He turned, looking up to meet the black and silver metal of a mask. "Ren."
"General Hux," Ren's voice was sonorous through the mask he wore. Normally his primary reason for wearing it was to instill fear into those with whom he came in contact. Now, however, he was only thankful that it hid his facial expression. "Is our shuttle ready for departure?" he asked in what he hoped was a cool and measured tone. It was an empowering feeling, being able to observe another without them being able to see you, or even to know whether you were truly looking at them at all. Taking advantage of this edge which his mask granted him, he allowed his gaze to linger on Hux's face. A chill ran throughout his body as his eyes wandered, slowly and deliberately, over every feature, from his pale green eyes, over his stately nose, down to his smooth, full lips. It was almost more than Ren's heart could bear. Forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the older man's face, he turned aside, craning his neck to get a look at the ship they would be taking to Utapau.
Hux narrowed his eyes, having that same feeling of being watched run down his spine. "It is," He nodded toward a small ship. "Over there. I've been running our course. It will take approximately fourteen hours to reach the planet. Food and water has already been stocked on the shuttle. All that's left is to man it." The General handed his datapad to a stray officer, giving him a long warning look before turning his attention back to the force-user. The mask covered him more than the ginger would have liked. It made him inhuman - a blazing force of nature rather than an actual being. It made Hux nervous. He could read Ren well without that damn helmet. With it? He could only hope to guess at what the other was thinking. Perhaps that was better. "Shall we get this over with?"
Ren nodded, his pride wounded by Hux's abrupt comment. He was torn between grief over thinking that the previous night had meant nothing to the other man, and the effort he was putting forth to convince /himself/ that the previous night had meant nothing. Maybe it really /had/ meant nothing, and things would simply revert to the way they had always been. Perhaps it would be for the best if they did. Whatever he thought had happened between them seemed to be very much over today. And yet... Ren's brooding was interrupted by a small group of men who had marched onto the hangar and halted before his companion, snapping to attention as they did so. "General Hux, Sir, we were summoned to escort you and Lord Ren to Utapau." The young force-wielder observed the interchange, once again impressed with the way Hux demanded respect without having to kill men to achieve it.
"An escort?" Hux barely showed his confusion, keeping his mask in place. "Very good. Board and await us." He watched as the small squad marched away, thier identical armor clinking with each step they made. Each step they took away from the pair, the more the ginger's shoulders started to ache with tension. He was, well, conflicted about having others in the shuttle with him. While the General knew that there was a lot for the two to talk about, he was hesitant to do so, at least until they were alone. Having these soldiers with them meant that whatever he was hoping to accomplish was no longer even an option. Furthermore, he was more or less willing to let Ren see him without his persona, but he would never drop it in front of his men. He gave a heavy sigh. He looked over at Ren - he wanted to say something to the man. Anything to let him know that what had happened...he looked back to the shuttle with a heavy sigh. "I suppose Snoke decided we needed supervision," he muttered. "How likely is it that they also have orders to stay at the ship while we tranverse the wilderness?"
Ren huffed, clearly irritated at the intrusion. "The odds are quite favorable, if you allow me to dispense with them once we're in hyperspace," he said grimly. The pit in his stomach was growing, and he desperately wished he could go back to bed. Better yet, he wished he could go back to /Hux's/ bed, and start this day over again, waking up earlier than he had in actuality. But as strong with the Force as Kylo Ren was, even he could not turn back time. Pivoting to look at the General once more, he felt something coming from him - some desire or longing, though it was not sexual in nature. Perhaps a desire to convey a thought or feeling? He couldn't quite grasp it, and he refused to purposefully press into Hux's mind. Sensing that they might not have another moment in relative privacy for at least the next 14 hours, Ren reached up and disengaged the mouthpiece of his helmet before lifting the whole thing off his head and tucking it under his arm. He was sure that his emotional vulnerability must have been written all over his face, but it didn't matter. Fixing his chocolate brown eyes on Hux's green ones, he asked, "Is there something you want to say, Hux?"
The mechanical tinge to Ren's threat made it almost fanciful. Something out of a holo-book more than reality. But it also gave it a rough edge that made it impossible to distinguish as actuality or a joke. Hux began to look away until the force-user turned toward him fully. The ginger's back snapped straight, shoulders leveling themselves - 'always wear your own mask,' Hux's father once told him, 'everyone else does, even if you can't see it.' The clicks and hisses that accompanied the helmet's removal sent an odd feeling through him, as if his own face was being revealed alongside Ren's. Perhaps it's because he understood what this meant: for the taller man to so openly and easily show his face to Hux - to be willing to reveal himself - that was trust. Ren's face was flickered with rapidly appearing and disappearing emotions. Hux schooled himself, looking into dark eyes. "There are many things I want to say, Lord Ren, some more than others." He began to move away, pausing with an option for more private communication. "You are welcome in my head, Ren, so long as you get out when I want you to."
Ren blinked, truly surprised by Hux's invitation to enter his consciousness. Nodding, he closed his eyes, focusing his energy on pressing into the General's mind. Once he'd reached a certain level of clarity, he opened his large brown eyes to meet Hux's green ones. It was the first time the young force user could remember that the calculating military strategist had willingly invited him into his mind, and it shook him to the core. Physical intimacy was one thing, but this was intimacy on a whole other level. Swallowing hard, he nodded, his eyes glossing with tears, so moved was he by this willingness to be made vulnerable. [I'm here] he projected into General Hux's mind.
Hux's eyes widened when the deep voice echoed through his head - incomplete thoughts reacting to the experience flitted about and were ultimately thrown away. [So it would seem.] The General tried to keep his voice - thoughts? - calm, even though he was anything but that. He nodded and finally broke his eye contact with Ren, he could feel himself shaking - he could feel, actually feel, the force-user there, in his head, like fingers gliding through his thoughts as if they were parting water. A memory of an old lore sprang up from deep depths, he threw that away as well. "we should get to the ship," he said instead. "We're already on Snoke's bad side, probably shouldn't keep him waiting." [I'd rather just stay here.] Oh. And he would have to learn to control those surface-level thoughts, wouldn't he?
Ren gasped softly as Hux tore his gaze away, the loss of eye contact feeling like a physical amputation - like losing part of himself. He kept his own gaze trained on the General, and cocked his head slightly in confusion. [Which is it, General? Stay or go? It's a little.../busy/ in here, isn't it?] he added mirthfully, attempting to navigate around the broken fragments and rejected thoughts that Hux was trying to sweep aside. Suddenly, he was aware that the other man was shaking. It took everything within in him not to reach out and cup the General's face in his palms and comfort him, but he knew it would not be appropriate, and even if it were, Hux would surely reject such an outward display in front of his men. [What is it, Hux?] he pressed again, brows furrowing subtly. [What is it you wanted to tell me?] He knew if he pushed too hard, Hux might repel him from his mind, but he had to know - to hear for himself what the man was thinking and feeling.
The ginger felt something from Ren, and wasn't that interesting, too - feeling some one else's reaction in your own head. There was something saddening that flowed into Hux's mind from the other, some undescribed thought in the dark-haired man's head. He suddenly picked his bag up off the floor, but he didn't move. Stop shaking, stop shaking. Stop. Shaking. He trained his eyes on their shuttle, furrowing his brow at his own internal conflict. [We should go. We need to go,] he mentally stated. Thinking about how to answer the second half of Ren's query. He felt heat rise to his cheeks and he instantly scowled at himself for showing any kind of outward turmoil or expression - his mask was slipping too fast. [I just...it's nothing, Ren.] Hux turned to the taller man once more, scowl replaced with a sardonic smirk and quirked brow. "Shall we, Lord Ren?"
If Ren had been trying to keep up any kind of outward facade, it had completely fallen away now, as Hux firmly re-affixed his own mask. He gaped at the General, his temper beginning to simmer below the surface. "Fine," he spat, turning away from the the smirking man, and trudging off in the direction of the ship. Without looking back at the General, he haphazardly tossed a thought in his direction. [Why the /hell/ did you invite me to enter your mind, if you intended to shut me out of that as well?] Privately, he castigated himself for believing that Hux had actually intended to open himself up completely to him. He felt foolish and humiliated, just like he had the night of the Valentine's Ball. What an idiot he had been for believing that the frosty young General actually /cared/ for him. By the time he'd reached the shuttle, Ren was fairly steaming, and he stomped onto the ship with heavy footfalls. Making a point /not/ to look back, or make any further psychic communication with Hux, the sulking knight went straight to the back of the shuttle to the on-board refresher, and locked himself inside. One thing was for certain: this mission was going to be pure torture.
The General's smirk faded the moment that the knight turned away from him. The air about him crackled with the force's energy as he stalked his way to the shuttle. Hux cringed outwardly at the rage that laced Ren's mental words. That...wasn't supposed to happen. A door slammed shut in his mind, echoing in a chamber that now felt very much alone. He felt stranded for a few moments, as though someone had put out his torch. He slowly trudged to the ship, noting the distinct lack of Ren. He took a seat and ordered the pilot to take off. As the engine rumbled to life and the thrusters kicked on, he tried to push a calming air towards his hidden companion. He sighed, sitting straight-backed in his seat. He felt cold again. How perfect...this mission was already a disaster. [I'm sorry...please come back.]