Disclaimer: Not mine!
Friday 5 September -
Ah mornings are so much sweeter after a night of pranking Slytherin. And I've only been here five days! Just think of the possibilities for this year!
Dreamy stare.
I'm so happy, I could Floo Alice! But I'm not suicidal so I won't.
Some force of the universe must be on my side!
I quickly transformed, dressed and skipped down to the Great Hall extra early to ravish the fruits of our labor.
Corridor
Stupid knight and his sodding fat pony. He called himself Sir Cadogan. The little berk thought it suspicious for a teenage 'boy' to be up at crack of dawn.
Too bad I'm not a boy! HAH!
But he doesn't know that.
I was subjected to a round of thorough questioning before I could continue on my merry warpath peacefully.
"Who are you scallywag?" The picture demanded.
"Archibald." I lied.
Hey, the nutter knight was probably going to squeal anyways.
Except I wasn't doing anything wrong.
Can you get expelled for perjury?
Erm…am I under oath? I can't remember.
"Who do you work for!" Sir Cadogan asked as we rounded a corner, keeping up his spirited trot through the disturbed portraits by his prattling. Some of the grumpier portraits were belting profanities, but he didn't seem to notice.
"The French Underground Bison Society." I flashed my pearly whites.
The little knight looks as if he has just discovered a conspiracy.
Have you ever seen a Bison? Really hairy things, they are. You can't even tell what is hair and what isn't! They weigh 454 - 907 kg. (1000 - 2000 lbs) What if one sits on you? Would you become a pancake while they pour syrup on you for breakfast?
If you were sat upon by a bison, I would really hate to be you.
"Until I have proof that you're really a spy, I'll let you slide. But beware, I'm watching you!" He pointed to his widened eyes for emphasis. He ended up poking one instead. He galloped off…er…rather his pony did.
I girlishly skipped the rest of the way to the grand hall. Mind you, for the record, I never did this.
The Great Hall was not alone or on its own. Potter and Sirius were already seated at Gryffindor table as students were just starting to trickle in.
"S' new?" I asked as I sat down.
"Sirius is trying to get milk to come out of his nose." Potter explained.
They both acted like it was completely normal. Besides, everyone knows squirting milk from your nostrils really builds character.
"Why are you both up?" I tried.
"Sirius had a bad dream about chewing gum. I got dragged into this when he started assaulting me with his pillow mumbling something about strawberry flavored." Potter explained
I tried really hard not to laugh. Really I did! But there are many lost causes in the world, and this was one of them.
Sirius snorted incoherently.
"You never know what is in the artificial flavoring." Sirius said then started spouting organic righteousness rhetoric that was actually quite insightful for a Black.
But I wasn't listening to possibly the most memorable moment in history.
Instead, I was thinking about strawberries. Did Potter taste like them?
Breakfast
Cue Slytherin screams and curses all the way to the Great Hall. Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!
After Breakfast sometime -
I will get my revenge on Sirius Black if it is the last thing I do!
I will toss that tosser like a tosser tossing a tosser at a tossing contest!
The Slytherins had all came down for breakfast in their ballet costumes and stage make-up and the music of Swan Lake following them. Everyone was laughing. The tights I could have done without but that's only my sane opinion. Though hairy legs would have been just as bad. I suppose you can't have everything.
I was pleased to see Dough Boy was a ballet chicken. Gorilla glue is a fabulous invention. Best part is, you can only remove it with lots of alcohol, or a chisel.
Cue manic grin.
Dough Boy won't be procuring any alcohol in school.
Ah the glory!
But then….
How quickly glory fades, for Sirius had decided to laugh while drinking milk.
End result: he fulfilled his desire when it gushed out of his nose and across the table onto me.
Erlack.
Sunday 7 September
Well bollocks!
The lot of the Marauders plus myself spent Saturday all day in detention with caretaker Filch for our prank.
It was a good one though.
Never mind that. We were stuck cleaning it up…without magic! Stupid squib $#&$#$&$!
Ah, now I feel cleansed.
I did happen to find my new friend lurking during detention. He's a little tabby hamster whom I call Hammie. My transfiguration skills are immeasurably horrible so I cheated a bit when I asked Remus the Bludger to transfigure a cage for me.
He's such a nice bloke.
Hammie is inspecting his new home. He looks quite pleased.
Common room -
Worst day of the week, Sunday is.
Know why?
Because it is before Monday and Monday starts off the school and working week. And that is precisely why I am pouring over my three foot essay for Advanced Potions at ten o'clock on a Sunday night.
Oh look, here comes Potter to join me.
He nodded in greeting and took out his own parchments from muggle studies. He's a pureblood, Lord knows why he takes muggle studies. I suppose I shall ask him someday.
"Why do you take muggle studies? You're pureblood. I thought your lot hated muggles." I asked.
"I find muggle contraptions interesting. I really don't care about images and stereotypes either. I do what I please." He said quietly.
I don't care about images. Hypocrite! I suppose that's why he's always has to ruffle his hair like he just got off a broomstick. See! There, he just did it!
The rest was very touching.
I peeked at his paper. "How electricity works." I read.
He nodded. "It's a bit complicated."
Au contraire. "It's simple. All around us are little atoms that make up everything that is matter. These atoms have electrons orbiting them; some are tightly bound to their atoms and cannot be altered easily while others move around easily and or freely. The way muggles utilize these atoms for electricity is through a conductor. To do this, they have wires that naturally have many of these little atoms inside. Using the magnet or the right chemicals, the atoms start to move in a uniform motion and generate an electric current. They also generate energy. However, to keep the flow going, muggles use something batteries. These batteries have a chemical paste, a carbon rod and a zinc exterior. Two wires are hooked to each end of the battery, the positive and negative. The carbon rod is positively charged and draws electrons to the battery. However at the other end, the chemical paste repels the electrons back into the wire and the cycle continues. This is virtual limitless power."
"Hold up!" James cried as he quickly scribbled onto his parchment. He finished minutes later and put his quill down. "That ought to do it." He shook his cramped hand.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I said in a sickly sweet voice. The complexities of the muggle mind would make a normal wizard illiterate. But we all know Potter isn't normal.
"How do you know all that?" He asked.
I'm flattered.
"My family is muggle." I said simply.
He was looking at me in a looking-at-me way. Do I have something on my face? A dangling bogey? A giant pimple? Oh please Merlin not the pimple.
"This is a pureblood school. How'd you manage to get in?"
His question seemed so innocent. That kind of curiosity is always the first to kill the cat.
"I applied."
Duh.
Wait a second. "If this school is pureblood, who even bothers to teach Muggle Studies?"
"N.E.W.T.S require it. Other school aren't nearly so prejudiced as ours. They make it standard." Potter explained quickly.
Purebloods are really bonkers.
"About your lineage, it's okay if the Marauders know, but don't tell anyone else you're a muggle-born. It might be the last thing you do." He said.
That scared me.
Stupid muggle-hating Death Eaters.
I wish I had a mocking comment to insert here, but I don't. Perhaps it was because he said it so sincerely that I have to keep a level head for the moment.
Moment's over.
Moving on.
"Hang on. Dough Boy called you a mudblood lover on the first night. Why?"
"Dough Boy?" Potter chuckled.
"Erm...Black. Slytherin Black." I explained.
"Oh, Regulus. Regulus has been called a lot of things already, but not Dough Boy." He paused to laugh again, the laugher. "He's a year younger than Sirius and a lot dafter if that's possible. His mum buys his class rank though. She put so much money into the school that they had to promote him to the next grade before he's even of age."
"Dumbledore would do that?" I asked. Please say it wasn't so.
He shrugged. "Most of the Slytherin lot are Death Eaters anyway. I guess Dumbledore figures that if they don't know anything, they can't really be a threat. Dumbledore, he pretends to turn a blind eye but the bloke knows more than anyone." Potter explained
"Does that mean Sirius' way was bought for him, 'cause I swear he has the mentality of a first former."
"Nope, Sirius was disowned by his family. He lives with me."
Dear Lord. So that's why the clinically insane duo are best friends.
James laughed his infectious laugh.
Cue weak knees.
Was my face showing my incredulity?
Was I wearing clothes?
"But you wanted to know why I am a muggle lover? My family hates the idea of a divided wizard race based on blood. My father, an auror, prefers to deal with muggle cases. He does plenty of wizard work, but many of the Ministry members won't go near muggles for fear Voldemort will target them specifically."
"And you're not afraid?"
"Hell no. I don't care what other people say, but Voldemort is only human. The more we put him on a pedestal of immortality, the more immortal he will become. Not in the sense of flesh but in the sense of legend." Potter finished grimly.
Boy, he must think a lot.
I may have to cancel his subscription to the Big Twit Association. He has impressed me and actually said something right!
Then I had an idea. I must reward myself lavishly for this later.
"Would you like to see electricity at work?"
Potter watched me with keen interest.
Later -
Bouncing happy bouncing happy happy!
Potter and I are having a bouncing convention on my bed while air guitar jamming to The Beatles and The Bee Gees.
"So this is electricity!" Potter yelled over the music.
"Yep! How do you like them muggles now?" I yelled back.
"Brilliant. Bloody Brilliant." He said.
Bounce. Bounce.
I noticed him examining my room. "Ireland, eh?" He quirked an eyebrow.
Of course, he was referring to my massive collection of Ireland National Quidditch Team posters and merchandise.
I nodded. As it turns out, Ireland was one of his favorites too.
Potter has justgained a few brownie points in my eyes. Heis now only a fourteen out of ten on the Tosser Scale.
Bounce. Bounce.
I believe my brain must have dropped out because it has not mis-coordinated my limbs yet.
Something is vair vair wrong.
One thought of happy grace from me and everything goes to pot. It was at this very time that I lost footing on the silk sheets and shot right off the bed.
Blimey O' Reilly.
I need to get a new brain.
Groovy, it's chapter 4! I hope you all enjoyed it, I wrote it-disliked it-reread it- then decided it would have to do because once I write something it is very hard for me not to go public ASAP. I hope all my non-reviewing readers are enjoying it as well. I am trying to keep the attempted humor amusing. Keep reviewing and I will keep entertaining!
P.S. - The Bison and Gorilla Glue scenes are dedicated to my pally wally 'A'. Good times.
P.P.S. - Fixed some goofs blundered by the uploading server in previous chapters.
Weird Not Boring: I will not reveal any specifics, but I will disclose that Lily will not be found out for quite a few chapters. This story will probably be an epic length. I have too many subplots and events that need to be worked in first.
Cylobaby: Who Lily saw die is VAIR VAIR important to her personality and is classified expository information. So naturally I can't tell you…yet.
Arianna Leciav: I was not aware any dates were provided for Lucius Malfoy's schooling. I haven't picked up the books in a few months, but I do remember something about him being older. My bad.
REVIEW, PER FAVORE!