As usual,

Darrinia: then I'm really sorry, because Blaine is going to be very sad for a while yet... Hopefully Sam will be able to make it better soon! Gracias, preciosa, un besazo!

Mildlifecrissis: Wow, I hope I won't make you cry too much then! You're not that far from what is going to happen soon if he keeps up like that. Yeah, poor Sam is having a bad time too, because he can tell something is wrong with his love but he has no idea what or how to help him. Daisy is the worst, I agree! Thank you so much, sweetheart!

Gleville: hehehe, we all hate her, I think! Sí, pobrecito Blaine, he doesn't deserve that... Hopefully Sam will be able to make it better soon! Thank you so much!

Blamsturbation: hey, you're back! Don't worry, i've been having trouble to keep up with the writing too! I'm glad you're liking it so far! Wow, you're so generous with your words! I'm not sure I'm liking this new chapter too much yet, so I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Thank you soooo much!

A/N: I can't keep apologizing, so...

CHAPTER 4

"Hey" Sam whispered in a hushed tone as he slowly opened the door to Blaine's room, just in case he was asleep –after all, Blaine's mother had warned him that his boyfriend hadn't left the room all day and had refused to eat anything, so he was probably still feeling poorly, as he had the night before at the party.

"Hey" Blaine answered, much to Sam's relief, so the blond smiled and rushed the rest of the way into the room, suddenly anxious to spend some time with his beloved boyfriend.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked while trying to recover his balance after tripping over Blaine's shoes thanks to the almost complete darkness of the room –and Blaine must be feeling really bad if he had just left his shoes lying there, given how much of a control freak he was. It was as if… "Haven't you moved from bed all day?"

"No" Blaine confessed, knowing it was absurd to deny it because he knew Sam knew him too well and would see through his lie.

"That bad, huh?" Sam answered his own question –as Blaine hadn't– in a sympathetic tone while he carefully lay down next to him.

"I guess" Blaine finally answered, unconsciously turning on his side to curl on Sam's chest as soon as he felt him next to him, instinctively needing the contact almost as much as the air he breathed.

Sam rushed to embrace him and hold him as close to his chest as he could physically manage, somehow sensing how much Blaine needed all the comfort he could provide –even if the reasons were not the ones Sam believed–. But he couldn't help but worry… it was so unusual to see Blaine so defeated, just lying around in the dark in the middle of the day, instead of doing a million things at a time as he usually did –even when ill–. It was probably the first time Sam had seen Blaine's room not in the tidiest possible way, and the fact he hadn't even bothered to get dressed or have his hair gelled even if Sam had texted him to let him know he would be coming to see him…

"So how was the party?" Blaine asked, because no matter how lousy he felt, he still wanted to know everything about Sam, especially something so important to him.

"Not that fun once you left" Sam honestly answered, because whatever he was doing, he always, always, preferred to have Blaine at his side.

"I'm sorry about that, I wasn't feeling…" Blaine tried to apologize, feeling guilty about how he had abandoned Sam in such a way, but of course the latter didn't even let him.

"Don't be silly, you were ill" Sam immediately forgave him with a kiss on the top of his head, making Blaine feel even guiltier than before because of his lie. "Your mom said you haven't eaten anything all day"

"I'm not hungry" Blaine answered in what felt almost like a mantra, because he had been using that excuse with his mother and even Sam to avoid any meal he could manage in his desperate attempt to lose some weight.

"Does your stomach hurt?" Sam asked, obviously worried.

"A little" Blaine lied, lowering his gaze so Sam wouldn't be able to read his eyes, as he usually did.

"That's quite a bug you seemed to have caught" Sam commented, squeezing Blaine's body more strongly to his as if he could protect him that way from a world that was trying to hurt him.

"Yeah" Blaine halfheartedly agreed as he hid under Sam's chin.

"It's a pity you couldn't taste any of that delicious food from the party yesterday" Sam explained with a chuckle as he remembered it. "Gosh, I ate so much I must have gained like four pounds at least!"

"Come on, don't be so exaggerated"

"I mean it! I still feel so stuffed I could probably roll my way down the stairs when I leave!" Sam joked, but he was slightly disappointed when all he could elicit from Blaine was a polite smile –but he didn't blame him, he was probably feeling too lousy to laugh. "I need to take better care of myself or the modeling thing isn't going to work"

"But Sam, you're… you're perfect" Blaine honestly said, even rising his head to look at his boyfriend in disbelief: couldn't Sam really see how perfect he was?

"Awww, come here" Sam fondly exclaimed before cupping Blaine's face to attract it to him so he could kiss his delicious lips in gratitude for his words. "You're so sweet… but let's be honest, I have to reduce my body fat percentage"

"That's not true" Blaine replied, almost indignant because… seriously? Had Sam seen himself in the mirror?

"It is! Look at this!" Sam answered, and even if he didn't seem too upset about it, he still lifted his shirt a bit and grabbed a pinch of the natural fat on his abdomen to make a point. "I need to be careful if I don't want to become a fatty"

Blaine tried not to show it, but he felt like bursting into tears at Sam's words: if Sam, who had the most amazing body he had ever seen, thought he needed to make a bigger effort… well, what must he think of him? When he was really a fatty, and short and completely unattractive? If Sam's perfect body wasn't enough… then what hope did he have? How could he live with the thought that nothing he did was ever going to be enough?

"But I think I will make an effort and I'll eat with you, because you really need to get some nourishment into you so you can beat your illness" Sam continued when he noticed Blaine's silence and once again attributed it to his ailment.

"I'm not hungry, Sam, I told you" Blaine immediately protested.

Because if the diet was not working… the only answer he could think of was to eat as little as possible. Only until he reached his goal, of course, he didn't have an eating disorder or anything… he just needed to lose some weight.

He had to do whatever was necessary before he lost Sam for good.

"I know, but you should make an effort" Sam insisted, worrying about him, as usual.

"Sam, I… I feel nauseous, I can't possibly eat anything" Blaine again refused, knowing his faked illness would justify his negation to eat without erasing too many questions.

"But…" Sam insisted once more.

"Leave it, please" Blaine implored with his eyes getting glassy with some tears he couldn't control, but for once he didn't hate them so much because it was enough to make Sam stop insisting in an instant.

"Ok, ok, whatever you need, my love" Sam immediately reassured him, holding him close to his heart with the hope of stopping what he hated the most in the world: to see Blaine cry. Even if it was probably because Blaine was feeling lousy and vulnerable with his illness, no need to worry too much.

Right?

But the way Blaine clung to him after that even if he hardly said a word the rest of the afternoon, made Sam wonder if there was something else troubling him.

Of course Sam didn't stay for the night because Blaine's parents were home, but he was back the next day, ready to spend the whole day with his sick boyfriend. Blaine seemed to be in a slightly better mood, but he refused again to eat claiming he had had a hearty breakfast and didn't want to risk getting sick again. Sam had to admit it sounded reasonable even if he wasn't entirely convinced, but he remembered his pleading tears from the day before and he didn't have the heart to insist.

After all, a couple of days with little food didn't hurt anyone that much, right?

When Blaine assured him he was going to school the next day because he was feeling better –he couldn't keep lying any longer and he really didn't want to miss any school days so close to graduation–, Sam asked him for the keys to his car so he could take it and pick him up, instead of the other way around, because it would made him feel as if he was taking care of him. And judging by the way Blaine finally smiled at him, Sam was proud to know he could still make him happy like that.

So that's why on Monday morning Sam parked Blaine's car in front of his house and texted him to let him know he was there. It only took him half a minute to appear, and Sam's face immediately brightened at seeing his boyfriend up and around, no signs of the illness that had kept him in bed for two days. But one better look at him, as Blaine approached the car, and Sam couldn't help but frown with confusion: what was he wearing? And why did it look so big on him?

"Hey, Sammy" Blaine lovingly said as he got into the car and kissed his boyfriend's lips in greeting.

"Hey, love" Sam answered, but he needed to know. "What are you wearing?"

"A sweater" Blaine answered, trying to sound casual even if it was obvious that the question made him uncomfortable.

"I can see that. What I meant is... are you sure you didn't mess up with the size?"

"No, it's perfect" Blaine answered, resisting the urge to pull at the hem to cover himself even more because he was aware it was already pretty long.

"It's very different from your usual tight clothes" Sam observed, trying not to sound judgmental because Blaine had been kind of sensitive lately and he didn't want to upset him.

"Yeah, well, maybe I needed a change" Blaine dismissively answered as he fastened his seat-belt, making it clear that he didn't want to continue discussing the issue.

And the issue was that Blaine was wearing the biggest piece of clothing he had, one sweater his brother Cooper had forgotten at the house when he moved out, so it was easier to conceal the horrendous form of his body. He usually wore tight clothes, and he could facepalm himself at how stupid he had been until then not to realize that's why everybody noticed so easily how fat he was. But that was not going to happen anymore and he was not going to dress like that again, at least not until he lost some weight.

Of course Sam refrained from giving his opinion on that: he clearly preferred his gorgeous boyfriend in his usual tight clothes that accentuated his perfect and irresistible body –and with that style that made him so unique–, but he was not going to say anything because he didn't want to be one of those people who tried to change their partners. If Blaine wanted to wear that, he was going to support him, as he always did. And well, he looked incredibly cute anyway, so it didn't really matter.

Though he couldn't help but feel how weird it felt to see him dressing in such a different way from his usual style, and Sam wondered why Blaine had suddenly such an urge to make so many changes.

"Aren't you changing a lot of things lately?" Sam tentatively asked, knowing he was probably imagining things –but at the same time fearing he wasn't.

"And is that bad?" Blaine answered with a smile, but also with a hint of defensiveness in his usually warm voice.

"No, I guess not" Sam hurried to reassure him, even daring to joke so as to lighten the suddenly awkward mood. "As long as you don't exchange me"

"Of course not" Blaine answered with a forced chuckle.

Because even if he didn't say anything, he couldn't help but to think it probably wouldn't be long until it was Sam changing him for another. And that thought hurt too much.

"By the way, do you remember that agent I met at the party that I told you about?" Sam said, immediately sparkling Blaine's interest as he finally started driving towards school.

"Sure"

"He called me last night"

"What?" Blaine exclaimed, feeling his heart was going to fly out of his chest with excitement for his boyfriend. "And what did he want?"

"He… he offered me a contract" Sam answered, trying –and failing– to keep himself from smiling with pride. "In New York"

"Oh my God, Sam!" Blaine yelled, only refraining from jumping in Sam's arms because the latter was driving. "That's so amazing!"

"I know, right?" Sam replied, not even trying to sound modest anymore because come on, that was Blaine! And Blaine would never judge him –especially judging by the excitement in his face at receiving the news. "I mean, I was just standing there and he approached me to say I was exactly what they were looking for in their agency! So apparently he spoke to them on the weekend and… they offered me a job!"

"Congratulations, love!" Blaine exclaimed, finally giving up his retisance to kiss Sam's cheek even if he tried not to bother his driving. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, babe" Sam answered with the goofiest smile.

"And what did you say?"

"Well… I said no"

"What?" Blaine asked, his smile freezing in a second. "Why?"

"Because I'm not ready to move to New York yet" Sam explained, knowing he could share all his thoughts with his beloved boyfriend, who always seemed to understand. "We're going there together at fall, remember?"

"But Sam…" Blaine tried to protest, even if he was almost too overwhelmed to find his voice at how much his boyfriend seemed to love him, even if he couldn't understand why. "You can't refuse such an offer… especially for me"

"Ok, don't go feeling guilty" Sam immediately stopped him, knowing how Blaine would manage to find the way to blame himself from Sam's decision. "I want to go to New York with you, that's true. But I also want to graduate first. We don't know how this modeling thing is going to work and I don't want to jeopardize my future, I want to be responsible and do the right thing for once"

Blaine was about to continue protesting, because it was too big an opportunity to just let it pass, but he had to admit that Sam's reasoning made a lot of sense. He knew how much Sam had matured during that year and how hard he was working to be able to graduate with the rest of them in spite of his dyslexia. Of course he would love to see him making his dream come true right away, but he was incredibly proud of him for making such a hard decision.

"You sure?" Blaine asked, wanting to make sure his boyfriend wouldn't regret his decision in the long run.

"I'm sure, B" Sam assured him with a loving and grateful squeeze to Blaine's thigh. "In just a few months we'll be going there, together. And man, we're going to be a couple of successful bastards!"

And nothing could have warmed Sam's heart more than the chuckle his words were able to elicit on his taciturn boyfriend of late.

Being Monday, Blaine hardly had any class with Sam, which he hated. He hadn't even seen him at lunch time, because he didn't want Sam to know he was not going to eat anything so he had made an excuse about having to talk with a teacher and had texted him to let him know he wouldn't meet him until Glee club. Of course Sam had texted him back, playfully protesting a bit about it and reminding him to find the time to eat his lunch, after eating so little for the past two days. But as usual he respected his decision, even if he was disappointed not to share his meal with him. But Sam was wonderful like that.

So that's why Blaine had been 'hiding' in the gym at lunch time, taking advantage of the time to do some heavy training that would help him get rid of his exceeding weight, and after taking his shower he started walking towards his next class. And that's when he had the bad fortune of running into the last person he wanted to see: Daisy.

"Hello, Blaine" she said when she stopped right in front of him without the usual charming smile she usually gifted Sam with.

"Hello, Daisy" he reluctantly answered, knowing she was just talking to him because she wanted to reach his boyfriend. "Sam is not here right now, but I can text…"

"No, I wanted to talk to you" she rudely interrupted him.

"Me?"

"Yes. I need you to talk some sense into Sam and convince him to accept that offer"

"Oh, he told you" Blaine commented, not surprised that Sam had shared that bit of information with her, because he considered her a good friend and they had lot of common interests.

"Yes, he told me. And he also told me he was going to refuse it"

"Yes, he decided to wait until we finish school as we…"

"This is your fault" Daisy brusquely interrupted him again, not even pretending to be nice now that Sam wasn't around.

"What?"

"He's staying for you, I hope you realize that"

"That's not true, he just wants to graduate first" Blaine protested.

"That's what he told you?" she answered with a sarcastic snort –and Blaine wondered if someone else had ever made him feel as small and pathetic as she did. "Poor thing, so gullible… Sam doesn't want to go to New York out of pity for you, because he feels guilty to leave you behind while he successes"

Blaine wanted to protest, to yell at her, to assure her she was lying… but he couldn't. Because a part of him was telling him she was right and that was the real reason behind Sam's refusal. Sam knew how weak and pathetic he was, and he was probably afraid he would fall apart if he left him there alone. What if Daisy was right? What if he was the reason for Sam to miss such an opportunity?

Daisy, who was much more manipulative and astute that she had shown until then, could see that her words were taking deep root on Blaine's already vulnerable mind, and decided to continue. After all, what she wanted was to get him out of the way without Sam realizing she had anything to do with it. And the best way to do that was to make sure Blaine would move out of the way himself.

"Look, you're holding him down, you know?" Daisy added, even if she tried to be less harsh so Blaine would think she was only worrying about her friend.

"What do you mean?"

"You're an obstacle in his career. Do you think a model needs to be in a committed relationship? Of course not, they need to be free and, what's more important, people need to think they're free so they can dream about meeting them"

"But…" Blaine tried to protest, but he realized he didn't know what to say, because he hadn't ever thought about that before –and he wondered if Sam had ever done either, or it would just be another reason to leave him in the short run.

"You know what I say it's true" she insisted. "And if that wasn't enough, you're a guy, and it wouldn't do any good for Sam's image to be perceived as gay"

Blaine didn't even open his mouth this time, because he knew she was completely right about that.

"And well, on top of everything, you're not..." she continued, pretending she was looking for the right words so as not to hurt him –even if she was aiming precisely for that.

"I'm not what?" Blaine asked, even if he was almost scared about what he was going to hear.

"You're not exactly the most glamorous person to be around, you know? Sam will be making a living out of his image, he can't be related to someone like you"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, I didn't want to be cruel, but you're giving me no choice: you're short, fat and you dress in a ridiculous way" she said, even touching his sweater with disdain. "Do you even have a plan for your life?"

"I want to dedicate my life to music and theatre" Blaine answered, his voice almost inaudible with shame, before realizing he didn't owe the girl any explanation.

"Please, another dreamer, as if I hadn't heard enough..." she replied, looking at him as if he was the most pathetic human being she had ever seen. "Look, if you really love Sam you gotta do what's best for him"

"But… Sam loves me" Blaine was able to say through the knot he could feel forming on his throat.

"Sam thinks he loves you because he hasn't found anything better yet" she cruelly retorted. "Just give him some time"

Blaine remained silent as his heart shattered into pieces at the girl's harsh –though reasonable– words. And if he had to be honest with himself... she hadn't said anything he hadn't thought before. He just hadn't had the heart to dwell too much on it.

"Look, I just wanted you to convince Sam to give that offer a chance, but looks like you can even do that right" she continued, apparently having lost all fear of hurting him. "And I wouldn't tell him about this conversation, you don't want to ruin the modeling club for him too, right? Haven't you done enough?"

She looked intently at Blaine for a couple of seconds, daring him to contradict her, but when she saw he was not going to answer –which probably meant she had managed to convince him to not breath a word of their conversation to his boyfriend– she cockily turned around and started walking down the hall with a proud smile on her face, knowing she had made a big progress that day: hopefully Blaine would convince Sam to go to New York and... once he was there it would be really easy for her to follow him, her agent would make sure she would get a lot of work offers after all.

Meanwhile Blaine stood petrified in front of his locker, too shocked to move –or hardly even breathe. He couldn't believe how she had finally shown her colors and even overcome every expectations Blaine could have had about her malice. But at the same time... yes, everything she had said was aiming to hurt him, he knew that much. But that didn't mean it wasn't true, right? Because it probably was: what if Sam didn't worry so much about graduation and had only decided to stay for him? Even out of pity for him? Wouldn't he be holding Sam down if that was the case?

And what if Daisy was right and being Sam's boyfriend would make him look bad? What if Sam didn't stop loving him but still broke up with him because he was an obstacle to his modelling career? Or what if Sam never broke up with him... and his career failed because of that?

Gosh, Blaine couldn't even think of living a life without the person he loved the most in the world, but knowing he was sabotaging his dreams, even if unwillingly, also hurt very bad. What was he supposed to do?

But his heart and his head were hurting too bad for him to find an answer.

It was very hard for Blaine to continue functioning after his dreadful encounter with Daisy, but he knew she was right and he needed to feign nothing had happened: the last thing he wanted was for Sam to know about their conversation and get angry at the girl, and lose everything the modeling club meant to him. If Sam was renouncing to New York for him... well, hadn't he done enough?

Of course it was not as easy to act as if everything was alright once he reunited with Sam in the glee club a while after that, because his boyfriend knew him too well and he would surely read him like a book.

"Hey" Sam happily exclaimed when Blaine finally found his way into the choir room, even rising from his chair to properly welcome him and give him the embrace he deserved. "I've missed you today"

"I've missed you too" Blaine answered as he let himself be engulfed in those warm arms that had never failed to protect him before, in desperate need for their comfort.

"Hey, you alright?" Sam asked, immediately noticing his somber mood when they broke the embrace. "You're not feeling sick still, are you? Did you eat something?"

"Yes, of course I did, and I'm ok" Blaine answered, but he could easily see he was not convincing his very protective boyfriend. "Just a bit tired, I guess"

"Well, I guess it's normal to feel a bit weak after two days with so little nourishment" Sam agreed with a shrug of his shoulders before bringing Blaine closer to him again to embrace him comfortingly.

"Oh my God, you're so disgusting…" Kitty protested good-naturedly as she arrived to the classroom, as she usually did in what had become almost a routine between her and the couple. "Blaine, stop wearing Sam's clothes, please"

"I'm not wearing Sam's clothes" Blaine mumbled while trying not to blush –did everyone have to comment on his clothes? Gosh, he couldn't have a rest!

"The sweater?" Kitty asked in a sarcastic tone.

"It's mine"

"Gosh, then you really need to grow" she joked without any bad intention –as Blaine had always joked about his own height and had even designated her and himself as "the hobbit twins".

"And you really need to close your mouth" he answered in the coldest voice anyone present had ever heard on him as he disentangled from Sam's embrace and walked to take a seat.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room for a moment, as everyone was astounded at his answer: Blaine was usually the sweetest person to be around, he always had a smile and an encouraging word for everyone, it was so unlikely of him to give such a retort... But then again everyone was entitled to have a day, they guessed, and maybe Kitty's words had sounded a bit offensive after all.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, Blaine, I was just kidding" Kitty apologized, the playfulness of a moment before completely gone from her voice.

"I'm sorry too, Kitty, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that" Blaine answered, full of guilt, because he had never meant to jump at her throat like that –after all, it wasn't her fault that she had hit too close to home while only trying to have a laugh or the fact that he was having so much trouble controlling his emotions lately.

"We ok?" She asked, and Blaine hated to perceive some kind of fear in her eyes –after all, Kitty and him had become good friends since Blaine joined the cheerios, and he knew she cared very deeply about him.

"Or course, honey, I'm sorry" he answered while managing to smile, tenderly rubbing her shoulder once she sat in front of him with obvious relief.

Nobody said anything else on the matter, but Blaine could feel Sam's stare fixed on him even while he pretended to be looking for something in his back so he wouldn't have to look back at the blond. As much as some people seemed to think so, Sam was not stupid by any means, and Blaine knew that he more than suspected that there was something wrong with him. Blaine really needed to work harder to feign, or Sam would end up discovering everything.

Fortunately for him, Mr. Schuester chose that moment to appear and, as usual, he started talking non-stop about something –it was difficult for Blaine to know what, because he was finding it very hard to concentrate–. Suddenly everyone started cheering, and he turned to Sam in confusion, hoping to find an answer about what was happening.

"Mr. Schue is going to give us the list of songs for Nationals" Sam kindly explained, having noticed how Blaine seemed to be absent but he thought he was probably just thinking about how he had 'fought' with Kitty so not much to worry about. "I'm so sure you're going to get a solo"

Blaine smiled at his boyfriend's confidence in him, but at the same time he couldn't help but to wish he would be wrong. Because yes, until about a couple of weeks ago that would have been like his biggest dream come true, but now... he couldn't imagine himself standing on his own in front of hundreds of people, looking at him, judging him... What if Daisy was right? What if he was just a dreamer and he wasn't that talented? What if he did a fool of himself and they lost because of him? He didn't think he could get over something like that.

"Well, I'm sure you all would like to have your moment, and two of the songs are going to have some verses for everyone, but only the last one will be a solo" Mr. Schuester explained, glad that every one of his students were nodding in agreement –he had been afraid of all the drama these moments tended to elicit, though he had to admit it had been easier since some of the original members left after their graduation and were replaced but younger and more modest students.

"And who is going to be the lucky one?" Unique asked, hoping she would be the chosen one.

"Well, it was a hard decision but... since Blaine is the new Rachel, I think It's only fair that he will get a solo, I'm sure you'll all agree he has earnt such an honor"

Everyone turned to him at once and, even if some of them looked a bit disappointed, they agreed with their teacher that Blaine was the man for the job and they applauded at him, knowing he was not going to disappoint them.

Blaine felt that familiar knot of late on his throat at the pressure he suddenly felt falling on him, making it hard to even breathe properly. No, no way, there was no way he could do it. There was no way he could jump on a stage and expose himself like that. Not when he could hardly stand seeing himself in the mirror.

"Excuse me, Mr. Schue, but I... I'm not sure I'm the right one for the job" Blaine said, and even if his voice was barely audible, it was enough to silence all the noise in the room thanks to the surprise it elicited.

"What?" Sam asked, almost in shock, as he gently grabbed Blaine's arms to turn him towards him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm surprised, Blaine, I thought it was what you wanted, I was sure you would be delighted with the news" Mr. Schue continued, almost as shocked as the blond.

"And I'm grateful for your trust, Mr. Schue, honestly, I just... I don't think I'm ready for it" Blaine tried to explain, hoping his voice wasn't shaking as much as he was.

"But Blaine, you're the best singer and performer in the club, of course you're ready" Sam intervened, feeling a strange dread and sorrow in his heart at the sudden lack of self-confidence of his boyfriend –as Blaine had always shone on stage as if he had been born to it.

"I'm not" Blaine answered, practically in a whisper because he hated disappointing Sam.

"I understand it can be quite scary but..." Mr. Schue tried to intervene, but Blaine didn't give him the option to finish.

"I'm not scared" Blaine interrupted him with a rudeness that surprised even himself –because it was as if all his pain of late –and the shame after his conversation with Daisy– had suddenly turned into anger and he couldn't control it. "I just don't think I'm the best one for the part and I don't want to do it"

"Well, Blaine, I'm sorry but I'm the one who decides the soloists, and you are going to have the main solo this year, I'm sure that once you start rehearsing you will see..." Mr. Schue insisted, not happy about how Blaine seemed to be questioning his authority and he couldn't allow it.

"I'm not going to do it" Blaine stubbornly repeated, not willing to let himself be intimidated –and terrified at the same time at what he was doing.

"Blaine..." Sam whispered at his side, and he sounded so worried that Blaine didn't have the heart to look at him.

"What the hell, Blaine, we would all kill for a chance like that and you're rejecting it?" Unique asked all of a sudden and, even if it broke Blaine's heart to know he was failing the team like that, her words only seemed to contribute to his anger.

"How can you be so selfish?" Jake reproached him, not helping in the least.

"I didn't ask for it, you can have the solo for all I care" Blaine retorted, feigning he didn't care about what was happening –when the truth was he was silently yelling for them to understand how afraid he was.

"But Blaine, we need you to win" Tina intervened, pleading to him to reconsider his decision while she worried and wondered what the hell was happening with her best friend lately.

"Yeah, we're a team, you can't fail us" Artie added.

"Blaine, is there something wrong?" Mr. Schue decided to ask, knowing that there had to be something wrong with the boy to act that way, as he usually was the model student and teammate and he loved performing like nothing else in the world. "Is there some way I can help you?"

For a moment Blaine almost fell into the temptation of spilling everything at Mr. Schue's offer, he almost asked him to have a word with him in private and tell him what had been happening lately, why he was doing what he was doing and why he sometimes felt so depressed he could hardly get up in the mornings. He trusted Mr. Schue and gosh, it would feel so good to talk to someone who could maybe help him... But no, he couldn't. He would never understand because Mr. Schue was perfect, even at his age: he was attractive, he was talented and he was confident: everything Blaine wasn't. He would probably just laugh at him or simply tell him he was making a big deal out of nothing because he wouldn't understand.

And Sam would never forgive him for explaining everything to someone else instead of him. So no, he couldn't tell him anything.

"Yeah, you can listen to me when I tell you I don't want to do it" Blaine spat at the teacher, even if under his harsh words there was a real plead to let it go.

"I'm sorry but if you don't give me a good reason not to, you're going to have to do it" Mr. Schue answered with a sigh, and no one was too surprised because even if he was usually great to them, sometimes he could get quite unreasonable when things didn't go his way.

"How about I don't want to?" Blaine angrily replied, even rising from his chair in frustration that didn't seem able to do even that right.

"Blaine, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sam whispered at his side, totally in shock, as he stood up next to him.

"Nothing, fuck, why is it so hard to understand I just don't want to have a solo?" Blaine practically yelled, not being able to stop even if he could see the pain in his boyfriend's eyes.

"Mr. Schue, can I talk to Blaine outside for a second?" Sam asked, turning to the teacher, hoping he would be able to bring Blaine back to his senses if they could have a calm and private conversation.

"There is nothing to talk about, I'm not going to do it and that's final" Blaine stopped him, because the last thing he wanted was to be confronted by the one person who could manage to make him lose his resolution.

"I'm the director of this glee club, Blaine, and as long as you are a part of it..." Mr. Schue tried to threaten him, but again he was not going to be listened to.

"Are you really going to force me into it?" Blaine asked, full in defiance even if what he really felt was he was being cornered and he didn't know how to escape.

"If I have to"

"Then I'm out"

There was a general exclamation at that, because Blaine would have been the last person they would have thought could possibly want to leave the glee club, after everything it had meant to him. And he seemed just as surprised himself, judging by the shock that seemed to cross his face for a second, only to be replaced by the same defiance once again.

"What are you doing?" Sam whispered at him, hoping some privacy would make Blaine's pretense fall, but he was not that fortunate.

"I'm out of the glee club" Blaine explained in feigned calmness, even if it was obvious by the way he started gathering his things.

"Blaine, wait, let's talk about it" Mr. Schue implored, feeling guilty that he had driven Blaine to such a drastic measure even if he didn't really understand what was happening.

"I'm not a member of the club, you can't tell me what to do anymore" Blaine answered as he left the chair area in the most confident way he could muster, knowing there was no turning back now.

"Blaine, you can't be serious, let's..." Tina begged, even picking his hand in hers, but Blaine refused the contact with a rage he felt was invading him so strongly it wouldn't even let him think.

"Will you all leave me alone?" He retorted, almost yelling, before turning around in shame and disappearing so none of them could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

Everyone remained dumbstruck in their places, not knowing what to do, or even think. They were not able to believe what had happened: they doubted they had ever seen Blaine even annoyed, as he was usually the sweetest and most patient boy ever. So to see him so angry, and without a real reason... and leaving the glee club he loved so much just because he didn't want to have a solo! It didn't make any sense.

"Mr. Schue, may I be excused?" Sam's request took them all out of their reverie. Because no matter how angry Blaine was or how confused he was himself, he needed to talk to him and discover what the hell was happening.

"Yes, yes, of course, Sam" Mr. Schue answered in a defeated tone, feeling he had failed as a teacher to one of his favorite students.

"Blaine! Wait!" Sam yelled at his boyfriend as he ran behind him, not caring if they were in a corridor of the school.

"Sam, don't" Blaine pleaded, but he still erased the tears in his eyes because he knew his boyfriend was not going to listen to him and he didn't want him to see them.

"Wait a minute" Sam implored as he gently grabbed on Blaine's shoulder to make him turn around, almost afraid of sending him into another bout of fury.

"Go back, Sam, you're still in the glee club" Blaine answered in a soft tone, even letting Sam manhandle him because no matter how angry he was, he would always respect the person he loved the most in the world.

"And you can be in it too if you want, I'm sure if you just go back with me and..."

"I'm not going back there, Sam"

"Blaine, what the hell is going on?" Sam asked, desperate for some answers to understand.

"Didn't you just see it?"

"Yes! I saw Mr. Schue giving you a solo! For nationals! I thought that's what you had been dreaming of for the whole year!"

"Well, it's not! I don't want to do it, okay?" Blaine protested, hoping his boyfriend would support him on that and not pressure him to do it. "Why is it so hard to understand?"

"Because you live to perform! Music is like breathing to you!" Sam explained, holding both of Blaine's hands in his to make more of an impression. "Or is that another thing you've changed lately?"

"You don't understand" Blaine lamented with a shake of his head.

"No, I surely don't" Sam admitted, silently asking him to help him understand.

"Then go back there, it's okay, the fact I left doesn't mean you have to do the same" Blaine gently answered, not wanting for Sam to lose the glee club as he had done, thanks to his cowardice and his inability to channel his emotions.

"Talk to me, Blaine" Sam begged, even bringing one of Blaine's hands to his lips to kiss it so the latter would understand how much he loved him.

"I'm talking to you" Blaine answered, feigning he hadn't understand what Sam meant to avoid the question.

"Tell me what is wrong with you, please" Sam insisted, not willing to let it go for once in spite of how hard Blaine tried to avoid it. It had been long enough. "Maybe I can help"

"What is wrong with me, Sam?" Blaine retorted, his voice completely changed as he went into the defensive again. "Mind to share?"

"Isn't that answer just proof enough? You would have never talked to me that way a few weeks ago"

"I'm sorry" Blaine apologized, knowing Sam was right and he didn't deserve a treatment like that –especially when he wasn't to blame for anything.

"It's okay" Sam immediately forgave him, not offended in the least –just worried. "I just want to know if you're okay"

"I told you, Sam, there is nothing wrong with me" Blaine lied once again, knowing he couldn't just tell Sam about how he was feeling without opening his eyes to how pathetic he was or without ruining the blond's friendship with Daisy. And he had done enough.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you" Sam answered, knowing he had never been that harsh to Blaine either but feeling he needed to do it.

"If you can't trust my words... then I don't know what we are doing" Blaine answered, feeling that familiar anger burning in his chest again at Sam's words –even if he was really lying to him. "Maybe you should just go to New York"

"What?" Sam asked, completely in shock. Had Blaine really implied... that maybe they should just... call it quits? "Blaine, what did you mean with that?"

"Forget it" Blaine answered, unable to simply put an end to that relationship that meant the world to him even if he knew he should do it to set Sam free.

But he couldn't. He was selfish like that and he knew he would die if he ever had to see Sam go. So instead he just caressed Sam's cheek, unable to stop the tears any longer.

"Just… forget it" he said, before turning away and leaving Sam there before he could really see how broken he really was.

A/N: Only one more chapter to go!