A/N: If you're opposed to silly, rambling, drunken conversations, turn back now!
For the scenes where the guys put together what happened over the weekend, I decided to use script form, so you can tell the difference. This one had the 'convenient' set up of a camera, but I'm going to do all of them like that. It's just a fun way of distnguishing between the past and a flashback.
Anyway, on with the show...
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…exhibit-a…
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Black Screen. Sound of scuffling.
Clark: Bart, put it down.
Bart: Come on, Clark! We gotta record some o' this! For our future posterior!
Clark: Posterity.
Bart: What?
Lex: Bart, I'm afraid you won't be recording anything… not until you take the lens cap off.
Bart: Huh? Oh…
Screen flickers, and we see interior of hotel suite. Clark and Lex reclined on armchairs, sipping champagne. In background, as Bart pans camera around to show rest of suite, we see Oliver perched on bar, singing very off-key.
Oliver: Sometimes I run… Sometimes I hide… Sometimes I'm scared of you… But all I really want is to hold you tight…
AC: Hold you tight…
AC waltzes across screen. His dancing partner is blow-up Britney doll.
Oliver: Be with you day and night… Come on! Everybody!
Clark: I'm not singing that song!
Lex: Neither am I!
Oliver: Why not?
Clark: I hate Britney Spears!
Collective gasp from Oliver and Bart. AC stops dancing, swings on Clark and Lex, looking hurt.
AC: Take it back, Boyscout!
Clark: What?
AC holds doll out to Clark.
AC: You take it back and apologise, right now!
Lex: I believe you owe the lady an apology, Clark.
Clark: You didn't wanna sing either.
Lex: True, but I didn't insult her. I didn't want to spoil one of Britney's most… soulful songs with my awful singing voice.
Bart (voice): You're a fan, Lex?
Lex: Her first video, she was a slutty schoolgirl. What do you think?
Oliver: They should have you talking about that on Larry King.
Lex: I don't think Larry can handle it.
AC: You guys think Victor's okay?
Bart: 'Course! Leave Vic alone! He's happy where he is.
Oliver: I guess.
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Screen goes black for thirty seconds, before:
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Oliver's face fills screen, extreme close-up.
Oliver: You know that thing has a zoom function, Impulse. You don't have to literally shove it in my face.
Bart: Sorry.
Camera pulls back a bit.
Bart: 'Kay, you ready?
Oliver clears throat.
Oliver: Clark, I just wanna say… congratulations, man. I'm really happy for you and Lois. Really. I am! She's uh… she's great. She's so… you know, smart, and… funny, and sexy. Unbelievably sexy. She's got that tight, toned body, you know?
Bart: Ollie, what are you doing?
Oliver: Sorry… sorry… didn't mean to, er… to go there. Just coz I had Lois and I was dumb enough to let her go, doesn't mean, er… that I'm… bitter or anything. Coz I'm not! I'm not! I'm really… really happy for you guys!
Bart: Dude, you look like you're about to cry!
Oliver wipes eyes with back of hand.
Oliver: I'm not! Shut up!
Oliver raises glass.
Oliver (very fast): To Clark and Lois! Congratulations! There!
Oliver ducks off camera. Bart swings round, following Oliver as he hurries out to balcony.
Bart: Ollie? Ollie? Dude, you're not gonna jump, are ya?
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Screen goes blank. Slightly longer this time.
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Lex appears on screen. Also drinking liberal amounts of champagne. He peers into camera, brow puckered, and questioning.
Lex: My message for Lois and Clark?
Bart: Yeah, you know… just… well wishes, and whatnot.
Lex: Okay, I guess I can do that.
Lex clears throat, prepares himself. Stares straight into camera. He opens his mouth. Nothing comes out.
Bart: Lex?
Lex: It's okay, I can do this.
Lex clears throat again, peers into camera, and… nothing.
Bart: Come on, Lex! You of all people should have something to say to Clark. Especially after what happened last night.
Lex: You're right. I'm sorry. Let's do this…
One more time.
Lex: Clark, We met in, er… strange circumstances. Usually, when you run someone off a bridge you don't get to be friends later. Unless you're both dead, and in heaven. But you and me… that's exactly what happened. We became friends. And it was great. Until I messed it up!
Lex becomes emotional, holds up a hand.
Lex: No, no… don't say anything! It's true! I messed up! I mean… I dropped an ice fortress on your head! Who does that?
Lex dabs at his eyes, appears to compose himself.
Lex: You know what? I should do this in person. Not to a camera. Where is he?
Lex looks around.
Lex: Clark? Clark?
Bart swings camera. Out of focus red-and-blue smudge on couch. Bart focuses picture. Clark is sitting on couch, deep in conversation with Britney doll. Bart moves in closer, picks up conversation.
Clark: No, really, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to insult you like that. I love your music. That one video… wear you're wearing nothing but diamonds, it's… it's genius, is what it is! Genius! You, Miss Spears, are a true artist, and I just wanna say…
Lex (voice): Clark?
Lex flops onto couch beside Clark. Bart tracks wide to get them both in shot.
Lex: There's something I have to say to you, man. Especially now… just before you get married.
Clark (concerned): Lex, what is it?
Lex: You… are a great guy. You are!
Clark (bashful): Lex…
Lex: I mean it. Forgiving me for everything I did. Trying to kill you… Lana! Everything! I mean… now that I know the truth, you were just trying to protect me!
Clark: Of course! Lex, I would never let anyone hurt you.
Lex: I know that now, Clark. And I'm grateful.
Clark: I hope you know how much your friendship means to me. But it always seemed like… like my secret got in the way. Like because I have my abilities I could never really commit to this friendship. And I want to Lex! I want to! It's like, er… it's like Britney…
Clark picks up doll.
Clark: It's like Britney says in that song of hers…
Lex: Hit me baby, one more time?
Clark: No, the other one.
Lex: What we do is innocent? Just for fun, and nothing meant?
Clark: No, not that one.
Bart (voice): Guys, you're starting to make me a little uncomfortable.
Clark: Oops! I did it again! I played with your heart! Got lost in the game! I don't wanna get lost in the game again, Lex! I don't want my abilities to ruin our friendship.
Lex: Well, they're not ruining anything now.
Clark: That's because I have this ring on. I'm Clark-lite right now, and… you know what? Screw that! I'm going to prove it!
Clark takes off ring. He bashes it against table. Stone splits from setting.
Bart (voice): Clark, what the hell are you doing?
Clark: What I should have done a long time ago!
Clark holds up ring and, suddenly, swallows it whole!
Bart (voice): Oh my God!
Clark: Now it's a part of me! No more super-Clark to come between me and my best friend!
Clark and Lex hug.
Screen goes black again.
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