At the Sweeneys' residence, a pair of teenagers and their mothers stand at the porch, the former trying to wish the latter off for the evening.
"Ok Rae, have fun tonight." The more formally dressed woman stated, "But I expect you to act your age. The Henshaws have the number to the hotel." She pointed out a house next door, "If they call to complain, I will come back and swat both your asses!"
"Girl, what am I, five?" Rae scoffed.
"I'm your mom, not your girl." Mrs Sweeney replied before the taller dark skinned woman walked over and pointed to Kate.
"And that goes double for you Kate!" she warned, "You are a guest in Wilma's house, and you will treat it with respect" before giving a confirming nod to the suited woman.
"Sure thing...girl" Kate replied, quickly stepping next to Rae to share a chuckle with her, only for Wilma to push her up towards Kate's mom one-handed. She keeps her hand pressed behind Kate as she pleads to her own defence "Hey it was funny, come on."
"Whose being a naughty bitch?" Kate's mom questions before grabbing one of her daughter's nipples tight and twisting slightly.
"I-I'm not a bitch!" Kate yells painfully in defiance.
"You think showing your mother up is good humor, so whose a naugthy bitch?" Kate's mom repeats with more violent twists.
"Agh O-Ok, I'm a bitch! I'm a naughty bitch." Kate screams pleadingly.
"Damn right you are." Kate's mom declares, releasing her daughter as Wilma pulls the girl back to Rae, "Thanks for the support there Wilma" Kate's mom adds.
"No problem girl, discipline is necessary for them." Wilma replies before giving her 'girl' a high five and turning off to head for the waiting taxi alongside Kate's mom, who gives the teenage girls a flippant hair flick behind her as she leaves.
The girls retreat into house, Kate nursing herself with a defeated "Ugh, that sucks."
"It doesn't matter girl, the parents are gone and I got my party scrunchie on!" Rae declares with a flick of her ponytail to better illustrate the presence of her scrunchie. The girls give each other a big high-five much like their mothers before pulling open all the windows and doors.
With the sudden openings, senior classmates begin to flush into the house. The Henrys and Valiant in particular enter through the front door of the house with Henry Chandler immediately laying the charm on the hostesses Rae and Kate. Henry Duke slinks and starts to look around before loosening up his letterman jacket to feel his chest. An exclaimed expression appears on his face. Henry McNamara runs all around the house like a wild party collie, shepherding as many members in the house, Henry Duke included, to the living room for dancing.
Valiant stops himself at the doorway at first and sees the growing crowd. He has never cut loose as a Henry before. Does he have it in him he wondered. A sharp inhale later, Valiant stepped into the house and got to work as a partying Henry.
[Rae] Mom says act our age,
You heard her then,
It's time to rage.
[All] Blast the bass,
Turn out the lights,
[Henrys] Ain't nobody home tonight.
[Rae] Drink, smoke, it's all cool,
Let's get naked in my pool!
[All] Punch the wall and start a fight,
Ain't nobody home tonight!
[Kate] Her folks got a waterbed,
Come upstairs and rest your head.
[Rae] Let's rub each other's backs,
while watching porn on Cinemax!
[Henrys] The folks are gone,
[Rae and Kelly] It's time for big fun! (big fun!)
[All] We're up till dawn,
Having some big fun! (big fun!)
Valiant is suddenly pushed by a wave of students further into the kitchen as various students start to open up all the shelves and drawers until someone raises a bottle of alcohol as their raided spoils.
[All] When mom and dad forget,
To look the liquor cabinet,
It's big fun! (big fun!)
Big fun!
Whoo!
As the night continued, the now rather drunk Valiant talks with the Henrys about how to take his shots.
"Ok ok, so lemme get this right." Valiant slurred, "It's shot, then lime, then salt!" he recited as he physically plays out each step.
"Oh no no Valiant, it's salt then-" Henry McNamara began before a rather angry drunk Henry Chandler spits out.
"You're doing it wrong!"
"Really?" Valiant responded with surprise, "'cause I feel great!" throwing himself onto the sofa behind him. A preppy babe of a girl passes by the lounging Valiant and comments smiling, "Hey Valiant. Looking good tonight." with a cute wink before walking on.
Stunned, Valiant straightens up and looks at the Henrys.
[Valiant] Whoa
A hot girl smiled at me,
Without a trace of mockery!
[All bar Valiant] Everyone's high as a kite,
Ain't nobody home tonight!
[Valiant] Stoned, Zoned I should quit…
Hey, is that weed? I want a hit.
[All bar Valiant] Fill that joint and roll it tight,
ain't nobody home tonight!
With a puff of the joint, Valiant made for the center of the dancing room, breaking away from the Henrys.
[Valiant] Dreams are coming true,
When people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
Feel like Madonna at Live Aid!
[All] The house is ours,
It's time for big fun! (big fun!)
Let's use their showers,
That sounds like,
Big fun! (big fun!)
In the tumult, Valiant is pushed out onto a sofa where sitting across from him is a couple deep into making out with each other.
[All] Crack open one more case!
[Valiant] I think that's what they call, "third base".
[All] Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
[Valiant] That actually looks like-
Valiant pulls himself up off the sofa as a pair of jocks holding up a pig piñata with "Jefferson Razorbacks" scrawled on his sides, led by Kate and Rae make their way to the centre of the room.
[All] Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
[Kate] All right people, What's Westerburg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?
[Rae] Gonna make 'em go
The jocks carrying the pig then proceed to mime a sexual spit roast on it, thrusting to the rhythm as coordinated by Rae's cheers of:
[Rae] Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!
[All] Big fun! (Big fun!)
At his left, Valiant hears Henry Duke scoff with an eye-roll and arms crossed. His remarks catch the attention of Rae too.
[Henry Duke] Way to show maturity.
[All] Big fun! (Big fun!)
Rae starts to back up into Henry Duke, thrusting out her ass and grinding it against Henry who, visibly discomforted, tries to back away from her.
[Henry Duke] Quit it Harpy, get off of me!
[All] Big fun! (Big fun!)
With Henry Duke pinned with his back to the wall, Valiant immediately steps in.
"Hey Rae! Emergency!" He calls to her, the attention causing her to pull away from Henry and straighten up to Valiant, "I just saw some freshmen climbing over the pool-side fence!" he improvised.
Rae's eyes narrow with a quiet "I hate freshmen." before she charges off yelling "Where are you little cunts? I'm coming for you!…"
Henry looks at Valiant with a scowl, "I didn't need your help" he snaps before flipping the bird at him.
Valiant chuckles and starts to pat Henry's hand, "Aw thanks Henry, but I don't need to throw up right now!"
[All] The party's hot, hot, hot.
It's time for big fun! (big fun!)
[Kate] You need a jello shot!
With Henry Duke retreating away from the scene, Kate slams a shot glass into Valiant's chest, the woozy teen shrugs and starts to do it, slowly meeting with the Henrys at the stairs overlooking the front door.
[All] We're having big fun! (big fun!)
Approaching the open door is a bright sweater covering a rotund mass of nerves. Martin clings onto a bottle of sparkling cider as he awkwardly walks through the front door. Valiant places the shot glass onto a small table and starts to meet up with Martin. His friend made it, this is sweet Valiant, the mixture of the drinks and atmosphere fogging up his memory for why Martin was here. The lump of guilt was drenched in liquor and felt more like a floating island than anything for Valiant. Overhead at the top of the stairs, the Henrys watch, slowly descending the stairs as Valiant leads Martin into another room of the house.
[Henry Chandler] Martin Dumptruck, in the flesh.
[Henry Duke] Here comes the Loser Squad,
We should -
[Chandler] Shut up, Henry!
[Duke] Sorry Henry.
[Henry McNamara] Look who's with him – Oh, my God!
The Henrys realise Valiant is with Martin as McNamara points at him.
[Henrys] Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Valiant wrapped his arm over Martin's shoulder with a grin on his face, "I can't believe you actually came."
Martin smiled back, "It's exciting right? Oh sorry Valiant, I need to say hi to Rae. I brought sparkling cider!" he beamed before rushing off ahead of Valiant. Behind the slick headed tipsy teen, the Henrys continue to watch on from the hallway to the front door.
[Chandler] Showing up here took some guts,
Time to rip them out!
Henry Duke looks over and grabs the now abandoned pig piñata and brings it back to the other Henrys.
[Duke] Well who's this pig remind you of?
Especially the snout.
[Chandler] Ha!
[Henrys] Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
The Henrys retreat away from sight with the piñata as Valiant turns around touching his face. Is their stuff on his face? Shoot, the drinks and party are distracting him from his station. I better find a washroom and clear my face...and head Valiant decided, walking upstairs for one.
Martin waddled up to Rae who was still driven by the possibly of wretched freshmen sneaking in her homecoming party. "H-Hi Rae." he started.
"Where the hell are those freshmen?!" Rae shrieked in frustration before turning to face Martin.
"I-I wasn't going to come but, since you took the time to write that sweet note I-"
"What note?" Rae questioned as she swiped the cider from Martian, "Why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? Ya know, people wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal."
Rae then started to chug the entire bottle but, by the second mouthful, she spews it out all over Martin who reflexively flinches at her outburst.
"There's no alchohol in here? Are you trying to poison me?" Rae interrogated with hands on her hips, one hand closed around the neck of the cider bottle.
[All] Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
The folks are gone,
It's time for big fun! (Big Fun!)
We're up till dawn,
Having some big fun! (Big fun!)
So let the speakers blow,
They'll buy another stereo.
Our folks got no clue
'Bout all the shit their children do.
Relieved of his clean up and straightened head, Valiant leaves the restroom and slides down the bannister. One more act of fun before I wind down Valiant figured, until he broke part of the bannister end off at the landing. Quickly, he tried to place the end piece back up and nonchalantly walked back into the party.
Why are they surprised?
Whenever we're unsupervised,
It's big fun! (Big fun!)
Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
Whooo!
With the cheer of the crowd in the dance room, the Henrys made their return downstairs. Henry Chandler took the lead with Henry Duke holding up the piñata behind him and at the far back Henry McNamara with a baseball bat in hand. Chandler accidentally knocks the end piece Valiant put back up over and with a shrug, continues on, Duke kicks it against the doorway intentionally and McNamara swiftly tries to put it back up before joining back up with the Henrys.
"Ok Westerburgers." Henry Chandler announced, hands up wide, "Time to celebrate our victory over the Razorbacks by whacking apart their mascot!" His loud announcement starting to draw in more people into the dancing room, Rae and Martin included. The more populated room begins to cheer at the prospect.
"Of course we are going to need a volunteer". Henry McNamara, swinging a baseball bat somewhat casually yet with impressive enough precision to hit no one or thing in the room beyond the open air. "So what aboooooout..." He spins the bat around until he points deliberately at Martin Dunnstock.
"Martin Dunnstock!" Chandler called out, "I think you should do the honors!", the use of Martin's surname drew a suspicious glance from Valiant. When did they ever call him by his full name Valiant queried.
Martin stepped forward with a smile, "I actually never played this game before." he admitted as Chandler started to take his glasses off of his face.
"Alright everyone, some Westerburg spirit if you please." McNamara cheered, "Martin!"
"Martin!"
"Martin!"
Soon the entire room sans Valiant was in on the cheer. Chandler started to tie something around Martin's eyes and spin him violently. What's going on Valiant asked himself.
Valiant rushed over to the Henry's and bumped into Henry Duke, spotting the pig pinata in his hands. There was something off about it though, where was the razorbacks writing on the sides? Oh they were covered by a tube top of sorts...why?
"Give me the pig!" Valiant ordered as he started to wrestle it out of Henry Duke's hands. Despite Duke's superior muscle mass, Valiant managed to break the Henry's grasp at the expense of the audience's approval as they bellowed with annoyance at Valiant ruining the surprise, the loudest detractor being Henry Chandler.
"Valiant! Where are you going with that pig?" He questioned before chasing him out of the house entirely towards the pool. "Valiant don't you dare!"
"You want the pig?" Valiant asked, "Then swim for it!" he cried before tossing the pig overarm into the vacant swimming pool. A loud splash met by deadened enthusiasm from the spectating party goers. Valiant immediately turned back to Martin, who started to pull the eye cover off in confusion. "Martin, go home." Valiant said.
"What?" Martin asked.
"Go!" Valiant repeats, snatching the bat out of his perplexed friends grasp.
"What about the-"
"I'll explain everything later, just please go home now!" Valiant pleaded. Martin, reluctantly obeyed and rushed out the house. Valiant could feel the cold glares of the Henrys behind him.
Turning around, Valiant surrenders the bat to Henry Chandler, face as red as his clothes with drunken fury. "Well, we gave it a shot. I'm resigning from the meathead Gestapo and returning to civilian life." Valiant concluded.
"No." Henry Chandler responded before throwing a punch at Valiant. Fortunately, the refreshing wash up put Valiant above Chandler in reflexes and shifted away from the angered jock. "No, you don't GET to be a nobody!" Chandler snapped before grabbing Valiant by his jacket and pulls him close, "Come Monday, you'll be an EX-somebody. Not even the loser nobodies will touch you now."
Each sentence from Chandler's mouth was punctuated with a violent shake. Oh boy, Valiant thought, something in his stomach acted funny. The alcohol sloushing around was starting to move, but not downwards. At first, Valiant was relieved, how humiliating it would be to piss himself in front of Henry Chandler right not? Another shake was needed for Valiant to realise his stomach was pushing up. Oh no.
"You can transfer to Washington or even transfer to Jefferson, but nobody outside of Westerburg is going to let you play their reindeer games!" Chandler stated with more shaking and this time even lifting Valiant over his head in an impressive feat of drunkard strength. An unfortunate decision however as Valiant felt the discomforting itch of something tickling the back of his throat.
Bluarggh!
From forehead down, Henry Chandler was caked in Valiant's puke. The sudden shock had Valiant dropped back to his feet with a heavy stumble. The spectators gasped with murmurs of "Holy shit!", "Oh my God!", "Henrys Showdown"!
Henry Chandler screamed, "Motherfucker!" and tried to swing at Valiant again and, once again, missed. Valiant at this point was ready to flee, but not without a furious, item flinging Henry Chandler charging behind him.
"I raise your scrawny ass from nothing!" Chandler shouted, hurling a bottle a foot above Valiant, "And this is how you repay me? In puke?" a bowl of corn nuts is smashed just right of Valiant off of the wall from Henry's throw.
"Well lick it up honey." Valiant sassed, "Lick. It. Up!" The sass spiked an uproar from the spectators.
Henry Chandler stops short of grabbing something else and forms a look back at Valiant, "I know who I will be eating lunch with on Monday, do you?" In that moment, another student presents Henry Chandler a towel which he snatches. "Alright everyone, let's bust the keg open! Pool party here we go!"
Everyone cheered and started to funnel away, Henry Chandler shoulder barging past Valiant. Less than a month of power and now poof! Valiant walked out the front door, a pang of a headache arising as he sauntered away from the party.
Urgh, head's blaring, legs buckling, mind swirling, where was he even going? Valiant continued to stumble down roads, with not even the foggiest clue where he was going.
His legs finally gave up and with a WHAM, he fell onto the pavement with his cheek to the ground. The pain was numb now, but come later on, he'll be bruised, suffering…
And a freak. Again.
With his face looking over the road to a couple of buildings, one sporting a light at its top right window, the dogged and dropped "Henry" sighs and rolls onto his back,
[Valiant] The Demon King of High School has decreed it,
He says, Monday 8am, I'll be deleted!
They'll hunt me down in study hall,
Stuff and mount me on the wall;
Thirty hours to live-
How shall I spend them?
Valiant starts to sit up into a sitting position before steadily reaching back to his feet, chest puffed up as though facing down a supervillain.
I don't have to stay and die like cattle,
I could-
Valiant threw his hands up into the air and heel turned away to mimic fleeing.
-change my name and ride up to Seattle.
But I don't own a motorbike -
At the corner of his eye, the lit room displays a familiar looking teenage girl hanging up her trench coat, rubbing her head of hair and snapping the light off.
Wait – here's an option that I like;
Valiant starts to loosen his collar and walk up towards the house, slowly his charm flowing back into him, back straightened and gait with the pride once sprayed all over Henry Chandler's jacket.
Spend these thirty hours gettin' – Freakay!
I need it hard,
I'm a dead boy walking!
Valiant starts to eye up all the sills and other footholds to help him climb up to the window. Fortunate for him that the crooked tree hanging just by J.D.'s window has better holds for his rather drunk self to climb up.
I'm in your yard,
I'm a dead boy walking!
Before they punch my clock,
Valiant rather recklessly kicks the lock to J.D.s window. Despite him snapping the lock off, the window itself shudders slightly to the impact and nothing more. Valiant starts to climb through the window.
I'm snapping off your window lock.
Got no time to knock,
I'm a dead boy walking!
With surprising grace, Valiant sneaks in through the window, its cold breeze creates a shift in J.D.s bed, she rolls over to face the window and blinks towards Valiant.
"Valiant!" She exclaims, covers pulled up over her vest clad chest. She then asks in a hushed tone "What are you doing in my room?"
Valiant simply gives a gentle shush in response before straightening up and drawing her curtains.
I seem to got lost all of a sudden,
I hope you might just ride me till I'm broken.
'Cause Henry says I gots to go,
You're my last meal on Death row,
Shut your mouth, and take off all my clothing!
With his last command, he unzipped the jacket and allowed it to slip off his arms by arching himself back before kicking his shoes off. Before he can start with anything else, J.D. leaves her bed to help remove his t-shirt and unbutton his pants. Valiant starts to hold her close to him and feel her sensually.
Come on!
Tonight I'm yours!
I'm your dead boy walking!
With Valiant's pants unfastened, he quickly pulls a condom from deep in his pants pocket before J.D. pulls them down, going down herself.
Get on all fours!
Kiss this dead boy walking!
Stepping out his pants and clenching the condom between his fingers, he lifts J.D. back up and up till their eyes are level, lifting J.D. off the ground.
Let's go, you know the drill,
I'm hot and pissed
J.D. wraps her arms around Valiant's neck.
[J.D.] I'm on the pill.
[Valiant] Then bow down to the will of a dead boy walking!
Valiant carries J.D. towards the bed and lays her down. Eyes locked and with him over her, Valiant remembers something he meant to say. I'll probably be dead by Monday so I'll say it now Valiant figured. He starts to caress her cheek with right hand.
And you know, you know, you know,
It's 'cause you're beautiful.
You say you're numb inside,
But I can't agree.
So the world's unfair,
Keep it shut out there.
Valiant pulls his hand away to gesture to the curtains. As far as he would care, those curtains could hold back all the woes and evils of the world and they could love each other for as long as those curtains stayed close. He returned his right hand to her face and then added his left hand to caressing the back of her shoulder and slowly pulling her up to his face.
In here its beautiful.
Let's make this beautiful!
With a quick glance to the mighty curtains, J.D. looked deep into Valiant's eyes and smiled, "That works for me."
The two embraced with a long kiss and make out, slowly stripping J.D. of her nightwear and Valiant of his underpants and socks. With only sheets and each others naked flesh to safeguard each other from the elements, J.D. laid down and with Valiant upright. Once Valiant swiftly dons his condom and casting the wrapper down to the floor, they engage in coitus.
Yeah! Full steam ahead!
Take this dead boy walking!
[J.D.] How did you find my address?
[Valiant] Let's break the bed,
Rock this dead boy walking!
[J.D.] I think you tore my mattress.
Valiant lowers himself down to her.
[Valiant] No more sleep tonight for you,
Better chug that Mountain Dew!
[J.D.] Okay, okay.
[Valiant] Time to shift a gear.
[J.D.] Let's make this town disappear!
[Valiant] Okay, okay.
[J.D.] Slap me,
[Valiant] Pull my hair
[Both] Touch me there and there and there.
Valiant clasps his hands over J.D.'s face.
[Valiant] But no more talking!
[J.D.] Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
Yeah, yeah!
[Both] Love this dead boy…
Valiant returned to the intercourse and held his hands down on the bed, each one flanking J.D.s head.
[J.D.] Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! Wait, wait!
[Valiant] Love this dead boy…
[Both] Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[J.D.] Ow!
[Both] Yeah!
The night closed with a night of many firsts for Valiant. His first alcoholic party. His first act of vandalism. His first alcoholic throw-up. His first hangover. And the great big popping cherry on top.