December 4: 1991
21 days until Christmas…
"I have the greatest prank ever," Fred declared, dumping his schoolbag on the couch next to his twin.
It was a relaxed winter day that drifted along like the snowflakes riding the breeze outside. Inside the Gryffindor tower's stone walls, students filled the common room, reading, doing homework, or just hanging out with friends.
"You said the Potions prank of '89 would be the greatest prank ever, and you remember how that turned out," George said.
Fred waved it off. "We had to work through some… obstacles, but at least we got the Marauder's Map."
"So what is it this time?" Lee Jordan asked eagerly.
Fred grinned, his eyes shining as he outlined their plan.
In exactly fifteen minutes, the three had two hard-packed snowballs bewitched with a Freezing Charm.
"Now remember," Fred said, "when Quirrell comes out of his office, he turns to the left. George, you use a weak Sticking Charm and then hide. He'll never know what hit him."
It was dark in Quirrell's turban. Dark and musty and strongly scented with garlic.
Voldemort wrinkled up his nonexistent nose and tried to think happy thoughts. Fluffy, innocent bunnies dripping with blood… Muggles keeling over from Justin Bieber overdose.
It was still very dark and scary. Plus now he had to sneeze.
Ah-ah- No! He couldn't blow his secret agent mission. Er- he meant he couldn't blow his diabolical plans to rule the world.
Ah-ah- CURSE QUIRRELL AND HIS SNEEZE-INDUCING GARLIC TURBAN!
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" Voldemort hummed to himself, trying not to sneeze. "Spongebo- Oof."
Out of nowhere, something smacked into his face. Again. And again.
It was amazing how much a nonexistent nose could be in pain.
"Sorry, Master," Quirrell murmured.
Voldemort sighed. Don't sneeze. Ouch, that hurt. Don't sneeze. Ouch, that hurt. Why is it so dark and scary? Don't sneeze. Darkness. Ouch, that hurt. I want my mommy.
The path to evil villain is never easy.
This chapter was inspired by a line in the first Harry Potter book: "The Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so that they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban." I didn't pay much attention my first time reading it, but now that I've finished the series, it makes me laugh every time.