He watches them as he stands half hidden in the dim light of the hall and his chest aches. He's never seen her like this, hell he's never seen either of them like this. He stands motionless as his daughter cries her soul out into his partner's chest and it's physically hurting him to not be able to touch them, to pull them both into his strong embrace and chase away the monsters and the murderers. Alexis clings desperately to Kate who is rocking her and whispering into her ear. Castle's heart clenches when he gets a clear view of Kate's face in the warm light of his daughter's bedroom; sees that she too has been crying. Kate releases his daughter, brushing the tears from the girl's face and lightly kisses her on the forehead. He steps further into the shadows, and takes a shaky breath. He is completely overcome with love for this woman and is not sure there's enough room in his chest to hold it. The way she holds his daughter, the way she brushes the sadness from her face, it is almost reverent. He's never seen anyone take such care with his child and he wishes not for the first time that things had been different. That somehow, barring their difference in age, Kate had been the mother of his child instead of Meredith.
Alexis straightens, and wipes the moisture from her face with the back of her hand as Kate smiles lovingly at her. Castle starts to move forward, but Alexis turns and he catches a glint of light from the tiny silver chain hanging from her neck. What he sees dangling from it sucks the air from his lungs and he feels his knees go weak. Quietly, he turns and exists the hall, making his way to the master bedroom; his eyes filling with tears.
He is standing at the bed, lost in thought, when he feels rather than hears Kate enter the room.
"Hey, Castle." She smiles, and he turns to look at her.
She is standing in the doorway, her hair falling in loose curls across her shoulders and tumbling onto her chest. He can see the slight rise and fall of her collar bone from under her milky, white blouse, and he can't help but stand rooted to the spot; taking her in. She looks different. Softer somehow, her rough edges smoothed over. The way she looks at him, her eyes bright and trusting, it's almost too much for him to bear. She takes a step toward him, but before she can move any closer, he closes the distance between them; grabbing her and pulling her hard against him.
She lets out a surprised cry, and his hands are suddenly in her hair, his mouth on hers in a kiss so painfully, desperately pure, that her breath catches in her throat.
His palms move from her hair to frame her face and he drops kisses onto her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks; his breath coming in hot puffs, and she nuzzles against him; melting into his touch. His lips finally rest near her ear and she listens as he breaths the words into her soul. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He whispers, honestly.
Kate slips her arms around him, holding him close, but his litany continues against the shell of her ear. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kate."
She nods against him and then pulls back, lifting her palm to his face. She lets her fingers play across his temple before stroking at his brow, his blue eyes searching hers for acceptance. She smiles at him; knows how sorry he is. She's been there, done that. "Castle, you scared the hell out of me."
He leans into her touch and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "I know. I'm so sorry I shut you out." He's searching her eyes, terrified she'll be angry with him, and not sure how to explain what was going through his head when he left her at the precinct and booked a flight to Paris. "I just had to get to her." He's not sure what else to say.
She lifts her chin and kisses him softly, letting her lips linger against his for a moment before pulling back to look up at him again. "I know."
He stares down at her in awe. This woman who loves him so completely without ever saying the words, and she never fails to surprise him. Almost five years together and he still loses his breath each time he looks at her. She stands in his arms, all strength and fierce determination wrapped in a softness that tugs at his heart. He can't truly believe that he's even standing here with her. That what started as his undying curiosity about her, masked as a way to write a few novels, has turned into something so beautifully real.
She's staring up at him, a smile playing at her lips and he captures her mouth with his again.
"Castle." She breathes against him, feeling the nerves fluttering around in her stomach, a tiny reminder that she has so much to say to him.
He pulls her tightly against him again, his need outweighing any reason to speak, and he turns them; walking her backwards towards his bed. She melts into his arms, warmth flooding through her, electricity charging her veins. He lays her back on the bed and crawls on top of her. She watches as a shiver runs down his spine, his eyes closing for the briefest of moments, before he tangles his fingers around a curl of her hair and bends to inhale it.
"I missed you." He murmurs into her neck, the deep timbre of his voice sending tremors to her core.
She feels the weight of him on her, pressing her solidly into the mattress and she lets out a contented sigh against his mouth. She's never felt this loved, and the thought that this love created the tiny little thing rocking safely in her belly brings tears to her eyes. "Castle, I need to tell you something." She breathes against him.
He mumbles nonsense against her cheek and she trembles beneath him as he brings his hands to her blouse, undoing each button slowly; punctuating each release with a kiss. When the last button finally gives up its hold on her blouse, he pulls apart the the light fabric, letting it fall to rest against the bed alongside her ribs; her chest heaving through the black lace of her bra. He sits back and stares down at her, reveling in the feel of her underneath him and brings his fingers to trace the scar between her breasts. God he loves this woman more than he ever thought possible. He bends toward her once more, his mouth again making its way to hers, and she grins against him; reaches to take hold of one of his hands.
"Castle," She begins, lightly squeezing his fingers and nudging his nose to get him to look at her.
He pulls back and fixes her with a heated gaze that makes her want to melt into a puddle on his bed.
"Please, Castle...we need to talk." She is staring up at him, on the verge of tears, and so very unsure of herself.
A look of concern clouds his features, but when he opens his mouth to speak, she is putting a finger to his lips.
She takes his hand and slowly trails it down her body, bringing it low onto her belly just underneath the button of her jeans.
His expression turns from concern to confusion because she wants to talk, but she's not talking. He feels the quickening of his heart as she drags his hand down her body, but then she stops, bringing his palm flat against the searing heat of her lower abdomen. He stares at his hand a moment and she hums beneath him. When he looks up at her, he sees tears slipping down her cheeks, but it's her tentative smile that takes his breath away. If he looks at her any longer, his heart will fall out of his chest.
"I want you to meet someone." She breathes, pressing his palm into her flesh.
Realization begins to dawn as a rush of emotion threatens to overtake him. He looks again at his hand and then back to her, not truly believing this is happening.
She watches him, her lower lip trembling. He isn't saying anything, and panic begins to rise in her chest.
She opens her mouth to speak, desperate to break the terrifying silence, then feels him reaching to undo the button of her jeans. He bends to lay his cheek against the warm skin just above her pubic bone and she stills her body; focusing only on the feel of him, of his tears as they slip past his lashes and roll onto her sensitive flesh.
He's breathing against her skin and reaches his hand up to clutch hers, his pulse racing to match her own.
She struggles to keep from falling apart beneath him and she swears to herself that she will never forget this moment; will never forget her partner meeting their baby for the first time.
He slowly drags himself away from her waist and makes his way back up her body, resting his forearms on either side of her head, regarding her with a wondrous look. "Kate, we...we made a baby."
Relief washes over her and she gives him a brilliant smile. "We did."
He hesitates a moment, realizing that this will change everything for them; for her. "Are you?"
"Happy?" She responds quietly, bringing her finger to her teeth; biting down gently.
She is going to be the death of him, lying there like that, staring up at him with love swirling around in her eyes. "How long?" He asks, raising a playful eyebrow.
She grins at him from between her finger and teeth. "How long has mini Castle been shadowing me, or how long have I known?" She asks innocently.
He chuckles. "Both, I guess."
She lets her fingers play across his abdomen, feeling the flex of his muscles underneath his shirt. "Your son or daughter has been with me 9 weeks now."
His mouth falls open in shock.
She trails her fingers up to his chest, drawing small circles above his heart. "As for how long I've known, I've known for 5 days."
That statement hits him hard as he thinks back to how he has treated her over the last five days. "Kate, you should have told me."
"Castle," She breathes. "Alexis was more important. Given the circumstances-"
He moves off of her and settles into the bed, pulling her to face him. He cradles her face in his palms, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on her cheeks. "You're important." He leans in and softly brushes his lips against hers. "You and this baby are important."
She feels the tears threatening to spill again and she stares at him, amazed at his devotion to her even after all of this time. "We were fine. We are fine." She soothes.
He can't hold back any longer and captures her mouth with his, need spilling into her as he feels her hand curl around his neck, her hips thrusting into his. He rolls again on top of her and pins her arms to the bed, then bends to kiss her fully, swallowing her moan before it can leave her lips. She feels like fire beneath him and the more her body writhes under his own, the closer he is to coming undone. She lifts her face to his, trying desperately to catch his lips again but he pulls back and smiles down at her, wickedly. Her breath is coming in small pants and her hips keep rising to find purchase against his. He holds her in place, watches as the need rolls through her. She stares up at him, her beautiful eyes now begging.
"So you got me more than a drawer..." He muses.
Kate's laughter fills the room.
Holy mother of all flail fests...so that chapter tumbled out so fast, I could barely keep it all straight. Much thanks to the continued reviews , favorites, follows, etc... and huge thanks to the mother of all Betas, Ky, who has a mind not at all unlike my own :) Instead of making everyone wait for this, I figured I would post a new chapter 12 or so hours after the last on as a 'Thank You' and a 'You Rock' to everyone reading this story.