Katherine Part III

"I don't know what I'm gonna do," Jack said to David on facetime. "If I fail this class I can't graduate." He was holding the paper with a bright red sixty on the cover.

"Wow, I've never seen you so worked up over school before."

"Yeah, well, I'm not in the interest of flunking out of college before it's even started. Especially not cause of writing seminar. We've been writing since we was five."

"Not well apparently."

"Dave."

"Ok, ok. In all seriousness, have you gone to the teacher yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Well that's where you need to start."

"Anyway, uh...How's Sarah doing?"

"Good, she's good." Jack wished he could've gone into more detail. "Listen, I gotta go. I have to meet some friends in five."

"Oh, ok."

"But it was really nice chatting with you. Bye!"

"Bye." And just like that, David was gone. The conversations never seemed to last long enough.

If Jack were being honest, freshman year was rough. The classes were harder than he had expected, but no one else seemed to be struggling. He had always been an independent person, but he missed his family and friends from back home. He had talked to David, Skittery and Race every day early on– when they hadn't made friends in college yet. But after a few months into it they all seemed to move on without him. The daily texts and facetimes had turned stagnant and there was no one left to fill the void. He knew he could hold out for longer. He knew he had survived worse. But going from Mr. Popular to a loner was a difficult transition. How much longer could he really stay like this?

There was also the fact that he couldn't stop thinking of Sarah. Yes, they had broken up months ago, and yes, for the most part he had moved on. But there was a part of him that was still hurting from the breakup. And there was even a part of him that wanted to get back together with her. He always avoided those thoughts though, because it was never going to happen.

He shook himself back to reality and decided to move on. There was actual work to be done.

Luckily for Jack, his teacher had office hours the next day. "Professor Strickland?" He peeked his head inside the door, nervous beyond reason. He had never done this before.

"Oh! Hello Jack." It was definitely a surprise. Jack had never been to his office hours before, but this time he was the first inside. "What do you need?"

"I want…I can't fail this class, sir. I've been trying real–I mean! really, hard. But I'm struggling."

Mr. Strickland nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I see that."

"What can I do?"

"Your writing is good, it's just…unpolished. Your word choice is basic, the ideas are a little cliché, and well, the grammar is questionable." Jack blushed. This teacher really didn't hold back. "I see so much potential in you, but it's not getting on the page."

That didn't answer the question. "So what can I do?" Shit. Hopefully I didn't get him mad.

"I'm going to be honest; I have too many students right now asking for personal help. In these intro classes, a lot of people haven't received adequate practice back in high school and they fall behind."

"So you're just going to leave me out to dry?" What a horrible teacher. If half the class is failing something is wrong with him, not me.

"No, of course not. I was going to suggest that I pair you up with someone– a writing partner."

"Like a tutor?"

"Exactly. She's a freshman like you, but she took my class this summer and passed with flying colors, one of the most talented writers I've ever met. She's very passionate and smart. You'll love her."

"Nice."

"So should I set up a meeting time?"

"Yes, sir, thank you, thank you!" Scratch that; I love this guy.

Jack was assigned to meet her at the first floor of the library at two o'clock the next afternoon. He got there in ten minutes and went to the mini coffee shop to order something. The school was so small that that was the only place to get a coffee. "Hey Matt. The usual" (medium iced coffee with milk.)

"You got it." Most baristas, Matt included, would normally get annoyed when people say 'the usual.' They get too many customers a day. But Jack was a regular, they talked to each other outside of school, and Matt knew exactly what he wanted. "What are you doing here?"

"Tutoring, Strickland's writing course."

"Ooh, I hear the tutor is hot. And single." Jack forced a smile. Before Sarah, he had went from girlfriend to girlfriend without any problem. This time, however, he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. The prospect of being in a new relationship just didn't excite him. "Here's your coffee."

Jack collected his drink and took a sip. But when he opened his eyes his blood froze– and it was not from the ice. The curls of the girl in front of him were too familiar. No…It can't be. "Vanilla latte please." But the voice was unmistakable.

"Katherine?"

She whipped her head around. "Jack!"

"What…what are you doing here?"

"I go here. Obviously." She was even wearing a school sweatshirt. It looked amazing on her. (Or maybe she just always looked good, he couldn't tell.)

"I-I had no idea. I figured I would've seen you around or something." There was orientation, and accepted students day, and the school was so small he was bound to have seen her at some point or other. But Katherine had missed orientation, and they didn't share any classes.

"Well, we're in different majors and I got out of my gen eds from AP credits and summer courses," she shrugged. "Anyway, I have to run. I'm supposed to be tutoring someone in…" she checked her watch. "Now."

No way. It was too big of a coincidence. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to be a tutor for Strickland?"

"Yes actually, I am. And I have to go find…Francis Kelly."

"That's uh, that's me."

"What? But…?"

"I have everyone call me by my middle name, Jack. I guess he just copied the name off the roster." There was an awkward silence. "So, uh. Ready to get started?"

"Yeah…" They started walking to seats. "This, this is crazy."

"I don't have a problem with it if you don't have a problem with it."

"Yeah, yeah. It's all good." It's not like he accidentally cheated on his girlfriend with me. Or that we were prom queen and king the day he got broken up with said girlfriend. Or that I used to have a tiny crush on him. If Jack was being honest, he had lingering feelings too. They both thought they had gotten over those feelings. They were both wrong. "Let's get started." She put her laptop on the table and motioned for him to do the same.

"I've been reading the syllabus." It was very unlike him, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "There isn't a lot of graded work left in this semester, just two essays and the final exam. So that means I have to do really well on both."

"I know you're nervous, but if you just practice, you'll be fine."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"First things first, we tackle the essays. Do them bit by bit. Then we prepare for the exam by editing your old work and doing some practice essays. Let's start with a brainstorm."

Jack was kind of surprised with how focused she was. He figured there would've been more smalltalk beforehand, or that they would've gotten distracted by trying to catch up with each other. But no. They stayed on a strictly professional basis. Perhaps it would work after all.

That first day, he and Katherine had tackled an outline and the entire intro in under two hours. The next sessions weren't as productive. But they met three times a week so Jack was definitely on track to pass the class (assuming they kept up the pace.) As the workload grew smaller and smaller, they were able to venture off into non-school related topics. They would take the occasional break to watch a YouTube video, gossip about students, or debate trivial things like the best ice cream flavors. They didn't talk much, but it was enough to keep Jack's loneliness at bay–at least for a little while. It slowly started to feel like a friendship. But Jack kept wondering, were they actually friends?

He got his answer about one month into the sessions, on a rainy Thursday. Jack's phone rang and he automatically knew it was Katherine. She was the only person that would call him. "Leave it to Katherine to keep living in the early 2000s," he joked before picking it up. "Hey."

"Hi, Jack." The minute she spoke he could sense that something was wrong. She didn't seem sick, or sad, just…tired. And maybe in slight pain. "Sorry for the short notice, but I'm not feeling well so I have to cancel today."

"Everything good?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just write the next two body paragraphs and I'll edit it by our next session."

"No rush; don't strain yourself." He knew her type: the type A nerd that stressed themselves out over school so much that they never took a break and ended up sick. It was as if every little assignment or grade point was a life or death situation. Jack had seen that in David. But that made him think of David, which made him sad. So he stopped focusing on that and focused on Katherine instead.

"I won't."

"But how am I supposed to do this without you?" He was half joking, half serious. Of course he could write without her. But the more he thought about it…the more he didn't want to.

"You'll be fine, promise."

"Ok. Bye then. Oh, and feel better."

"Thanks, I will. Bye."

"See ya." He hung up and wondered why he sounded like such an idiot in front of her. It was like, whenever he spoke he just didn't know what to say because she made him so nervous. But he still enjoyed her company, so he just felt...weird. There really wasn't a good way to describe it.

Jack carried on his day as normal. He finished the work she assigned him and even an extra paragraph. He did the rest of his homework, and all of his classes were done for the day. With no friends to text and no other plans, he decided to watch a movie. But he couldn't focus because he couldn't help but wonder what happened to Katherine. She had said she was fine. But was she actually telling the truth? The type A nerd was known for underestimating their stress and, subsequently, the consequences of said stress. Also, he saw her so often and more than a few days without her felt…weird, to say the least.

Just to give himself peace of mind, he texted her roommate Lauren.

J: Hey, what's up with Katherine?

L: Nothing. Why do you ask?

J: Cause she cancelled our study session.

L: OH. She has bad cramps. Girl stuff.

J: I see… It felt super awkward.

L: I'm sure she'd like to see you though.

J: Really? That was surprising.

L: Yeah.

She doesn't like to admit this, but she hates being alone. Especially when she's all moody and crampy. But I'm going out for work for a few hours and I really think she could use the company. Especially from you.

J: Me? Why?

L: Wow, you ask a lot of questions.

J: Whatever man.

L: I mean, idk. But she talks about you a lot, so…

Anyway. I'm getting ready for work. Bye

J: Bye.

Jack contemplated whether or not he should go. He had to admit, the idea of hanging out with her in a non-study environment seemed fun. And if she really was all 'moody and crampy,' he wanted to make her feel better. But would she actually want to see me? If she really didn't want him there, he reasoned, she could always kick him out. (Politely he hoped.) Besides, the movie was really crappy, and someone had to be there to back him up on that.

Her dorm wasn't that far from his, just a ten-minute walk away. He signed himself in at the front desk and went to her room. He stopped himself at the front door, reminding himself that it was his last chance to back out and save himself some potential embarrassment. Hey wait a minute. Since when did I get nervous over stuff like this? He shook his head and knocked on the door. His heart stopped. What would she say? What would he say, for that matter, if she asked for an explanation? He really hoped she would let him in.

Luckily, she did. He could hear the shuffling of footsteps and the door opened. "Jack?" Guess Lauren hadn't given her a warning. "What are you doing here?"

"I texted your roommate. She said that you were, you know, on your…"

"Yes, I'm on my period. You can say it. But why are you here?" She didn't seem mad, just confused. Very confused.

"Just wanted to check in."

"Is that all?" She seemed hopeful that there was something more to his visit, but she tried her best not to show it. Jack, in his oblivious nature, couldn't see that she was excited by his arrival.

"I was wondering if you wanted to…hang out. You know. For fun. There's this movie..."

"Oh yeah, sure. Sounds great. Come in." She was rambling. She internally kicked herself for rambling. "We can pull it up on my laptop." At first Jack thought he should sit on Lauren's bed, but he realized he was too far away to watch the movie or talk to Katherine. She noticed that he was leaning a little too far, so she got down on the floor with a blanket big enough for the both of them and patted a spot next to him. They set up the movie and started watching.

Everyone once in awhile she winced from the pain, rubbing either her back or stomach. But if she didn't want to see Jack, she certainly didn't show it. She leaned into him, he leaned into her, and they both felt very comfortable. Neither spoke during the movie, as they both agreed that speaking during a movie was rude and annoying. And even once the credits rolled, they didn't move a muscle. They didn't even speak at first, for a good ten minutes, and neither minded.

Finally Katherine said, "That was...really, really, bad," she laughed. "You were trying to torture me, weren't you?"

"Well someone had to suffer through that with with me." They both started laughing and going over the parts they both hated, till they were both in hysterics and couldn't breathe.

After she had somewhat composed herself, Katherine said, "I'm glad you're here."

"Really?" That had been Jack's initial reaction to Lauren's suggestion, but he still didn't understand.

"Of course. We're close, aren't we?"

"Yeah. Guess we are." And he smiled. It was little moments like those that made him feel included and appreciated again. It was only recently that he realized that those moments were not to be taken for granted. "You know, when I got here I had such a hard time making friends. I'm really glad you ended up here." It was the first time he had admitted it out loud to anyone, or even to himself.

"Cheers." Katherine lifted her mug of tea.

"It's like, all of my high school friends have moved on from me, and no one at this school wants anything to do with me." He smiled to diffuse tension, but Katherine knew the problem legitimately bothered him.

"Aw, Jack. It's okay. I completely understand. When I transferred to Manhattan Tech, I lost all of my friends back at my old school, and it was awful. It gets better, I promise."

"Thank you…What was your old school like, anyway?"

"I went to this really tiny private school. My parents were so busy and I had no siblings. So I only knew, at most, fifteen other kids my own age. And none of them liked me." She said it in a matter-of-fact sort of way; she had gotten over it. But Jack knew, firsthand, that an experience like that had hurt. It was nice to have someone to relate to. "Of course I made one or two friends, eventually, but we weren't that close and we stopped talking once I left."

"I remember when we were working on the school newspaper" his mind flashed back to that night. The fatigue setting in and pride giving way into a problematic, passionate, kiss. "You said that your parents wanted you to be perfect or something."

"Yeah. They have really high standards. You have no idea how hard it was to convince my father to come here. I had gotten into Northwestern and Columbia, so he wouldn't even let me consider other schools."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You got into Northwestern and Columbia and you ended up here? I hadn't even known you applied this school."

"Well, I applied because you mentioned it," she blushed. "But then I discovered that the writing program was top notch, and I appreciated the small school, rural vibe. I was talking to the professors and students and felt that I could learn so much from them. Once I realized that I received a full scholarship, I knew I had to come here. And since I didn't need my father's money there was nothing he could say about it. I'm very happy with my choice."

"That's good. Cause I'm not," he scoffed.

"Why?"

"I just…I miss New York."

"You mean Sarah," Katherine teased.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Why? What happened?" Panic. She realized that she had struck a nerve. It was too soon to joke about things like that, but for a brief moment she had completely forgotten about the drama. Whoops.

"I...I'm still not over her." It was the first time he had admitted that aloud too. But he had known it the whole time and had been waiting for months to say it.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Can I ask...what happened?"

No one else seemed to care, but Katherine did. Jack felt that he could open up to her. "She was worried that I would want to date someone else. College girls or whatnot. I argued with her that night, said that I still wanted to be with her. I replay that conversation over and over again and wish that I had argued more. But I was in shock and…well she doesn't want me back, so what does it matter."

There were other things he could tell her, but those were things that he was embarrassed to say. Like how he looked at Sarah's pictures some nights before bed. How he stalked her Facebook and Instagram once in a while. How his breath hitched and he probed for more information every time David mentioned her.

"Jack, I've seen the way Sarah looked at you. Feelings like that don't just go away so easily. You should talk to her again, before it's too late."

"Maybe…" Jack was about to say something else, but then his phone buzzed. "Oh, it's nine o'clock." Guys and girls weren't allowed to be in the dorms together past that hour. "It was really nice hanging out with you. We need to do this again sometime."

"Yes, of course." She gave him a goodbye hug. "And if you ever want to talk about feeling lonely, or crappy breakups, I promise I'm here."

"Thanks." He knew she meant it.

Three weeks later

"It should be any minute now," Katherine said as she sipped her drink. The study sessions had stopped a while ago, but they still hung out as friends. And as his tutor she felt that she needed to be there when he received his grade. They sat at the coffee shop, her with a mocha, Jack with an iced coffee (decaf to avoid nerves), waiting for the email.

"Yeah, yeah." Her assurance hadn't worked. Buzz "Shit. Scores just came in."

The past few weeks had been hell. Katherine was merciless with her criticism; not that Jack minded. He needed all the corrections he could get. He slaved day and night over his computer, editing, practicing, reviewing for the exam. Katherine said his final project was worthy of an A, but there was no telling how the exam would go. There would be no edits, no help, just raw writing skills and the ability to stave off nerves.

"I'm sure you did great." Katherine gave a hopeful smile, but Jack wasn't as confident. He had barely heard her, too focused on finding his grade.

"Oh my God…I passed!"

Katherine squealed and pulled him into a hug. Then, barely thinking, she kissed him. Jack didn't pull away. He knew he had a small crush on her, and maybe it was finally time to do something about it. It was a pretty decent kiss too. But…the weird feeling was back. Wasn't this what he wanted? Katherine was attractive, and smart, and she understood him. So why couldn't he feel anything? And why did he get the feeling that what they were doing was wrong?

Katherine pulled away. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me…This isn't right. This isn't right. This is not right."

"What? What is it?"

"I just…feel like we're repeating history." She took a deep breath and held his hands. "I'm so sorry I kissed you. I didn't mean to…" She was searching for the right words. It was clear that Jack was confused. She was feeling the same way he did, but he couldn't understand why. "You're lonely, on the rebound, and I'm pretty sure you're still hung up on Sarah." None of what she said was wrong. "If you want to be with me, I'm not opposed. But I feel like you're settling. You need to be with someone you really, really want to be with."

"But…what if she says no?"

"Well we still can't be together." He didn't seem convinced. "I've had my fair share of breakups. It's difficult for sure. But it's not wise to be with someone new unless you're truly over the person that's gone. I learned that the hard way." There was a heavy pause. "Give Sarah a call. Don't text, call. It means so much more."

"You– you're right. God, you're always right."

She smiled. "I know. Now, come on! Let's go celebrate. We can invite Lauren and Matt to the diner or something."

That Night

"Hey Sarah? It's Jack...Yeah, it's been awhile I know. How are you?"