A/N: I listen to sad music and can't write the sad drabbles. So have a silly one.
"Let's be real, we all know Kuchiki-taichō could throw Kurosaki-taichō's bitch ass from here to downtown Tokyo."
"Nah, I think she'd be able to throw him from here to Kyoto. She might be tiny but damn does that woman have an arm on her."
One of the Shinigami set his drink down. "I have heard," He said in a carefully steady voice, "That Kuchiki threatened to pitch him off Mount Fuji and throw him to Sapporo. I have it on good authority, too."
"Where, from one of their infamous screaming matches?" Another Shinigami snorted, knocking back another shot of warm sake. He took a moment to refill his glass with hands that were none too steady. "Half of Soul Society knows when those two are fighting. They aren't exactly subtle."
"They aren't exactly subtle about their…other pursuits, either. I've heard Unohana-taichō has had to ban them from the 4th Division exam rooms after Kotetsu-fukutaichō found them. She can't look at either of them with a straight face anymore. I don't blame her, though. The pair of them are shameless," he muttered.
Laughter rippled around the table. The two taichō were notorious for exactly two things in Soul Society: their screaming fights that echoed through the entire Seireitei and getting it on like rabbits any chance they got in the most awkward of places.
There'd been something about them saving the world a few times back when Kurosaki-taichō had still been human, but no one remembered that.
"What's the gossip now, lads?"
"Abarai-fukutaichō!"
The group of gossiping Shinigami tried to leap to their feet but failed miserably halfway through the exercise. One went crashing to the ground, caught in his pants. The other pair managed to get in a mostly upright position leaning against each other. "Uh, sir, we weren't gossiping, not at all, sir. Just, you know, passing the time with a warm drink and news. That's all, sir."
Renji leaned forward and plucked the bottle of sake off the table. Merely shaking his head at the soldiers, he began to walk away. The group started to relax, pulling themselves back together to make the long trek back to their separate barracks when Renji turned back around.
"Actually, Rukia has threatened to throw Ichigo from here to Canada the last time he annoyed her. Have a good night, gents."
They watched Renji saunter off, bottle of sake dangling from one hand.
"So I guess our conclusion is that Kuchiki can throw Kurosaki's bitch ass across the world. Good to know. Let's go home."