Flipside: Aftereffects
Chapter Four: That Could Have Gone Better
"Remember the days where nothing happened at all in our lives? Yeah… I miss those days."

I keep hearing "Brahmn's Hungarian Dance" by David Garrett playing for this chapter, at least toward the end. Look it up on Youtube. I lol'd.

Remember, please, this story is indeed a parody of many fics out on the market currently. ;) I write in jest.

.

Warnings: Utter crack, original characters, foul language, violence, mild out of character-ness, spoilers for 2007 movie, first person point of view
Disclaimer: Transformers is owned by Hasbro/Dreamworks. I only write this mess.

.

My night at the base was very anti-climatic. I should stress the fact that this was probably the last anti-climactic moment of my life. For that reason, I liked it. It was unfortunate I couldn't stay longer.

Optimus Prime had taken my story patiently, listening until the very end with very few interjections to interrupt. I told him everything I had told Barricade, about how Transformers had been a franchise and I was a fan of the show and movie series. I told him all the tiny details I had known from the books, cartoons and films. I told him how I had met Barricade and how I had known who he was.

I skipped the part about the fanbase at large, however. I would spare them the nightmares for a later date.

I had also enlightened Optimus to the fact that no one knew how this was possible. I certainly remembered a life when Transformers was a show, despite the fact no one else did. I couldn't just be insane (or at least I hoped), because I knew things no one but a spare few knew, such as the ill-fated flight of Ghost-1, or the true events behind Mission City. I knew more Autobot names than the United States military did; heck, I knew more Decepticon names than they did, too.

It had been a long two-hour discussion, but when I was done, Optimus thanked me and sent me off with some soldiers to get settled for the night. It was curious he didn't challenge what I had told him or just brushed me off as insane. He was probably going to run it by the other Autobots and the human leaders and then get back to me. For what, I didn't know.

The next morning would be the ultimate test for, well, everything. Barricade was scheduled to drop by for a visit (I was terrified it would turn into a one-on-five street brawl personally) so I was hustled around the base from five A.M. until about ten, when they plunked me down in some small lounge area they had set up, complete with folding table and metal chairs, with Lieutenant Epps as my personal babysitter. I guess they didn't trust me with lesser-ranked soldiers, but Epps didn't say much. He had a wrestling magazine and was reading, leaving me to sit there with nothing to do, but watch other soldiers move around the warehouse (the "lounge" was just a section of the main warehouse hall; this was apparently a temporary base.)

There were a lot of problems I was still having, at least internally. So many questions and so few answers… it was like the universe was conspiring to utterly ruin my life. Maybe it was. Perhaps that would do for a new theory.

I almost missed seeing a couple walk toward the table. After seeing so many people in army fatigues and uniforms rushing around, it was surprising to see two civilians. Then again, once I saw their faces, I wanted to run the other way.

Sam Witwicky and Mikaela Banes, both looking as uncomfortable as I felt, walked over to the table. Epps glanced up and smiled at them. Both teens looked at each other and then glanced at me. I stared back.

Oh, boy.

"Hi," I began, awkward. At least I wasn't sputtering non-existent actor names at them this time.

"Hi…" Sam replied. He slid into one of the spare folding chairs and Mikaela sat next to him. The card table between us seemed oversized as the three of us (Epps was reading still) stared each other down. Sam scratched his chin, fumbling for words. "Um. Commander Lennox said you might need someone to talk to."

Ah. So that's what this was. I frowned. "Talk to as in, 'make sure she's still sane,' or 'interrogate'?" I asked. I wasn't upset by the idea they were using the two for the latter purpose. Heck, I would try that, too, if I really wanted answers.

Sam hesitated under the question. "Uh…"

Shifting in the chair, Mikaela took over the conversation, frowning. "To be honest, I'm sure it's the second one," she said. Epps sent her a dark look, but bless her heart, Mikalea ignored him. "But since none of those military guys are going to ask, are you okay?"

That was the kindest thing I had heard sent my way in over twenty-four hours. I had to smile, albeit shakily, nodding. "Thank you for asking," I said, truly grateful for at least one nice face out of dozens. I sank back in the metal chair, sighing softly. "I'm fine. Just tired." They fed me, got me civilian clothing and let me use the bathroom. I had experienced worst hotel treatment, I had to admit, so it wasn't too bad… yet.

"Bumblebee was telling us about what you told Optimus," Sam began again, trying for that casual tone again. Someone needed to tell him he was as bad as I was with the nonchalant thing. "Pretty heavy stuff."

Arching my eyebrow, I gave him an incredulous look. "Heavy?" I repeated. "You think me telling him that I think our realities somehow got flipped upside down is heavy?"

Epps grinned, leaning over. "I personally think you're insane," he offered brightly. Apparently the military had been informed of my story after all.

I scowled at him. "Thank you, Lieutenant Epps," I said, deadpan. I mean, I was thinking it too, but I didn't need reminders.

"You know I never had to introduce myself to her? She just knew my name," Epps continued, now talking to Sam. He gestured at me before picking his magazine back up. "Creepy ass chick."

"Barricade didn't tell you anything at all about us?" Mikaela asked, redirecting the conversation again, thankfully.

Sighing, I shook my head. Always the same questions! "Nope. I was the one who had to tell him why I knew stuff about him, just like I had to tell you guys," I replied, crossing my arms as I leaned back in the chair. "He was the only one for a long time, almost a year. I posted all that stuff online and you guys never picked up on it."

There was an awkward pause, when suddenly Sam gasped. "Wait… WAIT!" he cried. He drew back, astonished. "You're TFfan203?"

I stared at him, for the first time at that end of the confusion cycle. "What?" That name sounded vaguely familiar…

Sam's expression of shock only grew larger as he figured something out. "I found a message board a few weeks ago. About Transformers. Like, I thought it was about the Transformers," he said, glancing around at Mikaela and Epps, before looking back at me. "Are you TFfan203?"

Blinking, I remembered belatedly that I had made up several strange usernames to shield my identity just in case Simmons had launched a home invasion. I knew it wouldn't do much good, if they went all CIA on my ass, but I tried. "…Yes?" I said at last, realizing it was probably true. No one else was going to know about this, I added darkly to myself.

"Jeez!" the teenager sputtered. He looked scandalized. "Y-you knew about it then, too? When you posted that stuff about alien sightings a-and talking cars?"

Epps looked up at Sam, now very interested in the conversation. "Why didn't you report that, kid?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

"I thought she was nuts!" Sam exclaimed, now the center of attention. He faltered. "I meant to tell Bee, but, um…"

"He forgot," Mikaela said, finishing for him. She sighed heavily, looking harassed. "As always." I snickered.

"Hey!" Sam shot back, upset.

Laughing, I waved my hand at him. "No, it's cool. I… I had hoped someone would have found it, but I guess not until it was too late." I sighed, wistful. "Then again, I'm glad I got caught alone rather than Agent Simmons knocking on my door and beating up my Chihuahua." That, of all things, would have been the absolute worst.

However, Sam tilted his head, both he and Mikeala giving me strangely wary looks. "…How did you know about that?" Mikaela asked. Oh, right. They hadn't read the part of the script where, you know, that entire scene was a fucking script.

I stared at her. "Oracle. Psychic. God's least favored human of the millennia," I replied dryly. "Take your pick." That last option was still my favorite.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "…What's my middle name?" he asked, challengingly.

"James," I said shortly. Before the startled teen could say anything else, I continued, pointing at him and then Mikaela. "I have no idea what your shoe size is, or her bra size, but I guess if I had been a dude, I might have found out her actress's." I froze and then made a look of disgust. "…Man, that's creepy."

"Yeah," Mikaela agreed, wearing a similar look of disgust. Well, it was true of the fanbase…

Attempting to distract us from that awkward faux pas, I pointed at Sam again. "You got an A- on your history paper," I added. Pausing, I remembered the conversation from the scene between Sam and his father. " 'Let me see it, let me see it, it's an A-, but it's still an A though. Let me see—okay, it's an A."

The look on Sam's face spoke more for the situation that anything any of us could have said. I sighed as the silence continued, Sam gaping at me in utter shock.

"…What the FUCK," he finally managed to say. Mikaela shook her head, eyes huge.

Flinging back into the seat, I pulled at my hair. "TELL ME ABOUT IT!" I yelled. It was beyond terrifying, not even just that I knew such little details. It was how and why I knew them was what bothered me most.

The ground started to shake. Was it weird that I was already used to the sensation of a five-ton robot walking our way? Looking up, I saw Bumblebee approaching our little tea party location. He nodded politely at me and Epps (well, okay, at Epps; everyone treated me either like part of the furniture or a rabid squirrel), but focused on the other two teens.

"Mikaela, Sam. Lennox wants you two off base for the afternoon," Bumblebee announced, peering down at his two charges. "Private Harrison will drive you back to the hotel." I scowled; why did THEY get a hotel? Fuck being a political prisoner, man. This sucked.

"Aren't you driving us?" Sam asked, standing.

Bumblebee shook his head, er, helm. "No. They want me here when Barricade arrives."

That really did make me look at them darkly, scoffing loudly to catch their attentions. "Jeez, you already have four Autobots against one ex-Decepticon," I complained. "A little overkill, isn't it?"

Surprisingly, Bumblebee didn't react strongly to that comment. "Not if Barricade is bringing a trap here," he replied calmly.

"He won't," I said firmly. "I'd kick his ass first." That translating to 'I would tell Emily so fast, he'd be served with divorce papers before he had the chance to shutter his optics.'

My audience was unimpressed. "Right," Sam murmured. He waved awkward at me. "Well, good luck with the whole, uh, negotiating thing."

I had to laugh. "At least they were kind enough not to send me Simmons," I joked. "I think we'd really have problems then. Make sure he's not there for when 'Cade shows up. Just saying. I warned Barricade about that dude before." We bonded that evening by coming up with as many insults as possible for the M.I.B.. I hoped I would never have to use them, however. That guy was creepy.

Bumblebee tilted his head as Sam and Mikaela walked away, following some solider I assumed was named Harrison. "You are a very strange person," the yellow Autobot stated simply.

I arched my eyebrow at him. "Yes. Yes, I am." Frowning, I added, "That doesn't mean I'm a liar."

"I didn't say you were," Bumblebee replied. He didn't sound very emotional, but I could see a teasing look in his expression. Yeah, Autobots were nicer than the 'Cons, I had to admit.

Shifting uneasily, I bit my lip. "…So… what did you guys think? About my story, I mean?" I asked after a moment.

Bumblebee didn't say anything at first. "…Like I said. You are strange," he said carefully. "Optimus was impressed by your knowledge of various things, but that doesn't exclude Barricade's intervention there. We're going to wait until Barricade arrives to see if he, somehow, could validate your story."

"He doesn't have a clue either," I exclaimed. Frustrated, I looked away. Everything was so out of control. "It's just… so, so weird. And not fair. Why am I the only one who remembers? E-even if our worlds did mesh… why? And how?"

"I wouldn't know," Bumblebee said. At least he managed to sound partially sympathetic.

Exasperated, I gripped my head. "I still think it's unfair that I'm the only person who knows anything about this shit. I mean, come on! I'm not special. I don't have a fancy name, or special powers, or some awesome origins! I was just a normal, ordinary fan girl—!"

And then, without prompt, I realized something. Something horrifying. Something… something that made me die inside, my heart giving out from the sheer terror that surged through me.

I… I wasn't a fan girl anymore.

I was a fucking Mary-Sue.

"GODDAMN IT!" I cried, gripping my face. Epps jumped up and Bumblebee turned his head, surprised.

"What's wrong?" Epps asked, glaring.

I had no time to worry about making sense. With a horrible groan, I brought my legs up to my chest in the chair, my eyes wide in fear. I—I was a Mary-Sue. I was a GODDAMN SUE. Not only was I trapped in a world I had once cherished as a fictional haven, I was now at the center of a mystery that brought in not only Autobots, but Decepticons as well.

SHIT.

At least I wasn't drop dead gorgeous, or an orphan. Bad signs. Bad signs indeed. I actually had a decent family and I was meh-looking. THANK GOD. (Though I was pretty sure that would be the only time in my life I was praising such looks.) Even still, I was afraid for my worth as a human being. Barricade might actually have some credence for his commentary on my "wasting of space," if he ever found out about this. …If he could ever understand what Mary-Sue meant, of course. Whatever.

"Can I use the Internet real quick?" I asked hurriedly to Epps. "I need to check the Mary-Sue Litmus test, quick!"

Epps flinched back. "The wha—no," he said firmly, shaking his head. "No Internet contact at all."

I looked at him with desperate eyes. "Then, please, tell me I'm hideous!"

Epps stared at me for a good ten seconds, his expression morphing slowly into one of disturbed shock. "…Jesus Christ, you are completely insane," he stated.

Groaning, I buried my face into my hands. "Ffffuck." Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse!

"What's wrong?" Bumblebee asked, honestly baffled.

I sent him a pained look. "In my old world, I would totally be considered something called a Mary-Sue. I'm a girl, the only fan left AND I'm stuck in a mystery where I don't know why the world has flipped over!"

"Or… or…" Epps began slowly, motioning at me as if I were mentally impaired, "you're just insane." I scowled. Didn't he understand the direness of this situation? !

"I don't understand," Bumblebee said, tilting his head again. He apparently, God save him, had looked up what I was talking about online. Apparently Wikipedia was working, even in this strange world. "What is so wrong about being a 'Mary-Sue?'"

"It's just an abomination to writing!" I cried. I sent him a desperate look. "D-do you think I'm one?"

The Autobot hummed thoughtfully. "Well…if all of what you're saying is true, then I suppose so." He peered at me curiously. "You are a little weird."

"Do I LOOK like my name is fucking Aurian? !" I screeched. Bumblebee flinched back, frowning.

Epps sat back in the chair. "You actually kind of look like a Veronica to me," he said, conversationally. I let my head drop onto the table. Fuck everything, man.

I didn't notice until he had gotten to the table and spoke, but Commander Lennox suddenly appeared. "Bumblebee, Epps, we're moving now," he said, making me look up in shock.

"Why?" Epps asked, standing, discarding his magazine on the table.

Lennox gestured with his head back at the front of the base entrance. "Radar's showing movement on the southern road up here."

So Barricade had arrived. I swallowed, incredibly nervous. This would be the deciding factor for the both of us whether we both survived, or I had to go home and tell Emily how her husband had been blown apart by vengeful alien robot soldiers.

"I hope you're ready for this, kid," Epps said, glancing back at me. I grimaced, standing up after him, and proceeded to walk along side him and Bumblebee (was it weird that I barely flinched when the giant alien got that close?).

"Hey, I'm not the one who's in danger of getting attacked," I replied. Considering that statement, I frowned. "Actually, no one is, except Barricade. You're acting like he's going to bring the whole Decepticon armada with him."

"Civilians have been used as a decoy in the past by the Decepticons," Bumblebee said with a frown.

I glared at him. "Yeah, that's true… except Barricade isn't a Decepticon!" I exclaimed angrily.

Almost with karmic flare, Optimus and Ironhide walked up, Jazz and Ratchet close behind. I froze as the two huge Autobots got close enough to speak to us. Oh, boy… here we go.

"Even if he isn't following Starscream, he cannot be trusted," Bumblebee replied shortly, ending the discussion. He looked up at the two, nodding respectfully. "Optimus, sir."

"Bumblebee," Optimus rumbled, nodding back. He looked down at me. He had the kindness to smile politely. "Becky."

Feeling properly dwarfed and insignificant, I nodded back. "Hello," I said, my voice wavering. I waved awkwardly at the three other Autobots as they joined us. "Hi."

Jazz, despite the intense stares the other four were giving me, grinned. "Survived the night, huh?" he asked. For some reason, his joking around was more comforting than any serious reassurance someone else could give me.

"Yeah…" I replied, wrapping my arms around my chest. Oh, I was starting to feel sick from the nervousness.

We started to walk toward the front of the base, where I assumed the military would either guide or let Barricade drive up to freely. I prayed sincerely that the Autobots weren't just setting it up to be a free-for-all shooting event. Barricade didn't stand a chance against everyone present there. I had to trust that the heroes of the story were in fact that good guys and wouldn't do something so sneaky.

As we walked, I looked up at Jazz, who was easily shorter than the other 'Bots, so it was easier to peer up at him. A thought struck me as we traversed in silence, the only real noise the sound of the Autobots walking on the concrete.

"How are you alive?" I asked abruptly.

I had the feeling I'd be causing the lot of them to freeze and look down at me in shock a lot. Jazz in particular had a surprised expression.

"Huh?" he asked, confused.

Now that the cat was out of the bag, I felt a bit better about saying whatever I wanted to these guys, without ruining my secret. "At the end of the movie, you were killed by Megatron," I explained, ignoring the snort from Ironhide, who apparently didn't like my 'movie' theories. "You survived obviously. How?"

Chuckling, Jazz shrugged as we walked toward the front of the base. "Ratchet fixed me up," he replied, good-naturedly despite what we were just talking about. "Turns out my spark was still salvageable. Mech works wonders."

Well, that… made sense. Sort of. At least to me it did, from a fan standpoint. "Oh. Okay. That was a theory for some fans. I mean, come on! Who kills off Jazz in the first part of any story?" I said, laughing, though I was the only one who found that amusing. I counted off on my hand, easily going on a tangent that reminded me of my geekier days (then again, one could argue that I was in my geekiest moment ever living in the world that I was living). "The formula was that Megatron dies, then Optimus, Megatron is resurrected as Galvatron, and then Starscream dies, and then Optimus is brought back to life and kills Galvatron for good. Duh. Well, unless you're talking about that horrible G1 movie where everyone fucking dies except like First Aid and I think Hound. That was terrible."

While most of the mechs and humans had gone uneasily quiet, casting wary looks at me, that entire time, Jazz had just stopped smiling. He spoke civilly however.

"Huh. You do know a lot of names, don't you?" he asked, frowning slightly.

With a sigh, I nodded. "Yeah."

Ironhide rumbled lowly, casting me a dark look. "If you truly are some Oracle, you should help us end the war," he said. Ratchet seemed to be intrigued by that, but all I wanted to do was curl up into a hole in the wall, because now everyone was looking at me expectantly.

"I'm not a fortune telling machine!" I sputtered, now alarmed. Even the humans seemed listening to that idea. I mean, it was a good theory, one that Barricade and I had tried to explore, but come on. I only knew so much. "I-I only know what I already know… you know? Before the flip."

"What do you think of our chances, then?" Optimus suddenly asked. We had stopped by the main doors, looking out at the large strip of blacktop that serving as a makeshift airstrip. Apparently, this base was only temporary until they 'brought in the real one.' My inner fangirl told me that this undoubtedly meant the Ark, but I didn't say anything. I knew randomly spouting facts about them was only acceptable in small doses.

I froze and looked up at him in surprise. "Huh?"

"What do you think about the situation for Earth?" he asked. The giant tilted his head, politely curious. "If anything, what is your opinion?"

Well… I certainly had never been asked that. Barricade had just demanded answers about how I knew things, as did most of these soldiers and Autobots had recently. They wanted to know about the past as well as the future, but they never asked what I had just thought about the war. Interesting.

"The Decepticons are stupid to try anything more," I said after considering how I was going to respond. "Humanity's going to get through this, especially now that you guys actually are teaming up with the military. If Megatron is gone, I'd say you guys have more than a fighting's chance. Shockwave is back on Cybertron right?" I sighed, ignoring the stunned look Ironhide and Ratchet wore when I mentioned yet another unexpected name. "Well, I doubt he'll do much, at least for Earth. Soundwave is M.I.A. according to Barricade, so that leaves Starscream. Kill him and I'm pretty sure the war's over."

Optimus stared at me, look strangely… confused. "You side with Barricade and yet support us in this war," he said, grave.

I smiled, despite my uneasy stomach. "Of course. I'm totally an Autobot." Quizzla told me so. "But like I said, family comes first. Barricade really has switched sides, I promise you that. He doesn't want to be in any war."

Ratchet only frowned, shaking his head. "That is not how this will work, child," he warned.

"Yeah, I kinda figured," I replied, the warning ineffective. With a dramatic sigh, I crossed my arms and gazed out into the parking-lot-turned-military base. "Oh, well. I've given up expecting an easy way out for this. As long as no one I know or care about dies, I don't care what happens next."

Before I had time to dwell on my own declaration (because to be honest, I was panicking over idea of what would happen next to us), I heard shouting further down the strip. Suddenly, I saw movement far ahead of the gates. That could only mean one thing, as the soldiers all began to rush to their stations, all prepared for the worst: Barricade was here. I craned my neck to see the sleek black form of the ex-shock trooper drove at a moderately fast pace, past the entry guards and headed fearlessly forward to meet us at the front of the hangar.

"Here he comes…" Lennox muttered, hands tensing around his gun. Everyone there, except me, tensed. I head Ironhide's weapons whirl softly.

"Oh, no, he's got four tires," I announced suddenly, making them look at me again. I was entirely sarcastic, however. "He must be up to something."

Epps shot me a look. "Save the snark, kid," he said dryly.

Glaring back, I huffed and crossed my arms. "Fine." We'd get enough of it when Barricade and I were reunited, I wagered.

Barricade really must have had ball bearings of steel, because he didn't hesitate in the slightest as he drove up to us. Optimus moved forward slightly, but everyone else remained still as the Mustang slowed and then came to a complete stop ten or fifteen yards away.

You could have heard a pin drop in that field, let me tell you. Everyone else was ready to start firing off their guns, even as Barricade just sat there, but me? For some bizarre reason, I was immensely elated.

"Barricade!" I cried, unable not to smile. It was still bizarre to see him as a car/robot more than his human side now, but he was still the same guy… and also one of my only allies.

Barricade transformed, rising just slightly above Bumblebee's height. He was still dwarfed by Ironhide, Ratchet and Optimus, though Barricade radiated enough danger and aggressive to be matched up to Ironhide easily. "I'm amazed," Barricade replied, deadpan, as his optics roved to me. "You're still functioning."

Oh, I had missed his snark. I motioned at the entire side I was on, deciding to cut to the chase. "You have to leave everyone alone, 'Cade," I said, but then I reconsidered. I pointed at Agent Simmons, who scowled. "Well, except him. You can kill him. I never liked him, even in the movie."

That was a joke, sort of, but no one laughed, of course. I sighed and stood back, knowing this wasn't my place to speak anymore.

"We're leaving," Barricade said shortly. He looked like he was going to step closer to make good on that order, but he didn't. He eyed the Autobots warily, completely ignoring everyone else.

Apparently, the human military didn't like him ignoring them as potential threats. "No, no you're not," Lennox snapped, earning Barricade's attention. The commander gestured at me, the perfectly serious soldier. "We are not going to let you drive off with an underage kid, no matter how insane she is. You have answers to give us, now."

WHY did everyone think I was insane? ! Jesus, and I thought Barricade's theories of me being a space oracle were bad.

"Like what?" I exclaimed, ignoring the glares from the other soldiers. "I told you everything!"

Barricade sent me a pained glare. "Primus…!" he started to say, both angry and exasperated.

I cut him off. "Oh, shut up! Honesty is the best policy when you're outnumbered like a hundred to two, idiot!" I countered. He didn't look too impressed by that, so I turned back to Lennox, pleading. "Come on. What harm would it do to let us go? ! We weren't hurting anyone before we ran into you guys!" A year of good behavior HAD to count for something.

Optimus rumbled lowly. "You know more than any other human we've ever met. Someone is telling you this information," he responded. He wasn't angry, but he was definitely suspicious. "Barricade?"

Barricade shot him a dark look, but didn't say anything at first. He glanced down at me and then back at Prime. "Not me," he replied. How he managed to sound so nonchalant and yet loathing, I didn't know. He had a gift.

"Then where?" Lennox prompted.

"We don't fragging know, human," Barricade snapped, focusing on him again. He jerked his head toward where I was standing. "Why does it matter? She can't tell the future, only factual things about our respective armies. She's harmless." I was most surprised he didn't say 'useless' but I wasn't going to point that out to give him the idea.

Jazz frowned thoughtfully, making a humming noise that attracted everyone's attention. "Yeah, but what about you?" he asked. He didn't sound suspicious, merely curious.

Barricade tensed. "I have no intention of serving Starscream again," he began lowly. He glanced at me again, though I didn't know why. "Nor any other Decepticon commander. I… am sick of war, as you all should be."

Oh, the Decepticon bitching the Autobots out for being warlike? What kind of world was this? ! I turned away to hide my smirk before I got in trouble for laughing again.

"You are a warrior to the spark, Barricade," Ratchet replied, optics narrowed. Beside him, Ironhide growled lowly, eager to fight. "Why would you suddenly become a pacifist now?"

"Oh, don't mistake me for one of you Autodolts with your ideals of peace and tranquility!" Barricade snapped, thoroughly insulted. "My reasons are my own. I don't need to answer to you."

I sent a sly glance over to the human soldiers. "In other words, he got laid and found out he likes living like a human too much to miss out on it," I explained casually. I looked up at the Autobots, adding, "Plus he doesn't want to die for a pointless cause."

"Shut it!" Barricade hissed, turning on me now. The Autobots and soldiers tensed up, but I was unmoved.

I waved my finger at him, taunting. "Call me a 'squishy' again, and I'm telling Emily about this entire thing," I threatened. Inwardly, I was hoping for a particular reaction to prove a point.

The glare he sent me was positively toxic. "Brat, do not test me," he snarled. I smiled back innocently, my point proven. Maybe I did know this guy too well…

"See?" I asked, turning back to the Autobots. I grinned. "He's not even trying to kill me." Barricade growled loudly.

Jazz grinned over at Optimus. "It is impressive," he conceded. As of that moment, Jazz was my favorite character. Of all time.

"Jazz, please," Optimus said, sounding strained. He turned to the ex-Decepticon in front of us, severe again. "Barricade. I would like to believe that you have turned over a new leaf, but you must understand that this situation is very serious. Even if I felt comfortable letting you live amongst the humans, no matter what form, the United States government also has a say in this."

Bristling, Barricade clenched his fists, the harsh metal sound making my ears hurt. "What do you want? Vows? Pledges?" he spat, aggression rising. Uh, oh. "I will not live my life in chains for your comfort, Prime."

There was a strange look that crossed Optimus' faceplate; I was more surprised I could even tell his expressions apart. "No one is asking you to do that," he said quietly.

"Then what's your solution?" Barricade snapped. I was keeping a wary eye on how angry the mech was getting; somehow I doubted I'd do much good stopping a fistfight, but maybe I could distract the guy. (Why, oh, why, hadn't Emily insisted he go to anger management classes like we had talked about? !)

"I don't have one. Not yet," Optimus replied, inclining his head. "We need to discuss this further with the proper authorities. This crosses further than just between our two factions, Barricade. The humans are going to have to get involved one way or the other."

"Alright," Lennox said, glancing at Barricade with as much politeness as he would give an actual terrorist. He spoke quickly and sharply. "We're going to have to get Keller on call for this. We'll get the feed up on the monitors in the tech center, so if you could just go inside with—"

And then the world exploded.

Particularly, the piece of world we were all standing on exploded. I didn't even have time to scream or curse or react in any manner at all. I saw a huge flash of white and yellow—and then the sound of two F-22 Raptors' missiles colliding with several pieces of construction machinery no less than twenty yards away slammed us. I'm sure the metal structures were turned into projectiles, but thankfully, Barricade had immediately dove over me, shielding me. I'd have to thank him later, after you know, we hopefully survived.

Even with Barricade as an impromptu shield, I could see our attackers shoot by overhead as the bombing stopped. Two jets, clearly not Air Force. I trembled, remembering the last time I had met a talking jet face to face. Starscream? Here? How—?

"GET THE CIVILIANS INSIDE!" Lennox shouted over the noise. The Autobots charged and the humans went for their weapons, ironically enough leaving Barricade and I standing there in shock.

A thought struck me in the middle of all of this and I spun around, enraged, facing Barricade.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU DID BRING STARSCREAM!" I screamed, lashing out with my foot. I didn't really care about the fact I was kicking an unsupervised evil alien who could have easily squashed me.

Barricade, however, looked just as shocked I did over Starscream's presence. "NO, I DIDN'T!" He yelled back, over the klaxon horns that began to blare all over the base. "I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S HERE!"

I didn't believe him for a second. "YOU LYING COCKBITE, I HATE YOU!" I howled, feeling betrayed and terrified all at once. "I'M TELLING EMILY EVERYTHING!"

An explosion momentarily deafened me. Without warning, Barricade dove towards me, grabbing me up. Sound returned abruptly. "—GET OUT OF THE WAY! MOVE!" he snarled. He dodged past what I presumed in my haze of fear was a missile exploding where we had just been standing. Crouching behind the wall of the base, he dropped me to the ground, fixing me with a terrible glare. "HIDE!"

And then he turned around, rushing forward, back toward the fighting… leaving me standing there in hollow shock.

What… what was I supposed to do? What could I do? …What could anyone do?

Turning, I saw soldiers running. I saw Optimus leading the Autobots into battle, duking it out with fighter jets. Barricade was probably trying to communicate with the Decepticons to get them to stop. There were explosions and people screaming and probably dying.

And I just stood there.

Somewhere, there was a faint voice in the back of my head telling me to move, to just get out of the way.

But in a louder whisper, I remembered something else. Something different about all this. I was just a civilian, just a—just a kid.

But I also was a fucking Oracle. And for once, I was going to use that fact to my advantage, Mary-Sue or no.

My legs moving before I even thought to head out into the fray, I set my sights on finding Lennox. Approaching Optimus would be insane; no, I could handle a human. I saw Epps duck behind a fallen piece of a concrete wall. That was a start. My mind was on fire as I looked up at the sky. There were two jets, one the familiar silver tone (Starscream) and another blue. If my G1 knowledge wasn't rusty, I think I knew who the blue one was.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? ! GO BACK INSIDE!" Epps yelled when he saw me, trying to reload his weapon as quickly as possible. Suddenly, I couldn't laugh about how silly it was for the off-duty soldiers to have weapons with them. For Earthlings, everywhere was a battleground for us.

I had two gifts, and I was going to use them. The first was knowing more about our enemies than our allies did. The second was having an obnoxiously loud voice.

"THAT'S THUNDERCRACKER! STARSCREAM BROUGHT HIS TRINE WITH HIM!" I shouted over the noise. I winced as more gunfire and return fire streamed overhead.

Epps stopped just long enough to give me a wildly confused look. "HIS WHAT?" he demanded. Behind him, soldiers were trying to give the Autobots cover as they tried to fish the jets out of the sky. What worried me most was that there were only two jets visible.

We didn't have time. "YOU—SKYWARP CAN TELEPORT!" I screamed as the roaring got louder and louder. "HE CAN TELEPORT, SO WATCH—!"

The air shifted; I don't know how to describe it any other way. I felt all the hairs on my body stand up on edge as the air was suddenly charged electrically. There wasn't a gust of wind as much as a sudden tug on the very gravity around us—

And then a giant purple and black jet was standing overhead, cannons firing.

Well, I tried. You have to give me that.

Regardless of my failed intervention, the stone barricade somehow saved us from getting shot to pieces, though I couldn't see anything past the dust and debris (or breathe properly for that matter). Epps grabbed me by the arm and I stumbled after him as we tried to avoid getting smashed to pieces as Skywarp (come on, who else could it have been?) stomped forward, attacking anything in his sights. Jazz and Ratchet flew to the rescue, distracting the Seeker as us humans made a beeline for the doors to the still-standing part of the base.

"GET INSIDE!" Epps ordered, throwing me toward the door. I almost fell, but rebounded as my sneakers slid over the dust-covered concrete of the ruined hall.

I couldn't run away, not now. My eyes sought out Barricade in the chaos. I couldn't find him, not with all the explosions and mechs running around. The humans were trying to organize, but the attack had come so suddenly, no one had been expecting it. Epps had rejoined his group, shouting orders like the seasoned soldier he was. He wasn't an actor. None of them were. This was really happening.

Swallowing past my fear, I set me eyes on one of the few remaining sections of the front walls of the base. I had to get close to Optimus, then. He would listen. Or I would die a horrible death. Either or.

Optimus was, of course, at the very frontlines of the fight, taking potshots at the Seekers overhead. Skywarp had transformed again and was joining Thundercracker in bombing the shit out of the end part of the base. I sincerely hoped Sam and Mikaela were already gone, otherwise I'm pretty sure Earth just lost one of its main heroes. The loss of life in general right now was probably astronomical to a civilian like me, but fuck it, I had a job to do.

Running on wobbly legs, I ignored the soldiers (who all ignored me in the heat of battle thankfully) and went for the robots. Ironhide was out beyond the cover, most likely to draw off fire from the humans, and Optimus, Ratchet and Jazz were only a few hundred yards to his right. Bumblebee was out of sight, but I assumed he was on the other side of the base, handling other concerns.

There weren't a lot of options for what any of us were going to do next. I tried to get as close to Optimus as possible, but Thundercracker and Skywarp were proving to be quite the annoyances (perhaps that was the point?) overhead. I couldn't just run out into the open; even then I wasn't suicidal. I tried to keep an eye out for Barricade, but I was distracted when I saw an opening.

Just past Ironhide, I could see that the jets were circling around from a violent streak of bombings. Ironhide was readying himself to attack Skywarp on the rebound, but almost directly past him I could see Optimus, facing the other way. I could make that distance if I ran as fast as I could. Then, I could let him know every fucking thing I knew about all three jets. Whether or not that information was good or applicable to this universe, we'd all find out.

It was a solid plan, until I tried to execute it. In my defense, I wasn't a strategist. I would soon learn that barreling ahead into an active war zone was never a good idea. I had gotten almost a hundred yards to Ironhide when I looked up.

I gasped when I saw Starscream reappear in the air just beyond Ironhide. I knew what was coming and I didn't have to be psychic to figure it out. Ironhide turned around just too late to see the Aerial Commander transform mid air and leap downwards at him.

Metal screeching as the two giants clashed, Ironhide went down when Starscream's bulk and speed gave him the upper hand. All I saw was the Topkick hit the ground and Starscream looming over head, his claws covered in energon. His arm morphed into a terrible looking cannon, which began to whirl dangerously right at Ironhide's unprotected face.

The Autobots were too far away and the Air Force wasn't there yet. I gaped at the one-sided fight and before I even had time to think about the consequences, I ran. I ran far past the army and right at the two Transformers.

"STARSCREAM!" I screamed, throwing everything I had into my voice. I prayed it would be enough.

For just a second in time, Starscream hesitated. Maybe he was just surprised to hear his name. Maybe he actually recognized my voice and was surprised I was there. Or maybe it was just coincidental he paused right there in his assault on the prone mech. Because as he lifted his head toward the sound of my voice, Optimus appeared out of fucking no where and body-chucked the jet off of Ironhide.

Most likely, I probably should have been smashed into pieces that day as Optimus rolled with Starscream clear across the makeshift airstrip. However, fate had other things in store for me, as I unfortunately found out. Starscream managed to rip away from Optimus' grasp, losing part of his plating as he kicked Optimus in the face and took to the air. I fell over as the hot air from his turbines slammed onto the ground, creating a wave of air. I barely had enough time to look up and see the jet, still not in real jet form, screech out commands.

"DECEPTCIONS! RETREAT!" he screamed. How typically G1 cliché, I thought absently as my lungs attempted to restart, as well as my heart. Being that close to the fighting was probably not the easiest way to avoid having a heart attack before I turned twenty.

Optimus was almost on his feet by that point, but so many things were happening, I couldn't focus on it all. Starscream was up and almost out of sight, Thundercracker and Skywarp were zooming up, having finished blowing up half the other side of the base—and then I saw Barricade. He was running, dodging, past Ratchet and Jazz, apparently headed my way.

I tried to stand just as he reached me. "Barric—!" I started to say, but he grabbed me roughly around the chest, knocking the wind out of me. Struggling to breathe, I almost didn't see the purple jet appear behind him, transforming into a head and two sets of arms and legs. I did notice said-jet when it slammed feet first onto the pavement right behind us, jarring both Barricade and I.

There was a horrible, gut-wrenching sensation of being pulled forward. I had never felt anything so disorientating, or just—just wrong. I felt like someone had taken the Earth right out from below my feet and let me drift at hundreds of miles an hours through space.

And then, all I saw was red and purple and bright white lights, almost as long someone had punched me straight between the eyes. It didn't hurt like that, however, but my internal organs felt as long someone was picking upwards as we fell/tumbled/were pushed in every direction, despite the fact that I was pretty sure none of us moved an inch.

As abruptly as the chaos started, it ended. The colors vanished, leaving my eyes searing and my chest heaving as the world suddenly reappeared. Barricade touched down hard, wherever we were, but managed to stay upright, stumbling. Wherever we were, it was dark. My eyes strained to focus.

Oh, God no—

And then—all I saw was a jet looming over me, red optics blaring against a dark background, the fighting gone, cannons whirling—

"Well, then, minions," Starscream snarled, "I'm sure you have quite the story to tell me."

And I realized that I had just doomed the both of us.

.

End Chapter Four.

.

Well, this sucks. Let's see if our troublesome duo can get out of this one? ;)

A/Ns:
- "Mary-Sue" - A literary term used to describe a character as being implausibly perfect, beautiful or just out of the norm for the story setting. A common ailment of fan fictions. (For reference, Becky scored 34 on the Litmus test. LOL. HOLY CRAP. I'd be ashamed haha. There's no avoiding however, ESPECIALLY for the third story. Ohohoho.) The Transformers fandom is sadly not immune to the infection.
-"Aurian" - The name, if you don't already know, is a reference to incredibly popular fan fiction here on the site, called Science and Fiction by the talented Faecat. It was mentioned in jest, I assure you, as Faecat's story is very prolific. As you probably don't know, this story of mine is a parody of pretty much every story like Science and Fiction. Strangely enough, I began Flipside a year before Science and Fiction was posted. LMAO WHAT. Maybe I am an Oracle. :O
- Search Google Images for "Alpaca Out of Fucking Nowhere," and you will understand the scene where Optimus takes on Starscream with better clarity. Just saying.