Sorry it's taken me so long but here is the next chapter finally! Many thanks to Uiixe for giving me the idea for this one – everyone else – I WILL be using your ideas in later chapters. Basically my reviews for this have been so lovely that once I've done my original 5 + 1 I'm gonna write a whole bunch extra chapters just to cover some of these awesome scenarios! I had no idea this silly thing would get such good feedback so as reward you're all gonna get heaps more of it! And THANK YOU!
4.
"Your reading Spock?"
"Class M Planet Captain, no signs of hostile life"
"That makes a change. Are you picking up any life forms at all?"
"Faintly. Approximately seven point six metres west Captain"
Kirk heads that way and in a few moments whoops –
"Aww look at it Spock! It's a little kitty!"
Spock looks at the kitten unimpressed. The kitten is pink and purple striped like a tiny gay tiger. It looks up at Spock and says "Maow" petulantly.
"I am sorry captain, I do not speak the language" Spock frowns.
"MAAOOOW!" squeaks the kitten again, stamping its little front feet.
"Spock it's so cute!" says Kirk, bending over.
"Captain I must caution you against picking up an unknown wild animal –"
But Kirk is already scooping the little beast up into his arms –
"Wild animal Spock? Seriously? Look at its tiny tail and – OUCH!"
The kitten digs its claws into Kirk's shoulder and scrabbles at his shirt like it would like to take a shit in it.
"FUCK!" roars Kirk, stamping his little front feet – "It's a monster! Kill it Spock! Kill it!"
He drops the kitten which runs behind a rock and sits there looking for all the world like it is sniggering.
Spock frowns and looks smug all at once;
"Captain, why would I kill it when it is, as I believe you said "A cute little kitty"?"
"Aww shut up Spock! Look at my fucking shirt! I mean really! Look at this shirt!"
"I am looking Captain and observe your attire to indeed be damaged beyond repair –"
"Fuck off Spock you smug git"
"I am Vulcan Captain and therefore cannot be smug. It would also be unhelpful to "Fuck off" at this juncture and leave you further exposed to attack from kittens"
"I'm already fucking exposed Spock! Look at my fucking chest if you want exposed!"
"Indeed" says Spock looking, as instructed.
"I hate you Spock"
"" Look at its tiny tail"" Spock deadpans.
"AAAARGH! You know what – that's it. From now on I'm wearing the other kind of shirt –"
"The green one Captain? – the one doctor McCoy refers to as your "Fat shirt"?
"He does WHAT?"
"I do not understand it myself Captain as a shirt can surely not be described as "fat""
"But apparently the Captain of a star ship can!" huffs Kirk – "C'mon Spock – let's beam back up and go kill Bones!"
"Would you like me to set this kitten on him Captain?" suggests Spock, with the faintest hint of sarcasm. He picks up the kitten which settles into his arm and begins to purr softly.
"Shut up Spock"
"Yes Captain. Captain?"
"Aargh! Yes Spock?"
"Kitten?" he offers.
"Fuck you!"
_x_
I should probably just note for anyone who wasn't a fan of TOS that in later episodes Kirk wore a different style of shirt which was green and wrapped around, generally referred to as his "Fat shirt" cause Shatner wore it to hide the fact that he was becoming quite a fat little Kirk. I figured it would be funny if his crew also called it that behind his back! Tune in next episode to see Kirk rip this shirt too!
I have plans for the next two bits – but I'm still taking ideas!