Okay so, this is probably the last chapter before I start writing/sobbing like a baby. You'll find out why below (I'd put a smiley face, but it'd be highly inappropriate).
Your reviews, this fandom, are the best thing in the world, do you know that? They get me up and writing everyday. They're a constant reminder that I have to make every single chapter perfect for y'all becasue you're worth every word.
Get ready for waterworks, and tell me if y'all are ready for the shit-ton of tears next chapter (I know I'm not).
"What?" I ask, dumbfounded.
"That," She says. "That. Where'd you learn to do what you just did?"
We're speaking in whispers, but we're probably better off shouting from the mountains, the way my heart is pounding. Like, fuck, fuck, fuck, how do I answer this?
Do I tell her about my first sexual experience, or the first time a girl let me touch her, or how about the first time I actually learned what the I was doing?
Fuck.
"Um — I don't — it just —"
"I won't get mad," She says, and I pull away slightly to look at her, eyes hard, and mouth set. She may not get mad, but she will get disappointed, and I don't want to ruin today more than I have so I turn on my back and stare at the ceiling.
My arm is still helplessly trapped under her torso, and I feel her gaze on me, and I think about how what I can say right now, can affect the whole situation. I mean, it wasn't like one fucking girl taught me how to pleasure a woman. It was a lot of them, one of them being the girl right down the hall with black hair and green eyes.
Not the most beautiful girl in the world right in front of me, with sea eyes, and caramel skin, and mahogany hair. All earthly, and winded like the colors of leaves.
"Korra, I want you to know something," I begin. Ah, hell, here goes nothing. "You are the only one I want to be with, and the only one I see in my future. Okay?" I end it with a question because it's always easier to be rest assured than bewildered.
Korra pulls the covers over her shoulders, and leans her weight against one arm, while the other holds the covers around her chest to keep warm. And I'm jealous of this blanket, you see? All wrapped around her, coiled like a snake, a body restraint made of water tribe thread.
"I just learned over the years," I begin. "It's not, uncommon, you know — growing up on the streets — to learn about, this, stuff," I'm beyond pleased with my answer. I indirectly avoided the question and the response should be good. I smile and turn and face Korra.
Her face is hard to read.
"So, how many girls have you slept with?" She asks, dropping the sheet to play with the frayed edge.
Sometimes I wonder if the spirits are with me. Especially in situations like these, when I make the fucking Avatar modest, and quiet. When I take the loudest girl in the room, and make her quiet, and eyes downcast. I huff out a breath and sit up and cross my arms over my knees.
"Korra," I say. She doesn't look up. "Korra, please look at me," I whisper.
Her eyes look up at me, and she's all eyebrows drawn together, and trembling lip.
"Why are you so worried about this?" I say. I know there is something else bugging her, because she's not angry at me, or shouting or upset. She's timid. And Korra is never fucking timid.
"I just —" She starts to speak then stops, throwing down the sheet and turning her gaze away from me. "I feel like you know so much more than me," Ah, here we go. "I feel like you know all these ways to make me feel good, and I don't have half of the experience that you do," She breathes, and looks at me.
It all makes sense now. This girl, who has known everything her whole life, now knows nothing.
"Korra," I say and open my arms to bring her in. I drag us down under the covers, and smooth her loose hair with my hands. "Honey, you know so much more than I could ever dream of," It's the truth.
"But not about sex!" She harshly whispers against my bare chest. I feel her lips moving over my left pectoral and it's turning me right the fuck on.
"Baby," I laugh. "There's nothing wrong with your innocence. You're a warrior and a fighter. Those are better attributes to have than knowledge of sex."
"Mako," She whines. "I just want to be good at this," She states.
"Trust me, Korra," I say. "You're better at this than you think."
I mean, is my fucking hard on enough consolation?
"No, Mako," She whispers pulling away from my chest. My hands move involuntary to her hair that frames her face, beautiful and down, and I run my fingertips over the silky threads.
"I just want to do the same for you," Her eyes are wide and blue, like the ocean that surrounds this icy tribe. "You made me feel so good, and you had to go to the shower, to feel like I did," She whispers harshly, eyes tight.
"I don't mind," I say.
"Of course you don't," She says. "You're way to selfless for you own good."
"I don't think I've every been called selfless, but I'll take it," I say and half-smile.
"You are," She says pulling herself closer in my arms. I tug us gently into the mattress, and under the covers, and I pray that she's over this self thought.
"You're just, perfect, Mako," She says softly.
And for now, this alright. This idea that I know more than my brilliant girlfriend, more than she could ever know, this is alright. My love for her, although tainted with my past, is the purest thing I know.
We sleep soundly, my dreams filled with brown hair, and beauty marks on tan skin, muscles, and a smile so sweet you cry.
I wake up too soon, not ready to leave the dreams of my girl, but when I open my eyes to the sun peaking through this dark shadowed room, trying to reach Korra's toes which peek though the covers.
I blink my eyes a couple of times, and lean over and brush the hair away from my girl's face. I kiss the cartilage of her ear and when I reach the area where her neck meets her ear, I lightly open my mouth and bite there.
"Mako," She whines. "Stop," Her left arm reaches up slightly to shoo me away. I smile into her skin and press my body flush up against hers. It's like rocks colliding with the earth, and all the blood of dead soldiers flowing in the rivers. Beautiful, and deadly, that is what my body is with hers. Dangerous, because I lose all thought.
"Good morning," I say huskily, and push my hips into her behind.
That felt damn fucking good.
"Is this part of my education?" She asks innocently, and I knows she's awake by the attentiveness in her voice, and I can see the whole fucking game she's playing. She grinds right into me, like a dance, and my eyes roll to the back my head.
"Am I doing this right?" She says. I know she knows what she's doing, my body and my sporadic breathing giving her all the indication she needs to know what she's doing is right.
"No," I say and swallow. "We have to stop," I say and take all the power in the world to grab her hips and still them. I know I started this shit, but I can't have Korra feel my erection through her ass. Like, no, no, and no.
"Why?!" She half screams, and I quickly shush her. "Why?" She whispers angrily, turning around in my hands to face me. I look up at the headboard, and try to calm my breathing, like c'mon Mako. Pull it together.
I'm twenty fucking years old, a pro-bending, and fire-bending celebrity. But this girl, turning me inside out, leaving me raw and exposed — it's like standing on the edge of a cliff, knowing you're about to fall, but are waiting for the push. Knowing full well it's going to happen, but can only count the seconds in wait.
"I just —" I look down and meet her angry eyes. "I get carried away," I say, embarrassed.
"You what?" She asks, not understanding. I look down, then because I'm way to mortified.
"I get too carried away when I'm with you," Words are spilling out of me, nervously and awkward. "You're just so beautiful, and your body was right there, and you deserve something beautiful and romantic, not a morning fuck."
I lift my eyes then and Korra is hard to read right now. Eyebrows drawn together and mouth in a weird line.
"Please say something," I whisper. She opens her mouth to speak, and then closes it again.
"I love you," She rushes out and crushes her mouth onto mine. "I love you so much, it hurts."
I kiss her hard, mouth wet, and on fire, and I feel my body heat up, the fire building inside me like the falling stars in the sky, and the kiss is sloppy, and morning filled.
I pull away, knowing I'll get overwhelmed and I'll have to cool it, so I stop. I just smile and stare at Korra. Sometimes I think I take for granted her beauty, how her cheekbones are sharp and angled, and how her skin is like toffee.
Her body which screams for freedom, bending that harbors beneath her skin like a wild animal in a cage. She is powerful, and the strongest woman I have ever known, and she's all mine, professing her love to me in this shadowed room.
I love her like the wind loves the leaves, and the tides love the moon. I want to love her until I can't breathe, I don't want to close my eyes, afraid she will disappear like the parents I used to love.
"I love you, Korra," I whisper, and run my fingers tips from her hairline to the nape of her neck. She grabs my hand when it stills, and weaves her fingers through mine.
"I don't want this to be a secret anymore," She says. "I don't want to hide in our rooms and leave before the sun," Her voice is sincere and strong, and I wish I was as beautiful as she is.
"I want everyone to know your mine," She whispers and kisses the corner of my mouth. I nod my head, because this, wanting everyone to know she is mine, is something I can relate to.
"The elders won't approve," I say.
"I know. But, I have never listened, so what does it matter?" She asks this, but it comes forth as a statement.
"I don't want your Father to get upset," I say, and Korra rolls her eyes. "And Tenzin, and your Mom," I could keep adding to the list but I don't.
"Asami and Iroh do it," She points out. Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.
"Do either of them look like the Avatar?" I ask with a smile. She groans and flops down on the mattress. Her mouth is turned upwards in a half-snarl, and I kiss it, trying to make it beautiful again. I kiss across her sharp jaw, and kiss across her neck.
"I just want to move in with my boyfriend, and want people to know we're together."
"Yes," I agree, lips against her skin.
"I'm just — I don't know — proud of you? I mean, you're mine, and I want everyone to know it," I still my lips and pull away to look at her, eyes on fire, and passion blue.
"All of your fan girls, and Asami. I want everyone to know I have you," Her words are tumbling out of her, like an avalanche, and I pull away completely to look at her. "I want every girl you've ever been with to know that your mine now."
I never thought twice about having a bunch of sex when I was growing up, because it felt good, and right, but now — the way it's tangling and messing with my girl's mind — I hate it.
I want to go back, tell my self stop, stop, stop, something good is coming your way, wait, but I can't. I can only frown, and watch the conflict on Korra's face. How she feels inexperienced, awkward, and alone. I mean, I had no idea my body could react to a woman this way. Okay, I slept around, but that number's out of the window when it comes to Korra. This is a whole new fucking experience.
"Maybe we should mention it," I suggest. "Start slowly, and ease the elders into it. Your mentors too, we can't forget them," She nods and closes her eyes. She smiles then, small, and glowing.
"I love you," She says.
"Me —" I start and then interrupted.
"Korra!" It's Tenzin, and by the sound of his feet, is rapidly approaching.
"Oh, Shit," I breathe. "Get up, get up!" I say and scramble to find my real pants. Like, where the fuck are those things? It's not like this room is big. And a shirt? What is that?
"Korra! We need you fast!" The door busts open with a force, and Tenzin enters the room with Korra tying on her day shirt, and me tying to pull on my pants. His eyes narrow angrily. But there's something about them, hurt and distraught.
"Get dressed," He says, too calm to relax me. I step forward to explain.
"Tenzin, we —" He holds up a hand to stop me, and I shut my mouth. He breathes in cold air, and closes his eyes for a moment before he opens them again. Korra and I don't move.
"Get dressed, and head to the healer's," He says, voice shaking. I have never seen this, a monk in distress, a usually collected, strong man, upset.
"Lady Katara — my Mom — she," He stops and breathes. "She is losing this battle."
"I thought the Healer told us we had until the cold front," Korra says, drained.
"That's what I thought as well," Tenzin replies. "But my Mother — she gave herself today," He opens his eyes. "She told us —" He breaks off eye contact and looks to the wall to his left.
"She's letting today be her last day," Korra breathes in quickly, and I turn to look over at her to make sure she's okay.
She's not.
"She can't do this!" Korra yells. "She means too much! She has the world, and you, and the grandkids!" I make a move to go over her, my heart aching, but Tenzin gives me a look that keeps me in my place.
"I understand," He says. "But for now, she needs the Avatar. For everything she has done in this world, and in her next life, she needs an easy passing." He turns to leave and stares pointedly at me.
"Get dressed," He says harshly. "We will be waiting for you," Those are his final words and I take them with no protest. He slams the door behind him, and then I realize, he never suspected anything.
But that's not my worry right now, it's the way Korra's crying, hard and lost.
"Mako," She breathes. "I can't believe — how can I — I don't know what to do!" She wails, and I rush over to her and press her face against my chest, hating seeing her heartbreak.
"Shh," I whisper. "She needs you, strong, and present," She hiccups, and breathes. "She needs the Avatar."
I feel something in her then, the way her body stops, and gets cold, and then breaks free from my embrace. Her eyes are puffy, lips swollen, and I watch as she pulls on her clothes silently, filled with words we cannot speak.
And when we're done getting dressed, she grabs my hand, and we don't say a word, just walk down the hall, hand and hand, to say goodbye to the woman who changed the world.