A/N: This is my entry into the QLFC Season 6, Round 6. Beater 1 for Pride of Portree. The theme this week was Month by Month, write about a character with a birthday in the month chosen by your team. My team chose January: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Gilderoy Lockhart. I've chosen to write about Severus Snape.
My optional prompts were: (word) estranged; (dialogue) "If you are going to breathe down my neck, at least have a mint."; and (word) barbarian.
This is an AU in which Severus Snape lived after the Final Battle and continued on as Headmaster at Hogwarts. Also, Hermione Granger teaches at Hogwarts.
W/C: 2,590
All of the beta love to my fellow Pride teammates: Story Please and sekdaniels.
Summary: Severus Snape has the most interesting birthday yet.
The Best One
January 9
Severus Snape had always hated his birthday. It was the worst day of the year for him. Well, perhaps not so bad as Christmas, but it came in a close second. As a child, his birthday was hardly recognized. And if it was, it was with a beating from his father for daring to grow older. The older Severus became, the more money had to be spent to keep him in clothes and food. The more money spent made Tobias resent his son with every fiber of his being. Severus did not have a happy childhood.
His first friend hadn't even known it was his birthday until their second year at Hogwarts. Lily hadn't bothered in all the years they knew each other before Hogwarts to ask. It's not like they went to the same school, so they didn't spend much time together during the winter months. Severus knew when her birthday was, of course, it was something he'd found out right away. He'd been thrilled to know they shared a birth month but had been too shy to ever come out and tell her that. However, he always did manage to slip a handmade card through their mail slot for Lily's birthday each year before they both went off to Hogwarts.
The fact that Lily didn't know when Severus' birthday was only deepened their estrangement once it happened. It deepened Severus' resentment of her. It had taken many years for Severus to realize that being estranged from Lily wasn't entirely his fault. Some of the blame lay with Lily too. Severus shook his head, clearing himself of his morose thoughts. Lily was long dead, as was the Dark Lord, and Dumbledore, too. The Wizarding World was finally at peace.
He made his way toward the Great Hall for breakfast. Students weren't as terrified of him as they had been when he taught Potions, but none acknowledged him with much more than a nod of their heads. Severus expected that his birthday this year would go as unacknowledged as it did every other year. He couldn't have been more wrong.
Halfway through breakfast, the owl post came and with it, half a dozen owls landed before Severus. Each held a brightly colored missive. He scowled at them and glanced up and down the head table trying to figure out if one of his professors was the culprit. Nobody was paying him any attention. He swept his eyes along the four House tables and, similarly, didn't find anyone giving him any special attention from there either. He drew out his wand and Vanished the envelopes.
Or at least attempted to.
Instead of vanishing, they multiplied. Now there were a dozen and a half brightly colored envelopes scattered across the Head Table. He was starting to attract attention and heard a giggle from his left. He turned his head to find Professor Granger barely holding it together three seats away.
His glare provoked her into speaking, "They're from the Weasleys. Vanishing will do you no good, Headmaster."
"Then how do I get rid of them?" Severus hissed back.
"I'm sure you'll just have to open them," Minerva said from beside him. "It is your birthday after all. Is it so strange for you to receive a few birthday cards?"
Severus sniffed; it was strange. He couldn't recall the last time he received a birthday gift, let alone a card. Perhaps when Albus had still been alive?
Deciding to just get it over with, Severus picked up a lurid pink envelope. It read 'Headmaster Snape' on the outside. He opened it quickly and pulled out the card. Except it wasn't just a card. It was a card full of glitter. The moment the card was free of the envelope, glitter was everywhere. All over his half-eaten breakfast, in his teacup, in his lap, on his hands.
"What in the fu—"
"Headmaster!" Minerva snapped, cutting him off. He glanced up and about half the hall was empty and every eye was on him. He caught a titter of laughter from the Slytherin table and then another from the Gryffindor table. When he caught who was behind this, he was going to give them detention for the rest of the year no matter which House it was!
With an angry swirl of his robes—which kicked up a cloud of glitter—he left the Great Hall and the rest of his birthday cards on the table to head back to his office. He needed to de-glitter himself before his first meeting of the day.
The glitter didn't come off. It was stuck as fast to him as his own hair. He was able to change his robes, but no amount of washing his hands removed the vile stuff from them. And soon he found it in his hair as well. He'd attempted to Vanish it from his robes, and just like the cards, it multiplied. This must also be a Weasley product. If he ever saw George Weasley again, he thought he might just have to murder him. Who came up with a product that was impossible to get rid of? And why would anyone buy it?
Severus' mood deteriorated throughout the day. The more people who saw him looking like a disco ball the more laughter followed him everywhere. He'd always hated to be laughed at. He skipped lunch in the Great Hall and settled in for a small repast at his desk when a knock sounded on the door to his office.
"Enter."
Professor Granger stood there with her hands full of the bright cards from earlier and a soft smile on her face.
"I thought I might find you here, Headmaster. May I come in?"
"Fine," Severus sighed, knowing she wasn't going to leave it alone. "But there better not be any more glitter in those." He indicated the armful of cards.
Professor Granger laughed. "I checked already. No more glitter. But it is your birthday. You should open these. I can't believe we've worked together all these years and you never said anything."
Severus scowled. "I don't celebrate birthdays."
Granger tsked, "That's not even true. You celebrate each staff member's birthday when we have cake in the staff room. Especially if it's red velvet."
Severus felt his lips twitch involuntarily into a small smile. She wasn't wrong, he did enjoy red velvet cake. "I don't celebrate my birthday," he amended.
"Well, you haven't before, but that doesn't mean we can't going forward," Granger grinned at him.
Severus lifted an eyebrow at her. "What exactly do you know about these birthday cards?" he asked as she settled them onto the desk between them.
"Why don't you just open them and find out?" Granger asked tilting her head to the side and cocking her own eyebrow in challenge.
"Will I find more Weasley products?"
"Indubitably."
Severus sighed, "Fine. Let's get this over with."
Granger's grin widened and she settled into one of the chairs in front of Severus' desk. He'd chosen hard-backed chairs in order to discourage visitors, but Granger was cheeky and transfigured hers into a squat leather club chair. He frowned at her and pulled a lime green envelope toward him. He tapped it with his wand, in an attempt to see if any innate magic would trigger whatever was hidden inside, but nothing happened.
Granger sat in her chair, her grin wide and her fingers drumming against her leg in anticipation. Once again, Severus got the feeling that she knew more about this than she was letting on. He sighed again and swiftly opened the envelope and pulled out the card. He flinched involuntarily, but the only thing in the envelope was the card. He opened it to find a gleaming birthday greeting. It was signed 'Albus Severus Potter.'
"Potter," Severus growled. Why was it always Potters who were a thorn in his side? He should have retired when the eldest Potter started at Hogwarts three years ago. Soon there would be three Potters. His heart raced just thinking about it. "Was he behind all of this?"
"I'm sure he had help," Granger commented lightly. "Why don't you open another one?"
Severus glared at her. That one at least didn't have glitter in it. Glitter was like a venereal disease; impossible to get rid of as he'd found out already.
"Why don't you tell me how to remove this infernal craft product from my skin?" Severus countered, leaning back in his chair.
Granger considered him for a moment, then nodded. "Once you open all of your birthday cards, I think I might have something that will help."
Severus scowled and pulled a tangerine-coloured envelope into his hands. He noticed that the pile seemed to have shrank and looked questioningly at Granger.
"The duplication charm is like leprechaun gold. When you try to Vanish it, it duplicates, but after a while, the duplication disappears."
Severus nodded; that was a clever trick. Perhaps Weasley wasn't completely useless. He didn't tap the tangerine envelope, instead, he ripped it open and pulled out the card and was hit in the face with a balloon. More balloons poured out of the envelope and soon his office was filled with balloons floating to the ceiling.
Granger had the nerve to giggle. Severus snatched his wand and pointed at a balloon, planning to Vanish it when Granger spoke again. "I wouldn't do that, sir. Same principle applies to the balloons, I expect."
Severus lowered his wand. "You seem to know an awful lot about Weasley products for a professor at my school."
"Well, I do correspond with George quite a bit. And I spent a lot of my time helping him after the war."
Severus opened the card from the tangerine envelope and was pleasantly surprised to see that it read 'Scorpius Draco Malfoy.' He and Draco had only grown closer as the years went on, especially after Lucius had passed. It was somewhat endearing to find that his godson's son sent him a birthday card. Although, he didn't appreciate the fanfare of it all.
The next card he picked up didn't have an envelope and Severus realized it was the card that was full of glitter from breakfast. He read the inscription and saw that it was signed 'Lorcan and Lysander Scamander.' He set it aside, glad he didn't have to teach either of them. If the Weasley twins were bad, the Scamander twins were worse. He grimaced and set the card aside then pulled a fuschia envelope to him with the tip of his finger.
"So, who has sent you all of these?" Granger asked, pointing to the last two.
"The Scamander twins and Scorpius Malfoy," Severus grunted and tapped the fuschia envelope with his wand. Nothing happened. He opened it quickly and pulled the card free from the envelope. So far, so good. Opening the card did nothing either, even though he had pulled back as far as he could, bracing himself for the worst. This card was signed 'Frank Longbottom,' which was the name of his Herbology Professor's son and only a first year.
"One left," Granger reminded him.
"Right, that one was from Longbottom." Granger nodded as if she expected that was the case.
The last envelope was a teal blue and Severus again tapped it with his wand. Nothing happened, so he assumed he was safe. He wasn't. The moment he opened the envelope crepe paper streamers of all colors shot out and began decorating his office. The hung themselves from the windows and shelves in brilliant patterns. He glowered at them and ripped out the card to see who this one was from, 'James Potter.'
"Well, that's all of them, and doesn't this look nice!" Granger grinned and eyed the rest of his colourful office. It wasn't that it didn't look nice; it was fine for a child's birthday party, but Severus was a middle-aged man.
"How long will these last?"
"Oh, I expect a week at least," Granger replied with a grin.
"And the glitter removal I was promised?"
Granger dug through her pockets and pulled out a small dark blue vial. "A little goes a long way, sir." Then she took her leave.
Severus sighed as he took in the office around him. He was annoyed with the decorations, the glitter most especially and hoped that Granger's tonic would work. Despite it all, a small smile flitted across his face. Students had taken the time to find out his birthday, although with Malfoy in the mix it wouldn't be that hard, and had sent him birthday cards. He'd never, ever received this many cards for a birthday in his life. Part of his cold, dead heart warmed ever so slightly.
By dinnertime, Severus was blissfully glitter-free and he stalked into the Great Hall in search of the assured ring-leader. He stood behind his target, not saying a word as the Great Hall quieted around them.
"If you are going to breathe down my neck, at least have a mint," Albus Potter spat, not bothering to turn around.
"Mr. Potter," Severus snarled and was delighted when Potter jumped and whirled in his seat.
"Headmaster Snape!" Potter squeaked. "Happy Birthday, sir."
Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy, trying to determine if he was being made fun of or not, but he couldn't tell. Malfoy was next to Potter and grinning at him, even though Potter looked as if he was hyperventilating. Severus was pleased that most of the students still found him intimidating despite being covered in glitter for most of the day.
"And which of you barbarians cooked up that little stunt from breakfast?"
"Er, I did, Uncle Severus," Malfoy spoke up. Severus narrowed his eyes at Scorpius for reminding him of the familial connection.
"That's not true, Scorp," Potter hissed. "It was my idea, Headmaster."
Severus rolled his eyes. How a Potter ever got into Slytherin, he had no idea.
"Detention with Hagrid," Severus snapped.
Potter practically wilted in front of him in disappointment and while Severus would never admit it to anyone, ever, he actually felt bad about it. Obviously, the boy had thought he had good intentions with the birthday cards, however much Severus didn't appreciate him. He'd just have to tell Hagrid to go easy on him.
"Both of you," he added, including Malfoy into it. "Report to Hagrid after dinner."
"Yes, sir," Malfoy responded. Potter didn't respond, he just looked dejected. Well, it wasn't Severus' responsibility to cheer the boy up.
He made his way to the Head Table and was mildly surprised to find Granger sitting in Minerva's place.
"Did you really have to give them detention, Headmaster?" Granger asked the moment he sat down.
"I cannot have children sending me prank birthday cards," Severus sniffed. "Dumbledore may have enjoyed that sort of thing, but I do not."
Granger sighed. "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I am," Severus replied.
After dinner, Severus found Hagrid and informed him of the detention that he'd assigned. And suggested that perhaps Hagrid could have them feed the nifflers or something of the sort.
He did feel a little bad about assigning the detention, but heaven forbid if the same thing or worse happened next year. It would be chaos in the school, and he simply wouldn't have it. Overall, it hadn't been his worst birthday ever and as he laid down to sleep much later that night he rather thought it had been a fairly pleasant birthday. Perhaps even the best one he'd ever had.