Sorry, fell asleep. Here's the rest of the story.
The ground was shaking as if it might split open at any moment and the wind that whipped at his body was like a thousand needles of icy pain even through the strange protective suit he was suddenly wearing. Howard didn't want to open his eyes, but he did. Mostly because Vince was whimpering.
The sky was black and the landscape looked to be made out of jagged pieces of ice. Whatever film they were in now had had a really big budget. Dragging himself and Vince to their feet, Howard took another look at their surroundings.
"I think this is Armageddon."
"You can say that again!" Vince screamed, bringing his hands to his space helmet in terror as the ground began to rumble and break apart beneath their feet.
"We better get out of here then."
"Good idea. I'll just-"
Vince froze mid-sentence, his words dying as he looked at his empty hands. The remote was gone.
"We're going to die!"
Despite being the manly man of the duo and claiming to be a well travelled and fearless explorer, Howard wasn't actually used to being the leader or the brave one. That was Vince's job generally. Vince was good at being brave. Howard figured it was because he was so naturally lucky. It was hard to be scared when you lived with the certainty that you were the Chosen One.
Right now, however, Vince was falling apart. Somehow the large space suit made him look smaller, like a child playing dress-ups, and he was shaking like a leaf in an autumn gale, seconds away from being torn from the branch. Howard was scared too, terrified in fact, but he had to be strong for Vince. Later on he'd be able to fall apart, safe in the knowledge that Vince would be the strong one for him, but right now Vince needed him and he would not disappoint.
"It'll be alright, Vince. Trust me ok. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Now help me look for it!"
He yelled over the rumbling of the ground and Vince nodded dumbly. Together they knelt back down on the ground and began to search among the space rock and shards of ice. Visibility was low and Vince was whispering that it was hopeless and Howard was ready to agree with him when the ground beneath them shook so ferociously that they were thrown viciously against the rock.
Ice and stone rained down on them both but suddenly Howard was hit by something that felt distinctly different.
"That was - Ouch! - That was plastic! The remote!"
He scrambled for it, and the second it was in his hand he grabbed onto Vince, held him close and pressed the button.
...
"Yay! We're back in Plunkett! No, wait... Aw! We're still trapped in the telly!"
Vince looked around their soggy surroundings with disappointment but at the same time couldn't deny that he was relieved to be back there rather than in one of the other films currently showing on the television.
And he couldn't deny the deep surge of gratitude and affection he felt when he thought back to the way Howard had held it together for them both. He didn't know if dying in TV land meant dying in real life too, but he did know that he didn't want to find out. They would just have to stay out of trouble until they thought of a better plan. Or until Naboo realised that both they and his enchanted remote were missing and came to rescue them. That was possibly the more likely option but he had no way of knowing when that would happen. Still, this seemed like the ultimate place to stay out of trouble. It was completely deserted, not even a cow on the horizon. Completely silent... Howard!
Vince stumbled over to where Howard lay, spread eagled on the wet grass. They were both back in their eighteenth century highwaymen outfits and, despite the fact that he was staring lifelessly up at the stormy sky, Howard still managed to look disturbingly hot. Vince bit his lip and touched Howard's cheek tentatively.
"Howard?"
No answer.
"Howard, please say you're alright? You saved my skin back there, you ain't allowed to bow out now. That's not on. We're a double act, seeing things through to the end together, you and me... Please, Howard?"
There was still no answer and Vince felt the sharp sting of tears behind his eyes. He couldn't lose Howard, not again. He was fairly sure that he wouldn't be able to pull off another Monkey Hell gaol break stunt if Howard died in TV land. And he didn't want to keep going if Howard wasn't with him.
He gave Howard's broad shoulders a shake. Nothing.
He slapped his stubbled cheek. Nothing, except that Vince's palm stung.
There was only one thing left to try.
Vince wasn't really a fan of realistic films. He'd seen plenty, just like he'd seen plenty of plays and read plenty of books (although he didn't own up to that fact), but he didn't really like realism. He preferred cartoons and fairy tales, even if Howard said they were childish, and in those stories there was always one sure way to revive someone who seemed to be dead.
His cheeks pale and his chest heaving, Vince bent carefully over Howard's face and kissed him delicately on the lips.