Chapter 4 - October
Several days had passed since Wilfred's unexpected job offer, yet the Doctor remained undecided. He'd done as Jackie had suggested and slept on the idea, but to no avail. He couldn't disregard the notion that he was overlooking something. Some significant variable that refused to be ignored, that needed to be factored into his decision. But for the life of him he could not pinpoint what it was.
He was missing the bigger picture, and he knew it.
Briefly he wondered if this new found short-sightedness had something to do with Donna, but he dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it had formed. If he was being honest with himself, he'd always had a propensity to miss the obvious. He still remembered how silly he'd felt when he'd failed to notice the London Eye in front of Rose. In his defence he had had an awful lot to keep track of in his mind at the time, but it was a reminder that sometimes he did miss the obvious.
Although this time, he wasn't sure it was so obvious.
At first he'd thought the nagging sense of unease had been because of Rose's absence. It didn't seem right that he should make such a momentous decision without her. But he'd realised that wasn't the case at all.
Although he'd have loved her input – she always seemed to know just the right thing to say to help him through a difficult decision – he knew he was perfectly capable of making this decision without her. In fact, he suspected it was important that he make this decision on his own. He'd been plagued by self-doubt since he'd arrived in Pete's universe, but he knew if he could do this by himself, then he could do anything. After all, one didn't get much more domestic than picking a career to pursue for one's lifetime.
Rose wasn't the answer this time, but it was frustrating to think that she'd probably be able to tell him exactly what he'd overlooked in a heartbeat.
Distractedly, he ran a hand through his untamed hair and glanced towards his desk. Tinkering had always helped him focus his mind in the past, perhaps now it would help him order his thoughts and make a decision. Pulling out his desk chair he contemplated the dozens of half completed projects that littered the surface of his desk. He had a terrible habit of getting distracted and leaving things half done, he realised wryly.
Picking up the closest object he fiddled with it idly. It was a small cube, the sides an opaque grey colouring, and roughly the size of a tennis ball. One of the six sides had been removed, revealing the complex network of wires and circuitry he'd been working on. The device, a holographic interface that he planned to upload pictures onto, was for Tony. Essentially, it was a virtual photo album for the boy, with one added bonus: it was based on an old Gallifreyan design. The pictures would be three-dimensional.
He'd stopped working on it several weeks ago. It'd been late at night at the time and the circuitry had been playing up. No matter how intently he'd scrutinised the connections he hadn't been able to work out where he'd gone wrong. After all, it had been a very long time since he'd last built a photo cube for someone. Putting his mistake down to forgetfulness and fatigue, he'd set the project aside for another day.
Casting a glance into the exposed circuitry now, he immediately spotted the mistake he'd previously missed. It was a rudimentary error, and one that would take seconds to correct. Swapping around the incorrectly positioned wires he located the sixth side of the cube and slotted it back into place to complete the device. A quick buzz with his sonic to tighten the connections, and the photo cube would be finished. His blue jacket was hanging on the back of his chair, so he reached blindly behind him and into the inner pocket, expecting to find his screwdriver.
But he hadn't worn the jacket in over a week.
Instead his questing fingers brushed against something warm and familiar, and he felt his breath leave him in surprise. Without further thought he tightened his grip on the object and withdrew it from his pocket.
For several long minutes he simply stared at the object in his hands, unable to believe that this was what he'd forgotten.
Ever so slowly he leant forwards, resting his forehead against the lump of TARDIS coral, allowing himself to lose himself in her presence. She was the last piece of Gallifrey that belonged to him. His lifelong companion.
And he'd neglected her.
Circumstances had forced his hand in a way. He'd been distracted adjusting to life in Pete's world, a period of time complicated by attempting to cope with Rose's disappearance and relearning who he was. He hadn't forgotten the TARDIS, but he certainly hadn't prioritised her. As he reached out to her, reuniting and rejoicing in her presence once again, he made himself a promise: never again would he take her presence for granted.
He'd made his decision.
o0o
'You only had to ask, you know.'
The Doctor startled guiltily as Pete's voice sounded from the doorway.
Once he'd decided to accept Wilfred's job offer he'd gone straight to Pete's study. Rose's father had still been at work and Jackie had been downstairs supervising Tony's homework, so he'd had no qualms about sneaking into the man's study. After all, the room held the only computer that was linked to Torchwood's servers, and it was access to those servers that he'd required. He hadn't intended to be caught red-handed though.
Swivelling the desk chair around, the Doctor found himself face to face with Pete Tyler.
'I didn't think you'd be home so soon,' he said lamely.
It was just his luck that the one time he'd decided to break into Pete's office coincided with the day Pete decided to leave work early.
Pete chuckled.
'I may have received a tip off to head home early,' he admitted, closing his office door behind him.
The Doctor frowned, eyeing Pete speculatively as the other man moved to sit on the couch by the office window.
'I've heard enough stories about you over the years now, Doctor, to not be in the least bit surprised to have found you breaking into my home office. So I had Tosh set up a few extra security measures when you came back,' he explained. 'Figured I probably wouldn't be able to stop you, but I'd at least know about it when it happened.'
The Doctor had the good grace to look at least somewhat chastened. Although mostly because he'd been caught out as opposed to feeling any true guilt over hacking Torchwood's servers.
'In fact,' Pete continued, 'I expected you to try weeks ago. So the question is: do I need to be worried?'
The Doctor blinked.
'Worried?' he echoed, nonplussed.
Now Pete looked confused.
'I assumed, given your dislike for Torchwood, that only an emergency would lead you to access our resources,' he said slowly. 'Clearly, I was wrong.'
The Doctor ran a hand nervously through his hair.
'Well,' he began, dragging the word out, 'you're not entirely wrong, Pete. It is an emergency. Of sorts. Technically. Although probably more of a "personal" emergency rather than a "world ending" one,' he finished helpfully.
Pete let out a weary sigh in defeat, loosening his tie as he did so.
'Go on then. What's this emergency of yours, Doctor?'
Turning the desktop screen towards Pete, he brought up the program he'd been perusing before Pete had found him.
'I'm looking for somewhere to grow the TARDIS.'
Pete studied the screen silently, his brow furrowing the longer he read.
'That's all of our data on rift activity within the Republic from the past century.'
'Yep,' he agreed, leaning forwards to pull up a different image.
'Now you've extrapolated the data to create a geographical representation of rift activity across the Republic,' Pete observed, eying the map of Britain curiously.
'Yep.'
With one final click the Doctor brought up the image he'd been in the process of examining when he'd been interrupted.
'Same data,' Pete said quietly, 'but now you've added the universities Wilfred suggested...'
He trailed off, turning his gaze onto the Doctor.
'You've accepted.'
The Doctor nodded.
'I have,' he answered seriously, oddly nervous of Pete's reaction.
The man took a moment to process the words, his expression eerily blank, but then he smiled.
'Well, I'll be sorry to see you go, Doctor,' he said genuinely. 'You'll be sorely missed around here.'
'Thank you.'
'There is one thing though, that for the life of me I can't understand,' Pete added. 'Why on Earth are you looking for the university with the most rift activity around it?'
The Doctor laughed.
'Well, I can't very well grow my TARDIS without access to the rift now, can I?'
Pete groaned, dropping his head into his hands, much to the Doctor's amusement. He thought he had a pretty good idea about what was going through the other man's mind.
'Don't worry, Pete,' he said earnestly. 'I promise I won't stir up any trouble with the rift.'
He paused.
'Well, not deliberately,' he added.
Pete scoffed.
'Well, definitely not without a very good reason,' he amended.
For some reason this didn't seem to reassure Pete at all.
'I'm going to have to open a second branch of Torchwood, aren't I?'
o0o
To celebrate his forthcoming employment, Jackie had insisted on hosting a small dinner party to mark the occasion. After all, it wasn't everyday that her alien not quite son-in-law found himself gainful employment. Plus she'd been desperate for an excuse to meet Wilfred from the moment she'd learnt he'd made a friend in Pete's universe.
Wilfred and Margaret arrived at the Tyler Mansion on Friday evening, having made the trek into London once classes had finished for the day. They planned to visit a few of Wilfred's London-based colleagues the next morning so Jackie had offered them rooms at the mansion for the evening, which the pair had gratefully accepted.
The Doctor had met the pair enthusiastically at the door, taking great pride in introducing them to the Tyler family. Tony, wearing his Arsenal jersey proudly despite his mother's insistence that he put on a set of good clothes for their visitors, had been delighted to learn that Wilfred was an Arsenal fan. The brief discussion of the football club that ensued, earned Wilfred a spot in Tony's good books for life. Having satisfied his curiosity, Tony had then disappeared upstairs to play with his toys until dinner time, leaving the adults free to talk.
Wilfred and Pete had needed no introductions, falling easily into conversation as old friends were wont to do. The Doctor had lingered by Jackie and Margaret, fervently hoping that the pair of them would get on. He needn't have worried in the slightest. By the time they sat down for dinner Jackie had shared half a dozen embarrassing stories about him with Margaret, much to his horror.
The meal had passed in a blur of good conversation and better company, and for the most part he'd slipped easily between the conversations, delighted to be surrounded by his surrogate families. Twice he'd lapsed into unnatural silence, reminded of who was missing at the table.
Everyone except Rose.
He'd felt her absence keenly throughout the night, but for the most part he'd kept on top of it by reminding himself that he believed in her. She would come home. Plus Tony had a knack for drawing him back into conversation.
As the evening drew to its natural close, Wilfred joined him by the fireplace. They'd moved from the dining room into the living room for drinks once the meal had finished, and now they were alone. Jackie had long ago taken Tony up to bed and Margaret had followed not long after, wanting an early night. At some point Pete had disappeared into the kitchen to get a head start on the washing up, perhaps sensing that Wilfred wanted to talk shop.
'Have you decided then, lad?'
The Doctor broke his gaze away from the mesmerising flames to face Wilfred.
'Exeter,' he said quietly. 'I'd like to work there.'
Wilfred grinned.
'I'd hoped you might pick there,' he said cheerfully. 'Charles has been driving me mad for the past week because he hasn't been able to find anyone to fill the position. Not only is Professor Hurley retiring now, but one of their younger staff members is taking maternity leave. Poor fellow has been at his wit's end trying to manage the Physics department.'
'Well, I'm glad I'll be of use,' the Doctor laughed.
'Exeter will be proud to have you, lad,' Wilfred agreed, pausing to take a sip of his whiskey tumbler. 'I'll contact Charles in the morning. But be warned, Doctor. He'll probably want you to start on Monday. Would that be possible?'
'That should be fine.'
It would mean he'd have to sort out his living arrangements more quickly than he'd anticipated, but he knew the sooner he could start, the happier the university would be. After all, classes had already been running for a month and a half now, and he knew that the students would be starting to worry about their upcoming midterm assessments. If he was going to be entrusted with a class for an entire year he wanted as much time as he could to build rapport with them. He'd seen the interest and excitement Wilfred had nurtured in his pupils, and he wanted that as well.
'I think I might call it a night,' Wilfred announced, interrupting his musings. The older man finished his whiskey with a flourish and stood, clapping the Doctor on the back as he moved to leave the room.
'It's been an absolute pleasure, Doctor, but I'm afraid I don't quite have the same stamina for late nights anymore.'
He winked conspiratorially as he made his way out of the living room.
'Do you think I should have waited for Rose to come home?'
The question slipped out before the Doctor could think about it, falling clumsily into the silence of the room as it caught Wilfred short of the door. The older man did not turn, and the Doctor cursed his unchecked gob. After all, Wilfred had never met Rose. What could he possibly know about the situation? He felt like an idiot because he knew instinctively that this was not a question for his guest. Before he could retract the question though, Wilfred turned around.
'Do you think you should have waited for her, lad?'
The Doctor blinked in surprise as Wilfred turned the question around on him. Nevertheless the answer came instantly.
'No.'
The older man smiled wistfully.
'There you have it then,' he said simply.
He shrugged and made to leave again. But once again he stopped short of the door, turning back suddenly to face the Doctor.
'Far be it for me to comment on your relationship with Ms Tyler,' he said earnestly, albeit half apologetically. 'But I do know one thing, Doctor. If she loves you, even a tenth as much as you love her, then your happiness will be her happiness.'
Having said his piece, Wilfred touched his knuckle to his forehead in a gesture of goodwill and left the Doctor alone with his thoughts. It was a long time before the Doctor followed in his friend's footsteps and retired to bed.
o0o
'Oh, now that's hideous!'
For the second time in as many days the Doctor started as he was caught unawares in Pete's office. Although he'd gained permission from Pete this time, he hadn't intended for Jackie to find him midway through his reconnaissance of the local real estate in Exeter.
'Hello, Jackie,' he greeted sarcastically, adding under his breath, 'what are the chances?'
'I heard that,' she said pointedly, pulling the spare chair out from the corner.
As she busied herself with the chair he subtly angled the computer screen away from her, hoping to discourage her curiosity.
'Of course you did,' he muttered as she gestured for him to move over so she could place her chair next to him. 'Is there something I can do for you?'
Having positioned herself, she deftly straightened out the computer screen.
'You aren't seriously thinking of buying this place are you?' she said idly, as though he'd asked her opinion of the property. 'The owner must have been colour blind to have picked that colour scheme!'
'Jackie –'
He was cut off as she leant over to commandeer the mouse from him, pulling up the next property listing without so much as a by your leave.
'That bathroom is awful,' she declared, the mouse clicking loudly in the silence as she flicked through the list of properties he'd pulled up. 'Is that the master bedroom? You wouldn't fit a single bed in there, let alone a double.'
Click.
'Rose won't like this one.'
Click.
'You won't like this one.'
Click.
'Hmm. This one's alright, but too small. You'll want at least three spare bedrooms.'
Click.
'Jackie –,' he tried again, but once again she ignored him.
'Did you put any filters into this search?'
The Doctor opened his mouth, then shut it promptly as he realised he hadn't specified any filters.
'That's completely beside the point,' he countered irritably, but Jackie was not to be deterred. She continued to click through the listings with an ease that astonished him, and he wondered why he hadn't simply asked for her help in the first place. He'd already wasted an hour on the website, and since Wilfred had called earlier that morning to confirm that Exeter wanted him to start on Monday he really couldn't afford to spend all day looking for a house.
The only reason he hadn't asked for her input immediately was because he was worried she'd be angry with him. She'd seemed happy for him when she'd learnt of his job offer, but he still remembered how upset she'd been when he'd stayed those extra few days in Oxford without telling her. How would she take the news that he was moving away to Exeter? He'd often been accused of being oblivious to human feelings in the past, but not this time. He still remembered her tears.
'Are you angry with me?'
The thought escaped without his permission, surprising him as much as Jackie. She stopped clicking and looked at him, genuinely shocked.
'Why would I be angry with you?'
He shrugged uselessly, only perplexing Jackie further.
'Apart from the bit where you forgot to mention you were buying a house, why would I be angry, Doctor?'
He frowned. Her words didn't match her tone. She sounded honestly curious.
'So, you are angry?' he asked hesitantly, needing to clarify because this was definitely dangerous territory for him. He could sense a Tyler slap lurking nearby.
Jackie rolled her eyes.
'To be fair, I hardly think you know the first thing about buying a house,' she said pragmatically. 'Why didn't you ask me for help?'
Bewildered, he simply gaped at her, entirely lost to the conversation. She sighed, and finally decided to let him off the hook.
'I'm not angry that you're leaving, Doctor. If that's what you're asking.'
'You're not?'
He couldn't quite keep the disbelief out of his voice.
Jackie laughed.
'Oh, I'll certainly miss you, you idiot,' she said affectionately. 'But I'm not angry.'
She paused momentarily, her gaze seeking out his own.
'Everyone leaves home in the end.'
Her words, wistful and tinged with the smallest hint of resignation, were met with silence.
'Rose told me that once,' he said eventually, his voice cracking slightly as he remembered that day. 'We were trapped...for a bit...thought I'd lost my TARDIS,' he added jokingly.
Jackie's brow furrowed slightly.
'I hadn't,' he continued hastily. 'Obviously. Brought her home again. Safe and sound.'
He smiled broadly, hoping to bluster his way through having to explain the whole planet-orbiting-a-black-hole thing. He needn't have worried though because Jackie only had one thing to say.
'You brought her home though,' she said softly. 'Like you've always promised.'
The change of tone caught him off guard, and he shifted uncomfortably beneath Jackie's probing gaze.
'Yeah,' he finally agreed, although he didn't sound in the least bit certain.
'Don't you go doubting yourself now, mister,' Jackie said knowingly. 'You won't catch me saying this again, but I'm so glad Rose met you. I might have had my doubts about you,' she admitted. 'And the whole "alien" thing is a bit weird –'
'Oi!'
'Ok,' she acquiesced. 'But the hand thing is a bit –'
'OI!' he interrupted again.
'Oh, I'm only teasing,' Jackie huffed, eyes alight with amusement.
He rolled his eyes, allowing her her brief moment of triumph. Eventually she sobered, her gaze turning serious once again.
'Truth is,' she said earnestly, 'if there was one person I had to entrust with the life of my daughter, it would be you.'
The Doctor could count on one hand the number of times he'd been rendered truly speechless. And the last time had been several regenerations ago.
He knew there was only really one thing he could say in response.
'Thank you, Jackie Tyler.'
She smiled, her cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment. Leaning forward she reclaimed the mouse, waking the computer which had gone to sleep whilst they'd been talking.
'Let's find you a home, shall we?'
o0o
'Can this be my room, Doctor?'
The Doctor laughed as Tony grabbed his hand and pulled him excitedly into the room he'd selected. It was the smallest bedroom of the ones he'd been offered, but it had a spectacular view.
'Oh yes, Tony Tyler!' he agreed immediately, hoisting the boy over his shoulder.
Tony giggled delightedly as he carried him back downstairs to join his parents in the kitchen. As much as he enjoyed seeing Tony excited he didn't want him running around upstairs by himself, not yet at least.
With Jackie's help the Doctor had found a home that he was beginning to suspect he'd grow to love almost as much as his TARDIS. The moment he'd seen the listing he'd known it was the right place for him, and with Pete's help, he'd virtually owned the house within hours of selecting it. Somehow the Vitex billionaire had managed to rush the paperwork through for him, as well as insisting on using his own money to purchase the property, much to the Doctor's horror. Pete had absolutely refused to accept any form of compensation though, instructing him to consider it as a "thank you" gift for all the times he'd saved the universe.
The only reason the Doctor hadn't insisted on paying the man back was because Jackie had very sensibly pointed out that the house was going to need a lot of work to make it habitable. When he'd continued to argue over that point she'd told him quite succinctly that if he still felt the same way after he'd paid for all the repairs she'd happily let him pay Pete back every cent. But until then he wasn't to say another thing about it.
Wisely, he'd held his tongue.
Seeing the property now, he was beginning to suspect that Jackie might have been right. There was currently no hot water and he suspected he was going to have to rewire a significant number of fuses. Still, he wouldn't have settled for anything else.
Although they'd searched extensively through the Exeter real estate listings, none of the houses had appealed to him. He'd never really thought of himself as a "picky buyer" before, but it seemed to be a new trait to this regeneration.
There had been one listing he'd briefly considered in Exeter, but Jackie had vetoed the option almost immediately. In return for her assistance she'd insisted on a four bedroom house at minimum. It wasn't so much the idea of the extra space that had bothered him; rather he couldn't see the point of having four rooms in the house exclusively set aside for sleeping. It seemed illogical, but Jackie had been non-negotiable on the point. She'd rolled her eyes and told him quite pointedly that he'd thank her later – whatever that meant – before promptly adjusting the search filters accordingly.
Admittedly the option he'd been considering had been an apartment. An entirely impractical idea considering he wanted to grow his TARDIS, something that would necessitate both space and privacy.
Unable to reach a decision on the listings provided, Jackie had suggested looking outside of Exeter. After all, there was no reason he couldn't commute into work every day.
So they'd considered Exmouth, a small town to the South-East of Exeter.
And here they were.
All three Tylers had made the journey down to Exmouth with him, excited to see the new house with him, despite its state of disrepair. It was a seaside cottage, hidden away on the outskirts of the town with ten acres of land separating it from any nosy neighbours. Much to Jackie's delight it also had five bedrooms. Hardly knowing what to do with them, the Doctor had identified the master bedroom and had then instructed Tony to pick out a room for himself. If he was going to have four guest bedrooms, he might as well do something with them.
'How'd you go then?' Jackie asked as he re-entered the kitchen, Tony still draped over his shoulder.
'Oh, I think we did alright, didn't we, Tony?' he said as he made a show of putting the giggling boy down.
'Yep!'
Tony took great delight in popping the "p", much to the Doctor's amusement. It was a habit Rose's brother had apparently picked up since he'd started living with the Tylers.
'Well, which one did you pick?' Jackie asked, pulling the boy in for a cuddle.
Tony squirmed as his mother's cuddle turned into a tickling-fest.
'Mum!' he squealed in delight. 'Mum! Stop! Stop! The blue one,' he shrieked hysterically. 'I picked the blue room!'
Jackie laughed, relinquishing her grip on her son.
'And what do you say to the Doctor, young man?' she instructed pointedly.
Tony turned to face the Doctor, smiling broadly.
'Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!' he chanted excitedly.
'You're very welcome, Tony Tyler.'
'Can I really come and stay with you when Rose comes back?'
It was the sixth time Tony had asked the question, but he smiled good-naturedly.
'Of course you can,' he promised. 'You've got a room here now, don't you? You'll have to sleep in it some time!'
Tony turned expectantly towards his mother.
'Please can I stay with the Doctor tonight, Mum? Please!?' he begged, dragging the word out into the whine that only five year olds could perfect.
He'd been asking non-stop since they'd arrived, but the Doctor knew Jackie was not going to change her mind.
'Last warning, Tony,' she said sternly. 'You know very well that you have school tomorrow, mister. And even if you didn't, the Doctor has a big day tomorrow. First day at his new job, isn't it? He'll need a good night's rest. Just like you did before your first day of school, remember?'
Tony had been so excited about starting at school that he'd worn himself out by half-five in the evening the night before, to Jackie and Pete's great amusement. Of course, he'd then woken at half-three in the morning the next day, much to their dismay.
'But, Mum,' Tony sulked, pouting.
Jackie shot him a look, and wisely Tony conceded defeat. He'd learnt early on that arguing with his mother never ended well for him. Turning his back on his mother, he stormed over to her bag, pulled out his toy cars and promptly ignored them both. Sensing that the dispute was over, the Doctor pulled up a seat at the table with Jackie. The thick oak table was one of the few items of furniture that had come with the house. Thankfully, Pete had organised for the delivery of a few more essential items of furniture the next day, but for now the Doctor owned a mattress, a kitchen table, four chairs, and a refrigerator.
'Where's Pete?' he asked curiously, for the first time noticing the other man's absence.
Jackie, who seemed greatly amused by her son's sulking, turned her attention back to him.
'Oh, he's gone to get some takeout for dinner. I thought we'd eat early, and then we'll be out of your hair so you can finish unpacking and get settled in before the big day tomorrow.'
'It's only the first day of work, Jackie,' he said exasperatedly, tugging on his ear. 'Nothing to get excited over.'
Jackie smiled knowingly, her gaze softening.
'There's no shame in feeling a little nervous, you know,' she said. 'Everybody gets nervous before their first day.'
'I'm not nervous,' he rebutted immediately, although his voice cracked traitorously.
Jackie raised an eyebrow.
'I'm not,' he insisted.
Rolling her eyes, Jackie simply shook her head in resignation.
'Of course you're not,' she agreed dryly.
'Exactly,' he said with finality, certain that she'd drop the topic.
'It is a big day though,' she said instead.
'Jackie,' he groaned in warning.
'But it is!' she insisted. 'You've a new house, and a new job.'
He eyed her suspiciously, uncertain where she was taking the conversation.
'I suppose,' he agreed objectively.
'Well, it's not every day you do that, is it?'
'Thankfully, no,' he bit out sarcastically.
Finally she seemed to sense that he wasn't interested in pursuing the topic further.
They lapsed into an awkward silence.
'Oh, I almost forgot,' she said suddenly. 'I was going to save it for Christmas, but with the way your heating seems to come and go here, probably best you have it now. And it was supposed to be a sort of "congratulations" gift. A house-warming gift, if you'll still have it?'
He hated that she sounded so uncertain, as though she really thought she'd offended him with her funny little human tendency to mark completely unimportant occasions. To him there was no difference between tonight, or the next night, or the next. What did it matter if tonight was the "first" night in his new home? It was just a house: a building to sleep in at night, and a place to grow his TARDIS in peace. Nothing more, nothing less.
He almost believed himself too.
She must have seen the indecision on his face because she turned to Tony, taking his silence as acquiescence to her request.
'Tony, will you get the Doctor's present out of my bag?'
Excitement seemed to render Tony partially amnesiac, for he forgot to be angry with his mother as he hurried to fetch the gift.
'It's from me, as well,' he said proudly, offering the Doctor the oddly proportioned package. 'Mum let me wrap it for you!'
Not knowing what else to do, he accepted the gift from Tony, forcing out a smile that he hoped looked at least half-way real.
'You didn't have to get me a present, Jackie,' he muttered, carefully peeling off the layers of sticky tape. He suspected Tony might have used the entire role of tape.
'Wouldn't be right not to mark the occasion, Doctor,' she replied softly, obviously wary of his reaction now. 'It's only a small thing. I'd have bought you one anyway, now that it's getting cooler. Can't have you freezing on your way to work, can I?'
He stared at the navy blue and charcoal grey earflap beanie that was lying in his lap. It was such an innocuous object, practical even. But he couldn't stop staring at it. Couldn't stop seeing it for what it represented.
'I...ah...thank you, Jackie,' he managed to get out, realising belatedly that he'd been silent for far too long. Tony was staring at him crestfallen, and the Doctor hurried to remedy his mistake.
'And you, Tony,' he added hurriedly, his words tumbling together in his haste to get them out. 'Thank you. I've never opened such a well wrapped gift before. People never use the right amount of sticky tape, you know. But you did, Tony. The perfect amount, I should think.'
He stopped abruptly as he realised he was rambling. The beanie was still sitting on his lap. He stared at it. This house-warming gift that shouldn't mean a thing to him, but was instead slowly and steadily breaking down every carefully constructed wall he'd built around his heart since Rose had left. And he only had the one now; one single, fragile human heart that he couldn't afford to break.
He stood, pushing away from the table and letting the beanie fall to the ground as his hand migrated to the back of his neck.
'There was something...,' he began lamely, searching for an excuse. 'I need to...I...'
The words died away and before he could even think about it he was striding out the front door of his cottage. He could hear Tony calling after him, but he kept walking. And then without further thought he was running. He had no idea where he was going or why he was running away. He just needed to run.
So he did.
o0o
Jackie found him twenty minutes later.
He hadn't gone very far, only down to the beach in the end. Far enough to put some distance between the cottage and himself, but not so far that he couldn't be found.
That was out of character. He didn't normally let people catch up with him again when he ran. It kind of defeated the purpose of running away in the first place, he thought sardonically.
He sensed her sit down next to him, feeling rather than seeing, as his gaze remained fixed on the symbols he was carving idly into the sand. She was within reach, but not too close. Giving him the space he needed.
He couldn't say how long she sat with him in silence. Long enough that the sun was beginning to set by the time he finally spoke.
'I've never owned a house before,' he said softly, watching the small waves as they beached themselves tirelessly against the sand. 'Well, not something that would fit your human concept of a house,' he amended. 'Nine hundred years, and not one house. Can you believe it?'
'Yes,' she said simply.
'I've done the wife and children part before though, you know,' he continued, as though she hadn't said anything. 'Did Rose ever tell you that?'
For the first time since Jackie had arrived he looked towards her, genuinely curious.
Jackie shook her head.
'I wondered,' she said quietly. 'But she never said, and I never asked.'
He laughed; a weak, half hearted sound that contained no mirth.
'No, you didn't,' he conceded. 'But I don't think you needed to, did you? There's something about being a parent that leaves a mark on you, changes you irrevocably. I can see it in you, Jackie, and you saw it in me. Even back then,' he guessed, referencing his earlier self, 'when I was a different man.'
She nodded wordlessly, and he grinned half-heartedly, pleased to know that he'd been right.
'I was a terrible parent,' he admitted abruptly. 'Wasn't much of a grandfather either. I don't think Susan ever forgave me for Alex's death,' he added softly, talking more to himself now than Jackie.
He lapsed into silence then, remembering that terrible day.
He'd failed his great-grandson. He hadn't been able to save him that day. Nor Lucie. But he'd failed Susan too. He'd left her alone, too afraid of his own grief to recognise hers.
It was one of his greatest regrets. And something he feared he could never atone for.
He had no idea how long Jackie allowed him to sit in silence, but eventually she spoke, forcing him to return to the present. The past was the past after all, and nothing he could do would ever change that. He could only remember them now.
'What's upset you, Doctor?' she asked gently, her tone filled with worry.
It was such a simple question. Yet she had no idea how complex the answer could be for him.
'Was it something I said?' she continued, his silence fuelling her anxiety until she was listing every conceivable option. 'Was it the beanie? Is it the house? Are you nervous about tomorrow? Is it –'
He knew from experience that she wouldn't stop until forced to do so. But he needed her to stop. He stood suddenly, striding away until he stood several paces from her. He was breathing heavily, his hand tangled somewhere in his hair, and ankle deep in salt water because he hadn't realised he'd reached the water. He looked out at the endless ocean, and he shrugged.
'I bought a house, Jackie!' he shouted in frustration. He sounded hysterical, but there was something cathartic about shouting at the ocean, so he let it all out. Everything that had been eating away at him since he'd arrived that morning.
'A stupid building, that's not in the least bit important because it doesn't mean anything to me. It shouldn't mean anything to me. A new job? A new house? When have I ever wanted anything like that before? I shouldn't want them. I'm not that man. I don't do domestics. I've never wanted to before. It shouldn't matter to me,' he trailed off pathetically, the words dying on his lips because he'd finally admitted to himself what was truly bothering him.
He turned around.
'I bought a house, Jackie,' he admitted, his voice cracking. 'And Rose wasn't part of that.'
'Oh, Doctor.'
Jackie closed the distance between them, pulling him into a tight hug. He couldn't say how long they stood like that. It may have been minutes, but just as easily it could have been hours. It was long enough that he could taste salt on his cheeks, though he couldn't say for certain that it was solely from the sea spray.
'I feel like I'm leaving her behind, Jackie,' he admitted quietly once they'd separated. 'I thought if I ever did anything like this, it would be with Rose by my side. But she isn't, and it doesn't feel right. I don't know what I'm doing.'
He broke off. And then he did something he'd never thought he'd willingly do.
He asked Jackie Tyler for advice.
'What do I do?'
Jackie smiled.
'You do what you've always done,' she instructed seriously. 'Stick with it, like the stubborn man I know you are.'
He laughed weakly.
'It gets easier, Doctor,' she promised. 'Step by step, day by day, it becomes less daunting. You'll get there in the end. Trust me.'
Eventually he nodded. Satisfied, Jackie reached up to wipe the last of the salt from his face.
'Come on,' she said. 'Let's go home.'
o0o
Jackie had been right, the Doctor thought as he sat down in his new armchair by the fireplace. He'd been living in Exmouth for a fortnight now; his days spent teaching at the University and his weekends in the cottage, steadily fixing the place up.
He'd never felt more alive.
He'd planted the TARDIS in the back garden his very first night, half a foot deep in soil rich with rift energy. She loved the location, the faint presence in the back of his mind only strengthened by the salt of the sea air. Now a small sapling stood proudly in place, growing stronger by the day, and he knew it wouldn't be long before she really took off.
In quiet moments, he'd catch himself worrying about what Rose would think when she came home, wondering if she'd be mad that he'd moved on with his life whilst she'd be gone. But those times were growing few and far between.
He was happy here.
Strangely, the slow path didn't seem quite so frightening anymore.