A/N: HEY, GANG. How's everyone doing? For those of you in the Northeast/Midwest/Pacific Northwest in the US... how's "spring"? heh heh. Ok first order of business: I'm glad you guys liked the twist! But I can't take credit for it because it was so good I literally said "oh my god" out loud when the idea was first presented to me. So, yes, I wrote it, but the credit for the idea goes to my friend drinktruthserum. Excellent idea-haver you are, dude. And now I'd like to address the two people who mentioned they were no longer reading this story. All I can really say to you guys is: thank you. Thank you for giving this story a chance in the first place. I understand if it's not your cup of tea and I know that fan fiction is very hit or miss. You win some, you lose some. Again, thank you for giving it a chance and I hope that in the future I write something that you guys like better. And if not? Whattayagonnado, you know?
"She can't come around anymore." Piper's eyes were as wide as saucers and she was visibly upset.
"Who can't come around anymore? What are you talking about?" Nicky briefly looked down from the ladder.
"Your friend. The tall brunette with the, uh, really green eyes and the long, dark hair." The blonde motioned at her own eyes and hair.
"Who, Vause?" Nicky asked with an amused smile on her face.
"I don't know her last name, but if that's what she looks like then, yes, her. She can't be here again."
"Why the hell not?" Nicky asks as she hands Piper a roll of masking tape. "Rip off a piece of that for me, will ya?"
"You know very well why not, Nicky!" Piper hands her a piece of tape.
"Thanks." She places the tape behind the last corner of the sign and smoothes it over with her hands to firmly fix it onto the wall. "No, I don't. It's kinda why I'm asking."
Piper's mouth hangs open in disbelief. She takes a step closer to Nicky and stretches towards her ear. "She's a drug dealer, Nicky!" She says in a harsh whisper.
"There is literally no one else in the room. Why are you whispering? What's with all the theatrics?"
"Does this not bother you? You know, fraternizing with a criminal? I'm pretty sure that violates your parole."
"Gee thanks, mom." She says as she finishes climbing down the ladder and faces Piper. "Ok first, who the fuck uses the word 'fraternizing'?" She gives the blonde an incredulous look. "Second, is that what she told you? That she's a drug dealer?" She laughs the last sentence out.
"I'm glad you're able to find the humor in this situation, but I'm serious." Piper straightens up and puts her hands on her hips. "As the activities director for this facility I forbid her to come here again."
Nicky laughs loudly. "Anything you want, your highness," Nicky bows and extends her arms out, "but just so you know? That's not what she does for a living."
Piper looks at Nicky skeptically.
"She's the Regional Manager for Robertson's." Piper looks confused. "The pharmacy chain? Am I gonna have to sing the jingle?" Nicky slightly dances while pointing both index fingers in the air.
"So, you're saying she doesn't sell drugs?"
"Well, technically she does. Just... not illegal ones. Not illegal in the prescribed doses, actually."
"I don't understand, why would she joke about something like that?"
"She was fucking with you, blondie!" Nicky laughs.
"Well, she's lucky I didn't believe her. She really could've gotten in trouble if she'd said that to another person."
"That was you not believing her? Wow."
"What? I didn't."
"Listen here, Piper, you're the most gullible person I know. I'm not tryna push your buttons, just letting you know the truth."
"I'm not gullible!" Piper states loudly and indignantly.
"Noooo, of course you're not."
"I am not, Nicky, take it back."
"I understand this realization is not easy to take in all at once. But," Nicky places a hand on her shoulder and tries to keep a straight face, "admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it."
Piper pushes the shorter woman's hand off her shoulder, "oh fuck off, Nicky."
Nicky's laughter dies down as she says, "ok, I admit, I don't know why she said that, but you should consider yourself lucky or special or something."
Piper crosses her arms, "oh yeah? Why is that?"
"Because she doesn't do that with just anyone, joke around like that. Vause is, uh... she's not a big fan of strangers. In fact, you're lucky she didn't growl at you! Or did she?"
"No, she didn't growl at me."
"Maybe she's saving that for later." Nicky suggestively wiggles her eyebrows.
Piper rolls her eyes at Nicky.
"Listen, we'll talk more about this later. I've gotta go get something from the storage closet."
"The storage closet is the other way... you're going for a smoke aren't you?"
"Well look at that! Not so gullible after all." Nicky smiles widely at Piper and begins walking away.
"Your sign is crooked!" Piper calls out after her.
"It represents my life." Nicky yells back as she disappears down the hallway.
About 15 minutes later Nicky runs back in from the rain that just started and straight to Piper's office with the intention of telling her she's off to lunch.
"Hey, boss, I'm off to-" She stops midsentence at the sight and smells before her.
"Oh, hey Nicky. Want some lunch?"
"What's all this?"
"Occasionally some of the local shops bring me and whoever's working that day lunch on the house. As a token of gratitude for what we do for the community. Help yourself. May as well seeing as you won't get very far with the rain coming down the way it is."
Nicky's looking through the bags and notices the name on the wrappers, "You get free food form Gino's?! I wait at least two hours every time I go there. Sonuvabitch."
"Gino is a wonderful little old man… that should never be crossed." Piper gets this faraway look in her eyes as if she's remembering something she tried really hard to forget.
"Earth to Chapman. Come in Chapman, can you hear me?"
"Oh sorry, just uh… yeah never mind."
The two sit down on the couch in Piper's office and eat in silence for a few minutes before Piper begins, "even if she isn't a drug dealer she's still not allowed around here."
Without skipping a beat Nicky removes the wrapper from her sandwich even further, "I'm gonna need reasons eventually, 'cause this isn't makin' any sense."
"She's rude."
"You're telling me, that you work with me forty plus hours a week and you think Alex is rude?"
"Oh, you're rude too, but-"
"Gee, thanks."
"Oh, shut up, Nicky, you know very well how you are."
"Fair enough. But I still don't see how offering to give someone a ride home—someone you don't even know might I add— when their car breaks down… rude."
"She said some impolite things about my job in the car on the way home."
"How are you ever gonna get her to apologize if you forbid her from coming back here?"
"I have no intention of involving myself with her any further."
Nicky laughed loudly in Piper's face.
"I'm serious! May lightening strike me this instant if I'm lying." And just as Piper said that thunder boomed in the sky and with a deafening crack the power in the community center goes out.
"You were saying?"
"This doesn't meaning anything, it's just a coincidence!"
"If you say so."
ONE WEEK LATER
"Nicky, please hold it steady, I don't wanna fall."
"I'm sorry, I had to sneeze. I'll try to control that from now on."
"Do you wanna be up here? Because I'm more than happy to hold the ladder."
"We've discussed this, Chapman. You're taller and you can reach the lights better. Simple logic."
"Ok, so please hold the ladder steady."
"Alright, alright, keep your panties on."
"Hand me a new light please."
Nicky walks over to where the lights are and grabs one.
"Where is she anyway?"
"Where's who?" Nicky hands Piper the tube.
"Your friend."
"You can say her name, you know. She's not fucking Voldemort."
Piper stops and looks down at Nicky, "… I know. Where's your friend Alex?"
"I told her never to come back here again."
"What!?" Piper nearly loses her balance and almost falls off the ladder sending the light flying in the process. Nicky is able to steady the ladder and prevent Piper from falling. They both hear the crash just as they look at each other.
"Better that than you, right?"
"Why did you tell her that?!"
"Chapman, I was kidding. Why would I tell her that?"
"I almost fell off the ladder because of you."
"No, you almost fell off the ladder because you thought Alex wasn't comin' around here again."
Piper fixes Nicky with what she believes is the blonde's death glare.
"I'm gonna go get something to clean this up." Nicky backs out quickly to avoid an early death.
Nicky walks down the hallway and through the lobby with a broom and a dust pan in hand when she sees someone standing there.
The person turns around and sees Nicky. "Excuse me, hi, is Alex here?"
"Alex who?"
"Tall, dark hair, green eyes, black framed glasses… I'm sorry, I didn't catch her last name."
Vause has really outdone herself this time. This woman looks like a Norse goddess. "How do you know Alex?" Nicky asks already suspecting Alex has found herself yet another gorgeous woman.
"Oh, she drove Piper home the other day when the piece of scrap metal she calls her car wouldn't start. And I wanted to take her to lunch as a thank you, she left in a bit of a hurry that day."
"Ok, but how do you know Piper?"
"She's my girlfriend."
"Chapman's GAY?!"
"I certainly hope so or else our relationship could become very awkward."
"Follow me, she's right through here."
Christine follows Nicky into the cafe-gym-atorium. Piper doesn't look toward the door so she assumes only Nicky walked in.
"You never did tell me where she is."
Chris comes up behind Piper and grabs her waist pulling the blonde back onto her. Piper lets out a yelp and Chris laughs.
"Tell you where who is?"
"What? Oh, no one. It's nothing. Just community center business."
"Oh, right, whatever then."
"Chris, honey, what are you doing here?"
"I came by to invite your coworker Alex to lunch as a thank you for taking you home that day. She left in such a hurry and I've been so busy the past week… I only had time today."
"Oh, well, she's not in today."
"Today?" Nicky chimes in.
"Chris have you met Nicky? She works here with me."
"Yes we met in the lobby, she told me you were in here."
"It's funny because Piper never told me she had a girlfriend."
"Nicky I think you missed a spot over there." Nicky gives her the finger behind Chris' back.
"I'm actually here also because I have great news."
"Oh yeah? What is it?"
"I've just been hired as the trial attorney for a high profile case!"
"Oh, honey, that's wonderful! When does the trial start?"
"Not for another month or so but I leave at the end of this week."
"Leave?"
"Yes, the trial is taking place in L.A."
"But that means you're gonna miss the charity auction."
"It's ok, Piper. I'm sure you won't even notice I'll be gone."
Chris didn't feel the same way about social work as Piper did. She and Piper had similar backgrounds but were completely different people. Chris was the type of person Piper was taught to choose when it came to dating. Successful lawyer with a wealthy background and summer home in Martha's Vineyard.
"Yeah, no, I understand." Piper gave Chris a weak smile, "I'll be rooting for you all the way over here."
"Alright, I'll let you get back to work. But you tell Alex that once I get back I owe her lunch."
"Right." Piper answers stiffly.
After Chris leaves, Nicky doesn't wait five minutes before bombarding her with questions.
"Alex isn't in today? Implying that she is other days? Meaning she works here? Also, what the fuck is all this about a charity auction? I didn't sign up for no fucking charity auction."
"Nicky, please. It's one of the most important events we're hosting this year, so, yes you're participating. Unless you want me to notify your parole officer."
"That's fuckin' low."
"And regarding Alex, I panicked. How was I supposed to explain to my girlfriend that the girl who just drove me home has flirted with me on multiple occasions and I don't exactly know her."
"You never told me you were gay."
"I'm not gay. I'm not."
"Is that what you tell yourself right before you go down on your girlfriend?"
"Not that it's ANY of your business… I've had both male and female partners before. Anatomy is not a deciding factor for me."
"So you're telling me you've seen a flaccid dick and still wanna get with the person that has one? Actually I don't know which is scarier: flaccid or erect."
"I'm not having this conversation with you."
"Thank god for making me as gay as fucking possible."
"Oh, well, there. You never told me you were gay either."
"No, you're not distracting me. Tell me more about this fucking charity auction bullshit."
ONE WEEK LATER
"Jesus, Nicky there is so much shit to do, how are we ever gonna get this done in time?!"
"First of all, relax. I don't do hysterical. And second, 4th of July is, like, six weeks away, why are you freaking out about it now?"
"Because we've got two events between the 4th and our charity auction and I haven't even begun to plan those. I'm so screwed."
"No, you're not. Me and you, we'll get this done. Ok what's the next two things on your list?"
"Buy fireworks and call all the people on the list to see if they can donate anything for the upcoming events this summer."
"Ok no problem."
"I'm the one that has to go see about the fireworks though."
"What you don't trust me?"
"Mr. Henderson, the lovely elderly man that sells them upstate, he doesn't trust anyone else. And he always sells me a few that aren't really supposed to be…"
Nicky gasps and her eyes go wide, "Chapman! You buy illegal fireworks!"
"Hush, Nicky, don't scream it out like that. Oh my god, someone could hear you!"
"Jesus Blondie you have got to get that stick removed."
"What stick?"
"Never mind. Listen, go print out the list of people you want me to call for donations and you go get the fireworks."
"I can't." Piper sounds exasperated by this point. "My car. Or lack thereof. I can't get there without a car."
"Don't you worry your pretty little blonde head. Go print out the list and I'll take care of the ride."
About half an hour later Piper walks out of her office. "Sorry I took so long. I made a few changes to the items we need and added a few more people for you to call. Nicky, please don't screw this up. We really, really need these people to want to give a bunch of free shit and do so happily. If they ask what they're getting out of this just tell them they can hang their banners right outside the venue and hand out flyers for their establishment. And if they're extra generous in their donation we'll personally thank them by doing a full page spread with pictures of their booth on our next newsletter. Got it?"
"Yeah, I got it. Now go. Your ride is in the parking lot."
Piper walks out half expecting a cab but stops dead in her tracks when she sees the only car in the parking lot.
"Hey."
"Alex, hi."
"Ready to go buy some fireworks?"
Wardicus: No, I don't know how many times, but can I guess? I guess... around 11. How close was I?
NightsLightss: Well fuck indeed!
Toesareoverrated: Will it though?
guest 452: I think that's a fair request. I'll do my best to stick to that schedule. I like the way you think. And thank you so much for the kind words!
vausemanforever: I don't know... Piper can be difficult when she wants...
never-ending-rumspringa: Stay tuned to find out!
NotSoGuest: I got you, didn't I?
Worth The Wait guest: You are far too kind, friend. Far too kind. Thank you very much.
Wanderingbrowneyes: I LOL'd at the "one of us, one of us" hahahahahahaha, nice!
guest police: Man... I laughed SO HARD when I read your name hahahahahaha. Thank you for patrolling the "streets" of my review section, much appreciated. And I'm gonna have to agree with you. A musician I really like and respect once said that the band he is in illicits strong reactions from people, whether good or bad. I wouldn't go as far as saying my writing is polarizing, but if I'm getting reactions, whether good or bad, I'm happy. Means there's something to talk about. See, where I'm form we have a saying that when translated is basically: say good things or bad things, as long as you're talking about me. It's not my motto exactly, but as you said I must be doing something right. Thanks! :)
FFChik: I'm glad you guys liked my twist! Thank you for reading!
omgprepon: I'm glad you liked Alex kinda picking on Piper during their first proper interaction. It's canon! In the bar scene Alex comes up and starts poking fun at Piper's resume, so I thought I'd add something similar here.
HOLY FUCK guest: RIGHT?! I WAS TOTALLY SURPRISED TOO! (mostly kidding)
mielsita: It is a nice twist isn't it?
melodydean: Annie Wilkes is an intense person and so am I. Will I tie someone down to a bed and break they're feet? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? LOL'd at the sausages thing hahahaha. Nope! Churros aren't sausages although the shapes are similar, but that's it. You have to try one. HAVE. TO. Please let me know once you have.
luveverythingtv: I'm back! :)
Jen: I'm so happy that you're enjoying it! Thank you for reading! :)