Cameron
I was tired from laying up in bed all night thinking about Kirsten and trying to decipher every little thing she did. She had been playing house with me for the past week and a half, coming home with me after work and siting at the counter while I cooked us dinner, drinking my milk straight from the carton, and cuddling up to my side every night — even though she insisted that she did not cuddle. But yesterday, when I was finally getting used to this routine, she informed me she was staying at her house that night and Camille would drive her home. I had racked my brain, trying to figure out what had set her off and why she was acting weird. The only thing I could think of was that she hated chicken saltimbocca which I had suggested making for dinner that night. I knew I should have suggested the marsala instead.
I push the button on the elevator to the lab and rub my eyes a few times, willing the sleep to leave them and to make myself look completely well rested for when I see Kirsten who, no doubt, has not even noticed a difference spending the night without me.
"Well there's my favorite boy-toy!" Camille trills, greeting me at the elevator. I'm surprised when she loops her arm through mine and starts pulling me towards my desk.
"What's up?" I ask.
"She had a rough night so you better be extra nice to her." Camille threatens through her teeth but her smile still remains completely in tact.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, not understanding. She lets go of my arm as we reach my desk and walks past it to Linus's station. I turn my attention to my desk, only slightly surprised to see Kirsten sitting in my chair tossing that stupid stone I had given her up and down and catching it each time. "Hey…" I trail off. She pauses and looks over at me. She has dark circles under her eyes and looks more detached than I've seen her in a while.
"Hey." She responds.
"Are you— what happened?" I ask, reaching my hand out towards her, letting it hover just above her shoulder for a moment, before pulling back.
"I'm fine." She states, but she stands up, puts the stone in her pocket, and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me close. I slowly wrap my arms around her middle, confused as to what's going on.
"Are you mad at me?" I question, needing to know what I did wrong.
"What?" She asks, pulling back a little and finally sounding like less of a robot. "Of course not, why would you think that?"
"Well, I suggested saltimbocca yesterday and you just shut down so I wasn't sure…" I trail off, feeling kind of dumb. I have no claim on Kirsten and no right to even question why she didn't stay at my place last night. We're not dating, but for the past week I had felt that we were something more than just friends. Then again, it was Kirsten, so she might think that our relationship — or lack thereof — was something completely normal for individuals who are just friends.
"No." She sighs, shaking her head. "Camille was just being an ass and I took it out on you. Am I banned from your apartment?"
"Of course not. Actually…" I trail off and remove my arms from around her waist, reaching into my front pocket. "I was going to give this to you yesterday but…" I hold up a key to my apartment that I had planned on giving her yesterday before she had started acting weird. She removes her arms from around my neck and takes the key, studying it with the criticalness that only Kirsten seems to possess.
"A key…to your apartment?" She guesses, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Well, yeah, I just thought if you were going to be around a lot you'd like a key." I explain. "But if you think it's stupid—"
"I love it!" She lights up, for a moment looking like she got a good nights rest and not like a tired zombie. She throws her arms back around my neck for a second time in a very un-Kirsten-like fashion, considering we're in a very public place. I had gotten used to the closeness when we were at my apartment, but she had kept our closeness in public to just handholding. Nonetheless, I wind my arms back around her and enjoy the moment. "Thank you." She murmurs in my ear.
"You're welcome." I say softly, feeling much better than I had a few minutes ago. She pulls back completely and puts the key in her pocket with the stone and grabs my hand. "Now tell me what's wrong, why do you look — no offense, but you look terrible."
"I just…didn't sleep well last night." She sighs, averting her eyes. "I have…nightmares…I really don't want to talk about it." The pained look on her face makes me pause and I decide not to press it for now.
"Aw, happy to see you guys made up." Camille smiles, skipping over, Linus following close behind.
"We weren't fighting." Kirsten and I say at the same time, although Kirsten sounds mad and irritated while I just sound defensive.
"Do we have a body?" Kirsten asks, glancing over at the empty corpse cassette. "Should I change?"
"No body today." Maggie says, walking down the steps. "Most of you are very behind on paperwork and I am receiving pushback from higher ups. Today is a beautiful day for you to catch up and submit all those briefings from past cases." She glances pointedly at our group but I know she isn't talking about me. I always submit my case reports on time. There are a few sounds of displeasure from some of the other stitchers agents, specifically Tim and Chelsea.
"Why do we even have to write briefings, we stitched, we caught the killer, that's it." Kirsten groans.
"Because," Maggie explains walking over to us. "It is important to file all our cases and keep a record so we can look back on them if we need to. Kirsten, you are four cases behind. If I didn't know you had a photographic memory, I'd be worried you'd forget which case was which. Cameron, of course you are up to date with all your cases."
"Of course." I echo and Kirsten shoots me a look, rolling her eyes.
"Linus, you're only two behind, it shouldn't take you too long." Maggie continues. "And, Camille, I've actually had a request that you provide less detail in your reports. What shoes you were wearing while Kirsten stitched is not relevant to any of our cases."
"Of course my shoes are relevant!" Camille gasps in mock hurt…or maybe real hurt, it's hard to tell. Maggie rolls her eyes but I can see a hint of a smile on her face. Sometimes I think she hates working with us, but other times I think she actually likes us.
"Get those reports done and you can leave." Maggie concludes, heading past us and back towards the elevator where Fisher has just walked in, two cups of coffee in his hands.
"Come on, I'll help you." I concede, making Kirsten smile again. She lets me pull her into the conference room and we claim the couch, making Camille and Linus sit at the table.
Kirsten
I run Camille and mine's conversation from the day before over and over in my head and wonder, not for the first time, if I am a terrible person.
"So, are you and Cameron officially dating yet?" She had asked yesterday in the locker room.
"We're just friends." I said cooly, wondering if she was just trying to pick a fight with me. She was doing that more often than usual as of late. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about being more than just friends with Cameron or that I didn't want to, it was just that it seemed incredibly underwhelming to describe Cameron and me as "dating" or "together". Cameron made me feel like a real person and he didn't treat me like an emotionless robot. He made me feel…human and that made me incredibly sad that I needed him to feel that way. I didn't think I could give him what he was looking for in a relationship. I didn't think I could be the girlfriend he would want so it would be selfish of me to try.
"Well, if you two are going to deny your feeling for each other for the rest of your lives then you should probably quit with the sleepovers." She sighed, opening her locker and gathering her things.
"Camille." I replied with clenched teeth. "I told you already, Cameron said I wasn't intruding and that it wasn't a problem for me to stay over." I slammed my own locker shut a little harder than necessary.
"And I'm not denying that he said that but it's unfair to him. How could he ever get a girlfriend and move on from you if you're staying over every night?" Camille asks, shutting her own locker. Chelsea and Alex both walked into the locker room and head to their respective lockers on the opposite wall from us. Camille lowered her voice dramatically. "All I'm saying is that no girl would want to be with a guy whose having sleepovers with another girl. It's incredibly selfish of you."
"If Cameron wants to date someone or have sleepovers with other girls he can, he knows that." I explained, but my confidence in the situation had wavered slightly.
"Well he's not going to if you're in the picture." She sighed.
"God, Camille, just leave me—"
"You have to know how he feels for you." She continued. Of course I knew, I had been in his head for god's sake. I didn't just know how he felt for me, I had felt his feelings for me. "You're leading him on and it's not very nice."
"I'm not—" I insisted but paused. Was I? I wasn't trying to. But I did feel like I had this claim on him for no reason and I didn't want him having sleepovers with other girls. It hurt to picture him doing the things we did together with other girls. "Fine, fine. Wait for me in the parking garage. I'll tell him I'm staying at my place tonight."
"Kirsten, that's not what I—" Camille had started to say but I had left her to go find Cameron.
I knew I was being selfish, but it didn't seem fair to believe something so wrong by Camille's standards could feel so right. I inch over to Cameron's side and lean against his shoulder now that Camille and Linus are finally gone. He wraps an arm around me and let's me situate myself against his chest. The rhythmic beating of his heart calms me. I swear I could fall asleep.
"How long do you think it will take Camille and Linus to come back with dinner?" Cameron asks, his left hand drawing patterns on my arm while his right types in my briefing log pulled up on his tablet.
"Probably not for at least any hour." I sigh. "I'm sure they'll get distracted by something and forget about us."
"Can you remind me which stupid and reckless thing you did during this case?" Cameron asks, gesturing to the case report.
"I'm insulted you don't remember."
"I definitely blocked it from my memory."
"Please don't make me keep doing this." I sigh, burying my face in Cameron's neck and stifling a yawn. We were almost done with my third report. We should have been done hours ago but Camille, Linus, Cameron, and I had spent a majority of the day just talking and procrastinating in the conference room. And we had taken a particularly long lunch break upstairs in the Chinese restaurant. Linus had finally finished his last report and him and Camille had suggested picking up dinner and bringing it back to the conference room.
"Why don't you take a nap?" Cameron suggests, taking my tablet from my hands. "I'll try to work on this the best I can and then you can fill in the blanks later."
"No, no, it's okay. I can stay awake." I promise.
"I know you can, but you don't have to." He says. "You're exhausted, just take a short nap. I'll wake you when Camille and Linus get back."
I reluctantly shut my eyes and force my body to completely relax against Cameron. It's harder to do than it is in his apartment, knowing that anyone could walk in at any time. Still, I'm surprised that I feel my self drifting immediately.
Cameron
"You know," Camille says walking into the conference room. "I didn't understand but now I do." I immediately shush her, acutely aware of Kirsten's even breathes against my neck.
"Sorry." She whispers.
"Understand what?" I whisper back.
"I want to be clear that I wasn't trying to keep you guys apart or whatever. I am actually a big supporter of Camsten." Camille vows, putting the bags of takeout on the conference table and holding her right hand over her heart in sincerity.
"Camsten?" I echo, scrunching up my nose.
"Yeah, you know, Cameron and Kirsten?" She explains, sounding annoyed. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I only told her she should keep some distance because I don't want her to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" I question. "Camille, we're both adults. And it's not like that."
"Not like that?" She deadpans. "Do you see how you guys are sitting?"
"I just mean—" I start.
"Can she stay at your place tonight?" Camille interrupts, hopping up to take a seat on the edge of the conference table, letting her legs dangle over the side.
"If she wants to, she can." I say, glancing down at Kirsten. She looks so peaceful, now that she's asleep.
"Good, because I didn't sleep last night either." Camille sighs, pulling the boxes of Italian food out of the bag and putting them on the table.
"Because of her…nightmares?" I clarify, still perplexed as to why Kirsten's never mentioned them before.
"Yeah, it was actually nice when she was staying at your place but, man, last night was the worst." She says, dipping her finger in what looks like Alfredo sauce and licking it. "Is it bad at your place?"
"No." I answer honestly. "I don't think she has them with me…"
"Really?" She asks, sounding surprised. "Then I get why she wants to stay with you."
"You mean it's not my good looks?" I ask in mock seriousness and Camille cracks a smile.
"Was that an attempt at a joke?" She questions. I roll my eyes and ignore her, continuing to type on the tablet.
"Where's Linus?" I wonder, glancing towards the open door but trying my best not to jostle Kirsten.
"He's parking the car. The only open spot on the first floor of the parking garage was next to your car and I convinced him that with his horrible driving record, he probably shouldn't attempt to park next to your car, so I made him drop me off." She explains, hopping down from the table. "I'm going to get drinks from the break room. You should probably wake Kirsten."
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up." I say quietly, once Camille's out of sight, running my left hand up and down her arm. She opens her eyes and pulls away from me immediately, like she's been caught doing something wrong.
"I'm up, I'm up." She insists, still sounding tired but looking a little better than she had an hour earlier.
"Camille's just grabbing drinks and Linus should be here in a sec." I explain, letting her get up and walk towards the food.
"This smells so good." She says, opening up two of the boxes before finding her shrimp scampi. She takes a seat at the table before turning back to me. "What?" She asks and I realize I am staring at her.
"Nothing." I say quickly, getting up and finding my own food, taking the seat to her left.
"I had to park all the way on the top floor of the parking garage." Linus proclaims, walking into the room. He makes a beeline to the table and grabs the box that Camille had been sticking her finger in. He brings it to the other side of the table and takes a seat across from us. "You're lucky I value our friendship enough to not hit your car."
"Thanks." I roll my eyes. Camille comes back in with bottles of water and passes them out.
"I can't believe we managed to spend the entire day here doing nothing." She says, grabbing her own and food and taking the seat next to Linus.
"Hey!" Kirsten pipes up. "My briefings are almost done!"
"Uh, yeah, because of me." I remind her. She grins at me and leans closer. For a second I think she's going to rest her head on my shoulder, but instead she spears a piece of my chicken with her fork and pulls away. "Hey!"
"I am eternally grateful for you and your meal choices." She states, taking a bite of the chicken. I can't even be annoyed with her. I'm so whipped and we're not even together.
Kirsten
"Are your nightmares about me?" Cameron comes right out and asks me later that night in bed. I had just gotten out of the shower and I could tell Cameron was in a serious mood but I had ignored it, hoping he would let whatever was on his mind go.
"Yes." I answer. "I see you flatlining over and over again." There's no point in lying to him. He flinches at my answer and wraps an arm around me.
"I really did a number on you, huh, Stretch?" He asks. I don't answer and, instead cuddle up against him.
"I don't have nightmares when I'm here." I explain. There's just something about knowing Cameron is only inches away that lets me sleep through the night, nightmare free.
"I think…you need to talk to someone." He says slowly.
"I talk to you." I answer, angling my head to look up at him.
"If I'm the problem in your life, then you can't talk to me about that." Cameron says quietly.
"You're not the problem." I shove him, sitting up in bed. He sits up as well but leaves the lights off. "And what am I supposed to do? Tell some shrink that I see dead people?"
"The NSA has therapists that you're allowed to talk to." He explains calmly. "I wasn't trying to hurt you when I did what I did." Cameron's told me this so many times but it doesn't help and it doesn't magically fix everything. And I'm better, I really am. I'm better when I'm with him and I know he's okay. When I can see him not flatlining and when I can feel his pulse, I am calmer. He is worried about me when I stitch but I am worried about him all the time. Worried that he will do something stupid for me or because of me. I can't have another person's death on my hands, especially someone as important as Cameron.
"I talk to you when it counts." I explain. "I've never been as open with anyone than I am with you. I'm not going to see a shrink. Ed made my go every week for ten years after the accident and it didn't help me at all." I lay back down, a little farther away from him on the second pillow.
"You won't talk to me about what you saw in my head." He says, laying back down.
"I told you what happened in the stitch." I remind him, but I know he sees through it, like he always does. "I saw you walking into the restaurant but the license plate was blurry."
"I don't believe you that, that was all you saw." Cameron answers. I shut my eyes and debate telling him that I really saw how much he loves me, but I'm not ready. As soon as I tell him, I have to be prepared to answer his inevitable question: Do I love him back? Or, worse, he's going to say that he's changed his mind about me. "Maggie wouldn't let me see the tape from that day but I talked to Camille. She told me how the controls went crazy during the stitch and she had no control over them."
"They didn't go out of control." I say, opening my eyes and turning on my side to face him. He mimics my position and I can see him giving me a questioning look in the dim light. "You were controlling the stitch. It was your mind Cameron and you were showing me what you wanted me to see."
"I don't want to fight with you." Cameron finally says after a long time. I close the distance between us and lay down in my usual position against his chest. "I'm just worried."
"You're always worried." I mumble.
"One of us has to be."
Sorry this took so long to get up! I've actually been writing things that happen later in the story (I have about 10,000 words of later chapters written...I know I'm so bad!) But either way, I hope enjoyed this chapter! XO