Espada Diaries

Chapter 4-ish

The Third Espada

Haibel

A/N- Finally I got to re-writing this! I wasn't happy with the way it turned out before, so here's Halibel's Diary, completely re-written with all new content!

This chapter I give special thanks to my two friends, Jenna and Andrew, who are most of the time my inspiration to write this random monstrosity and also my (future) convention buddies.

Special thanks and unlimited virtual oreos goes out to wisdom-jewel for some awesome-tastic reviews and to Iosakkura for handing me some criticism.You guys are awesome! Thanks a bunch!

-XxXxXx-

July 1st

Normal day, normal people, normal circumstances.

I wish.

It seemed normal enough, until I heard the Star Wars theme playing in the meeting hall. Of course, I thought 'They must be watching a movie on Aizen's big-screen TV.'

But noooo...

I walk into the room, being relatively interested in watching a movie since there was no shinigami infiltrations, killings, etc. to take care of. The lights are off in the hall and there are strange objects glowing in midair.

I have to wonder what they pick up along with the groceries. It seemed for a while that they had picked up glow sticks or lightsabres something.

I began to question what was going on after I saw a round object whizzing around, making random noises.

At first I thought that they had given Wonderwice some sort of glow-in-the-dark ball, but in fact, he had a glow-in-the-dark condom over his head.

God only knows how he got it over his head, or how he got it in the first place, but once I calmed the boy down and got the condom off, realization hit me.

Oh crap, those aren't glow sticks.

So I got the hell out of there as fast as I could, trying to avoid the glowing...erm...sticks, and what was attached to them.

I shiver even now, thinking about it. I was damn glad that I didn't turn the lights on.

Oh God help me, the mental image is stuck.

Luckily, to make up for my scarred mind, I have made up a plan that will inevitably cause much anger and embarrassment among the other Espada.

Namely, taking pictures of them in interesting situations.

Good thing I made Nnoitra pick me up a disposable camera while he was out getting all his hair shit.

--

July 15th

I've finally got all the pictures I need! This will make up for the panty-raid and the "Star Wars mind scarring experience"

(As well as some catnip...I'll need it later.)

Time to go over the ones I got developed...

Barragan- I got one of him sucking his thumb, fast asleep...How...revolting

Stark- I caught him with q-tips up his nose for whatever reason. He looks like a crap walrus.

Ulquiorra- Got one of him carefully applying his green emo eye line things with MY makeup! I stole it back from him when he wasn't looking. Hee-hee

Nnoitra- Him looking like he wet himself after being sprayed by his faulty faucet in his en-suite bathroom. Maybe we should start buying him diapers instead of Nel?

Grimmjow- Snapped one of him absolutely whacked out on catnip. He was covered in yarn at the time and actually purring. Now I know what to do when I need a few cheap laughs. Feed the kitty some drugs. I'll have to start up a catnip farm.

Zomarri- This guy must be less sane than he seems. He screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider on his wall. This made an excellent shot, needless to say.

Szayel- I got a picture of the mythical barbie collection!! He even created one to look like himself. What a fruit.

Aaroniero- Making an attempt to clean out his tube like a fish tank. Such a Kodak moment.

Yammy- Smacking into the ceiling of his room as he gets up out of bed. It explains why he's so stupid, I guess...all those bumps on the head a bound to affect anybody.

Aizen- Crying like a little baby after I took his teddy bear away from him. As I have learned, he has named it Gayleen.

Tousen- Smacking into a wall. Someday, he's going to have to train Wonderwice as some sort of seeing eye dog type thing.

Gin- Having a frowning contest with Ulquiorra. Hey, he's gotta stop smiling at some point. I got bored halfway through this and left, although I think Ulquiorra may have won.

I don't know how he frowns all the time. I mean, he has nothing to be sad about. Great sex life and whatnot.

Maybe he's manic depressive?

Nah. I've never seen him the slightest bit happy. He's just depressive.

Anyhow! Time to copy these photos and paste them all over Las Noches! If I die, all my stuff goes to Nel, seeing as she would be the only sensible one left.

Sensible meaning female.

'Cause there's obviously no sense in males.

Is there?

Oh, the mysteries of life.

-Halibel

A/N- I think it was actually not so crappy this time! I feel all warm and fuzzy now.

Andrew- Why am I still here?

Me- Cause I said so.

Jenna- I. ARE. FANFICTIONSHARK!

Me- No, that's just your Schizophrenia acting up.

Spread the warm and fuzzies and review this little monstrosity! And to Jenna- Don't kill me!