~Author's Note~
I'm, like, running out of ideas for, like, author's notes by now, so there isn't gonna, like, be much in this one. It ain't because I'm, like, lazy, it's just that I get kinda, like, shagged out from writing the actual, like, totally uber-epic chapters. So... um...
Chrissie: On with the story?
Yeah, that's ri- wait, since when could you, like, talk?!
Chrissie: (shrugs) Since always. I know I'd picked up the basics by the time I was four, so I probably couldn't talk at first, but I'm an expert now!
...That isn't quite what I, like, meant. In, like, any case, on with the, like, story!
Chrissie: I just said that, you know.
Shut up.
Chrissie: Charming...
~Chapter 4: Hijinks at the Haunted House! Why does the Animé Keep Shoehorning in Episodes Like This, Anyway?! I Mean, they Have their Charms, but Once You've Seen One Haunted House Episode, You've Seen them All!~
It was a cold, grey, miserable day on route 30, perfect for visiting an abandoned mansion, but completely dreadful for anything else.
"Yippee! I love rain!" Chrissie declared, marvelling in the sensation of cool, clear water cascading all around her. "Do you like rain, Snowy? I sure do!"
"Snow's better, but rain'll do," replied Snowy levelly.
"Suit yourself." Chloe caught raindrops on her tongue for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Where's that abandoned mansion, anyway?"
"A few miles along this route. We'll probably have to spend the night there."
"Won't whoever owns the mansion mind us using it?" asked Chrissie, quite reasonably.
"Of course not! It's abandoned," Snowy pointed out. "I mean, I just said "abandoned"! You're such a kid."
"...I am?" Chrissie didn't quite know what to make of that remark, but she knew what to make of Snowy marching off in a huff. "Hey, wait a minute! I'm only as much a kid as you are! Besides, "kid" is a demeaning word. We're called children!"
There was no reply, so Chrissie ran after Snowy, hoping to catch up soon. Hopefully, him insulting her and then leaving would be a one-off thing. Otherwise she might as well travel with Aureliano.
The abandoned mansion was still in pretty good condition, so everyone was able to de-mud their shoes and enjoy a hot bath. Chrissie attempted to cook dinner, resulting in some fried meat and rather damp rice, and Snowy hung up the humans' wet clothes while Sneasel laid the table. Chloe spewed a few water guns into the kettle, only for Variskor to tell her she was disgusting and that there was a perfectly good cold tap. Seel got the fire going. Beatrice watched.
"Well, this is… interesting," Snowy commented, chewing thoughtfully on some rice. He and the rest of the group were seated in a ring around a massive brick fireplace, fuelled by several logs and Beatrice's poison stings which made surprisingly good kindling. Not even the atmosphere could distract from what the rice was lacking.
"I know it isn't perfect, but I've never cooked rice before," Chrissie pointed out. In spite of those words, her rice plate was already empty, and she was making a start on the meat. "Frying, now, that's simple. Simpler than rice, anyway."
"What kind of meat is it, anyway?" asked Snowy, taking a dubious look at his piece of meat. It was pale, looked quite fatty, and smelled almost like fish.
"I haven't a clue. It was all there was in the freezer," Chrissie replied blithely. "The last people here left a note, but all they said was that it'd been replicated."
"I don't know… Seel, you've got a good nose. Can you tell if this meat's poisonous?" asked Snowy.
Seel took a sniff of her own portion. "Hmm… it's safe, I think. I'm sure Chrissie did her best cooking it, by the way."
"Naturally," Chrissie interjected proudly.
"It smells familiar, though," Seel added.
"Did you eat meat like this before, then?" asked Beatrice.
"No…" Seel replied unsurely. "It's just… sort of…" She took a tentative bite of the meat, and immediately regretted it. "Oh heavens above! This is seel meat!"
"Whaaaaa?!" cried Snowy, now staring in horror at the meat as if it had been carved from Seel herself. "I… I thought it was just protein and stuff…"
"It is, it's just modelled on a real seel," Chrissie reassured him. "You're right, though. We shouldn't eat our friends."
"Why not?" asked Chloe. "My mum hunted us a seel every weekend. I wouldn't eat you, of course-"
"You wouldn't dare," Seel interjected.
"I know, I know, you'd headbutt me any day. It's just nature, is what I'm saying," Chloe elaborated.
"...I suppose no actual seel had to be killed and cooked to make it," said Snowy unsurely. "But really…"
"I know, you can choose not to eat any even remotely pokémon-based meat, and it's right to do so. However, it's still delicious," Sneasel pointed out. "Ish."
Chrissie gave him a sideways look. "Ish?"
"You're not exactly Jamie Oliver," said Snowy tactfully. "And I'm still not eating a seel."
"I'll have his!" declared Chloe.
"So then, where are the beds?" asked Chrissie, about an hour after dinner.
"Probably on the second floor or one of the towers," replied Snowy. "We'll have a look."
The stairs were easy to find, being a massive two-sided staircase in the middle of the entrance hall, complete with ornate gold-plated banisters and a beautiful, if a little run-down, carpet. With their pokémon back in their poké-balls, Chrissie and Snowy ascended the stairs, arriving in a similar grand hall at the top.
"It's rather dark," Chrissie commented, looking up at the unlit chandeliers.
"I know. There'll be a switch somewh-"
There was a thump. Snowy screamed, leaping into Chrissie's arms. "Wh-w-what was- what was that?!"
"No idea," replied Chrissie, plonking Snowy down so her arms didn't break. "Why are you so frightened, anyway? It was just a thump."
"Easy for you to say," said Snowy bitterly. "You're not a tomboy."
Chrissie tried to wrap her head around that, failed, and found the light switch.
"That's better!" said Chrissie, as the light washed over her and Snowy. "How aren't I a tomboy?"
"You're too confident, and you wear dungarees. Tomboys wear shorts and tank tops, vests, whatever, and they only pretend to be confident to impress boys."
"Who told you that?!" cried Chrissie, who didn't exactly care for the word "tomboy", but always wore dungarees and never really had time for boys (in particular, that is; she played with local boys all the time, but never specifically thought of it as "being with boys".)
"My brother," Snowy replied.
"Oh, right. Er… you know you don't have to do everything your brother says, don't you? I mean, if you want to actually be confident-"
"I'd never get a boyfriend," Snowy sighed. "Look, why don't we just find-"
There was another thump. Chrissie jumped, Snowy cowered behind her, and the light flickered.
"You're a gym leader, y'know," Chrissie pointed out. "Isn't this sort of thing what you deal with?"
"I'm not a gym leader any more! It was never official anyway!" snapped Snowy.
"Well, it's probably just the pipes…"
There was an additional, closer thump.
"Eeeeek!" wailed Snowy.
"Now, let's all stay calm. We're pokémon trainers, and, um-"
Another thump.
"I'm too young to die! I never lived!" wailed Snowy.
"Let's go back down the stairs, what say?" proposed Chrissie quickly, springing back down.
"Wait for me!" wailed Snowy, easily overtaking Chrissie on the banister.
"I think we lost it…" huffed Snowy, balancing carefully on a stepping stone that poked out from the swampland the rain had made of the front garden.
"Whatever 'it' is," agreed Chrissie, not putting much thought into balancing ankle-deep in the mud. "Snowy, while we're on the subject, you don't have to be the kind of tomboy your brother wants. The only thing that really matters is being yourself."
Some heartwarming epiphany music struck up from out of nowhere.
"A tomboy isn't what your brother says, what the dictionary says, what the internet says, what anything says. If you have the courage to be who you are, regardless of what everyone else thinks, then you're a tomboy. Ish. I mean, like I said, I don't like labels, but... Um..." Chloe cleared her throat. "If you have a tomboy's heart, then, well, just be the kind of tomboy you are inside. Not your brother's kind."
"Chrissie…" Snowy breathed. "You… it makes so much sense now!"
Chrissie blinked. "Really? I thought I tailed off a bit towards the end…"
"Of course it didn't! That was the most brilliantest speech I've ever heard!" declared Snowy, the music swelling triumphantly. "You've really helped clear things up for me. I'm done trying to please my idiot brother! From now on, I shall be a tomboy on my own merit!" The music was reaching fever pitch. "Chrissie… dear, sweet, unique Chrissie… I can't thank you enough. You're so clever and thoughtful and wise beyond your years and will you idiots please keep it down?!"
The ghost-type pokémon orchestra floating over the pond looked nervously at one-another, bringing the heartwarming music to a juddering halt.
"Adding a little atmosphere's fine, but you people go above and beyond!" Snowy snapped. "Really, if I'd known it was you making those thumps-"
There was a thump, now the loudest of all.
"Oh, bloody distortion realm!" wailed Snowy. "Y-you're all there, and we're here, so what's-?!"
"Her?" suggested Chrissie, pointing to a teenage girl with what seemed like a bucket of concrete attached to her foot limping noisily out into the garden.
"Well, maybe… hey, girl with bucket on foot! Can we help you?!" called Snowy.
Immensely relieved, the girl stepped out onto the garden, her bucket instantly sinking up to the handle in the mud. She fell flat on her face.
Chrissie and Snowy looked at each other, then unanimously decided to run over and help. At great length, they brought the girl back into the mansion, where she flopped down on the comfiest bit of floor she could find, looking as if she wouldn't move for a thousand years.
With her single mighty(ish) horn, Seel chipped away the concrete from around the girl's foot, then Chloe gave her leg a thorough wash. Chrissie brought in some tea.
The girl was about fourteen, with dark brown skin, wavy black hair in a shortish afro with a mullet, and blue-grey eyes. She was dressed for adventure, complete with cargo shorts and a large backpack, and was in ecstasy the moment the bucket came off.
"Ahhhh…" the still unidentified teenager sighed, luxuriantly flexing her unbucketed foot. "What a relief! The air is as fresh as a mint-flavoured mountain spring and my feet are as indomitable as a garchomp! No, a mega garchomp!" She stood up, stretching expansively, and did a few cartwheels to get back in practice. "Oh, thanks for the help, you people. I'm Lauren Geoheart, a pokémon connoisseur, pokémon breeder, complete hoyden, artist, scientist, total Whitney rip-off and all-round brilliant person! Brock's my boyfriend, too."
Chrissie's eyes went as wide as saucers. "Whitney rip-off? As in Whitney Blazeheart?!"
"Yep," the now bucketless Lauren confirmed.
"She's my cousin!" gasped Chrissie. "She lives in Unova. Taught me the proper technique for jumping in puddles and everything."
"Really? She did mention a young Johtonian cousin who wore dungarees, but she could've meant anyone…" Lauren gave Chrissie a vigorous pat on the back. "Lovely to meet you, cousin of Whitney!"
"Chrissie Belaque," Chrissie introduced herself, returning the pat on the back with as much vigour as she could manage with her size. "Would you like to come with us on our journey?"
"Sure, why not?" Lauren acquiesced. She looked at Snowy. "What's your name?"
"Snowy Iceflower. I'm an ice trainer, and I'll be glad to travel with you," Snowy replied.
"A pleasure," said Lauren, shaking his hand. "Tell me, what's for dinner?"
Aureliano breathed a bitter sigh, looking over Chrissie's latest pokégear message with a heavy heart. So the little shit was travelling with two people now, was she? Just typical. If only people would realise how superior Aureliano was, they'd be flocking to him…
"Well, can't sit around moping all day," Aureliano decided, clambering out of his tent. He packed away the tent and bedroll, changed out of his pyjamas and got out the solar panel and microwave. He spent the next half hour figuring out how to plug the microwave into the solar panel; fortunately, there was no rain by the time he finished, so he could make himself some porridge without issue. It wasn't men's work, really, but he had to make do until some more sensible girls showed up.
The stupidity of the average girl had always been a bit of a sore point with Aureliano, actually. For some crazy reason, none of them seemed to like him. They couldn't all have been dykes, and there must've been a few without boyfriends, so… why?! No matter how much he tried to endear himself, girls rejected him. He tried to put a strong hand on the tiller; girls hit him, shouted at him, or just ran away. He gave them presents, then insisted on some love-making in return; girls hit him, shouted at him or just ran away. He went after younger prey; girls cried, threw tantrums or ran to Daddy. Daddies never seemed that keen on poor Aureliano, and as for mummies... It simply wasn't fair!
"It simply isn't fair…" Aureliano muttered through a mouthful of porridge. "I'll bet Father never had girl troubles. Well, he can't have, otherwise I wouldn't exist, but I digress… perhaps I'll ask him."
Porridge completed, Aureliano rose to his feet, packed away the microwave and solar panel, threw the bowl and spoon in a river (he couldn't be expected to wash them, could he?) and set off on the road to Violet City.
A couple of hours' walking later, Aureliano sat down for a tea break, utterly bushed. He'd tried his motorbike, but it turned out he brought the wrong kind of hydrogen for its fuel cell, so that'd been a waste of time. His attempt to hitch a lift from a passing lorry driver was just as unsuccessful; she had to take offence at his brilliant jokes about women drivers. Bitch. A group of day-trippers seemed happy for him to go with them, but as soon as he tried to get a piggyback… What was the world coming to?!
As much fun as it was wallowing in self-pity, Aureliano knew he had to move on sooner or later, so, after taking his tea break and allowing his pokémon to massage his feet, Aureliano soldiered on along route 1.
The following morning, the Sun returned to the skies with a vengeance, determined to get in some last-minute warmth before autumn really set in. The mud in the mansion's front garden began to dry out, and it was more like modelling clay by the time Chrissie, Snowy, Lauren and all their pokémon finished breakfast.
"We're going to Hyekeldi Town next, right?" said Snowy, balancing his way over the stepping-stones.
"Yep," Chrissie agreed.
"And the national barbers and hairdressers expo!" Lauren cut in. "I'm a hairstyle connoisseur, you know. Scissors cleaving expertly through soft, silky locks, creamy lather and shampoo smoothed lovingly into every corner, a whirlwind of fresh, warm, fruity shampoo smells…! I love hair so much!" She gave her own short, kinky hair an absentminded pat. "I've gone for the wild-ish but still well-groomed look here, by the way."
"Er… great," said Chrissie.
"Yeah. Brilliant," Snowy agreed.
As the three friends (They're officially friends now, having known each other for years, all right?) made their way to Hyekeldi Town, their luck could not hold out much longer, and, just as Snowy stopped to pick some flowers by a stream, Aureliano showed up.
"Yo, Chrissie! How's tricks? Got a wife yet?!" demanded Aureliano, laughing heartily at his wonderfully witty and subtle insinuation that Chrissie was a lesbian, because everyone knows tomboys are lesbians and deserve to be teased mercilessly about it.
"What?! No!" cried Chrissie. "I mean, I guess I might at some point, maybe, but… I'm ten, the age of consent's thirteen... I mean…"
"Shut up," said Aureliano. "Now…" He gave Lauren the once-over. "Are you a dyke?"
"No," Lauren replied, "but thank you for being upfront about it. You'd be Aureliano, then? Chrissie and Snowy don't really seem to like you."
"Indeed, they do not," sniffed Aureliano. "Idiots that they are. I'm the greatest man who ever lived! A paragon of morality, a guardian of all that is good and right, one of the few who still have the courage to stand up to feminists…"
"Well, I'm sure we'll share an interesting rivalry," said Lauren charitably. "What kind of pokémon trainer are you?"
Aureliano grinned awesomely, catching the light on his teeth (whitened for 1,000,000 yen). "The best kind!"
"I see. I'm Lauren Geoheart, a pokémon connoisseur, pokémon breeder, complete hoyden, artist, scientist, total Whitney rip-off and all-round brilliant person! Brock's my boyfriend, too," Lauren introduced herself.
"Charmed. Wait, back up… interesting rivalry? Rivals?" Aureliano's eyebrows rose as high as they dared. It had never occurred to him that those three idiots could be his rivals. A bitch, a homo, a teenage girl he didn't know much about yet… It beggared belief. "Well… I suppose, not that you'll stand a chance against me."
"I'll be glad to be your rival!" said Chrissie cheerfully. This would be a lot better than him trying to be her "friend". "I have three pokémon now. We're already a brilliant team-"
"Done listening. Shut up," said Aureliano. "Listen well, you plebs! I, Aureliano Pyracardia, son of Lysander, intend be the world's greatest pokémon master, catch Arceus, battle Giratina and have a gardevoir for every day of the week! The world will bow down before me, for I am the greatest! No matter what, I'll show my parents they were right to believe in me." He did a quick fist-pump for emphasis, adding "GETTO DA ZE!"
Snowy blinked. "Whatto da what?"
"Getto da ze. It's British, I think," replied Lauren. "In Japanese, it would be "get them all", as in "gotta catch 'em all". Did I mention I'm a language connoisseur?"
"You didn't, but that's great!" declared Chrissie. "Listen, Aureliano, my goal is to know as much about pokémon as I can, make lots of friends and have a brilliant time, then possibly become League Cham-"
"You're welcome to butt out any time, of course. It's not as if you're a worthy rival for me," said Aureliano charitably.
Chrissie rolled her eyes. "Me and my pokémon'll battle you any time, and win, to boot."
"Fair enough. It's your funeral," said Aureliano magnanimously. "Snowy, Lauren, what're your goals?"
"To be the world's greatest ice-type pokémon expert," Snowy replied. "And a real gym leader."
"I'm on a never-ending journey of self-discovery," said Lauren proudly. "My pokémon are on journeys of self-discoveries, too, and we've all discovered a lot. I want to learn as much stuff as possible, be good at lots of things, have fun, have adventures… in short, experience everything! I'm gonna live for at least four hundred years, too, and be the first human to visit another star system. They're already thinking about colonising Jupiter's moons, so it's not a pipe dream."
"That's fascinating. I'm sure you'll do well," lied Aureliano. "Now-"
"Your goals are all brilliant too, of course," Lauren went on. "Really, any dream is good. What's really important in life is experiencing stuff, learning, making friends and all that, so let's make this journey we share one to remember! Aureliano, a little healthy competition's all good too, so don't let up on us for an instant. We'll take anything you send at us and return it in the original packaging!" Pirouetting stylishly on one foot, Lauren thrust an outstretched finger straight at Hyekeldi Town. "That's where we're headed, Aureliano, old shoe. Race ya!"
And she was off.
In agreement for the first time in several years, Chrissie, Snowy and Aureliano stared at Lauren, as she zoomed towards the horizon.
"...Well," said Snowy. "Well. Well! She's… fast."
"Energetic," Chrissie agreed. "I like her. C'mon, let's go!"
"Right behind you!" agreed Snowy, right behind Chrissie as she chased after Lauren.
"Oh, for pity's sake…" sighed Aureliano. Those tomboys were a bad influence. Then again, he was a Pyracardia, and he had a reputation to uphold. "Legs, let's do this thing!"
Aureliano ran at full tilt off to Hyekeldi Town, tripped, fell in the mud and cried for several hours.
~Ending Note~
Let's have a few points of order, shall we? Point the first: Lauren is supposed to be like Cilan. She is (will be, if I write her well enough) amazingly brilliant in several fields, yet not particularly considered a mary-sue, simply because she is so loveable. Note that "loveable" does not mean "inexplicably liked by everyone"; that just makes the character a classic mary-sue. To actually write a likeable character, it is necessary to be more subtle, so that the readers reach the conclusion that they like your character without it being shoved down their throats.
Chrissie being Whitney's cousin is indicative of another problem some fanfics have: original characters being inexplicably related to characters in whatever the fanfiction is based on. If characters mention offhand that they have some relatives, go ahead and write a story about one. However, if a character in "official" media makes no reference to having the kind of relative you have in mind, your character will look tacked-on. Whitney, by the way, is a character in one of my other stories, and she never mentions having a cousin called Chrissie.
Another point of order: The haunted house episode is extremely clichéd. Unless you write extremely well and/or do something original with the idea, having a haunted house section won't add to your story that much.
The final point of order: If you look closely, you'll notice Aureliano moping over Chrissie's latest pokégear message. This is one of those small details which can get in by mistake, but which I did deliberately to teach you all a valuable lesson. It was definitely not an honest mistake I've only just noticed. Since Chrissie comes from a poor background, how could her parents afford to get her a pokégear? Was it a cheap knock-off, second-hand, a present? Stolen, maybe? It is these little details which can make or break a story. My official stance on this discrepancy, by the way, is that Chrissie borrowed Lauren's pokégear.