Have you ever noticed that when you try to sleep it just never happens?
I'm laying here in this perfectly suitable hotel room in pitch black, just like I like it, on a somewhat firm mattress with clean cotton sheets. There's no sound keeping me from slumber as the air conditioners steady hum has a white noise affect. I'm not too cool or too warm – I've showered so I don't feel restless from skipping a routine gesture. I keep trying to force my breathing to be more like it is when I sleep – slow and shallow – but it just makes me mess up the natural rhythm of my lungs and I end up feeling like I'm about to hypo-ventilate or have a panic attack. I guess I've been laying here for at least a couple hours now and I'm beginning to feel like I'm imprisoned beneath the sheets.
My mind just will not stop, yet it's pretty much a blank slate. Tomorrow morning, I'll get out of this bed and I'll leave this room and I'll keep going… won't I? I really have no plans without Elena. I don't want to make any plans without her. What am I saying? Suicide?
No, no way. If the day comes that Elena decides that I am the man for her, I will be there and I'm not dumb enough to take myself out of this world if I can have even a minute more with her.
I rub my face with both hands, rake my fingertips roughly across my scalp a few times. Frustrated, I sit up straight in my bed, pull my knees up and rest my elbows on them – allow my neck to relax, dropping my head between my biceps. The stretching of my tight neck and shoulder muscles is painful but rewarding and I give a slow exhale as they stretch even further with a slight side-to-side rock of my head.
I wonder if she's called or sent a text.
My phone has been on the bedside table with my wallet and watch, the volume is up and I haven't slept a wink so I know she hasn't, but I reach for it anyway – just to make sure. It's 3:42am, Sunday, April 28th – I make note of the date.
April 28th will forever be the last day I kissed Elena. The last day I touched her face, the last time I held her and heard her voice in my ear - the last time I felt whole. It's not an anniversary one wants to remember, but it's the kind of thing that cuts you so deep, wounds you through and through, you can't escape it.
She hasn't tried to contact me. I'm sure she's asleep, resting comfortably in Damon's arms. I wonder if Elena lays on him the way she used to with me. There's nothing I wouldn't do to feel that again…
"Jesus, Stefan…" I sigh, I've got to stop this. I'm just so angry with myself for losing her.
Standing, I feel my anger morphing into rage, tensing my muscles – I thought all of this fury was because I was a vampire, but I can't get away from it. My breathing increases, my chest heaving and my jaw clenched. My hands make tight fists at my sides – I have to do something, I can't just let us end like this. But what? What can I do when she's made her choice and it's not me?
I hear my phone crack in my tight grip and the sound pisses me off for some reason. Before I can decide against it, I move into a full wind up, putting my entire body into throwing the phone against the wall and it shatters like glass. It took out some sheet rock and the black plastic and chalky white crumbles on the floor make me feel a bit better – I have kinship with the mangled pieces lying on the carpet, we are annihilated and shattered versions of our past selves.
My eyes are still inspecting the broken phone when I hear a knock at my door. It's either Lindsey or the hotel's staff coming to find out what's going on – someone may have complained about the boom the phone made against the wall.
I'm ready to apologize, calmed enough to act like a sane person, and open the door to a smiling face that I'll never be able to forget. She's holding a bottle of Svedka vodka and two plastic cups from the hotel room bathrooms.
"Feel like drinking away your sorrows with an old friend?" Katherine gives me a half smile. I look her over quickly; her resemblance to Elena hurts me, then nod for her to enter.
I close the door behind us, watching her as she sits the plastic cups on the desk and opens the vodka – pouring each cup full to the brim. It's dark, very dark in my room, but I can just make out her silhouette. When she goes to turn on the desk lamp, I reach for her hand. "Leave it off."
I don't feel like being in the light, I don't feel like I deserve to be.
"Okay." Katherine's voice is soft, tired even. "The window then."
I take one of the cups and down it as quickly as I can while Katherine opens the black-out curtains and the room is illuminated with a blue-grey hue. The burn from the alcohol scalds around my teeth, under my tongue, all the way down my throat and into my stomach and it's a sting that seems earned. I fill my cup again, sit on the edge of the bed, wonder if I should put on a shirt.
"Things went bad with Elena I take it?" Katherine asks, sipping at the vodka and taking a seat next to me.
I shake my head, pop my neck. "Things went bad with Elena a long time ago. Things ended with Elena tonight, if that's what you're asking." I toss back the entire cup of vodka as Katherine eyes me.
She stands and takes the bottle from the table, refilling her cup then hands the bottle to me. I look up at her and smile despite my unfriendly mood as my hand wraps around the cool glass and I bring it to my lips. I want to kill my nerves, not feel this pain.
"It's probably a day late, dollar short" Katherine sighs, leaning against the table and toeing a couple of the plastic pieces on the floor with her boot, "but I am sorry… I know my returning to Mystic Falls set some of this in motion. I didn't want you to get hurt, Stefan."
Inhaling deeply, I delight in the cool air feeling even colder against my lips and alcohol glazed throat. I look up at her and can see that she's hurting too. It's different for Katherine because it's been over a hundred years since she let herself love Damon, but it took a lot to allow herself to try to be with him after running for so long. Katherine asked me to help her get Damon back from Elena that morning, when I walked her to her car the day I returned to Mystic Falls. I didn't really believe her. Thought she was playing a game of some sort, but I can see now that she was being honest with me for the first time since I've known her.
"You didn't come out of this on top, either." It's the best I can do to tell her I forgive her. I'd be an idiot to blame her when Elena flat out told me that she's choosing Damon because he's dependable and steady. Not because I was a murderous, blood thirsty, monster – not because I brought pain and death to her small town life, and not because my ex-girlfriend came into town and hunted her and her family. Elena made it through all of that and in the end it is my short-comings as a man that have caused her to turn away from me. – I wince at the thought, hurting my own feelings.
She gives a sarcastic laugh, "True. But I'm tougher than you."
"Oh?" I smile.
The alcohol is starting to soak into me now and my eyes move on their own; watching her wet lips move as she talks.
"You're a good man, Stefan. You're good and kind and sweet. You're selfless…" Her words inflate me a bit. The way Katherine says my name, even the way her tongue touches the roof of her mouth when it forms the 'an' sound of Stefan, it's just like Elena. "You were never meant to be a vampire, to live like I do."
I'm inspecting her face – the gentle arch of her dark brows, the way her lashes create a shadow against her eyelids. How her eyes are so dark that they absorb the blackness of her pupils, seemingly endless and warm. I stand to get a better look, a better angle. Katherine seems a bit surprised, but she keeps still. I don't tell my arm to bend or my shoulder to rotate, but the next thing I know my fingers are against Katherine's neck, my thumb tracing at the gentle curve of her bottom lip. I'm amazed at how her mouth is a small smile when her face is relaxed, like Elena's. I'd watch her, holding Elena while she slept, and try to figure out how she could smile so sweetly without even trying. I want to kiss Elena's smiling lips…
Katherine closes her eyes, leans into my hand. She's an exact and complete replica of my love incarnate. I want Elena more than life. Just once more, I want to hold her, taste her, and breathe her in even when I know that one more time will just lead to wanting her again and again... an endless need.
My lips are almost touching Katherine's; we're so close that I can feel the breath that she pulls in through her parted lips. It's everything I can do to not move any closer, to try and fill the hole Elena has left with this forgery of a woman I'm holding in front me. I want to – God do I want to lose myself in her, but I know it will be a sad parody of what I have with Elena. I bite my upper lip - aggravated with myself for getting this far, aggravated for being too decent to continue – then turn my head from Katherine.
I can't step away from her before she takes my chin in her hand and pulls my face back to her forcefully. She kisses me. Her tongue, slipping between my lips, tastes like vodka and tangerines. I'm caught off guard - my hormones take over and I respond – pressing my body against her, pinning her to the table. I'm kissing her so hard that she's leaning backwards, her head nearly against the wall, hands holding up her weight on the table top as mine grab at her body.
Everything is Elena.
The smoothness of the skin on her lower back, the curve of her hips, the way my hand is filled with her flesh when I grab her ass and lift her onto the table. My mind is fighting with itself to remember that this is Katherine, this is not Elena – these are not Elena's hands in my hair, grazing down my bare back. It's Katherine's hot mouth against my chest and neck, licking and sucking at my earlobe. Elena is not pulling off her top, it's not Elena... but if I can just stop thinking, stop forcing myself to remember, I can believe that it is.
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, distracted by images of Elena and losing the shared rhythm with Katherine.
She can feel me losing interest and kisses me more passionately, pressing her heels against the backs of my thighs. "Let go, Stefan." Her voice is seductive, hypnotizing – I recommit to this, to her – fisting my hand in her hair and pulling her back, my mouth making its way down her chest, between her breasts. I'm plenty aroused, but this encounter is doing nothing to numb the pain of losing Elena. What's missing, why is this not working?
It takes me a moment more of tasting her skin and hearing Katherine's gentle moans when it hits me – this insufficient feeling, what cannot be replaced with Elena's mirror image is that sparking and invigorating pull, the beckoning magnetism that hums between my body and Elena's… only Elena's.
This realization angers me because I want Katherine to be a replacement; I need to be able to believe it. This is going to work – I tell myself – pushing the fabric of her skirt up her thighs, slipping my hands beneath it and taking the thin, lacy elastic waist band of her panties in my fingers. This is going to work – I mentally command myself to continue, but when my hands leave Katherine's hips and rest on the table top I know it's no use. I'm just not this guy.
Stepping back, my forehead on Katherine's bare shoulder, I'm bent over her, heaving and breathless when her hands leave my body. I can't do this to Elena – I can't use Katherine like this. When I feel her touch again, gently hugging my shoulders, her hand stroking my face, there is no more passion – it's a friendly and caring embrace - she understands.
My brain translates my body's frustration into a quick and explosive force that comes from deep in my gut muscles and rolls through me, finding its release when I slam my fist against the wall behind Katherine as I push myself away from her and stand straight. I hear my knuckles pop, possibly break, but I don't care. I only notice that my fist is bleeding when I grab Katherine's top from the floor and hand it to her. Thought I don't say anything, my teeth digging into my lips, I hope that she can tell that I'm sorry for what just happened, for what didn't happen - Katherine was looking for a way to forget Damon just as I was hoping to ease the agony of losing Elena.
I can tell she's about to say something, but I just want her to go. I want to be alone. If I can't rid myself of my loneliness then I'll accept it and wallow in it – let it take me down, wear me through. "You need to go. Now." My tone isn't rude in the least, but the quietness of my voice carries a firmness to it that she doesn't defy. I move to the exit, watch as she pulls her shirt back on then open the door, let my eyes fall to the floor.
It's instant and all-consuming –that magnetism. It wraps around me, fills me, and actually dulls my aching soul. It's all slow motion, turning my head and my eyes taking her in – standing there with a suitcase in hand and her backpack hanging from her shoulder – smiling at me, choosing me.
"Elena." She is manna from heaven.
ELENA's POV
He must have heard me coming up the hall because he opens the door before I can knock and the sight of him – Stefan Salvatore, my Greek God, shirtless and in a pair of low sitting blue drawstring pants – it takes the words from my mouth.
I had a speech planned. I would knock, first of all… and when he opened the door I'd tell him that he was right, all along he's been absolutely right. I love him and I will be with him and we'll marry and have a house full of children and together we'll go through life's up's and downs. I was going to tell him that there is nothing in this world that can tear us apart and that I'll never be confused or question that again. I was going to say all of that, but I can only smile up at him.
Those green eyes that I find so captivating are on fire, all heavy-lids and dark lashes from the sleep I've woke him from. He's not smiling but I can tell that he's surprised to see me. Stefan's lips are more red than usual, I notice, swollen almost and his hair is awfully messy.
"Excuse me…" A quiet voice comes from the darkness behind Stefan. A woman's voice.
I frown in confusion, there's a woman in his room? His lips are red, his hair a mess, he's shirtless, I think I smell alcohol – panic washes across his beautiful Roman face and his eyes widen just as Katherine steps between us and out into the hallway. My eyes follow her and I catch my breath when I see that her appearance matches Stefan's.
Their lips are red and swollen because they've been kissing.
Their hair is not messy from sleep, but from their hands and sheets and the pillows and oh my God I just want to lie down in this hallway and die.
Stefan steps toward me cautiously. "Elena, it's not –"
"Nothing happened, Elena." Katherine frowns at me, interrupting Stefan. I don't know if I hear them or not, my blood is pumping through my veins so fast that it's rumbling in my eardrums.
I feel Stefan's hand coming to me, he's going to take a hold of my free hand. I jerk it way before his fingers make contact, I glare at him. I'm so hurt. I'm so angry. I'm such a fool…
With my heart in my throat and all of my energy focused on not crying in front of Katherine, I cannot speak – can't even form a full thought. I'll hide this damage from her, from them – it's not fair that they get to see me weak and pathetic. Before I lose control of my emotions, I turn and walk as quickly as I can to the elevator. Stefan calls my name, I ignore him – I've got to get away from them before I burst into a tearful, sobbing mess. I send a silent prayer to thank God when the elevator opens as soon as I push the down button.
KATHERINE's POV
"Stefan," I don't know what to do here. This looks really bad – dreadfully bad. He's in a panic, putting on his shirt, trying to find his shoes. "I'll get her okay. I'll go."
I should have reacted quicker, but honestly I was just as surprised to see her as he was. Her being here may just screw up everything!
The elevator is already moving down by the time I get to it, so I speed to the staircase and hit the ground floor before the elevator doors can open. Elena and I lock eyes just as she's exiting the elevator and I'm coming out of the stairwell. I just don't have the patience for her that the Salvatore brothers do and I know I sound bitchy when I call for her to stop. When she narrows her eyes at me and continues towards the lobby, I speed to her and stop in her path.
"Haven't you done enough?" Her bratty little mouth says to me. I consider smacking her across the room but remember that Stefan will be down momentarily and he'd never forgive me for bruising her in the slightest. He can forget that I changed him, compelled him, fed from his body, played him against his brother, turned his father against him… but Elena is untouchable.
I step towards her, reminding her which one of us is in charge here. "I could ask you the same thing." It's true – I've not done anything to these boys that she hasn't, less the vampire side of it all. The minuscule change in her expression tells me that whether she likes it or not she knows it's true.
After a moment of what I am sure was her replaying all the times she's wronged Stefan and Damon, she focuses on me again. "Just let me leave, please?"
My lips part to tell her that she's being stupid, that what she saw was not what she thinks and that Stefan is all hers, but my heightened hearing catches the sound of a voice that gives me a shudder of fear. Elijah's unmistakable smooth voice and silky accent shut me down. I don't move, listening to Elijah speaking to the hotel clerk and try to hear Stefan – where is he? Elijah will rip him into shreds if he finds that Stefan is alive. It's all falling apart – my plan to get the Originals off of my back. When Damon learns that I've sold out the witch, that I'm working with them to bring Klaus back...
"Kath-" I shove my hand over Elena's mouth and pull her into the stairwell as I hear Elijah's footsteps coming around from the lobby towards the elevators. The door is still closing when he rounds the corner, but I am not noticed. I'm not shocked to see him really, I knew the plan. I agreed to lead them to the witch and they believed that she was here to visit me. What throws me off guard, makes me look twice at Elijah is that he's with Caroline Forbes.
Elena is trying to squirm away, she's screaming under the pressure of my hand and I'm sure she thinks I'm going to kill her… I would, but I know better. Just as I'm about to let her go and explain why I had to drag her into the stairwell, a set of extremely strong hands pull me away from her. I land hard on the concrete, smacking my head against the cinderblock wall. Despite the pain I stand quickly, turning to face my enemy – it's Stefan and he's raging.
For the third time tonight I am taken aback. I know he's human. I can smell his blood and hear his heartbeat. How could he have thrown me like that? I attribute it to adrenaline.
Stefan is glaring at me, bowed up and ready to fight for her - confusing my holding Elena for me threatening her. When he comes at me I react and pin him against the wall, my fingers digging into his soft human throat. There's no way he can break free of me, I'm older and stronger… and he's just a human. I don't worry when his fingers wrap around my wrist, just below his chin – but his grip is so painful. He's squeezing my wrist with immeasurable force. The bones crack first and I loosen my grip as he squeezes even tighter. I feel my bones crumbling – it's torture.
"Stop! Stefan!" Elena calls. Our movements have been too quick for her and I can see that she had no idea that he was still capable of this.
The way he immediately responds to her command reminds me of a trained security dog and I'm pretty impressed with my doppelgangers impact on Stefan. It's like he can't think for himself, her words are his compulsion and, just like that, he releases my broken limb.
We all breathe for a moment – the two of them staring at one another like they are looking into a light that's too bright.
"What the hell, Stefan?" I ask, rubbing at my bones in repair. "How are you so strong? Stronger than me?"
He looks at me, I can see the uncertainty on his face, but he ignores it and me. "Are you okay?" Something about the way he talks to her, how his hand gentle touches her face, it hurts me. I want that, too.
Elena moves her face from his hand and I've finally had enough of this. "You're such a child, Elena." They both look at me – Elena's doe-eyed innocent expression an exact opposite of Stefan's angry glare. "And you, Stefan, you've got to get control of your anger." I saw the hole in the wall, I see his knuckles are bruised and bleeding from his outburst in the hotel room. "Elijah is out there and you two are in here bouncing off the walls like two toddlers throwing a tantrum. If we're going to get out of this alive, you two have got to calm down!" My voice is at its normal volume but I know they can feel the aggravation in my tone.
"Elijah…" Elena whispers. Stefan turns to face me, still keeping his body between Elena and I like a shield.
"What's going on, Katherine?" he asks, eyeing me suspiciously and rightfully so.
I don't see any need in sugar coating it – he's going to find out the truth sooner or later, anyway. May as well deal with him and his anger with Elena, his commander, around to help should I need her to call him off. I put my hands on my hips and give a little sigh. "I was in Stefan's hotel room to keep him busy. I knew Elijah or Rebekah one would be here to get take Lindsey and I didn't want him getting caught up in it." I say to Elena, all matter of fact and to the point. "They need Lindsey to free Klaus. I have no idea what they're going to do or why they need her, but Elijah came to me and offered me their forgiveness if I could find her for them. They told me all about what happened and how you –" I swallow, I still feel so uncomfortable about Stefan's death. Another reminder that I did love him, I do still. "…died, or whatever. I knew Lindsey's grandmother too and I knew that you and Lexi spent time with her years ago - it wasn't hard to put the pieces together and figure out who the witch was that helped you take down Klaus. The Originals have no idea that you're alive, Stefan…"
I don't need to finish my sentence, they understand what the Original's will do if they find out that Stefan did not die that night.
"I have to help her, I can't let them take Lindsey." Stefan grabs for the door, but I hold it shut. He's so good that he's self-destructive!
"There's nothing you can do, Stefan." He pulls at the door, ignoring me. "You're going to get yourself killed!"
His eyes narrow as he tries to figure out his next step. Stefan Salvatore, the everlasting hero – no matter how many times he's the underdog, no matter how many failures he's involved in, he still believes that he has to right the wrongs of the world. I can see that he's not budging, determined to save the witch, so I play a card I know will work. "You're going to get Elena killed!"
Stefan turns to Elena and I don't know what they're doing but I swear their speaking to one another in silence. His back is to me, but I can see Elena's expression change from confusion, to what appears to be concentration, then to agreement with a slight nod of her head as their hands find each other. Honestly, I'm jealous of them. I will never admit it, but all I've ever wanted was to be part of a love like that…
"Take her home." Stefan says to me.
"And what are you going to do?" He's an idiot if he thinks his superhuman strength can overpower Elijah!
I guess he can tell what I'm thinking, that he won't last a second against an Original. "If they take her from here we'll never see her again if we don't track them. I'm human; they won't sense me following them." My frown tells him that I'm not convinced. "I'll be careful."
"Just let me go with them. They think I'm on their team! Besides, you two could probably make good use of some alone time." I mean it as a joke, but then I remember how he was kissing me earlier and feel a bit flushed. I knew what he was doing; Elena looking just like me made it a whole lot easier for him to pretend I was her.
Stefan rolls his eyes at me – too soon to joke about it, I guess. "Katherine, just take her, please. I can't protect her anymore."
I've already started the car when Elena gets in the passenger seat – I'll taxi her around but she can load her bags into the trunk herself. I'd been listening to Coldplay and it starts back up in the middle of the last song that was playing, Trouble. It's loud and I don't turn it down. There is no need for us to talk really. We're related, very distantly, and I guess that should mean something, but it doesn't mean a thing.
I'd decided that I would take her to Mystic Falls before we even started this drive and as I pass the University of Virginia exit I feel Elena's eyes on me. She's so annoying… "Vampires can get in dorm rooms - we can't get in Stefan's house unless he invites us, remember?" She exhales slowly, taking her judging eyes off of me and we drive without speaking, listening to Coldplay and Sonic Youth.
I don't have a favorite kind of music, the instruments and beats don't really mean much to me – it's the lyrics that I find pleasure in. I've been alive for hundreds and hundreds of years and a well-versed poem is about the only thing that still has an effect on me.
Half an hour into our two hour trip, I'm watching the dark, deserted highway, examining Chris Martin's words about wooden houses and living when the sun comes out and questioning if maybe he's a vampire when Elena's twerpy little voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Thank you. For keeping Stefan safe from the Originals." Elena isn't looking at me, her eyes straight ahead. When I don't reply – I don't see a reason to, I mean it's not like I've ever tried to get Stefan or Damon hurt and it shouldn't have been a surprise to Elena that I'd do what I can to keep them out of harm's way – she starts to talk again, but I interrupt.
"I will do what's necessary to keep the Salvatore brothers and myself safe, Elena. If Stefan wants me to protect you, I will, but that doesn't mean you and I are friends and I see no reason in us attempting small talk."
"Agreed." She replies flatly and I feel a hint of pride that my doppelganger granddaughter seems to have got a bit stronger since I first met her. I'd half expected her to burst into tears at my words, but she seems unscathed. "But I need to know, did you and Stefan…"
Nevermind that prideful feeling! Rolling my eyes and sighing with exasperation – she can't even say it! – I turn down the music. "Did we what?" I probe.
I can sense how uncomfortable my question is making her and I'm not surprised when she crosses her arms and turns away from me. I'm not going to coddle her and if that's what she expects from me then she's going to be sorely disappointed.
DAMON's POV
With one last long, hard pull from her artery, I swallow the end of her life and it fills me with a rapture that is truly beyond description. Dropping her body at my feet and licking at my lips, not wasting a drop of her, I search for my pants. Filling up on blood after a good orgasm or two is the best way to end a night. Lindsey was more than happy to help me with that first pleasurable experience, less so when I vamped out and ripped through her jugular. I should probably feel worse than I do – I've just 'murdered' my brothers Italian fling and broken Elena's cardinal rule, but she broke mine first. I've never actually came out and said it; Stay away from Stefan – but she's bright enough to know that I seethe when they're around each other, especially when they're alone. Stefan deserves this, losing his witch… still, it won't hurt him as bad as when I have to watch the way Elena looks at him or hear her say his name in her sleep.
I don't want to delve into that right now, it's the buzz kill of all buzz kills and I'm on a high that I haven't experienced in quite some time.
I decide that I'm going to go pay Stefan a visit as I button my shirt. Lindsey mentioned his room number when I asked if she thought Stefan would care that we were sleeping together – it'll be nice to see him wallow around and brood about me killing Lindsey. Maybe he'll come at me and it will give me another excuse to lay into him. I've just slipped on my boots and stepped into the hallway when I hear the elevator at the end of the hall ding and Elijah's unmistakable accent. I don't stop to wonder what he's doing here – probably going to take revenge on Stefan - and I'm damn sure not waiting for him to see me! I speed to Stefan's room and, though I could easily break the lock and get in, the door is wedged open with the metal hasp. Elijah probably hasn't even stepped off of the elevator and I'm already in Stefan's dark hotel room. If anyone is going to kill Stefan, it'll be me.
Allowing for my eyes to adjust, I stay still for a moment, but when I don't see him in his bed, anywhere in the room, I'm suddenly very worried that Elijah may already have him. The bed is a mess and there's a hole in the wall. Taking a few steps farther into the room, I step on something, breaking it – it takes me a minute, examining the shiny black plastic shards on the carpet, but I realize it's his cell phone. I hate Stefan in the way siblings hate each other. It's probably a blend of jealousy that began at birth and far too much love. Yea, fine, I love Stefan, whatever. The point is I hate him too and don't want him to die at the hands of anyone but his big brother.
Elijah has had plenty of time to come down the hall and make it to this room; wondering where he's at, I focus, leaning in towards the west wall, and try to hear him:
"…is unfortunate. Have any idea who to thank for this mess?" Elijah sounds calm, but there's an undertone to his voice that's somewhat intimidating, especially when I'm sure it's me that made the mess. He's got to be talking about the dead witch.
There's a pause, so I step closer to the wall just in case I'm not picking up the voice of who ever he's speaking to. My hands splay open on the sheetrock.
"Katherine?" That female voice is familiar, "But that wouldn't make sense, she led us to Lindsey, why would she kill her?" Katherine… Katherine led the Originals to Stefan and his witch? Why?
"Damon." I flinch violently, Stefan's voice is a whisper but it's the surprise of him sneaking up on me that startles me. "What are you doing here?"
I'm relieved to see him. "I'm here to save your little human life." I whisper, annoyed that he took me off guard like that. "Elijah is in the witch's room. Where were you?"
I think I see his eyes shift away from me, but I can't focus on it long as Elijah starts talking again:
"What about the little one? Rebekah said she seemed competent - very powerful."
"She's very young, Elijah." So it's not Rebekah, who is that?
Stefan's eyes flare. "What's he talking about?" I ignore him.
The woman talks again, "What about one of the others? Elena knows Cruz, I can get his location out of her pretty easily." It's Caroline. I can see that Stefan recognized her voice by his deep furrowed brow. It just hits me that he can hear them too…
"Kol killed him a few nights ago. Now with this one dead we're two down. I'd rather not waste any more time. We'll find the sister and she can do it."
"And what about this… someone is obviously working against us." Caroline adds, referring to Lindsey's half-naked, bloodless body.
I hear the hotel room door open as Elijah says "I'd guess that Damon Salvatore has something to do with it."
My eyes do not have time find Stefan's face before I feel his hand close around my throat.
ELENA's POV
It's strange to be in the Salvatore Boarding House all alone – Katherine can't get in so she's been in her car while I showered and attempted to sleep. I stood in the hallway between Damon and Stefan's rooms… unable to decide which bed to sleep in. I wanted to wrap myself up in Stefan's sheets, but until I can speak with Damon, it's dangerous for me to give into my desires for everything Stefan. Plus, I'm still upset and unsure about what went on with Stefan and Katherine.
The house is the same as it was, though Damon's alcohol is gone and Stefan has the kitchen fully stocked with organic this and all natural that. There are lot of high-protein snacks in the cabinet, fresh fruits in a wooden bowl on top of the kitchen island, and a variety of flavored waters in the fridge… not a single bag of blood. That fact alone fans the fire that I hold deep within me, my burning love for Stefan.
The dawn is seeping in through the windows and I've yet to sleep. I'm so tired that I feel a bit dizzy, but I've sent five texts and called him three times and Stefan has not responded – my worry is keeping me from being able to relax enough to rest. I can't even finish the bowl of ice cream I have in front of me – yes, in a kitchen packed full of healthy choices I managed to find the single most fattening item! I decide to use the ice cream as a peace offering for Katherine.
I'm surprised to see her sitting on the porch when I open the oversized wooden door. She looks just as worn out as I feel. Giving her my best smile, I extend my arm holding her bowl, "Cherry Garcia?"
I think I see her eyes smile a bit as she takes the bowl from me. For no particular reason, I stay on my side of the threshold and sit opposite her – we're mirror images as we quietly spoon at our dessert for breakfast.
"Have you heard from Stefan?" I ask. She shakes her head no, mouthful of ice cream. "I'm beginning to worry…"
"He broke his phone." Katherine replies indifferently. My brow furrows a bit, and without looking at me she continues. "I don't know how or why, but I know it's broken because I saw it in pieces on his hotel room floor."
Oh yes, she was in his room. Her lips were so red from the friction of their kisses… I feel my chest tighten. "Did you sleep with him?" The words just come out of my mouth – their flat and emotionless. My brain and my heart decided to jump rank and skipped my filter entirely.
Katherine gives a devious smile to her spoon full ice cream. My fear tells me that she's remembering him, on her… in her; I feel nauseous.
"No."
"No?" I don't believe her even though I'm sure she wouldn't lie about it to spare my feelings. They sure looked like they'd just finished up…
Katherine turns her head to me, "Are you really that dense? You can't tell that he's desperately in love with you?" I want to say something about how it was obvious something had gone on, but Katherine continues, "I love him, Elena. The same way you love Damon. It hurts you to see Damon hurt, doesn't it? And you want to make things right when he's upset… after I saw you snotting all over Damon when you came back from your rendezvous with Stefan I knew you guys had a falling out. I needed to occupy him anyway, so I picked up some alcohol and got him drunk. You and I are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that our appearances make us interchangeable. And it's confusing for them."
"Meaning?" I ask, I need to know what happened.
She frowns, looks at me like I'm stupid. "Meaning Stefan can use me when he wants you. Meaning Damon thinks he's in love with you because he wants me." Maybe I am stupid because everything she just said seems to make complete and perfect sense and I have no idea why I wasn't able to see that on my own. "None of us should have even met, Elena. How can we expect this to be easy when just knowing each other is against nature?"
We sit quietly for a moment, listening as the birds wake and chirp in the cool morning air and the clinking of our spoons against the bowls in our laps.
"Did he?" I still need to know what happened, I don't know why, but it's tearing me up. Katherine seems to not know what I'm asking. "Did Stefan- use, you?" The words are hard to form and come out of my mouth choppy and strained.
She swallows. "He tried. I wanted him to. But Stefan isn't like me, or you for that matter…" I see her eyes light up like she's just had an epiphany. "Stefan loves so deeply and so purely that he's blinded to all others. He's captivated by it. He devotes his entire being to loving you and, though I thought he loved me in 1864, it doesn't compare to how he loves you, Elena."
I feel like I'm melting into myself, warmed by the thought of Stefan loving me like that. I know she's right, but actually hearing it from someone that knows him, knows us and our history, it's like receiving a gift. Being in the middle of all of this all of the time without a break, without a moment to breathe, it makes clarity a trait that's hard to come by. Katherine is able to look at us from the outside; she's able to see what we are without the haze of confusion from all the death and the pain.
"And Damon?" I ask. She's very insightful – I've never known her to be anything but ruthless – and I'd like to know her thoughts on Damon.
Her brows knit together, "You tell me."
I'm surprised, not sure what I should say. "He says he loves me."
"And he does… like I love Stefan."
"How do you love Damon?"
Katherine's eyes spark and her lips curve into a smile, a shy smile I notice. "The way you love Stefan."
"And Damon loves you, like Stefan loves me," I sigh, its plain as day. "He's loved you for 145 years…"
She picks up her phone, "Damon and Stefan are a lot alike. They both love like there's nothing else in the world… but Damon has a self-worth thing and I broke his heart by trying to stay away from him, to keep him safe from Klaus. I'm not sure if there is hope for me and him or not, but you've got to stop this confused little girl act or no one's going to come out of this thing in one piece. You've known for a long time now that Stefan is the one for you, but it's easier and feels safer to keep yourself a little detached - throw in that 'oh but I love him too' wrench… Take it from someone who knows, Elena, in the end you're just missing out on the only thing in life that's worth the risk."
Her words are truth hanging heavy in the air between us. She's saying everything that I've been too scared to admit that I already know. Looking at her now, she's different, knowing that she feels, that she loves… that we are alike in both soul and appearance. I wonder what she was like before…
"Did you love the man that fathered your child?" I try to say it as sensitively as I can, but I swear each syllable crosses her like a whip. The pain is evident on her face for a millisecond before she regains her usual arrogant expression. She doesn't need to answer; I've felt that exact pain – I recognize the agony of losing your soul mate. Even though Stefan has returned to me, the image of him falling to his knees on that temple still brings me to the edge of sanity. "I'm sorry." I apologize and mean it – hundreds of years could not dull that kind of suffering.
"His name was Viktor…" Katherine's eyes shine with unshed tears as she looks out over the front lawn. "He was a… priest, I guess. There's not an English word for what he was. The religion is extinct now, but he was a church leader for the village's temple of Bogomils. As a church leader he was supposed to abstain from sex, marriage, alcohol, meat even. Viktor had never even touched a girl…" She smiles brightly remembering him, giving a small laugh. "He was nineteen years old and the day he pulled me out of the way of that unmanned carriage – saving my life – that was the first time he'd had physical contact with a woman. I was 16, and I should have been married already, but my betrothed was fighting with the King's army and I was in-wait for him to return. The moment I felt Viktor's arms around my waist, heard his voice – in that moment I loved him, right then." She clears her throat, blinks rapidly for a moment – regains her composer. When she speaks again her voice is missing the dream-like quality that it had just seconds before. "I pursued him, which was quite scandalous… and like usual I got my way. Viktor wrote these beautiful sonnets for me and would leave them in my windowsill… We had an incredible love for two seasons, but when we were caught, just after the first snow of winter…" When Katherine inhales I hear her shaking and I want to hold her but I know better. I stay as still as I can, letting her speak about her lost love. "When we were caught, they beat him and whipped him and they hung him in the square for defying his God and taking up with another wife. Father nearly killed me with his fists, but mother stepped in and stopped him just before he went too far. It was then that the doctor came to see about me and clean the wounds from my father's beating when I learned I was pregnant."
She puts her phone to her ear; it's Katherine's abrupt way of letting me know that we are finished with this extremely personal and unique glimpse into who she was before the scars of her long, long life callused her to the point of numbness.
Her voice is much more controlled, much thinner than it had been when she was speaking of Viktor. "Where are you? – I brought her to Stefan's – It's the safest choice, Damon. – Fine, okay. – See you in a bit." Katherine stands, leaving the empty bowl of ice cream on the brick, "They are fine. They'll be here in about an hour. I suggest you figure out how you're going to put an end to your ridiculous love triangle before you lose your chance."
I'm curled up on the leather couch, holding a book and pretending to read it when truthfully I'm still thinking about Katherine and Viktor, when I hear a car door shut, then another. Standing quickly, suddenly filled with adrenaline and what I hope is enough courage to have a talk with Damon, I make my way over to the door. I have to jump out of the way when the door bursts open to avoid being hit by it slamming against the wall.
"Stefan?" I'm surprised to see him for some reason – even more surprised by his bruised and bloodied face. His eyes look at me for a moment in passing, but he doesn't stop walking. With tense shoulders and arms a bit bowed, I can see that he's angry. I'm about to go to him, follow him, when Damon comes in the house.
"Aren't you going to invite Katherine in?" Damon calls as Stefan starts up the stairs.
"COME IN" Stefan's voice is raw, rugged. Moments later Katherine saunters into the Salvatore House.
She and I catch each other's gaze and I get the sense that she doesn't want me to discuss the 'triangle' just yet. "What happened to him?" I ask, I don't care if I sound too worried, Stefan's lip was busted and he was dry blood beneath his nose and above his eye.
Damon is smug, giving me a kiss on my cheek before heading to the basement stairs – probably going to get some blood – "Brothers fight, Elena… get over it."
I want to scream at him – STEFAN IS HUMAN! You can't fight like that anymore! – but I don't, instead I do what will probably have a much greater effect on him; I take off down the hall and up the stairs to find Stefan.
When I top the stairs I can hear something glass break against the wall, but I am not afraid of him. I continue down the hall and directly into his room just as he's removing his pants.
Stefan Salvatore is a Roman sculpture - the epitome of a man, lean and muscular, covered only by his navy blue boxer briefs. There is a streak of blood on his bare chest, and from the looks of his swollen and bloodied knuckles, he must have got some decent hits in on Damon, too. My eyes slowly move up his incredibly rippled stomach, over his formed chest, those honey-laced, talented lips, finally to his burning green eyes looking back at me. Despite his appearance, I feel myself wanting him – maybe it's because of his appearance, I don't know but there's something about this stone-still man infront of me that makes me feel carnal, almost primal. At first, his stare is full of anger, but I watch as his eyes soften for me, transitioning his stone face into a sweet, heart breaking smile that forces my legs to pick up my feet and bring my body to his. I stand on my tip-toes, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, melting into the way he holds me. We stand that way for a long time – just feeling each other breathing. "When I opened that door as saw you standing there, I swear I thought I'd died again, I thought I was dreaming you."
"I love you" I sigh into the curve of his neck, my lips grazing his skin. I wish I was taller so I could kiss his bloody lips.
Stefan's hands come to my face and he looks at me like I'm saying something that's completely unbelievable, his brow furrowed a bit and eyes wetter than usual. "I'm so sorry for everything, for every time I hurt you, Elena. I'll spend the rest of my life making myself worthy of you."
To this day I cannot figure out how he doesn't see that he's a masterpiece of a man, perfection – more than I could ever deserve. I move to kiss him, but Stefan moves back, smiling at me playfully. "I need a shower."
"I don't care, I want to taste you." I swear to God I don't know where that came from but it's such a sensual phrase that I feel myself turned on by my own words, by the thought of tasting him. The way his green eyes just slightly narrow, flaring and darkening, I know they've had the same effect on him. I've thought about it, about tasting his blood – he used to drink a bit of my blood every day and I can remember how he seemed to be in such ecstasy… it made me curious.
When his head cocks to the side a bit, I feel excitement growing in the deepest parts of my stomach. Stefan steps to me, there is less than half an inch of space between our bodies as that electrifying buzz is taunting me, but I do not dare break eye contact with him no matter how badly I want to free myself of this tension by closing the gap between us – it's a desire of self-preservation, staying in this tense stance is like cutting open my body and allowing my rawest emotions to be inspected by his leaf-green eyes – I feel so exposed. I feel light headed.
My fingers begin to shake and I fear like I may lose myself before he even touches me. "Say that again." It's a command, a request, I can't tell - I don't know if I'm physically able to force my vocal chords to work.
"I want to taste you, Stefan" My own voice is almost unrecognizable as it's laced with a sultry tone that makes my whispered words sound erotic.
I see his eyes flame again, he looks so pleased, so playful, naughty… dangerous. God I want him more than I have ever wanted anything, anyone. When he begins to lean over to me, to allow me to kiss his lips, a quiet, yearning moan escapes my mouth and he stops, give me this amused, knowing smile that sets me on fire and turns me to liquid. I swallow, my lips parting and chest heaving – Stefan looks so in control that it's kind of frightening to know that I'm on the brink of catching on fire while he's cool and collected. He comes closer and his bottom lip just barely touches my top lip. I'm surprised for a moment. My eyes are looking down at his mouth – I can't see really, it's just a blur of his olive skin and beautiful lips. When he doesn't move to kiss me, I realize what he's doing – he's giving me the chance to back out.
Ever so slowly the tip of my tongue graze his injured lip – the small amount of blood is metallic and salty from sweat, but I don't really taste it as my senses are firing and flaming and simply out of control. I can feel and hear and see and taste everything – the only thing I know for sure is that the desire I have for Stefan is building in me, creating an unforgiving pressure throughout my muscles and nerve endings. Gently, I pull his bottom lip into my mouth with a gentle sucking and the sound of his deep groan almost tips me over the edge, but I don't stop. I suck harder, flick my tongue against the skin of his lip. Stefan is the one to pull away, and I'm so scared that I just freaked him out and turned him off, but when I open my eyes I am reassured. His eyes are still closed, his teeth biting the lip I'd been sucking – I was too much for him. I'm a goddess – a sensual deity that brings Stefan Salvatore to pause. Now empowered, I won't let him lose this high, I take his face in my hands, pulling him into my kiss. He breathes me in, our tongues and lips gliding together, the friction of our kisses is sultry and blazing, but so so slow. There is something to be said about a man who knows how to prolong his own pleasure – how to enjoy each and every sensation. Stefan's hands find my hips and he pushes one, pulls the other, stepping, turning us, and the next thing I know his body is on top of mine on his unmade bed. The removing of my shirt and shorts is so seamless that I hardly notice it happened. He's kissing my lips, sucking at my neck, licking my nipples – his rough hands are truly all over me, caressing and exploring and making my body arch and moan and flex against my will. I've heard it said that there's a unique excitement that goes a long with a new love, a new lover – I know that those people have never experienced the raw passion that Stefan and I have, they've not been lucky enough to find their fated love.
"Stefan, please." There I go again, begging him… but how can I not? No one can do what he does to me and it's something that I will never get enough of. He ignores me, continues kissing and licking and nibbling and sucking. I can't take anymore; I'm going to die if I don't have him inside of me. I ask again, please please… he doesn't respond so I take his face in my hands and look him in the eyes, making him focus. "Stefan, please." I'm breathless and think I couldn't possibly want him anymore until I see his grassy green eyes looking back at me full of love and desire – the frequency between us suddenly increases to a nearly unbearable level.
Stefan moves between my legs, his weight heavy against me, and he kisses me softly on the lips, "You own me, Elena." he whispers, looks me in the eyes once again. I feel him enter me and groan his name over and over again in helpless, uncontrolled breaths.