Haruhi Having Fun
Well, the day started rather boring. All that happened in the morning of note was getting a report that Leviathan has just been attacked by the Illuminati who were using rednecks equipped with shotguns. Why? Well, they're cheap and don't need to be mind controlled. Unfortunately for them, and luckily for the rest of us, it's very easy to outsmart them. Really, we just used an old death robot in storage, which had been aging for about 60 years. What? They had them in the 50s, they were just different. They ran on fission reactors that had the possibility of meltdown, no big deal. Look, you are probably at more risk of getting cancer in L.A. than from a death robot. You also may be more at risk of getting killed, however that's more because of special droids that kill citizens who had found out about the mind control device that is used by Republicans in Texas. Why would citizens of L.A. know this stuff? I don't know, something to do with a blog called, "Eye Opener," which currently reports on the Illuminati. How? Why an army of super intelligent mice that can speak English obviously. You can get them off of eBay for about $100. That's one million mice per $100 you spend so order now. You would be helping out Leviathan which is a little stripped of cash lately. We'll even include a free box of plastic explosives to help you start a revolution. Remember kids, helping Leviathan will help bring about alien contact. It might also cause the price of bananas to go up a little bit because South America will become Socialist and say screw you to the U.S. in regards to cheap stuff, but come on, sacrifices have to be made.
Anyway, the day got much better when I learned that Rebel Inc. just announced that production of Mega Death Robots has been made 50% faster by vastly improved technology with regards to production of fusion reactors that Mega Death Robots run off of. So actually, my Mega Death Robot will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of being able to blow up Illuminati soldiers nearby. I mean, sure there might be complications involving innocent bystanders and that Mega Death Robots are listed as an environmental hazard by the Green Party which has orbital weapon strikes and eco-friendly super weapons that include the Ebola virus and mind controlled Alaskan citizens who opposed the new carbon tax. The latter happen to carry portable anti-matter warhead launchers that have extremely good homing technology so shouldn't be screwed around with.
But those are trivial matters compared to the now very pressing problem facing Leviathan. The Illuminati just kidnapped Kyon, I knew his little sister was mind controlled, and currently is being tortured by a mix of the Transformer movies and the electric chair. I do feel sorry for him, mainly because of the former. The latter actually isn't so bad by comparison because at least the pain will end! The former still haunts my mind. How dare you Michael Bay destroy such a good franchise! Fortunately, OAF will soon turn him into a homeless person with permanent blindness and brain damage. OAF by the way is the Organization of Angry Fans. Don't screw with them. You really don't want to know what weapons they have. Leviathan once criticized Akira and soon found itself having to evacuate the Northern section of Japan because of energy weapons powered by anti-matter and fan boys with speakerphones. Oh the pain caused by hearing fan boys yell into speakerphones, I still hear them in my head, torturing me in my nightmares. Seriously kids, don't screw with OAF, it will destroy your sanity!
Anyway, when school finished, I decided to brief the club on a brand new objective, manning the Mega Death Robot. Really, we just dance on it while it did the work for us. Itsuki arrived, and was put to work setting up how we would get out of school. He decided that if we told OAF about the school board banning anime logos on backpacks would motivate them. It might also turn the Student Body into die hard otakus through anime so awesome that it causes people to faint in ecstasy from the awesomeness on screen. They will become helpless worshippers of anime, and the true future rulers of the world will emerge, the anime industry. Let us hope they are merciful, for they control the most powerful conspiracy on Earth, OAF! Speaking of which, we signed a deal with them after the Akira incident that we would help each other out, considering aliens would allow for world peace, the end of millions of conspiracies, and most importantly, allow the anime industry to have a MASSIVE AUDIENCE! Without trivial things like wars, famine, diseases, and corporate abuse threatening them, they can reapply their energies to ANIME!
Now, with all this arranged, we called OAF, told them the plan, and then set went home. Over all, this has been an extremely productive day. We will soon be riding on a Mega Death Robot while dancing to celebrate the awesomeness of Mega Death Robots! Not only can they blow up stuff with energy weapons, take hits from ICBMs without missing a beat, and crush armies beneath their feet, but they can also now upload MP3 files to listen to while you watch the destruction below. It took hard work, but the company was able to pull it off. They had to find a way to give their listener great sound without damaging their ears and, more importantly, not accidentally dancing off the top of the Mega Death Robot. Rebel Inc. cares deeply about customer satisfaction, it being shown through their inclusion of warning labels on boxes full of super intelligent monkeys, giving free anti-matter grenades out to teenagers who ordered the new Revolution Starter Kit, and finally, giving special deals to loyal customers like me that allowed me to afford the brand new Brain Washing 3000 Radio! What is the Brain Washing 3000 Radio?
"Tired of that annoying kid down the block who keeps yelling at you? Tired of that newspaper boy who keeps missing so regularly? Do you want your spouse to give a little more in your relationship? If any of these are the case, you will love the Brain Washer 3000 Radio! It will turn annoying kids into your personal servants, make that newspaper boy much more accurate, and make that spouse give you anything you want. All you have to do is not share the latter over the Internet; we are tired of legal scandals involving mind control, and a SINGLE easy payment of $299.99. That is $299.99 with no tax and free shipping as always. Order now, before we run out of stock again." The advertisement from Rebel Inc. said.
Tomorrow is going to be the BEST DAY EVER! Mega Death Robots, blowing up another copy of Transformers by Michael Bay, and dancing to really awesome music. What more could one ask for? Well, I guess silly things like world peace, universal healthcare and clean drinking water, but who cares about that? Not Leviathan. It doesn't try to suppress them, unlike some people, but it really just wants to discover aliens. So, to clear up any confusion, we are just your neighborhood friendly alien discovering conspiracy that really could use some money right now. So please order that box of mice. Don't you have a girl you want to peak at in the shower or something? Or guy for all you girls out there. Well, at least I know everything will be alright, considering we only living in a world full of super soldiers, fans with anti matter grenades and more conspiracies than there are registered sex offenders in the U.S. What? That isn't a weird analogy. I mean, both happen to have secrets to hide. Sure, the latter usually involve little girls but the former involve Mega Death Robots, anti-matter and various other things. So really, what's the real difference?