Thank you for your reviews! I know the chapters are short but I'm trying to update every day so that's hopefully making up for it.

Warning: there will be Klaine in this chapter (Don't know why I feel this needs a warning lol but here you go)

Chapter 4 – New York

Summer was approaching fast now. Blaine had talked to Kurt the other day and decided to pay him a visit in New York. With Nick's approval of course. Blaine really couldn't say if things were getting more serious between them or not. Maybe after he've had his closure with Kurt. Because that's what this was all about, right? How likely was it to get back together with him... and would Blaine actually still want that?

He was still waiting for college responses. At the same time he sat down with Sam to help him send his away, applying for some scholarships in Columbus, Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York. The whole time he had the biggest lump in his throat and chest, knowing that they would definitively not go to the same college and very likely not even live in the same city. Even Philadelphia was too far away from New York to visit regularly but Blaine pushed Sam to apply in all those cities to have more chances of succes.

It was only now and then that he remembered the future would also mean the end of his relationship with Nick who still had a year at Dalton.

"I'm really freaked out about that whole long distance thing", Blaine said to Sam who was mushing some vegetables in a mixer.

"Because that's what broke you and Kurt up", Sam nodded. There was a pause while the mixer was going, then he poured two glasses of green juice that Blaine was definitively not looking forward for to drink.

"It just can't work", Blaine said. Sam gave him a glass and sat down on the kitchen table, silently nipping on his... Blaine didn't even know what it was. He sniffed it and politley drank some (tasted like Banana? But it was green... what the hell?) and inconspiciously didn't touch it again.

"So... what about... us?" Sam didn't meet his eyes.

Blaine sighed. "I don't know. I don't wanna think about it."

Sam went silent, drinking his juice and looking around the kitchen. Blaine could literally feel his heavy thoughts. As much as he wanted to encourage him that they would stay in contact, he couldn't do it. How often had he promised that to someone and then it hadn't worked out? Sometimes he even knew it wouldn't and he still had assured it just to comfort himself and the other person. But he couldn't do this with Sam, even a friendly, comforting lie would feel wrong between them.

When he flew to New York his thoughts were with Nick. He had taken Blaine to the airport and waved him goodbye, and for the first time Blaine had felt a deeper connection between them than just a rebound. He knew he would miss Nick in NY, his comforting touch and optimism.

But on the other hand he would meet Kurt and his stomach was pitching the closer he got to the Big Apple.

The biggest surprise was to find Santana was living with Rachel and Kurt in their loft.

"Other gay!", she greeted him.

"Hey, Santana! How are you doing?"

She took his question very seriously and started to tell details from her job and apparantly a hooker Rachel had dated (Blaine looked questioningly at her but she waved it aside) and soon Blaine stopped listening. Mostly because Kurt pulled him to his bedroom that was separated from the others by curtains and started kissing him as soon as they were out of sight.

Oh sweet lord, how Blaine had missed those kisses and he honestly couldn't tell how often he had dreamed to feel them on his lips again, just once again. In the first moments he couldn't think and it felt like time had been turned back. Like there were only Kurt and him in the whole world.

But then the memory of Nicks taste in his mouth aroused and suddenly Kurt felt so alien. As his hand slipped under Blaine's shirt, Blaine stopped him and took a step back.

"What are you doing?", he asked.

"What does it look like?", Kurt said, giggling and approaching him again. Blaine closed his eyes and took another step back although it felt like his legs were attached to the floor and he had to lift them with every muscle he could find in his body. This ought to be the hardest thing he'd ever done.

"No. I came to New York to talk to you."

"Really?", Kurt said, caught between smiling as if he didn't believe Blaine and looking at him seriously.

"If I remember right, you were the one who didn't want to let me go after the wedding that didn't happen", he added.

Blaine nodded. "But that was also months ago. Things happened... "

"Who is it? Do I know him?" Kurt crossed his arms and studied Blaine's face.

But Blaine hadn't forgotten that only thin curtains separated them from Santana's prying ears and he shook his head.

"Can we talk about that somewhere else?"

So they went to a café, luckily not the one they had been in right before they broke up. It was very convenient for Blaine that they were in public now, meaning Kurt couldn't try anything. Because Blaine didn't know how long he would be able to resist.

"What about... weren't you dating someone?", Blaine asked after they got their drinks.

"Yeah... I was."

"Didn't work out?"

Kurt shrugged his shoulders and played with his straw. "I just realised I'm not over you."

"Aww..." Blaine's heart jumped. He couldn't believe Kurt was actually saying what he was saying.

"You will come to New York, won't you? I kind of thought that we..." Kurt shrugged again and met Blaine's eyes.

"I don't know. Love you till the end of time and everything", he said, voice rough. Blaine felt his eyes watering up. Woah. He didn't expect this at all. Kurt wanted him back, Kurt! After all Blaine had done to him.

"What about trust?", he said quietly. "Do you think you can trust me again?"

"I want to try", Kurt said.

Blaine inhaled deeply and leaned back. Drank a sip from his cocktail. It was a good choice to drink a non-alcoholic one because he needed his mind clear and conscious right now. Although everything started to blur even without drugs in his system.

The most disturbing thing was that he knew he had to reject Kurt. No, not 'had to' but he didn't want to keep on walking this path. He would never be in a romantic relationship with Sam, and with Nick it wasn't as intense as with Kurt in the beginning and it still felt nice kissing Kurt but... He didn't feel the spark between them anymore. It belonged to the past. Holding on to something was had been great just because there wasn't anything comparable in his life wasn't the solution.

"So?" Kurt leaned forward and grabbed Blaine's hand that lay on the table. Blaine shifted a little bit towards him, too, and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Kurt", he said.

Kurt let go of his hand and leaned back.

"It's just... it doesn't feel right anymore. Do you think it does? When you are really honest to yourself?"

"I don't know."

"You were the best thing that happened to me in my whole life", Blaine said.

"But?"

"It's just... it's over." Tears ran over his cheek, he couldn't control it. So that was really it. Without desperation or drama, yet his heart felt like it contained sadness and nothing else. If only yesterday someone would have said to him he would break up with Kurt for good the moment he arrived in New York, Blaine would've thought they were crazy.

But here he was, doing exactly that.

"I... I don't know anything anymore. I need to be alone." Kurt got up, grabbed his jacket and stormed out. Blaine felt the urge to go after him but forced himself to stay in his chair. When he got his wallet out, his hands were shaking. Kurt might needed alone time to deal with it, Blaine needed to talk to someone.

So he reached for his phone.