4/4

"There is one more point to discuss, isn't there?"

To say I was surprised would have been the understatement of the year. There I was sitting across from Andy at a beautifully decorated table in this wonderful little place far above the city, his hands warm around mine and we had just made the biggest decision I certainly had made in years. I know that I had taken my time in answering his question, and I certainly hadn't expected that he would be the one to bring up the one point we knew would hurt.

"I wish there wasn't, Andy."

"But there is."

This whole situation seemed to unreal, here I was with my Lieutenant, holding hands and gazing at him with all kinds of thoughts that certainly weren't proper for a workplace relationship – and my dear hothead and habitual rulebreaker Andy Flynn was the one to bring up the rules - with me, Sharon Raydor, accomplished former Captain of FID and author of said rule. What a way to wrap up this year!

"Andy Flynn," I started, putting my confusion into words, "are you really the one bringing up the rules now?"

His responding smile gave me goosebumps and made me wonder what it would feel like to kiss these lips.

"If I hadn't, you would have and … well, I asked you on a date, so I figured I would be the one to destroy the mood…"

I could feel how his hands closed more tightly around mine like he didn't want to let go and to be honest, nor did I.

"You are not destroying the mood, Andy. Not at all – it's not like I didn't know."

"I've…I've actually been doing some research and some thinking."

"You have? On the LAPD manual?" Andy? Reading the manual? That certainly was unheard of and I was incredibly touched that he would do that – for me. The easy way would have been just to ask me and leave the rules up to the one in this relationship who actually cared about them - me. But apparently, Andy didn't think so.

I slipped my fingers underneath his cuff caressing his soft skin, "You know I wrote that particular passage of the manual, don't you?"

He laughed, "It sounded a lot like you. I assume you would want to report us, our, well, can I say our relationship?"

Andy looked at me and he looked so unsure. It was odd to see, he had been so open about his feelings ever since he had written me that first letter. Now that I had said yes, and in my heart I had said yes to far more than just dating, his boldness was gone. I smiled and emphatically nodded my head. Yes, our relationship.

"Well, you would have to report our relationship to Taylor and then he'd get to decide what to do with us, right?"

"Pretty much. Andy, but I do have some leeway in when I report us and to be honest, what I am worried about is not so much reporting us or Taylor's decision. I … well, I have certain ways of steering how the cards will fall and …"

Yes, and? Because, really, Taylor's decision was the least of my worries. I meant what I said. It seemed like those around us already assumed we had been dating for quite a while. Actually, according to Provenza everyone but Amy seemed to think so, so it didn't exactly have a negative impact on the squad and we were too efficient for Taylor to consider breaking us up. As long as Major Crimes would continue to make him good look, we would in all likelihood be fine. I could handle Taylor any day, but I wasn't sure I could handle me, me and my feelings for Andy.

"Yeah?" Andy looked at me patiently but also confused and only then did I realise that I had been thinking rather than talking out loud.

"What I'm saying is I don't think we need to be too concerned about Taylor. I know how to handle him – don't worry about that."

"Okay, if you say so. That's good news."

"Yes."

"You still seem pretty worried to me, Sharon."

I took a deep breath and sat up a bit straighter tightening my hold on Andy's hands.

"I send all of you out into dangerous, potentially life threatening situations every day and you go because it's your job," I started, quoting the words Lieutenant Provenza had said to me after Amy got hurt a couple of years ago.

"But I'm having a hard time sending you out, Andy. I do, and I try to treat you as one of the team, but I am loosing my objectivity - fast. To be honest, I think I might have already lost it… I can't, Andy, I just can't. I can't be both. I can't be with you, and be your commanding officer. Every time I send you out I know it could be the last time I see you. I know, it's your job, it's our jobs and it's what we signed up for. But I know myself well enough to know once we cross that line, the last bit of objectivity I've been hanging on to concerning you will fly out the window. Once we cross that line, and I am saying once not if, because I do want to, I want you - but Andy, once that happens, I can't be your commanding officer anymore. I can't be the one responsible for sending you into these situations. I can't wake up in your arms one morning and then tell you to hunt down a dangerous suspect not knowing whether you'll be back. I'm not cut out for that, I'm not made like that."

My hands were shaking despite the tight hold I had on Andy's and I could feel myself tearing up just at the idea of something happening to him and me being responsible for it. Oh my, what had I done? I had poured out my heart to him and all he had done was to ask me on a date. A date! Not to move in together or get married. A date. Good Lord and I had to talk about spending the night in his arms with my eyes all teary?

"Sharon?" Andy's voice was so tentative and he looked so worried.

"I'm sorry, Andy, I didn't mean to spoil our first date."

"You didn't spoil anything," Andy's large hand found its way to my shoulder, squeezing it gently. I could feel his warmth through the thin fabric of my dress, the comfort of him touching me.

"Why don't we go somewhere a bit more quiet to talk about this?"

Quiet, here at the resort? But Andy was already by my side and held out his hand for me to get up. Ever the perfect gentleman he picked up my wrap, placed it around my shoulders and led me out of the room. We walked up the staircase until we came to some rather impressive looking doors. The room behind them was dark and empty with large windows at the back and Andy steered us through the semi-darkness until we were right at those windows. The view of the nighttime sky and stars was breathtaking, as breathtaking as the presence of him, so close to me, with noone else around.

"I feel incredibly insensitive now, Sharon – I've just never thought about our situation from your point of view and believe me, if our roles were reversed, God, Sharon, it would kill me. I couldn't do what you do for a single day. I couldn't send you into danger."

What had I done? Our first date and now we were both upset! I could feel Andy shaking and the next thing I knew, I was in his arms. I will never forget just how perfect it felt – despite being so upset. His strong warm arms wrapped around me, holding me close and shielding me from the world outside, my arms around his middle, my cheek resting against his chest. I felt safe and incredibly excited at the same time. He smelled so good and I could feel his heart beating a fast rhythm, upset at the mere idea of sending me into danger.

Then I noticed his hold on me loosening and for a moment I was disappointed until one hand came up to ever so gently caress my cheek and then, he kissed me. Well, he kissed the top of my head but it felt incredibly intimate and so right.

"I'm sorry I brought up the topic – I ruined our evening."

"Oh Andy, no, you haven't ruined anything. It's not your fault this affects me so much."

"You're human, sweetheart, and you're incredibly warm and caring. Of course this would affect you."

For the first time tonight I felt myself blushing at the intimacy of the moment, at being called sweetheart.

"I like sweetheart." So much, just what would I call him?

"Good, because I've been calling you that in my mind for a good long time now!"

Just like that, Andy had lightened the mood and I heard myself giggling merrily.

Andy kissed my hair again, "I thought Taylor would probably ask one of us to leave Major Crimes and I was thinking, that could be me."

Andy leaving? That would solve the issue of being in the same chain of command, but at what cost? I didn't want him to do that.

"Before you say something, Sharon, just hear me out, okay? I've actually been thinking about this - I'm the one who asked you out, remember? I wanted to be prepared. I could start looking around for other positions and make it known that I'm looking to transfer out of Major Crimes."

"Andy, that is such a big step – for me? You would do that for me?"

"For us. Sharon, I love my job and I love working with Major Crimes, but being given the choice between you as my captain and the possibility of you as … the woman by my side, the choice is easy. I want you. I want us. I'm not going to be in the LAPD forever and the day I retire is probably closer than I'd like – there is an expiration date on my career – but our relationship…"

"Is young still."

"And yet I see so much potential – and I am willing to build on that."

"Oh Andy! Yes, I think we do have a lot of potential. But still, we are only just starting out. That's a big decision to make so early on. What if we don't work out?"

"Sharon, I am not meaning to be presumptuous, and I am not taking our relationship for granted, please don't think I do. But we are friends, we have been such good friends and I really, really believe we can make this work. That's all I need. I want to give us a chance Sharon and I'm willing to do everything I can for us to work out."

Even in the dim light from outside I could see the intensity in his gaze. I could feel it in the way he held me with the same passion that fuelled his anger, the same passion that had once been directed against me, that very same passion now included and encompassed me. A passion so powerful and intense, I could almost grasp it with my hands.

"This doesn't feel like a first date, Andy," I said softly and tightened my arms around him. "We might have called it that, but it looks like we are starting something much deeper than dating today."

Andy nodded and kept his gaze on me, unwavering.

"But I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of you having to give up your job."

"Then let me make you a deal. Let's be together and see how our relationship develops. You said yourself you don't need to tell Taylor right away and I'm sure you know that everyone around us already thinks we're dating. We'll keep talking about how you feel being my commanding officer and about our relationship and when we are ready, I'll put in the transfer request."

"But why does it have to be you? I could be the one to transfer."

"No, Sharon. I don't want you to." I had never heard that tone of voice before. It sounded suspiciously like an order, one I wasn't allowed to object to.

"No, because I've thought about it and I want to be the one to make that step. I could give you objective reasons like there being more positions available for Lieutenants than Captains, me being closer to retirement age and having spent longer in Major Crimes and it being time for a transfer anyway. But I don't want to see this objectively. Just take this as my way of making it up to you."

"You have nothing to make up for, Andy."

"I have and I think we both know. Letting my family believe we were a couple, blindsiding you, never mind the risk for your reputation if the rumour got around."

"You have considered the risk for my reputation?"

"Not at the time, Sharon, but obviously since. I know that could have damaged your reputation and your career and I'm glad it didn't, but that was through none of my own actions and I'm aware of that."

I had never expected Andy to be so prepared, to have put so much thought into all the little details of this. I was running out of arguments, but there was one good one left I hadn't yet tried.

"Wouldn't you miss your friends – and you and Louie? He is going to be so angry."

"He'll be mad enough, but he's got Patrice now. Who knows, he might transfer with me."

"I can't loose two of my top people!" The words were out of my mouth before I had time to consider just how selfish I sounded. Andy had offered to give up his job for me – and I was expecting him to give up his partner as well? But he seemed more amused than upset.

"I'm one of your top people? Really?"

"Yes, you are, both at work and at home! I'm sorry for being so callous. It's just that running Major Crimes without you is going to be hard enough to imagine and without Lt. Provenza, too?"

"I never said that this was going to be easy, sweetheart. You can take that as your part. I transfer, you deal with the consequences."

So there he had me. I wasn't sure whether Andy had thought this all out before, but I had finally run out of arguments.

"You've got yourself a deal," I conceded. I had been so focussed on our conversation that I had forgotten we were still in each others arms and suddenly, it all hit me. I lifted myself up on my toes and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Gosh, Andy, this is so exciting! You and me!"

What a surprising turn of events this evening had taken. I had been so sure that I would be calling the shots, calling tonight a date, spending an evening of flirting and banter, touching and dancing … dancing! I stepped out of his embrace and pulled a confused looking Andy along with me.

"Come on, I've been looking forward to dancing with you again ever since we went to Nicole's wedding!"

Later, swaying in Andy's arms, my head resting in the crook of his neck, I had a chance to continue my thoughts. I had not expected Andy to be so prepared and so invested in us. I had not expected us to have the most difficult of all conversation tonight already – but we had, and it hadn't broken us apart. All of that, before we had even kissed.

Which is why, when cheers and wishes of a Happy New Year erupted around us, I lifted my head to look at Andy and his happy smile.

"Happy New Year, my darling Andy," I whispered and slowly pressed my lips to his.