AN: Thank you for all the reviews and notes of sympathy. It has been a very hard week but somehow this story is therapeutic for me. Because watching someone suffering from cancer is fresh in my mind I may describe things a little in-depth. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. This chapter doesn't contain anything like that but chapters in the future may. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Chapter 4
Peyton sits on the front porch drinking a cup of coffee waiting for the kids to get home from school. Lucas walks out and sits next to her.
"Are you ready to talk?" He asks.
Peyton hadn't said a word since they got home from Dr. Jenkins' office. She just sat on the porch drinking coffee.
"What's there to talk about?"
"Maybe how you're feeling about everything?"
Peyton sighs "I'm scared to death I'm going to die"
Lucas sighs "I'm scare too but I'm going to be here with you no matter what."
"Lucas, how am I supposed to tell the kids?"
"I'm not sure but we'll do it together"
Peyton smiles at him "Ok" she says softly "Is everyone coming over for dinner tonight?"
"Yes" Lucas answers "I got a hold of them all and they'll be here. I told them it was really important"
"Thanks" Peyton says "I'm going to get really sick aren't I?"
"I'm not going to lie you probably are. Chemo is hard on a person's body but I'll take care of you and the kids and you don't have to worry about it"
"It's going to be hard for you to do all of that. Maybe I should go to a treatment center"
"Absolutely not!" Lucas says forcefully "Yes, it will be different but I will take care of you every step of the way"
"I wish Dr. Jenkins would have talked to us about treatment options today"
"I think she's just waiting for the PET scan results"
"So many tests to figure this all out"
"I know" Lucas says pulling Peyton close to him "It sucks that they're playing the waiting game with us"
"Yea" Peyton sighs "I liked Dr. Jenkins" she adds softly
"Me too" Lucas says
Peyton runs her fingers through her hair "I think I'm going to cut it off" she says softly
"Ok" Lucas says smiling at her
"That way when it falls out it won't be as hard on me"
"Maybe Brooke can take you tomorrow?"
"Maybe" Peyton sighs
"I'd be more than happy to take you if you want. I just thought you might want Brooke for that"
Peyton looks at him "I'd like you to take me if you want"
"Ok" Lucas says smiling "I'm looking into Family Medical Leave at work so I can just be home with you"
"You don't have to do that" Peyton says "We need the money"
"Don't worry about that" Lucas says "We'll be fine. We have a lot saved up and I have a lot of days saved too so they have to continue to pay me. If I run out of time we'll decided what we want to do then"
Peyton rests her head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around her. "Lucas" she says softly
"It's going to be ok, babe" he says softly "We'll make it through this together"
"What if I die?"
"I don't want to think about that" Lucas says "We're going to do everything to make sure you don't die"
The bus pulls up in front of the house and Peyton sighs. Sawyer come running up to the house.
"Hi mama" Sawyer says giving her a hug and then turning to Lucas "Hi daddy"
"Hey baby girl" Lucas says hugging Sawyer tight
Ellie is taking her time coming up and Peyton wonders what's wrong.
"Ellie" Peyton says and Ellie looks at her
"Yes, mama" Ellie says still in the drive way
"Why are you taking so long to get up here?"
"She got in trouble today" Sawyer says smiling
"Sawyer!" Ellie yells "You promised you wouldn't tell!"
"Come here, baby" Peyton says and Ellie walks up and climbs onto Peyton's lap. "What happened at school today?"
"I got my card flipped and lost recess"
"Why?" Peyton asks
"I hit Jude because he pulled my hair"
"Did Jude get into trouble too?"
"Yes" Ellie says "My teacher was going to call you but I told her I'd be good and I wouldn't do it again"
"Well that's good" Lucas says and Ellie turns to look at him "Am I in trouble?"
"No" Peyton says hugging the little girl tight "But next time you have a problem with Jude or Davis go and talk to the teacher about it, deal?"
"Deal" Ellie says
"Anything exciting happen at school for you today, Sawyer?" Peyton asks smiling at her
"No" Sawyer says looking at her mom "Is something wrong?"
"Why are you asking that?" Peyton says with tears in her eyes
"Because you look so sad today" Sawyer says "You've looked sad for a lot of days and you haven't baked cookies or put out a school snack all week"
Tears fall down Peyton's face "I'm sorry" she whispers "There's a lot on my mind right now"
"So something is wrong?" Sawyer asks
"Yes" Peyton says taking a deep breath
"You are getting a divorce aren't you?" Sawyer yells
"No" Lucas says "Come here, Ellie" he says taking her from Peyton
"Sawyer, come sit on my lap" Peyton says and Sawyer does what her mom tells her to do
Peyton takes a deep breath "I'm sick" she says softly
Sawyer looks at her "Then you should be in bed"
"Do you have the flu, mama?" Ellie asks "Or a cold or a fever?"
"No, baby" Peyton says reaching over and placing her hand on her face
"Then what's wrong?" Sawyer asks
Peyton sighs "I have cancer" she says softly
Sawyer's eyes get really big "NO!" she yells "NO, NO, NO! Mama, you can't have cancer! NO, NO, NO!" she yells again and then turns to hug her mother tightly.
"What's cancer?" Ellie says
"You're so stupid!" Sawyer yells with tears cascading down her face "Cancer is what Mr. Madden had"
"Our principal that died?" Ellie asks
"Yes, stupid!" Sawyer says
"Hey" Peyton says trying to control her own tears "Don't call her stupid, baby. She's little and doesn't understand"
Sawyer just hugs Peyton tighter "I'm sorry mama"
"Are you going to die like Mr. Madden?" Ellie asks hugging Lucas tightly
"No she's not Ellie!" Sawyer yells "Mama can't die!" she shouts again looking at Lucas "Right, daddy? You're not going to let mama die are you?"
"No, I'm not" Lucas says
"We'll take care of you mama" Sawyer says "We'll take care of everything around here so you can get better"
Peyton kisses her softly on the forehead "Thanks baby" She says softly
Ellie has a funny look on her face
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Peyton asks her
"Can we get cancer from you?" Ellie asks almost ashamed
"No, sweetie" Peyton says
"Ok" Ellie says crawling off Lucas' lap and lying her head on Peyton's lap.
Peyton rubs her hair.
"What are you going to do to get better?" Sawyer asks
"We're not sure yet" Peyton says "I'm probably going to have to have chemotherapy which is a kind of medicine that will make me sicker before it makes me better"
"Why is that mama?" Ellie asks
"Because it attacks the all the cells in my body the good ones and the bad ones so it's going to make me really sick"
"I'll take care of you" Sawyer says
Peyton kisses her head
"I'll take care of you too, mama" Ellie says
"Thanks girls" Peyton says sighing "I'm going to lose my hair"
"All of it?" Sawyer asks
"Yes" Peyton says "I'm thinking about getting it cut tomorrow so It's not as weird when it falls out"
"Can I go with you?" Sawyer asks
"Sure" Peyton says
"When will you start your medicine?" Ellie asks
"I have to have one more test and when the results from that test come back then I'll start"
"Will you have to go away?" Sawyer asks holding Peyton tightly
"No" Peyton says "I should be able to have chemo during the day while you're at school and then I'll be home when you get here. I might just have to be in bed for a few days after my medicine"
"Ok" Ellie says
Sawyer just sits there. Peyton is worried because she hasn't said much but she figures she just needs some time to process everything.
"Who would like a snack?" Peyton says smiling
"Me!" Ellie says jumping up
"I think I'm going to go work on my homework" Sawyer says getting off of Peyton's lap and hugging her tightly
"I can help you with it if you want" Peyton offers
"I just have to study my spelling and read maybe you can help me later"
"Ok" Peyton says
Sawyer walks into the house followed by Ellie.
"That went better than I thought" Lucas sighs
"Sawyer's not ok" Peyton sighs
"She seemed ok"
"She's not"
"I'll talk to her" Lucas says
"No" Peyton says "You go get Ellie a snack and I'll go talk to her"
The two stand up and Lucas hugs Peyton.
"Are you doing ok?"
"I'm surviving" Peyton sighs
"You're doing great"
"Thanks" Peyton says walking into the house. She walks up the stairs and to Sawyer's door. She knocks on it softly.
"Come in" Sawyer says for the other side of the door
Peyton opens to door to see Sawyer quickly wiping at her eyes. Peyton went over and sat down next to her wrapping her arms around her.
"You can't die, mama" Sawyer says through her tears
"I'm not planning on dying, baby"
Sawyer wraps her arms tightly around Peyton squeezing her.
"Where's the cancer?"
"In my breast"
"I can sit with you while you have chemo"
"I'd like that" Peyton says kissing the small girl's head
"I can stay home from school and take care of you too"
Peyton smiles "You have to go to school baby but you can sit with me when you get home"
"Daddy doesn't like me so you can't leave me here with him"
Peyton grabs Sawyer's face so they're looking at each other "That's not true, baby" she says wiping the tears from her eyes "Your daddy loves you and he'll take great care of you"
"He doesn't like to draw or listen to music or anything of the things we do together. Who will help me with the shading of my drawings?"
"I will" Peyton says hugging the little girl "I'll help you with everything"
"Promise?" Sawyer asks
"I will do my best" Peyton offers
Mama, I love you with all of my heart and I'm going to be here to take care of you the whole time"
"Thanks baby" Peyton says kissing the little girl "Come on. Let's go have a snack and we'll do homework later"
Sawyer smiles "Ok"
"In fact, since you're going to go with me to get my hair cut we can do it tomorrow while you're home"
"Really?" Sawyer says "I can stay home tomorrow?"
"Yep" Peyton says smiling "Just you and me and your dad"
"Dad's staying home too?" Sawyer says rolling her eyes
Peyton laughs "Yeah, he's worried about me"
"I am too, mama. You're my best friend and I don't know what I'll do if you die"
Peyton sighs "Then let's hope I don't die!" she says hugging Sawyer again "Come on"
Peyton and Sawyer walk out of Sawyer's room and downstairs. Lucas and Ellie are putting chocolate frosting on graham crackers.
"That doesn't look like a very healthy snack" Peyton says
Ellie laughs "Daddy said I could have it"
"Well I guess just this once it's ok" Peyton says walking over to the counter and sitting down on a bar stool. Sawyer climbs up next to her. "Pass us some"
Lucas smiles and does what Peyton asks.
"Mama, where's Emery?" Sawyer asks
"He's with Uncle Nate. He was sleeping so Nate's just going to bring him home when they come over for dinner"
"Why is everyone coming over for dinner?" Ellie asks
"Because I have to tell them I'm sick"
Ellie looks down "Oh" she says "I thought maybe you had gotten better"
Peyton smiles at her "It's going to take some time, sweetie, but I'll get better soon"
"Ok" Ellie says looking at Lucas "Can we go play basketball before dinner?"
"Sure" Lucas says walking over and kissing Peyton "Holler if you need help." He says walking outside with Ellie
"Why don't you go and play basketball with them, too" Peyton says making Sawyer a few graham crackers with frosting
"Nah" Sawyer says "I'll help you with dinner"
"When I'm sick in bed what are you going to do?"
"Help you"
"But you're a little girl and you should just sit in the house all the time"
"I do that now and you never say anything about it"
Peyton sighs "That's true"
"What's for dinner?"
"Chicken and rice" Peyton says
"I'll get the chicken out"
Peyton just smiles at the little girl and the two work quietly to make dinner. Sawyer tears the lettuce and helps Peyton cut the veggies for the salad. She also sets the table and does whatever her mother needs help with. Just as she puts the salad dressing on the table the doorbell rings.
"I'll get it, mama" Sawyer says running to the door. She opens it and her Aunt Brooke is standing there with Jude, Davis, and Julian. "Hi" Sawyer says moving to the side
"Hi baby girl" Brooke says pulling her into a hug
"Hey squirt" Julian says
"Hi Uncle Julian" Sawyer says in a sad voice
"Everything ok, honey?" Brooke asks
Sawyer didn't know if she was supposed to say anything so she just nods.
"Where's your mama?"
"In the kitchen"
"Come on, Sawyer" Jude says "We're going to go play outside"
Sawyer sighs and follows the boys into the yard. Julian goes with them. Brooke walks into the kitchen. She finds Peyton crying as she's stirring something. She rushes over to her.
"P. Scott, what's the matter?" she asks giving her a big hug
"Nothing" Peyton sighs "Everything"
"What's going on?"
Peyton turns to look at her.
"Are you ok?" Brooke asks "You look really tired and like you're not feeling well?"
Peyton starts crying harder
"Are you pregnant or something?"
"Or something" Peyton says between tears
"Peyton" Brooke says shaking her "You're scaring me! What's going on?!"
"I'm sick" Peyton says sobbing harder
"What do you mean you're sick?" Brooke says "Come sit down" she adds leading her over to the bar stools.
Peyton composes herself and looks at her childhood friend. "I have cancer"
"Peyton!" Brooke yells "That's not even funny! Now what's going on"
"I'm not joking, Brooke" Peyton says with a tear falling down her face "I have breast cancer"
Brooke stands up "What in the hell are you talking about?" She says her face going as white as a sheet "This isn't funny, Peyton! People die from cancer! Now what the hell is going on with you?!"
Peyton was about to say something when Haley walks into the room.
"Hey you two" She says as the smile on her face disappears "What's wrong?"
Peyton sighs "I have cancer"
"Peyton!" Brooke yells "Stop saying that!"
"What?" Haley asks rushing over to her "You have what?"
Peyton sighs "I have breast cancer"
"Stop it!" Brooke yells again getting up and walking out of the kitchen and out of the house slamming the door. "Julian, let's go!"
Julian looks at Brooke as Peyton and Haley come walking out of the house.
"What's wrong?" He asks
Lucas knows that Peyton has told them and he goes rushing over to her. Nathan and Julian follow. Brooke is standing next to her car.
"What's going on you two?" Nathan asks noticing how protective Lucas is being of Peyton
Peyton takes a deep breath "I'm sick" She says slowly
"What do you mean you're sick?" Nathan asks
"I have breast cancer"
"Shut up!" Brooke yells from the car "Why do you keep saying that?"
Julian rushes over to her just as she collapses on the ground
"Brooke" Peyton says rushing over to her
Brooke starts crying hysterically "You can't have cancer! You're too young! People our age don't get cancer you're just saying that! It's not true! It can't be true! Just stop"
Peyton sits on the ground next to Brooke and wraps her arms around her "It's ok, Brooke" she says softly rubbing her head "it's ok"
Sawyer see this and rushes over to her mom and Aunt.
"What's wrong with Aunt Brooke?"
"She doesn't want to believe mama's sick" Peyton says softly
Sawyer sits down next to Brooke and wraps her arms around her "It's ok, Aunt Brooke. We're going to take care of mama and make her feel better"
"You told them?!" Brooke says in shock
"Yes" Peyton says
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I'm going to get really sick and I don't want to scare them" Peyton says
"I don't understand" Nathan finally says when the shock wears off
"Let's go sit down" Lucas says "And we can talk about it all"
Everyone goes into the house and the kids go upstairs to play. Peyton sighs as she sits down next to Lucas and he wraps his arm around her.
"What's going on?" Julian asks still consoling Brooke
Peyton sighs "A few weeks ago I found a lump in my breast. I went to the doctor and they've been running tests ever since. They've concluded that I have breast cancer." Peyton chokes back a tear
"What stage?" Haley asks with tears in her eyes
"We don't know yet" Peyton says "I have to have PET scan before I know that"
"It's fast growing" Lucas says "And that's the scary part. It's also moved from the ducts into the healthy cells"
"Has it spread out of her breast?" Haley asks
"We don't know" Lucas answers "That's what the PET scan with tell us"
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Nathan asks trying to fight back the tears
"Because we just got all the results today" Peyton says
"You're going to fight it right?" Julian asks concerned
"Of course" Peyton says "I have three children and a husband and friends that need me."
"What are they saying about treatment?" Brooke finally asks still looking like she dazed
"We still don't know" Peyton sighs "That's part of what we'll find out when we get the PET scan results"
"When is your PET scan?" Nathan asks
"Friday morning at 10"
"I'll take you" Brooke says wiping her eyes to clear the tears that are falling
"No" Peyton says "You're going to have that baby any day and you can't be worrying about me"
"I can quit my job" Haley says "So I can take care of you"
"I'm going to take a leave of absence from work for a while and then we'll go from there"
"How are the kids taking it?" Nathan asks
"Ellie doesn't seem to understand what's going on" Lucas sighs "But Sawyer's a mess she's just not showing it"
"This is going to be so hard on her" Brooke says staring out the window "Peyton's her world"
"I know that" Peyton sighs "I've been trying to get her to do things with Lucas but she's resisting. Maybe when I get a sicker she'll start"
"You're going to lose your hair" Brooke says sighing
"Yes, I am" Peyton says "But I'm going to go get it cut off tomorrow so when it does start falling out it won't be such a shock"
"Wow" Haley says
"It's a lot to digest" Lucas says hugging Peyton
"How about we go eat dinner and everyone can think about it for a while and we can talk more while we eat dessert and drink coffee?"
No one argues with Peyton they just get up and head into the dining room. Lucas gets the kids. Everyone eats in silence letting the kids do most of the talking. Once the kids are out of ear shot again the adult conversation starts back up.
"So what's the plan for the kids?" Haley asks
"We don't know yet" Lucas says "It's really going to depend on Peyton's chemo schedule or if she needs radiation or surgery"
"We'll help you no matter what" Brooke says "The kids can get off the bus at our house and if she's really sick the kids can stay with us as well"
"Thanks" Peyton says "But we're going to try to keep things as normal as possible for the kids"
"Then one of us can come stay here" Nathan sighs
"I was thinking about calling mom" Lucas sighs "I thought maybe her and dad could come home for a while and help us out"
"We are more than able to help you out!" Haley says
"I know that but you all have your own children and we can't expect you to help us"
"My mom could come home too" Peyton says "She just stays in Maine because that's where daddy's port is"
"We'll figure that all out when the time comes" Lucas says "One step at a time"
Peyton smiles at him as she squeezes her.
"We should probably get home" Brooke says. She so in shock she doesn't know what to do.
"Are you ok?" Peyton asks her
"Fine" she says not even looking at Peyton
"We should go home too" Haley sighs "Peyton needs to get all the rest she can"
"Thanks for all the support you guys" Peyton says standing up
"We'll get a schedule and everything worked out when you know what you're going to be doing" Haley says hugging her
"Thanks" Peyton says
"We're here for you" Julian says
Brooke just walks to the door. Peyton sighs.
"She'll be fine" Julian says
"Are you sure?"
"Yes" he says hugging her "She'll call you tomorrow"
Peyton just nods her head. Everyone leaves and Peyton goes upstairs to get the kids ready for bed while Lucas cleans up dinner.
Ellie was lying on the floor coloring when Peyton walks in.
"Hey sweetie it's time to get ready for bed"
Ellie sits up and looks at her "Mama" She says
"Yes" Peyton says walking over and sitting next to her
"Are your teeth going to fall out?"
Peyton starts laughing "No, why do you think that?"
"Well my teeth fall out and I thought maybe because your hair's going to fall our your teeth would fall out too"
"Nope" Peyton says hugging the little girl "I'm only going to lose my hair and lots of weight"
"Don't tell Aunt Brooke that"
"Why?" Peyton asks
"Because she's really fat and she might try to get cancer to lose her weight too!"
"Elizabeth!" Peyton snaps "Why would you say that?"
"She told Uncle Julian she was really fat and she hopes to lose all her weight fast so I just thought…"
Peyton smiles at her "Aunt Brooke's not going to get cancer so don't worry about it, ok?" She says kissing her forehead
"Ok" Ellie says
"Now, come on, let's get ready for bed"
Peyton and Ellie get off the floor and Peyton helps her into her pajamas then tucks her into bed. She then reads her a story and shuts the light off leaving the room. She walks into Sawyer's room and Sawyer is already in bed. She's reading a book.
"Hi, mama" She says as Peyton walks into the room
"Hi baby" She says walking over and crawling onto the bed next to her daughter
Sawyer just snuggles into Peyton
"How are you doing?"
With those words Sawyer just starts crying.
"I'm scared mama" she says through her tears
"I know baby, me too" Peyton replies holding the little girl while she cries "Everything's going to be ok"
"You don't know that"
"No, you're right I don't but I'm hoping it will be"
"Me too" Sawyer says hugging Peyton tighter
Peyton kisses her forehead
"Will you lay in here until I fall asleep?"
"Of course" Peyton says getting up and turning off the light and then returning to her daughter's bed. She lays down next to her daughter who curls up next to her. Peyton wraps her arms around Sawyer and they both drift off to sleep.
A little while later Lucas comes up and sees Peyton in Sawyer's bed. He walks over and kisses her softly on the forehead.
"Hey" he whispers into her ear
She wakes up "Hey" She says softly
"You going to come down soon?"
Peyton looks around "I didn't realize I fell asleep in here"
"That's why I came to get you" Lucas says smiling and lifting Sawyer gently so Peyton can slide out.
They both kiss their daughter's forehead and then head downstairs to their bedroom. Peyton walks into the bathroom and starts washing her face.
"Brooke didn't take the news too well, did she?" Peyton says with a sigh
"No, she didn't" Lucas sighs "She took it worse than we did"
"I should call her"
"In the morning baby" He says walking into the bathroom "You need some sleep"
"Yea, I am tired tonight"
"It's all the emotions and everything going on"
"I guess" Peyton sighs
"Come on" he says smiling at her "I'll hold you until you fall asleep and then all night long while you sleep"
Peyton kisses Lucas and they get ready for bed. They climb into bed and Lucas wraps his arms around her. She lays there thinking about her daughter and her best friend. The fact that she had cancer was hard on her but it was much harder to see how it was affecting two of the most important people in her life.
Lucas could tell that she was restless so he rubs her back softly until she final drifts off to sleep. He sighs as he kisses her forehead terrified of what the future will bring but determined to never let Peyton know that.