Chapter 4: Their Twisted Ways
The moment I let the fear in, the wave was torturous, it was a very, very bad decision to let it in. Luka. Mother. Father. Haymitch. Colette. The Hunger Games. District 12. Panem. All over the World. My death being witnessed by everyone I loved, hated, knew, feared, respected, trusted, befriended; everyone. I could feel the tears filling up my eyes, spilling over my face and falling onto my knees. Only then I realised I had curled into a ball and was rocking back and forward, what I promised myself I wouldn't do in front of Luka yesterday, when I had the strength and will to hold back the urge. Now I find myself going insane. Haymitch walks back into the room after leaving 2 hours earlier. He slammed the door, I think it was to get my attention. My head shot up. I tried to wipe the tears from my face, collected what sanity I had left, and looked at the beautiful boy like I didn't have a care in the world.
"How was your sleep?" I asked. My voice shaking.
"There wasn't any sleep." He said frustrated. I could see the bags under his eyes, which reminded me of mother, father and Luka, on the morning of the Reaping. Pushing that to the back of my mind wasn't so easy this time, the tears spilled over again. He caught me out trying to wipe them away. He marched over like it was his duty to see me smile again, good luck to him; my sanity was once again hanging in the balance. He sat down and hugged me again, but this time he lifted me up to sit on his lap. I don't know how long we sat there with our arms around each other, but after a while he pulled my head up to look at him.
"I know what's bothering you; I'm just not sure what part. So do you want to give me a clue?" He asked.
"Okay" I replied slowly. My voice still shaking.
He gave me a reassuring smile, but I'm not sure it helped so much as it was supposed to. It faded when I didn't tell him what was wrong.
"You don't want me to know. I understand." He said. He went to get up and carry me back to the seat, but I pushed him back down. I had given him the completely wrong idea.
"No, I'm just scared, that's all. I do want you to know, I'm just, scared." I said. But it didn't help much; it got him to stop struggling to get up though, so I took that as a positive reaction.
"I honestly don't know why you would be so scared to tell me, I promise. Even when were in the Games, I won't lay a finger on you." He said. But I'm still wasn't sure whether to believe that or not. I stared at him, which I knew wasn't one of my clever ideas. Are you actually going to deliver some speech? Or are you going to stare at him like you're the dog and he's the bone? The voice in my head doesn't like me very much either in case you haven't noticed. I have to tell him something.
"Well, I just, I'm so scared about my family. When Luka came in to see me before we left she tried to make me promise that I would try and win, then when I didn't answer she started to scream, that was when the Peacemakers came in and..." My voice trailed off. I could feel the tears flooding back, I started to get the flashbacks of me sitting on the seat crying as she got dragged away screaming. Then I couldn't look at him, the tears were already rolling off of my face. He tried to hug me again but I got up and walked away, to which then he got up and followed me. I stopped and sat at the breakfast table; he sat next to me and took my hand. I looked over at him, still with my head down.
"Maysilee, its okay to be scared. I'm not as scared about my family as I am about myself, knowing you're going to die in there isn't a very nice feeling at all. But there is one thing that does concern me about you." He said. I tried to think what it was.
"What's that?" I asked. While being very confused at the remark.
"I have never once heard you be concerned about yourself; you act like you don't mean anything to anyone. I saw how shocked you looked at Luka and Colette's faces when you got reaped. You need to realise that you mean so much too so many people, especially Luka, Colette and I." He finished with a big grin. I couldn't help but smile back at him. What the hell did he mean by that? I asked my insane mind. My mind was running away with itself. I decided to change the subject.
"Well now you can hear me be concerned about myself. Colette didn't come to see me yesterday; I needed to speak to her about something important." I told him. He looked very surprised, and I think he was about to speak about his astonishment, when he remembered something.
"She came to see me, and she told me to tell you something." He replied. He could see the hunger in my eyes for what she told him.
"What did she say?" I blurted out. I had to know, or this was going to kill me.
"She said she'll watch over Luka while you're gone, and she said good luck." He answered. I couldn't help but ask more questions.
"Why didn't she come to see me?" I asked. He looked a little nervous to tell me why, but he did eventually.
"She didn't come to see you because she was scared; she was scared to see you because she didn't volunteer for you." He said. My mouth dropped, he came over to my chair, stood over me and hugged me. That was when we heard the door opening, but we didn't turn around. Well I didn't.
"Golan, what are you doing up so early?" Haymitch joked. But Golan didn't look happy, he looked furious in fact. I couldn't help but think it was towards us.
"What the hell are you two playing at?" Golan yelled. I was speechless once again my jaw dropped, I looked up at Haymitch to see he was hitting Golan with the same gobsmacked expression. I tried to deliver some words; Haymitch didn't look very capable at the moment.
"Golan, we don't know what you're talking about." I told him. He was still livid, and he wanted answers.
"I can't believe you would do such a stupid thing when you know what is in store for you! Do you know if you two get caught how much ammunition you would give to those tabloid dogs in the Capitol? At least one of you is going to die in there! Don't do this to yourselves! Just when I thought the Capitol couldn't sink farther." I had no idea what he was talking about, I was still clueless. But I think Haymitch got the idea.
"Golan, I think you've got the wrong idea-" Haymitch began. But Golan didn't let him finish.
"Don't you dare lie to me Haymitch, I seen you two at the Reaping!"He yelled back. Now I knew what he was talking about, I wish I hadn't done what I did next, but I knew I had to. Haymitch wasn't going to.
"Golan we're not together if that's what you mean, but we've been friends for years, okay? That's all." I explained. It shut him up. But it shut up Haymitch too, there was no way I could look at him after, there was no way I was going to, from now on my eyes were locked on Golan, and dropped to the floor when Haymitch spoke.
"Well, please for you own sake, get your act together." That was Golan's last piece of advice, and he was gone. He had stormed back to him room.
"Friends for years... Well, at least I know where I stand." Haymitch ended the conversation with that line and stormed off too.
I know I really shouldn't have said anything, but Golan wasn't backing down. Haymitch wasn't going to set him straight. If everyone else was refusing to end it, then I will. I left the thought at that; I'll just make myself feel worse. I went back to my room and got changed for breakfast; we should be arriving in the Capitol today. I wonder what we will be plagued with today. I don't think they'll be that bothered about us anyway. District 12 doesn't do very well when it comes to the Games. Taking into account that Golan is our only victor, and he is now a depressed drunken slob. It's obvious that I'll be dead within the first couple of days of the Games.
I got out my room, away from more thoughts that I pushed to the back of my mind and went back to the lounge. The breakfast was just as sickening as the dinner that was put in front of us last night. I ate a couple slices of bread and butter, my appetite isn't back yet. And I don't think it's going to show up any time soon.
Haymitch bursts through the doors, I don't look over but I can feel his eyes burning though my face, then I'm slashed with the daggers too. The old Haymitch is back. Golan comes through next, now there is complete silence. Calic and Delia are already at the table. But they don't breathe a word anymore; you can tell Delia cried herself to sleep last night, well, either that or she didn't sleep at all. Calic just resumes his non-existent glare at the floor, not eating anything. Haymitch and I sit at opposite ends of the table, with Golan in the middle. We don't look at each other, and we don't look at Golan. Golan doesn't look at us.
The train stops. Delia turns to me and gulps, swallowing the lump in her throat. We can hear the cheering crowd in the train station. Calic moves out of his seat, up to the window. He doesn't move. He just looks out at them all cheering at the train. Delia can't control herself anymore; she consumes herself in her sobs. The rest of us sat like statues. Not moving, not talking, and just looking out at the crowd. We sat there, sending fatal blades into the crowd, for their twisted crimes.
This was when the hostess, now our supposed escort shows up. I haven't seen her since the reaping, but apparently she has been on the train since we have. Anyway she bursts into the room with the artificial enthusiasm, just like the reaping. Just like me, wishing once again she had an off switch.
"Hello young ones! Well don't you have an exciting day today?" She shouted. I watched Haymitch roll his eyes and put his head in his hands. As for me, I had taken enough from this Capitol primadonna.
"Oh my god someone give her an off switch." I blurted out. She was stunned; she walked out of the room. She was very surprised by my reaction. Haymitch sat and laughed, half entertained, half surprised. I was surprised myself, I was never like that. Golan told me off for it, not that I listened. I walked off the train half way through my lecture with Calic, Delia and Haymitch following my lead.