note: When I was in California I dated one of my housemates and we broke up after 6 months but our zipcode was expensive and finding other living situations was not in the books. Queue and awkward and miserable 10 months of waiting for my contract to expire.

Have a college au miraxus where my poor son gets dumped and he unfeels his feels about it.

4. melodrama

A breakup, told from end to beginning.

(college au, rated m, 2777 words, september 2 2017)

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"So?"

"So?" Laxus echoed. He continued to peruse his menu.

"You wanna tell me why I saw Mirajane cuddled up over cannoli with someone not you?"

Laxus considered it. He met up with Jellal at the campus cafe with the most decent coffee to catch up on lost time (and so Laxus could ask/coerce Jellal into fixing his busted laptop). Jellal had arrived later and instead of greeting Laxus, announced that while he was walking to the café, he saw Mirajane cozied up with some droopy-eyed dude in the restaurant next door. Laxus wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it. But it had to not be a big deal, right?

"We're not together anymore. She can date whoever she wants."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah."

When Laxus didn't come outright with any more information, Jellal ground his teeth. Did Erza know this? No wonder Laxus and Mira have been fielding invitations to get together. To double date like they used to. Jellal kind of felt like a dick.

"How long ago?"

"Eh. Seven months, I think."

"Seven months."

"Yup."

"So you guys broke up 5 months after moving in together?"

"Nice deductive skill, Fernandes."

"But, uh. You guys still live together?"

"It's our signatures on the lease and our names on the mailbox. So yeah, sure."

Jellal winced. "Shit buddy, that's rough."

Laxus shrugged. "I haven't had lunch yet. Can we order already, or do you want to discuss the results of my last prostate exam, too?"

"Sounds lovely. You should tell me all about it." Jellal said in a deadpan. He signaled the waiter over. "I'll have the lasagna and an Americano. And if you have the craft brew, we'll have a pitcher. My friend here has a boo-boo on his heart."

Laxus tried not so hard to think about whether or not Mirajane was seeing someone new. Actually, he tried very hard not to meddle with her life in general, but it was kind of hard not to, seeing that they lived together.

He tried to be just a roommate. One that only talked to the other when the rent was almost due or when their propane tank needed to be recharged. It was next to impossible. Laxus was big enough to admit that he still found no magical switch for his feelings so he indulged his angst and still wondered about Mira. Wanted for her, too, when he was feeling particularly cruel to himself. That was fine, wasn't it? It wasn't like he was intruding.

She wasn't home very much. Some nights he wouldn't hear her come to bed until it was well into the morning. Some nights he'd make dinner and she'd say she already ate. He knew Mira didn't like eating alone. Once when he was pawing through the laundry for pants, he picked up one of her shirts, smelling like someone else's cologne. There was only so much a guy could do to keep deluding himself.

It was fine. He never bought it up. It wasn't like he had the right to.

Here was a shitty feeling for the books: going along with what boundaries Mirajane set and not having a say in it. Normally, that would have been a-okay. He could respect boundaries, but that was with the condition that he actually knew about them. Mira just seemed to erect boundaries left and right without telling him, then got angry when Laxus overstepped. What did she expect, really? He couldn't read minds.

Sometimes it was easy enough to ignore. Laxus would use her shampoo but buy some other household item they shared. He didn't really think about it much until one morning when she got mad because she was late for class and he'd used up all the shampoo. Since then, it was declared that their shampoo-sharing days were over. No big deal. He bought his own fucking shampoo. Same brand, different formula just so he could tell which was his from hers.

Sometimes, Mira was downright unreasonable. Like that time they argued about paying the bills. He'd pay for cable, she'd pay for wifi. Water, electricity, rent, sure, they could split. But there had to be responsibilities, she said. He had to be responsible for some of their bills on his own; it wasn't enough that he forked over money to compensate his half. It was a fine thought, but it grated on him how she said it, as if she was insinuating he wasn't ever responsible. Laxus would admit to some shortcomings, but in his defense, she had volunteered that system in the first place. If she wanted to change it up, she could tell him properly, not wait until the last minute to get into hysterics.

But that was fine. He'd sleep on such events and forget about his anger the next day.

The truly bothersome change was weaning himself from the habits he'd formed as part of a couple. Laxus thrived off touch, and sometimes, he forgot himself. He'd brush past Mira and lay a hand on her hip and only remember it wasn't allowed anymore when she'd give him one of her looks. It wasn't a mean one. It was a look that said try harder. Try harder to unlearn how he liked being near her, or how he craved her warmth against him, or how he just took comfort in the easy instinct of touching her.

Mira looked like she understood. These weren't things one could unlearn overnight. She, too, would catch herself imparting casual touches which would make her lips thin in disappointment. In him for being too near all the time or herself for being too weak to know better?

It was fine. Laxus was just glad she wasn't too hard on him about it.

They still slept in one bed.

One time, Laxus thought about asking her if she wanted to get rid of the king bed and get two singles they could push up against the farthest walls. It would be pretty fucking weird and too tight to be comfortable in their cramped master bedroom, but if it came to that, there really wasn't a choice. Of course, he didn't actually say it. Maybe he was a fool for hanging onto whatever scraps he could get. He wasn't ready to not sleep beside her. And it made him feel better to think that if Mira did want them to sleep on separate beds, she would have no problem saying it.

Laxus was a grabber in sleep. Mira, even when they were together, always slept with her back to him and she was such a peaceful sleeper that she'd wake up in the same position if Laxus didn't pull her to him in the middle of the night. Laxus tried to mirror her habits. When they broke up, he went from falling asleep spooning Mira to falling asleep facing his side of the bed.

To no avail, it seemed. He'd still wake up with his arms and legs wrapped around Mirajane, like he was scared of letting her go even in sleep.

Thankfully, Mira never chastised him for it. During mornings he would feel her peel his limbs off her, slow so she wouldn't jostle him. One such morning, he saw through his lashes the unreadable expression on her face. Like she wanted to scold him but felt too sorry for him to do so anyway.

It was easier to pretend he was still asleep.

The look in Mirajane's eye unnerved Laxus. He might have his dick in her lovely mouth but he was aware enough to feel anxious. Normally, he'd never be able to relate to how that felt like (that is, getting a blowjob and retaining a conscious train of thought throughout it), but to be fair, he'd been on guard for a while. It felt like tiptoeing around eggshells with Mira these days.

And now, she wore the same look from when she was about to say something unpleasant. He'd seen it many times before. Mira was a sweet thing but she had a cutting tongue when her patience was stretched a little too thin. And Laxus was born with a sterling propensity to test the elasticity of any living creature's tolerance for bullshit.

He might have found it sexy. A hot girl between his legs, kneeling on the floor, looking like she wanted to turn him into stone while she blew him. He wasn't a very hard man to rile up, anyway. But it felt different today. Admittedly though, not different enough to not blow his load.

The endorphin rush wasn't even over when Mirajane flipped the mood a whole one-eighty.

"Laxus?"

Panting and still weirdly turned on, Laxus looked at Mirajane. She was sitting on her calves, wiping the corner of her lips. He cocked a brow at her, dread filling his gut before she could even say what she wanted.

"Let's break up."

Laxus, when overwhelmed, got cotton in his ears. At least, that was the only logical but not so scientific explanation for why he couldn't hear her all too clearly. "What?"

Mirajane did another familiar look: one that meant she was trying to be patient when he was being too slow. "I said, let's break up."

"Why? Because I came in your mouth?" He already felt stupid before he could finish talking.

Mirajane shook her head, turning away from him. She was not quick enough to hide the small smile that tugged at the ends of her lips. She could still find him funny, after all this. It was a weird comfort. Laxus didn't know if it bothered him that she was taking this so lightly. That he was taking this so lightly. Is this shock, he asked himself. Feeling the ground crumble beneath you but being too numb to want to do anything about it?

His pulse raced as he watched Mira get on her legs and pad to the bathroom. He should say something. Anything. Maybe beg her to reconsider. Maybe throw up because he was so astounded.

For a man that was often told he perpetually had a foot in his mouth, he couldn't come up with anything to say. He couldn't even feel the omnipresent fierce reaction under his skin. Dazed, he only followed her into their en suite. He was still trying to come up with anything. Mira gathered her hair into a high bun and tied it before getting under the shower. The water from the nozzle hit her right on the chest.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Laxus." She said when he failed to speak.

"Will we ever?" Or are you just going to leave me hanging like this?

She reached for the body wash. "Yes. Just not right now."

Laxus wondered if he looked stupid right now. Was his mouth hanging open as he tried to process what was happening while his girlfriend took a shower, seeming not at all bothered? Could he even still call Mira his girlfriend? Did label privileges expire when one party declared intent for separation? Or was that yet to be decided until both of them came to an agreement on the break up? He was wondering about the most irrelevant things. Why couldn't his brain fixate on what was truly important right now, which was mustering up eloquence?

"You can't just dump me and not explain it, Mira." Yes, that was good. That was something, at least.

Mirajane gave him another look: one that said wanna bet this time. Now it was her turn to forego speech. Her look said enough.

Laxus left her to shower, defeated. He entered the bedroom and wondered what this would mean. Was that it? Did he have to move out? Did she? Were they not together anymore just because she said so? Did he have a chance to refute? He should, shouldn't he? What did they call that shit in court? The right to cross-examine? Fuck. He should ask Jellal. What else were fancy ass pre-law friends for?

Laxus told himself to get it together. He almost slapped himself. His heart was racing and his mind was spinning. He could hear Mira turn the faucet off and stomp her feet on the foot rug. Still speechless, he watched her cross the room to get clothes out of their dresser and clothe herself with the towel still on. So he wasn't even entitled to seeing her body anymore. It must be official now.

Mirajane got dressed and combed her hair and left the room to watch TV in the living room and in that span of time, Laxus still couldn't manage to snap out of his funk. Still naked, still reeling, he reached for the bottle of tequila he kept under his side of the bed.

It was probably too late to say anything now, anyway.

Was there a term for a feeling of impending doom? The French had a lot of suave-sounding terms for all kinds of shit, didn't they? Ah, it didn't matter. Laxus wasn't a man of articulacy, anyway.

It just felt fucking weird. Things with Mira, that is. Mira, who he'd been with since highschool, who he moved halfway across the country with to attend some university he didn't really feel so strongly about that he'd've left his home for it, who suggested they find an apartment and move in together to save up on rent, who he signed a scary 24 month lease with, who was now giving him at least 3 cold shoulder treatments every week since they settled into their new apartment three months ago.

Laxus wondered if this was normal. At the risk of sounding like a dick, he thought that moving in together would mean crazy rabbit sex 24/7 and more fun domestic stuff. He wanted to cook average food for her, take turns doing laundry with her, go to the grocery store at 2 am with her, figure out how to assemble the expensive bed they got. Stuff like that. He'd anticipated it. He didn't know why she was having the sudden change of heart now that things were actually pretty fucking official with the lease. Mira never got like this.

It wasn't that she was mad mad. They never had a fight, it was just that she started being distant now that they lived together. They could be sitting in the same shitty sofa they found at his old dorm's storage and he would feel like there was something preventing him from talking to her. He supposed part of it was his fault, too. He should just talk to her if he wanted. It was just that he couldn't help feeling uneasy.

Laxus tried to pinpoint the fault, because knowing the problem would make finding a solution so much easier. At a guess, it would have been when he left for home the summer before they got the keys to the apartment. His grandfather had been sick and Makarov was far enough in age that every call from the aged home had Laxus fraught with nerves.

He caught a redeye and texted Mirajane the details en route to the airport. She didn't really seem mad but she was probably pissed that she had to pack her stuff and his and find a way to get it into the new apartment. But what did she want him to do? Leave the old man to marinate in sickness all by himself? Sure, Makarov didn't end up kicking the bucket like he and all the caregivers thought, but still. Family first, and all that shit, right? Laxus didn't understand why Mira would be mad about that, which was probably why he didn't assume it really was the reason she was acting this way. When he came back from visiting his grandfather, things were just different. They had pleasant talks but it wasn't like it used to be. And soon, that furtive little infection spread and next thing Laxus knew, he was struggling for the right moment, the right mood, to open his mouth and ask her if she wanted to order out for dinner.

Maybe love was supposed to be like this. Not sweet and easy and made up of kisses and quirky grocery runs and domestic anecdotes. Maybe love was supposed to be an enigmatic thing that made one question everything they thought they knew. Maybe love was taking big steps and wanting to falter back just when it was too late, maybe love was stretched silences and grasping for words, maybe love was something that made two strangers out of a couple.