What had I done wrong
She left me all alone
For him none the less
Why Nya, why?
I always tried my best to make you happy
I loved your smile
But he could always do it better
God I hate him!
But he's a brother, and this is normal, right?
I've never really met anyone quiet like you
And I find you amazing in every way
But why?
Why him over me?
What did I do to make you choose him?
You tell me it's nothing
But I know you're lying
I see it in your eyes
So what is it?
Do I talk too much?
Or is it something more?
Zane's my only companion now
He doesn't leave when I yell at him
He only looks sad, like it troubles him
Sometimes I hit him
I fight back
But he doesn't mind
He knows
He knows better than all of them
He knows better than you
When he wakes up with bruises
I feel so guilty
But he always smiles
That perfect smile
And tells me he'll be okay
As long as I get better
As long as I smile again
That's right
I've stopped smiling
All because you chose him
That rock chucking idiot
I tell Zane these things
He understands
He knows
He doesn't say anything now, but he rises from his chair
I'm filled with fear, and something else
Is it rage?
Or is it longing?
I don't know, it's all just a jumble of emotions
He takes my hand, and my eyes widen
"I promise I'll take care of you
I'll rid you of that sadness. Don't hate him
Don't hate yourself either. Just be you."
And…
And…
I don't know what to do
But then again I do know
Against all I believe in
Against the emotion and passion I held for you
I pressed my lips against his
I let it all out
I knew this was meant to be
And I felt happy again
Zane was new and unfamiliar with this
But I gently showed him the way
This was what I wanted
Why had it remained hidden?
So many words can be exchanged through a kiss
But one word rang between us
It wasn't anger
Or passion
Or lust
Envy
Longing
No, no, none of those suited
It was need
I needed him
He needed me
Yin and Yang
A fragile balance
That had just been fixed
But Zane's eyes were open
Did I do something wrong again?
No, I couldn't have…
Could I?
Zane's hands wrap around my waist
Beckoning, pulling me closer
I let my hands wrap around his neck
Those icy blue eyes close, and I feel…
At ease
My eyes close too
And the madness in my head
The denial in my heart
The hatred in my soul
Leave
It's a nice feeling
Like the weight of the world has been lifted of your shoulders
I felt weak in his arms
A sense of helplessness
But…It was something new
And I enjoyed it
I felt like sometimes
Instead of being the hero
It's nice to be the one being saved
I shoved too hard
We fell to the ground
He was on the bottom
I was on the top
The kiss broke
And I began to apologize
A blush covered my face
But he laughed
It was quiet, but I thought it was absolutely perfect
"Are you okay?" he asked
"Yeah, I'm perfect," I whispered, forcing my hands on his shoulders
I eased him to the ground
"Now that I've found you."
He understood
I liked that
He knew me
I knew him, well, almost
But that didn't matter
Not anymore
I learned how
To love
Dear Nya,
So if you see me
And want me back
Too bad
I've found a much better angel
Then you'll ever be
So enjoy your life with Cole
Cause I'll be chilling with Zane
Yeah, I'm joking again
Hope you miss me
Cause I won't be missing you
Love you for never,
Jay~