Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
I met Renji close to two months after I'd met Rukia. Our first meeting consisted of a lot of glaring (from Renji) and a whole lot of silence (from me).
That day I had went to the river, the same as everyday in the prior two months. I knew Rukia'd be there eventually. I expected it. I liked that I could expect it. Ever since that first day she became a constant in my life. With mom being gone and me feeling guilty and apprehensive around the twins and dad, Rukia quickly became a sort of anchor to me. Keeping me down and grounded, from falling into the depression I often felt. So, early on, I looked forward to seeing her; listening to her almost endless chatter, having our basically one-sided conversations. I still wasn't talking that much back then…
In those first few days she'd often talk about her "Ni-sama" and Renji. It didn't take me long the figure out that Renji was the red head I'd seen her with so often. And as the time me and Rukia spent together increased, I wondered where he was. As it neared two months that me and Rukia had been friends I was increasingly more and more aware of the fact that she never brought him around me. It was just me and her, day in and day out. Not that I minded, but I didn't want to be the one keeping her from him, like, make her feel obligated to hang out with me instead of with him, since I was pretty sure they were close friends before me and her had even met. When I used to see her and Renji walking together across the street when I was with my mom I'd always thought them to be inseparable. Assumed really, and we all know what they say about assuming shit, but can you blame me? They were always together, always.
One day when she mentioned Renji I asked her where he was. I was curious, and it was sort of my way of saying so. And saying that it was okay to bring him around me, that I didn't mind. It was the first full sentence I had spoken to her that day, too. An "oh" here or a "yeah" there was typically all she got from me. It was random, me asking about him, and she didn't expect it. I was surprised with myself. She stopped talking for a full three minutes and I became worried. I often was worried around her. Worried she'd grow bored with me, stop talking to me, leave me alone and disappear from my life after I was just finally getting used to her being in it.
I started fiddling with the grass where I sat close to the rivers edge when she said "okay", rather loudly. I looked up quickly after that to see her already heading up the hill. Heart hammering, panicking, irrationally thinking she was leaving me, I called out to her retreating form. She turned to me with a gleam in her eyes and a sort of smirk kind of smile on her face.
"I'll be back." was all she said as she dashed up the hill and out of my sight. I felt better after hearing those words though.
I remember sitting there for ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. A full thirty. After a while I wondering when she'd be back, or if she even meant the same day at all, but then there she was with another person in tow.
I stood up quickly, not sure of what to expect. I mean, Renji was rather imposing, he still is today. He's tall, big, has this 'I don't give a shit about you, I'll fuck you up' look about him, even when he was ten. Now I laugh at my first impression of him and how I was actually almost afraid of him. But since I didn't know him, hadn't met him, and the fact that he was kind of glaring daggers at me pretty much put me on edge.
When they reached me Rukia was oblivious the tension between us. She grinned up at Renji then frowned at me, which put me even more on edge, as she walked around me to give me a good shove between the shoulder blades.
I pitched forward and stumbled up to him, wondering in the back of my mind how she could be so strong.
Rukia stood off to the side between the two of us, observing with a kind of "well?" expression on her face. For her, sucking up my unease and wariness with him just standing there, arms crossed and looking for all the world like I was some piece of shit he couldn't be bothered with, I offered out a shaky hand.
"Kurosaki Ichigo." I said in a non-wavering voice, surprised at the fact that it hadn't wavered.
I waited for him to take my proffered hand but he never did. Instead, he just scoffed and turned his head back to Rukia, a deep frown set in his features.
"Ruuukiaaa" he whined. Whined! "Why do we gotta hang out with him?" he said as he spared a thumb jerked in my direction.
I was taken aback. Seriously. My hand was still stuck out in the air, waiting for it to be shaken, but all I could think of was why this kid was wailing like that to a girl I knew was younger than him.
Now Rukia was scowling at Renji. "Well." she said as she came up to my side, dropping a small hand onto my shoulder. "'Cause he's my new friend. And he'll be yours too." she explained.
His frown deepened still and he yelled. "The hell he will!"
I looked to Rukia out my peripheral, a lump lodged in my throat. I got that feeling again when I heard his words. That feeling that something that was growing to be important to me was going to be taken away again. I mean, I knew how Rukia thought of Renji. He was her best friend, her buddy. She looked up to him, thought highly of him, valued him in all ways. I could tell from the way she'd so often spoke of him. And, and with him so adamantly saying he wanted nothing to do with me… Did she value his opinion so much so that she'd… drop me just like that? Stop being friends with me cause he told her to? Was the Rukia that I was just beginning to get to know so easily influenced?
I didn't know her well back then, and honestly, if I told her what I was thinking that day now, she'd probably kick my ass.
As it was, she looked like she was ready to kick Renjis' ass. As I watched her from the corner of my eye and waited for her to tell me to beat it, to leave, she couldn't be friends with me anymore, her violet eyes narrowed further and her mouth turned down to a scowl. I felt her hand on my shoulder tighten.
"What the heck do you mean 'the hell he will'? Of course he will! Ichigo is my new friend, whether you like it or not. You can get used to it, Renji, or shut up and go home!"
My eyes got wide just as Renji's mouth dropped open.
Rukia stood there a couple seconds longer, glare directed at Renji and his completely fucking dumbfounded expression. We both stood there, me feeling utterly fucking uncomfortable and her looking pissed and peeved at the redhead in front of us, when she 'humph'-ed loudly and turned her back, grabbing my hand as she walked off.
I stumbled after her, clutching her hand as I almost fell.
"R-Rukia!" I gasped as she dragged me along. "What are you doing?" I resisted the urge to turn back to Renji. I knew he was still in the same spot we left him in.
"Shhh!" Rukia shushed me and I lapsed into silence. She turned to me then, and had a small, almost smug looking grin on her face.
"Renji is being an ass, I know. But just wait. He's going to come around. When he sees I'm serious about you, I know he'll come around. And then the three of us can be friends together." she explained. I stared into her violet-purple eyes as she spoke to me. I wanted to believe what she said, but I was skeptical. I hoped it would happen that way. I couldn't begin to think of how bad I would feel if I had inadvertently broken up a friendship.
She turned and faced forward then, grip on my hand tightening as she continued to pull me along. "Renji is a good guy. He may come off as rude and mean and a jerk, but really, he's not. You'll see. I know you will like him when he stops being an asshole."
We walked on for another minute before she stopped and dropped my hand and plopped down on the ground. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, feeling awkward and upset, really feeling like I was the cause of a fight between the two of them.
"Rukia…" I started, about to tell her to just go make-up with Renji already, when she gripped two of my fingers and pulled me down onto the ground with her.
We sat there in silence and my eyes were constantly wandering to her. I appreciated what she was doing, I really did. I appreciated it more than she will ever know. My affection for her grew tenfold that day, but it made my heart heavy. Because the longer we sat there, the more I knew I didn't want it to be like that.
"Rukia" I tried to get her attention
"Hmmm?" she said. She didn't turn to me though and it was obvious she was distracted. She'd found a stick and was preoccupied with drawing in the dirt between us. There was a rabbit there, a bear too I saw, but as she drew those oddly crude looking animals in the dirt I noticed her eyes drift up more than once and glance over my shoulder, staring into the distance at what I knew was probably Renji back there.
I tried again.
"Uh… o-oi." I stuttered out. She sighed and lifted her head, giving me her full attention this time, the same "well?" look plastered to her face as I'd seen it earlier.
I bit on my bottom lip and looked away from her intense gaze. "I… I think you should just go back…" I said, trailing off at the end cause honestly, I didn't really want her to.
I peeked a look at her out the corner of my eyes. She looked annoyed, lip curled in irritation. My eyes darted back to the ground again and I started rambling.
"I think you should go back because he was your friend first! I - I don't want you guys to fight because of me. And I don't want him to be mad at you. What if he really does stop being friends with you because you stayed friends with me? I'd feel bad, you know! And, and then Renji'll be mad at me. You probably would too sooner or later, and regret ever being friends with me to begin with. Then everyone would be upset and it'd all be my fault and I don't-"
"Shut up!" Rukia cut me off, whisper-yelling at me harshly. I immediately stopped, sneaking another look at her from under my lashes. Once again her eyes were focused over my shoulder, but she wore that smug look on her face again. Her gaze shifted to me and something in her purple eyes danced as she leaned in close to me and whispered.
"He's coming back. See? I told you he'd come around! I know that big idiot better than anybody." Her face had split into a wide grin by the time she'd finished.
I resisted the urge to turn around and look for myself. But soon enough I could hear his tennis shoes on the grass and shuffling along in the dirt. Just before he reached us Rukia turned to me with narrowed eyes.
"And you. I think I liked you better when you didn't talk."
I scowled at her and was about to say something nasty when a weight dropped down on my right, between me and Rukia.
"Fine, Rukia. Whatever. But you can't make me like him." Renji said as he accidentally scuffed up one of her bunnies.
She hit him in the stomach, he collapsed backwards in pain and it was like we had all pretended that the previous thirty minutes hadn't happened. The day wore on slowly and we all went our separate ways once dinner time came. Renji hardly spoke to me, but that was okay. I was just glad I'd still be able to stay friends with Rukia, and have her at my side.
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Me and Renji's friendship made slow but steady progress. It took us a while to get on the same level me and Rukia had gotten to so fast, but she was right. I did like him, once he stopped being an asshole.
I quickly learned that Rukia was a different type of girl. My only real experience around girls, at that age, had been Tatsuki, and though she can hardly constitute as your average female, Rukia was on another level. One minute she's the ultimate girl, wailing to me how cute rabbits are and the next she's beating me in good natured tousling and wrestling matches. And even still, aside from the rabbit obsession and the tomboy-ish-ness, she really was grown-up, almost adult like. She was responsible and sensible. Authoritative and no-nonsense. Mostly. It was rare to see her smile and let loose or just be a kid. Even at my nine years of age I noticed that. I thought it was odd. But it was her. That was Rukia
I soon started attributing it to her stuck-up-as-shit older brother. Byakuya. The first time I met him I almost peed my fucking pants. It's not like he was scary, per se. He just had this air about him that made you notice him, and know where you stood next to him, which was way down at the bottom of the totem pole while he was top dog. He made me nervous. I laugh now, cause I've long since grown out of that nervousness around him. Byakuya is Byakuya. A seemingly fridge man but really a caring and protective older brother.
Though he kind of scared me at first I soon started to fucking dislike the guy the better I got to know Rukia. She'd always tell me how "Ni-sama" made her do this or "Ni-sama" made her do that. It was always dumb etiquette type stuff, rich-people type shit, classes and whatnot. Rukia never complained but I hated the look she'd get on her face. Like she didn't want to disobey him but she'd do the shit anyway, to not be a burden. She even told me once that she thought he was trying to change her, with the classes and shit. She'd looked nonchalant when she said it, shrugged her shoulders even, but I could tell how it bothered her. It bothered me too, pissed me off actually, cause what she said, I knew she was right. But there wasn't shit I'd change about Rukia. She was my best friend and I liked her plenty the way she was. Bastard Byakuya…
He had her in private school too, so once summer ended, I saw less and less of her…
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It was almost half a year after meeting her that I told her about okasan. It was the weekend. We were sitting by the river, the first of many spots we liked to claim as our own. She still wore her private school clothes; a crisp and pressed long-sleeved button-down shirt and a pleated and plaid skirt. The uniform wasn't much different from what the girls at my school wore, but on each article of clothing she had was an expensive looking school logo emblem. And she had a blazer too. Which was real expensive looking. My school didn't have blazers.
But we were sitting by the river that day. Renji had already left, saying he was on punishment and was probably gonna get his ass kicked for coming home late. Rukia had taken off her blazer and tossed it to the side, in the dirt, carelessly. I shook my head and looked out across the water. The sun was just beginning to set, was a beautiful brilliant orange, and I started talking about my mom, just like that, without much thought.
I told her everything that day. How much I loved okasan, how much I missed her. I told her about that day, that rainy day and that girl that I thought was gonna fall into the water. I told her everything; how sad I made my family, how I just knew it was my fault ka-chan was dead.
I stopped abruptly at the end, a hitch in my throat and a pain in my chest. I sat there and waited for her to agree with me, that it was my fault, that I was the cause of her death. I waited for her to tell me what I'd been feeling for almost six months; that I was a monster, a horrible person for getting their own mother killed, but she never said any of that.
Instead, she punched me in the arm, hard. I fell over a bit and rubbed at my arm, trying to relieve the ache. Goddamn, how could someone so small pack such a punch.
I scowled over at her to find her already scowling at me. My own frown dropped as her eyes narrowed more. She poked a finger out at me, jabbing me in the forehead.
"Kurosaki Ichigo, you are a true idiot." she said, jabbing me with each word. I leaned away from her abuse and tried to slap her hand away but she was already pulling back. She regarded me with an incredulous expression.
"You're a moron, you know, for thinking you did that. It doesn't even make sense. And even if it did make sense, I know you. I know what type of person you are and I know you couldn't do something like that to your mom." she paused for a second and her face softened a little. "So don't say stuff like it's your fault, cause I don't like it! And I know it's not true!"
She stared me down a bit, then got up, not bothering to dust off her skirt. She reached behind me and got her dirtied blazer too. "I need to go home now before Ni-sama sends people out to look for me. Ja ne!"
I sat there for about another hour; playing and replaying her words over and over in my head.
You're a moron, for thinking you did that…
…doesn't make sense…
I know what type of person you are…
I know you couldn't do something like that to your mom…
Don't say stuff like it's your fault, I don't like it!…
I know it's not true!…
It wasn't my fault… It's not my fault… It wasn't…
I got up and left for home, still thinking of her words, and that heavy feeling in my chest, the one I'd been feeling for the prior six months kind of alleviated itself somewhat.
When I made it home I found Yuzu, Karin and dad and gave them all a hug and a smile. First time for any of that since moms passing.
As I said before, Rukia was a different type of girl. As we grew older, she was less of a tomboy. She could, and would, still kick my ass in a variety of different ways, still possessed the mouth of a sailor but as the years passed she became more feminine. She put away the shorts I was so used to her wearing in our childhood in favor of skirts and sundresses.
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We were fourteen and thirteen. I was getting ready to head to high school after the summer while Rukia still had another year in middle.
We were sitting out in front of my house. Dad was working at the clinic and I can't remember where Yuzu and Karin were. Yuzu was probably out at the grocery, Karin at the soccer park. I don't know though, I really can't remember.
Rukia and I had just ransacked the freezer. We each had three of those freezer pops a piece. Rukia had the three of hers opened and ate them all ate once. She'd take a bite out of one, then another then the other and let the three different flavors melt in her mouth. I just shook my head. I ate mine like a normal person. One at a time.
It was just one of those days where we didn't really talk, didn't really try to engage the other in any sort of way. We just sat there on the front steps on that hot summer day, chilling and enjoying the company the each of us gave.
Rukia'd finished her freeze pops way quicker than I had. I remember glancing to the side at her, a smile crossing my face at seeing her grimacing, clutching her forehead and muttering "ow" under her breath. I knew she'd get a brain freeze, the dumbass. She had eaten hers entirely too fast.
I finished mine a little while later.
"Sooo. What do you want to do now that you've finally finished your frozen juice sticks?"
I scoffed as I looked around me, picking up and putting hers and my empty freeze-pop packets in a pile. "Yeah, it took me a while to eat mine, but at least I wasn't a greedy idiot like you and got a brain-freeze from eating them too fast."
"I got no such thing!" she lied, sounding totally indignant to boot. I shook my head and turned to her, about to call her out on her lying but stopped when I got a look at her face. I smirked.
"You're mouth's blue. Like, all over." I said as I reached out a hand and cupped her face in my palm, swiping my thumb across her stained upper lip and rubbing at the blue at the corner of her mouth. Our eyes locked and I noticed how she'd looked like she'd been on the verge of saying something to me. Her ridiculous blue lips slightly parted and her eyes were wide.
I slowed my wiping down to a stop and we just sat there a second, staring at each other. Her eyes had dropped quickly from mine after a second or two and she scowled down at her lap, slapping my hand away in the same instant, calling me an idiot the next.
I remember scoffing again and dropping my own eyes as she wiped a whole arm across her mouth, trying herself to rub off the blue that was still there. It was weird to me when she slapped my hand away though, cause while we were looking at each other, I'd forgotten I still had my fingers pressed against her mouth.
"Well, thanks, I guess." she said as her arm pulled away from her face and her gaze found mine again.
I nodded my acknowledgement, then nodded to the front of her clothes.
"There's green on your dress too."
She looked down, spotting the stain standing out bright against the white of her dress, located almost in the center of her chest. "Dammit." she muttered darkly. I laughed to myself and faced forward, folding my arms behind my head.
I looked at her out of the corner of my eye after a few as she kept dabbing at the spot on her dress. "You know, ladies don't swear…" I said.
She shrugged. "Maybe. But I'm not a lady yet so who the hell cares? I bet when I'm older I'll be the best fucking lady you will have ever met." she said. The look on her face was superior and smug, an I-dare-you-to-tell-me-I'm-wrong look mixed in.
I snorted, then out-right laughed. I was doubled over and clutching my stomach cause I swear it was just too funny to hear her say that, seeing as she had a blue stained mouth and a ruined and green stained dress. It was always awesome to me how Rukia could say the littlest things, not even mean to be funny, but end up brightening my day and getting me to laugh more than anyone else could. It was rare that she'd join me in my laughter, but it was those times where I'd notice her smile more softly and genuinely then.
After I had calmed down we sat in silence for a couple minutes. Rukia had picked a dandelion from the lawn and plucked its petals off. When all the petals were gone, she tossed the stem out across to the sidewalk and turned to me.
"You get your hair color from your mom, huh?"
"I - yeah, I guess." I said, stumbling over my words cause her question had just caught me so off guard.
She reached up and brushed a couple fingers back through my hair. Took a lock of it and rubbed it between her index, middle finger and thumb. "It's a pretty cool color. Loud yet soft to the touch. Like you, Ichigo."
I'd scoffed. "What the hell does that mean? I'm not soft!" I thought a second, fighting the heat trying to engulf my cheeks. "And don't call my hair pretty!"
She just looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and a slight smirk on her face.
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I remember that day so well.
I think it's because when she brought up okasan, I… was okay with it. Even though that part of our conversation was brief, I think that's why. It was the first time I remember hearing her brought up in conversation without me clamping up, becoming quiet and withdrawn, without getting that old familiar ache in my heart at the thought of her. That day… when Rukia said those words and reminded me of how my hair, the hair I'd begun to detest, resembled my long gone ka-chan's… I was fine. And I think that night when I laid down in bed and thought about it, I knew I'd be fine. I'd be fine. I'd be alright. And I knew I had Rukia to thank for that.
After that day, I stopped hating my hair. And vowed I'd never dye it.
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Our days were often like that outside of school. Us, just hanging out. Renji would join us when he could.
I think that's why our bond developed into something so deep so fast. It was in those days when we weren't really doing anything, not doing nothing special, when I'd feel myself grow so close to her.
The following year Rukia skipped a grade and started going to public school. We were in the same grade then and she'd even got put in the same class as me. To this day I still have no idea how she managed to get Byakuya to agree to any of it. I wasn't complaining though.
She was awkward at first and I tried my hardest to make everything okay for her. But it was weird for her, I know. I mean, Byakuya'd made sure she knew about all the finer points of nobility and the upper-crust rich people shit, but it was clear she didn't know how to act around a group of your average teenagers. I told her to just be herself, to act the same way she did around me and Renji. She only scowled and told me she was and to leave her alone. I backed off after that.
It was funny though, sometimes, to see her interact with the other girls of the class. Inoue immediately wanted to be friends with her, inviting her to slumber parties and shopping trips and all that other girl shit. Rukia'd stutter a bit, make up some excuse and lapse into silence. It was funny, but it kind of wasn't either. Not in the fact that she was so damn uncomfortable around other people her own age, and her same sex too. It made something in my chest clench and I wanted to help her, the way she'd helped me through so much already.
I talked to my classmates and told them to just give her some time, she's kind of an awesome person, she's just shy. And honestly, I would have never known she was shy until all this school business. Seeing her stumble over her words when any of the other girls of the class came near was… was something. Seeing her as anything but the Rukia I'd grown up with: domineering, loud, demanding, violent… It was honestly sort of endearing. I could never help the smile that crossed my face when I saw her trying to evade the chitchat around her.
Inoue had never given up though, and even though Rukia was constantly turning her down, they somehow grew closer. She did with everyone else too, all my other school friends. Tatsuki, Chad, Mizuiro, Keigo, Ishida. During school hours, we were inseparable.
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So you see? Rukia… I hate to say this, but, at a point in time, my world kind of revolved around her. She was my rock. My best friend. My person. It's a damned fucking shame I didn't realize what she meant to me till she wasn't around anymore. But she is around now, again. I don't really get it. I'm for sure not gonna question it. But that awesome girl I met by the river's edge some thirteen or fourteen odd years ago, the girl that kind of threw herself into my life, made me see that life could and would still go on after okasan passed; the same girl that had kicked my ass at least a hundred times over, the one that may or may not have fucking died five years ago (I'm still not sure on that, still utterly fucking confused). But yeah, that girl, the one I literally felt my heart break in two over when I thought I'd never see her again, is back. She's back and I'll be goddamned if I let some shit happen to her this time. It's not every day you get second chances like this, and I'll be fucked if I don't take full advantage of it.
A/N:Sorry for the lengthy wait. It wasn't writers block, just school.
Anywho, this was the last chapter setting up background material and whatnot. Next chapter will pick up where the very first chapter left off.
As always, I want to thank all that have reviewed, favorited and alerted the story. It gives me great encouragement to keep writing.