Third song! I struggled for ages for the right song for this particular character… I still don't think it's the best one out there, but it'll do. It has fewer words between the lyrics I hope… Anyways, it's "Get in Line" by the Barenaked Ladies… Appropriate band name for (censored to avoid spoiling the surprise, although I bet you've guessed it)

Disclaimer- We have been over this before officer. I'm allowed to steal from 'Who-dom for a while, and I promise to give it back when I'm done…

Sorry about the wait, but school has been evil enough to make the Master jealous, and I've been unrealistically busy. Christmas is coming…

Rose inched closer to the Doctor as he reached for the Sonic Screwdriver.

"Um… Doctor…?"

The Time Lord smiled brightly at her. "Excellent singing!"

Is he being sarcastic? He doesn't sound it…

Scooting still closer to her friend, Rose caught sight of something again… A sparkle! The same one that distracted her… And was it just her, or was this sparkle growing? And multiplying…? With a pop the bits exploded outwards in a blinding light-show.

The Doctor and Rose shielded their eyes against the light, and caught a glimpse of a coat. A very familiar coat.

With a curse not entirely appropriate given the rating of this fan fiction, a figure stumbled forward into the light.

"Jack!" Rose cried loud enough to break the sound barrier, throwing herself into the Captain's arms.

"I missed you too," he muttered sarcastically, hugging her back. Glancing up the Doctor, he said approvingly, "You've regenerated…"

"And you've just appeared in an explosion of glitter. Not that I'm complaining…"

"Of course not," Jack said cheekily. "It seemed like you may have a bit of a problem, and I wasn't doing anything important so…"

"You got pulled here by a random shift in the current of the fabric of reality didn't you?"

"Do you want me to sing or not?"

The Doctor gestured for Jack to go on and he leapt upon the stage, winking at a random passerby.

"Barenaked Ladies 'Get in Line' if you would…"

Alli got very red about the ears and started to tap away…

Everywhere I go someone's tryin' to be my girlfriend's best friend
I'm tryin' to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playin' castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place

Or her place… Not complaining.

Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me.

Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh

Three guesses to what I'm suggesting Doc…


Everything will be all right
If you play along

Everywhere I go there's someone in a trench coat staring at me

And Converse…


When I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?

Not to be trusted, those government conspiracies…


I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash.

Or not… It may be slightly awkward to explain its location the Doctor…

Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh
Everything will be all right
This won't hurt at all

How many times have I heard that one?

Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off

Or not. Your choice entirely.

Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health

Perhaps the Doctor would be willing to confirm that…


Consult contemporaries if there's some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league

That's a depressing prospect.

Every night at Elaine's someone thinks they have to find beyond me
I try to take three deep breaths as I lock and arm my mini-van

One time I drove a mini-van! One time!


Everyone says I'm looking great

Obviously.


But it's hard to stand-up let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man

Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh
Everything will be all right

Again, how many times have I heard that one…


This won't hurt at all

Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough
Everything will be all right
If you just lay

Take your choice of location.


Everything will be all right
If you just lay
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off

Jack finished his song with a sweeping bow and a brilliant smile.

The Menacing Evil Character lowered his weapon and began to slowly clap, won over by Jack's charisma and singing ability.

"Because of this fellow's talent, you will be allowed to live," the Menacing Evil Character said darkly.

Rose leapt into the air with a shout of joy. A shout that was cut depressingly short as their captor spoke again.

"On one condition."

"Come on!" Jack exclaimed in frustration. "I was dragged through time and space to sing that song and it still wasn't good enough?!?!"

"You must all sing one more song. Together."

TBC

So… Did you like it? Remember…

1) I've never seen Torchwood so I know very little of Jack's character.

2) I'm feeling extremely depressed so I'm struggling to write a (hopefully) funny story.

3) I'm exhausted and braindead.

Other than that I'm rather pleased with how it turned out. Here's a little math problem for you… What is one story squared plus one review minus one lurker equal? If you guessed a review for you too, you'd be right!