Chapter Four

Love

The next days, weeks, months, years – Ciel couldn't tell – passed in a large blur. He was restricted to his own home, to walk the long and empty hallways by himself, sometimes in the presence of the daemon which dwelled within his mansion. He continued monotonously with his company work and various bills, but no matter how many times he wrote the correct date on the paperwork, he never truly could recall the passage of time.

Sebastian made him proper meals, but his health only deteriorated. The daemon noticed and pointed it out a couple times, but never truly enforced change in his eating habits. Somehow he'd reduced himself to a meal a day. Ciel's already pale complexion was nearly white, and his physical shape had shrunken considerably. He felt constantly tired and weak, though he'd never admit such things out loud.

The terrors of the recent massacres hounded him almost every evening. Twisted dreams of his own would come to him at night, and carefully fabricated hallucinations from Sebastian would taunt him by day. He was a slowly hollowing shell of his former self, and as tempting as it was to beg the daemon to finish him off, or even to jump from one of the second story balconies, Ciel refused to give in to such pesky wishes; never would he take the easy way out. A spark of strength still flickered in his being, and he wasn't about to let it go.

All phone calls and paper mail save company work and bills were evaded from him. Ciel didn't know whether or not Sebastian was responding to anything from the outside world, and even if he wasn't, no one came to the manor to investigate his sudden calm. The only connection Ciel had left was his company, but even that was closely monitored by the daemon, and Ciel knew with each passing day his involvement was declining.

He often wondered about the Queen and her letters addressing Watchdog business. Surely she'd be the first to react to his disappearance; he was an important vessel to her Highness. And even his status should give other nobles reason to worry, especially with the sudden lack of Elizabeth's involvement. Would anyone ever notice the Phantomhives' silence?

"There were visitors today; nicely dressed gentlemen," Sebastian remarked one evening as the earl climbed into bed. Ciel regularly pondered if the daemon had unconsciously taken on the butler's role, what with the perfect and scheduled meals and accompanying him to bed as well as assisting him with various tasks.

Ciel 'hmphed', dragging the blankets to his waist. He let his head flop against the pillows with a sigh, his mismatched eyes glancing at the door. "Let me guess, you turned them away?"

"No, actually. I gave them a tour of sorts."

A tremor of surprise ran through the boy, but he didn't let it show on his face. "A tour as in…?" he ventured carefully, hoping Sebastian would take the bait. Yet instead of answering him right away, Ciel watched with shock as the daemon began undressing. "Wh-what do you think you're doing?" he demanded, shuffling to the other side of the bed as the daemon invited himself into the divan, wearing nothing but cotton shorts.

He was about to jump from the mattress when his wrist was caught. Sebastian pulled Ciel back into the softness with a lopsided smirk. "Is my resilient little dove afraid of playful cats now?"

"That de-depends on what you mean by 'playful'," Ciel managed to retort albeit shakily, failing at escape as an arm looped around his waist, drawing and trapping him down. Sebastian collapsed by him, holding him close like a lover, pulling the covers over them both. Ciel pushed weakly at the chest against him. "Stop this. Explain yourself."

Sebastian chuckled as if recalling a funny memory. "They were a persistent bunch, you know," he said, continuing their previous conversation. "It appears that your family has become quite rumored in society, little dove."

That received Ciel's full attention. Ignoring the body curled around him, the boy sharply asked, "What do you mean?" Everything concerning society had been cut off from him. "And don't skirt the subject," he warned as an afterthought.

"Hmm," the daemon mused, running a hand through the boy's silky hair, blatantly taking his time and disregarding Ciel's glare. "The whole country seems to be curious about who murdered you and your family. The papers' headlines have recently read 'The Phantomhive Curse'."

Ciel's lips twitched in anger as Sebastian spoke nonchalantly about such a serious matter. The urge to throttle the creature beside him was very tempting, but the boy knew it would be a lost cause in the end. Instead he tried to nudge his way out of the daemon's grasp, but Sebastian merely pulled him in closer. "And who's fault do you think that is?" he vehemently mumbled.

The creature smoothed his hair back, shifting so their legs touched. "Now, now, it's no time to get your feathers all ruffled, little one," Sebastian tut with a soft chortle. "You've had a tiring day and must get your rest."

Tensing at the daemon's words, Ciel tried not to think that Sebastian had something horrific in store for him on the morrow. Letting his eyes droop, he quietly requested, "Tell me more."

Sebastian smiled down at the boy, amused by the unexpected tone. "Tomorrow, I promise. Now sleep, you've had a long day."

The daemon's long fingers continued to stroke the back of his head soothingly and down to the base of his neck, lulling Ciel into slumber. Succumbing to sleep, Ciel relaxed completely, Sebastian's comforting scent drifting along with him into the darkness.

Ciel woke the next morning with a start, his body bent nearly in half as he curled his knees to his chest, attempting to calm his breaths. Soft sunrays bathed his room, giving it a peaceful and feathery atmosphere compared to the one in his dream. Shivering the last of his nerves away, Ciel slid out of bed to face the day.

Glancing at the bedside clock, the earl took note that it was a quarter after eight, and Sebastian wasn't present like he usually was. With a sigh of relief that quickly bled with anxiousness, Ciel darted to the washroom and rinsed his body. Ever since the last of his relatives had been murdered, the daemon had taken a fancy to washing him himself. To say the least, it was humiliating.

Combing his hair into place, he was about to go back into his room to fetch some clothes, but he was stopped short as he ran into a larger figure. Stepping back calmly, Ciel glared at the daemon. "Move aside," he ordered, holding his chin high. Sebastian huffed with a smirk, crossing his arms.

"My, my…" Sebastian bent down, gently grasping Ciel by the collar of his nightshirt and tugging him forward, the tops of his black tipped fingers ghosting over the exposed skin near his neck. "You should know by now that I've grown to enjoy dressing you."

With a scoff Ciel slapped the offending hands away, purposely butting the other in the shoulder as he walked back into his room. "I can clothe myself, thank you," he reminded. "I'm not some object you can play dress up with, you know."

Holding back a reply that would inform the boy that he was closer to the truth than he probably thought, Sebastian trailed Ciel to the wardrobe where the earl was choosing a waistcoat and some slacks. Pressing up against the boy's back and feeling him tense, Sebastian pulled out a matching coat and necktie.

"…must you do that?" Ciel asked without facing him, his teeth clenched in frustration.

Grinning, Sebastian teasingly ran a finger down the boy's spine to firmly grasp a hip, delighting in the earl's hardly suppressed shiver. "Do what?"

As he expected, Ciel whipped around, red in the face, but not solely from anger. "Don't play coy, you monster! You know what I mean."

Catching the boy off guard, Sebastian firmly and quickly snaked an arm around Ciel's waist, pulling him forward until he crashed into the daemon's body. The clothes that the earl had been holding fell to the floor silently, Ciel's breath hitching the only sound as Sebastian's familiar warm breath swirled against his ear.

"It is only in my nature to touch, little dove," he whispered, a hand pressing further into the small of Ciel's back, the boy unable to hold in a whimper as their bodies rubbed. "And I think you'll find that your body agrees…"

"Dis-disgusting-!" Ciel shrieked as his senses finally caught up with him. He jerked back, his hand flying to cuff Sebastian's face, consequence free. Small but hasty steps were taken back until he hit the wardrobe. His face was painted red and Sebastian chuckled silently as he took in his flustered state. "Stay away from me – don't touch me!"

With a half-dejected sigh, Sebastian bent down and scooped the boy's fallen clothes up, depositing all of them on the large bed. His red eyes reflected a temporary defeat, but Ciel wasn't about to let his guard down as he rounded the room until his bed was between him and the daemon. Tension filled the air for a moment before Sebastian smiled brightly. "What would you like for breakfast this morning?"

Gripping the sheets as if they would keep his sanity grounded, Ciel grunted, "I'm not hungry."

The daemon's head tilted quizzically. "I truly must insist–"

"Why the bloody hell do you even care?" Ciel interrogated with a snarl, his frustration and angry confusion finally bubbling over when even he least expected it to. Without thinking, he skirted the bed to the daemon and drew his fist back. The impact left him crying out in pain, and he fell to his knees. "Why?" he demanded, his voice choking up, though he was far from crying. "Why keep me alive and not anyone else? What the hell are you here for?" Hovering over the floor, Ciel noticed he was shaking. He let out half a laugh. "Certainly you're not here to make me breakfast, how absurd."

I'm breaking…he's breaking me…

Ciel flinched despite how fully aware he was as hands firmly clutched his torso and heaved him up until he sat on the edge of his bed. Sebastian knelt before him, his pale hands on his knees. With mismatched eyes, Ciel stared at him expectantly, his patience wearing thin.

"You are weak, my little earl," Sebastian said, a genuine look of concern on his face. "You need to eat properly."

"Tell me wh–"

A long finger was placed over his lips, effectively silencing Ciel. His large eyes drooped tiredly, suspiciously. "Do you prefer something warm, like porridge or oatcakes? Should I slice up some fresh fruit? I promise it'll taste delicious." His bottom lip was smoothly traced, and for a moment Ciel could taste the sweet juices of strawberries and melon.

Without knowing it, Sebastian had pulled his hand away, and watched as Ciel fantasized for a moment before realizing where he was. The daemon held in a chuckle as the boy's stomach growled in protest. Hugging himself and pulling his knees together, Ciel finally relented. "Make what you wish."

"Hm." Standing up, Sebastian eyed the boy for a moment. Leaning back down, he tilted Ciel's chin, forcing their red and blue eyes to meet. Sensing the boy's trembling lips, Sebastian sealed their mouths together for all but a second. Pulling away to meet the boy's hateful glare and flushed face, he said quietly, "I'll have you sing to me yet, little dove, and I won't even have to ask."

He left without another word, leaving a disarrayed Ciel on the bed to dress himself, just as he wanted.

Pieces of cool and sweet fruit slid down his throat with a freshness Ciel never thought he'd experience again. For a moment he felt all the bad slip away; his body and mind were renewed and clean, he felt at peace. His stomach didn't even repel against the food as it settled, and for that, he was grateful.

A sliver of motion as a bird flickered by the window brought him out of his wonderment, and as he scooted his chair back, Ciel drew Sebastian's attention.

"Do you require anything else? More tea or perhaps sausage?"

Ignoring the daemon's half-hearted question, Ciel merely replied as he stood, "I'll be in my office." Sebastian did not follow.

For the rest of the morning Ciel worked undisturbed by the daemon. The same couldn't be said for his own lack of focus, and the young earl found himself questioning the whole point of continuing his company work. He'd have to force Sebastian to explain those headlines he'd been talking about earlier, as his imagination had been set loose ever since. Did the whole of London think of him and his family to be dead? What did the Queen think? Surely either her Highness or Scotland Yard would send an investigation, right?

Glancing at his calendar, Ciel counted the days and his heart started to thump slowly.

What if an investigation had already been carried out without his knowing? What if Sebastian had…?

Cradling his head in his hands, Ciel groaned, trying with all his might to see his situation optimistically. Sadly, it was a losing battle.

The afternoon slowly crept by, the sun's shadows moving about the room. Sebastian brought him a pointless lunch around two, but Ciel managed to down his tea and eat half a sandwich. Pushing the plate away from himself, the boy could sense a silent inquiry from the daemon, but Sebastian wisely decided to hold his tongue and left him alone.

Signing his name on a bill as the clock struck five, Ciel sighed, leaning back into his plush chair. The manor was silent save the clock's continuous ticking and the early winter winds outside that lightly rattled the windows. His stomach growled in discomfort and Ciel moved to the door to stretch his legs, contemplating what to do. He could go to the library, but the thought was unpleasing. He certainly didn't want to stay in his office.

Routine, routine, routine.

Exhaling, Ciel walked out, silently closing the door behind him. The hallway was dimly lit with candles Sebastian had ignited, everything was neat and orderly. He could go to his room or the kitchen, but his feet led him toward the stairs. His eyes watched the dark shadows as he moved, pretty certain Sebastian was lurking within them, observing him.

'Ignore him', the earl told himself, halting at the top of the staircase, his hand resting on the varnished railing. The foyer below had been cleaned of his dear relatives and was lit with a warm glow. The two windows by the large double doors revealed the world's darkness, a few snow flurries brushing against the glass. Watching those tiny white flakes pass, Ciel jumped when one of the windows suddenly shattered.

There were noises, but Ciel couldn't immediately decipher them. They definitely weren't human, and as he clutched the railing with both hands now, forcing himself to stay put, Ciel watched with growing trepidation as the second window splintered loudly, black and feathered blobs filling up both the frames, the garbled noises now becoming distinguishable "caws".

"What in the…?"

An army of small black figures were flying through the air now, having broken through the small and crowded openings. Paintings from the walls and potted plants on low tables fell in every which direction, the curtains and tapestries ripped gruesomely, the lights flickered. The chanting noise of the birds who were destroying his home grew louder and louder and louder.

Within seconds the foyer was in complete shambles, and Ciel stumbled back as the mass of crows started to dart up the stairwell, their beady and soulless eyes training on him. A lump wedged in his throat before he found his will to bolt in the opposite direction.

A string of loud crashes tailed him as he ran down the hall, each shatter of glass or crack of wood urging Ciel to move faster, but eventually they caught up with him. Angry beaks pecked at his shoulders as the earsplitting sound of flapping wings and caws deafened him, slowing him down. Having not gotten very far, Ciel fell to his knees, his hands slapping over his ears as he curled into a ball. Painful pecks that ripped his clothes rained down his back and along his sides made him bite his lip hard, and hot tears welled up behind his closed eyelids as he tried to convince himself that none of it was truly happening. It had to be another hallucination.

Whimpering as those razor-sharp beaks started to break his skin, Ciel slumped to his side, the hungry birds furiously flapping around him, each trying to pick a scrap to call his own. He could feel blood dripping down his arms, along his spine, in the curve of his neck. They were relentless, without mercy.

Was this to be his torment, his own personal hell? Although he hadn't said so, it was clear that Sebastian wasn't about to give him a straightforward answer. Of course, that was to be obvious, the man was a daemon, wasn't he? But why, whywhywhy did he have to pick Ciel? What had he done to deserve such suffering, such grief? There had to be a purpose to it all, the boy wanted to believe there had to be, but what? Why wouldn't Sebastian answer him?!

'Was it because I…?'

Curling into himself even tighter as the strikes suddenly escalated, Ciel drilled these questions over and over, yet he received no enlightenment. His body was becoming numb, and his mind would soon follow it into the unknown oblivion.

It's hopeless…I should just…

"Mreow~" came a familiar trill and Ciel took a chance to peek through the fluttering feathers to see the black cat, sitting contently a couple feet away, merely observing his pain. It licked its paw languidly, eyes staring at him stoically. A choked sob escaped Ciel's throat as he attempted to reach out to the feline, whether it was there or not, but the instant his arm was exposed, the crows attacked with their vicious beaks, tearing him apart.

Those large eyes shifted as he whimpered in pain, and the cat stood on all fours, studying him intently. Then suddenly it hissed at the scavengers, swiping a clawed paw at them, attracting some of their attention. When it became apparent that they neither feared nor were interested in the growling cat, the feline jumped.

A loud screech echoed in Ciel's ears as the feline defended him against the birds. For all but a moment the earl felt comfort as fresh blood was drawn from the thunderous crows as the cat unleashed its anger upon them. Then there was an unexpected clearing of the black birds and the feline nuzzled him, licking his nose with its rough tongue, as if offering its protection. But of course, even this small comfort was ripped away from him as the crows attacked back without a hint of warning.

Warmth suddenly enveloped him, shooting him to the ceiling. The crows moved with loud calls and the pain ceased to dull stings. His eyes snapped open in confusion, and Ciel watched with disbelief as the numerous birds shifted into the figures of men.

…die.

"Such greedy creatures," a smooth voice spoke to him, a hand gently caressing the side of his face. Ciel started, his body twisting the in the soothing heat it was cradled in, but he was immobilized. His hair was tucked behind his ear, and the familiar voice continued, "Don't you think?"

Ciel's mouth moved with unformed, unheard questions; his mind was so muddled. What he was seeing was plainly not right, reality was colliding with illusion. The men statically continued to shift into crows, destroying his home recklessly, selfishly, voraciously. He suddenly felt his sense of security shatter, he felt vulnerable, completely and utterly powerless.

Sebastian had taken him to a Birdseye view, and Ciel could do nothing but watch as his home was pillaged. Windows were smashed to bits, paintings of his family were defiled, and his valuables were stolen. Mismatched eyes darted to two figures that were not painted black, but white. His mind recognized them as important, but he couldn't say who they were even though they brought a scrap of hope back to him. Yet even these two after a moment did as the crows did, and Ciel felt his throat tighten in betrayal. Men and crows ripped the walls and splashed them with clear liquid that was clearly not water. Ciel's heart tightened as a spark was ignited below.

"See how those men are complete savages, breaking into your home, tearing it apart, sullying all that you treasure, and taking your things?" Sebastian whispered to him intensely, bringing them just a little bit closer to the growing inferno. "They cannot be trusted. Do you know who sent them? Your loving Queen, of course. She wants your wealth, your life, not your well-being. And you already know who can't save you from them, don't you? So who can you trust, Ciel?"

The daemon's words fell on his ears clearly, but Ciel couldn't detach his gaze from the destruction. "That's…not…"

A firm grip held his chin, but Sebastian did not force Ciel to look away from the horror. "…do you know who to trust?"

Flames of red and orange were licking the insides of his manor, eating anything and everything within its reach. Shrieks of desperate crows combined with the imprudent men filled Ciel's ears. His hands trembled as he recalled screams of the past. He finally bowed his head, trying to will the memories which threatened to overcome him away. Not again, not again, not again-! "Not them, not…me," he choked.

Sebastian chuckled deeply behind him, tracing his jaw with a pointed claw. "Very smart boy," he murmured, tucking the young earl closer to his chest. A tongue licked the shell of his ear. "Now tell me, Ciel, who do you love?"

His head was growing dizzy with the smoke and the rising heat. The warmth around him was comforting, but also suffocating. Asymmetric eyes grew hazy with tears as he tried to make sense of what was happening, what was real, and what the daemon was lewdly whispering to him. Ciel coughed with a moan, his senses heightening as a large hand constricted around his throat as he was brought even closer to the carnage.

Ciel could feel the hairs on his skin burning, and his wounds from earlier festering in the extreme heat. It hurt.

"You cannot love which is gone, my dove. You also cannot love what you've already rejected," Sebastian continued to tell him softly, evenly. His words were crystal clear despite all the horrific noise around him, they were becoming frighteningly enticing. "So what can you love?"

An unsettling peace surrounded his whole being as the daemon's words sank in. For all but a moment, everything fell away, and Ciel was by himself. The noise, the embrace of a daemon, the destruction, the heat, and the memories, all of it was gone. What was left were two paths, one a straight yet thin white line that dimmed as it went along, the other a jagged, angry path that remained brightly lit. One so easily trailed away, to be purposely forgotten with the promise of death that lay at the end. The other held no such promises other than great difficulty and pain, but a satisfying reward of life would be waiting for him at the end.

Which do I choose?

Lacking remorse, he took a step…

"I…I love you."

A hand slapped over his face without warning, obscuring his vision and yanking his head back. Ciel felt his body jerk in return with such force that his breath was taken away. He felt as if he were being squeezed and he managed to let out half a scream before teeth clashed against his and a tongue ran down his throat with purpose. From the bottom of his stomach he felt the sensation of something being drawn then torn before being devoured completely. Unbearable pain convulsed his body and the boy couldn't tell where he was anymore; the reds and black and greys and oranges were blending together in a confusing array of ugly colors as his sight shifted far too quickly for him to keep up and comprehend. Warmth and coolness spread over him and through him too many times to count before he lost consciousness altogether.

Outside under the half-covered moon and lightly falling snow that contrasted quite beautifully with the blazing mansion, the daemon smirked with partially sated hunger. "Well done, my little dove, well done…"

The clouds he glided over were as pure as snow, unblemished by spots of grey and the rising smoke far below. His veins burned with an everlasting heat that could not be extinguished; the blaze over the peaceful landscape was charring him, changing him. He just kept sinking further and further into the silent abyss.

Tears which could never fall blurred Ciel's vision and a scream caught in his throat as something inside the unbearable heat twisted and snapped. He convulsed, contorted in sheer agony as he drifted.

Yet no matter how much his body, riddled with pain, begged for release, his mind kept strong, propelling him forward through the feather-soft clouds.

Ciel would sleep for some time, Sebastian knew. Standing in the frigid cold, watching the mansion burn without guidance, the daemon held the unconscious boy, the consequences of his unhinged actions earlier already starting to haunt him with ghostly whispers.

Surely he hadn't gone too far…? He'd gotten what he wanted; his devious nature had worked wonders. Half of the boy's soul rest in his stomach and…

…a part of him resided in the boy.

He watched the fire for a while with a stony face, his thumb absently rubbing Ciel's upper arm. The wind gust against them as the night wore on, and as the dull morning light of dawn started to peak, most of the mansion was reduced to charred wooden beams and ashy smoke. Glancing down at the boy in his arms, Sebastian took note of the bluish hue Ciel's skin was starting to take on. Smiling softly, he hefted the boy even closer to his chest.

The daemon took to following the numerous ash and snow mixed paths around the manor for some time, contemplating his next move. Every now and then Ciel would twitch, but they were such slight movements that Sebastian hardly noticed them. The pale sun continued to rise higher and higher into the obscured sky, and the daemon knew he couldn't stay much longer. He finally meandered his way to the front gates just as the early birds started to sing.

His head bent to Ciel, his fingers brushing over the boy's cold brow. "Didn't I tell you that you'd sing to me freely, my little dove? Now it's a tune all the more sweeter."

A/N: This concludes the first half of this fic. The next chapters may not come as scheduled as these first four, since a lot of other writing projects have come up. But I hope to have them written and posted as soon as possible! Thank you for reading, and please review!