12 years 1 month 22 days.

That's how long it's been since I last saw my wife.

12 years 1 month 12 days.

That's how long it's been since I realised I'd lost my wife forever.

It's funny isn't it. They always say you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Well, whoever came up with that is so right.

I've written in these diaries since that first day. That god awful day when I got back from exercise to find she'd gone.

I hope to see her again one day so that I can give her them and she can read how much I love her. How much I've missed herand how sorry I am that I thought she wasn't what I wanted or needed.

When Elvis died I became lost. Although Molly tried to help me deal with it I don't think I let her. I tried to make out that everything was okay. That I was okay but I wasn't.

I made myself believe that the only person who understood what I was feeling was Georgie. I conveniently forgot that Molly had been through the loss of her best friend.

I conveniently forgot.

I made myself believe that Elvis would have been happy with the fact that I thought I was falling for Georgie.

It took Molly leaving and many many months of counselling and soul searching to realise that Elvis would have hated it!

Yes, he would have wanted Georgie to be happy but not at the expense of my hurting Molly.

And in all fairness, I wasn't falling in love with Georgie. I was in love with the idea of having something that Elvis loved.

It took those months of counselling for me to finally admit something that Molly had been trying to tell me for months previously. I was suffering with PTSD.

Charles put his pen down and closed his eyes.

The first year of Molly's departure had been hell. He'd tried everything he could think of to try and find her. He'd pulled every string and cashed in every favour but nobody could (or would) help him. Most of his friends had beendisgusted withwhat
he had done and shut down all communication.

The final straw came about 9 months after she'd left when he'd stormed into Captain Geddings's office f'ing and blinding at him.

After that he'd spiralled into a very deep depression.

He'd even contemplated suicide. But knew that that was the cowards way out.

He'd finally realised that he needed to get away from the Army. He resigned his commission and moved back to Bath with his mum and dad.

Life had been hard. Sam hated him for making Molly go away and his parents had looked at him with so much disappointment.

It had taken a long time, but things were finally getting back on track. Sam, at 20, had decided tofollow inhis dad's footsteps and join the Army. And Charles had finally moved out of Bath and had a new career.

He glanced down at his watch, 06.45.

"Shit!" He said to himself. "I need to get ready for work."

Thank you everyone for your comments etc. I know, I know 12 years is along time. Before anyone asks, I've got Sam at 20 because in season 1 I think he looks about 5. Molly and CJ were together for about 3 and then the 12 that Molly has been in Canada.

Please continue to review and comment xx