Title: Concerning the Relationship of Patients Jaeger and Ackerman
Syn: Mikasa is miserable and scarred and full of self-hatred. And Eren might as well be dead.
(TW: suicide, self-harm, anorexia, mental insitution)
Wednesday, January 29
3:07 A.M.
Patient Mikasa Cynthia Ackerman is hysterical. She has vomited twice. She is screaming. She is banging her head on the wall. She begs for her razor. She is begging no one. She did not take her medication. She will fall asleep at 4:00 A.M.
6:30 A.M.
Patient Eren James Jaeger has not moved for two hours, despite being awake. He is pale. He is thirsty. He is hungry. His dinner is untouched. He is staring at the wall. He will get in trouble for refusing to eatat 8:00 A.M.
12:00 P.M.
Patients Eren J. Jaeger and Mikasa C. Ackerman are paired up for their group therapy session. At first, he does not speak. And she does not speak. He brushes his finger along the scars on her arm. She trembles. They finally talk. Here is a transcription of their dialogue:
Jaeger: Assisted suicide. My mom died before.
Ackerman: Attempted suicide. My mom and dad died before.
Jaeger: You're a cutter.
Ackerman: Yeah.
Jaeger: Doesn't it hurt?
Ackerman: Yeah. I like it.
Jaeger: I get it. I don't eat.
Ackerman: You're fucked up.
Jaeger: So are you. I heard you screaming.
Ackerman: I saw them dragging you out of yourroom.
Jaeger: Yeah. I yelled before. I don't wanna be here.
Ackerman: Me neither.
Jaeger: What if I die here?
Ackerman: I feel insane being here.
Jaeger: Me, too.
Ackerman: But I am insane.
Jaeger: Me, too.
Jaeger: Your scars ruin your skin. It's pretty. You're pretty.
Ackerman: Thank you.
Jaeger: I like you.
Ackerman: No, you don't. You don't know me.
Jaeger: But I like who I think you are.
Ackerman: That makes me happy. Thanks.
Staff: Okay, now turn back to me.
As the staff guides the group, Eren J. Jaeger shifts his chair so he sits shoulder-to-shoulder with Mikasa C. Ackerman. He holds her hand. She does not push him away.
During lunch, he will report that he does not feel as "dead" as usual.
Friday, March 19
8:00 A.M.
Patient Eren J. Jaeger spends his time with patient Mikasa C. Ackerman. He displays heavy affection for her, despite not having known her long. She reciprocates, but never instigates.
He kisses her every morning, midday, and night. She does not resist.
He holds her hand whenever they are together. She does not resist.
She tells him to eat. Gradually, he has been eatingmore and more since she began to do so.
He tells her he likes her every day. She objects, but has gradually done so less and less.
He has smiled at least five times in the past week. She has smiled three times.
Dr. Smith has suggested that Eren has chosen Mikasa as a person to love, as a way to cope with the trauma his father pushed upon him. Mikasa may choose to fully reciprocate someday, as he is her own coping device, but for now, she is being careful. They have been permitted to stay by one another's side all day, but it is a privilege. They must abideby the rules, or this privilege will be taken from them.
Nonetheless, Smith believes they may be the key to one another's recovery.
In five years, on September 22nd, he will be proven right.