Title: A Decade of Decembers
Chapter: Christmas 4: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Warning: Canon death of main character
Spoilers: Season 2/3 – 2004 post SWAK, post Twilight and post Kill Ari parts 1 & 2 also spoilers for the movie Meet Me In St Louis. Mentions of Shannon and Kelly.
Characters/Pairings: Tony/Gibbs (obviously lol!)
Rating: G to PG
Genre/Category: slash, Family, Friendship, little bit of Angst and Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 796
Disclaimer: I do not own or am in any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected to the show's cast and crew. This is written out of pure enjoyment and absolutely no money is being made from it's creation. Please do not sue. Also do not own Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas nor Meet me in St Louis
Summary: Gibbs muses about the road life has taken them down as he watches Tony sleep.

Christmas Four – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

"Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now."
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – Judy Garland (from the movie Meet Me In St Louis)

Gibbs fingers ran through Tony's baby soft hair as he closed his eyes, letting the gut wrenching song from the movie that was still playing on his TV wash over him. The soft sorrowful tune seemed to fit in perfectly with the mood their Christmas that year.

'if the fates allow' that was always how it went wasn't it the lives of every single person was left up to fate to decide, it wasn't just those that died that got the short end of the stick, it was those that survived that had to suffer the misery as well. In fact, those that survived were usually the ones who suffered the most, and Gibbs knew that more than most.

The senior agent had enjoyed Christmas growing up, he wasn't the most excitable child but the holiday did make him feel more like other children than he had the rest of the year. He'd enjoyed every Christmas, even those when he was a teenager brought the closed off boy out of his shell, every single one brought back fond memories; that was until his mother passed when he was 17.

It had taken a while before he found his Christmas spirit again, but Shannon, and when she came along Kelly more than anything, had shown him how to enjoy it once again. Despite being deployed for one of them those 8 Christmases Kelly had seen were the happiest he had ever known. Then they had been ripped away from him as well.

For years after he had lost his girls Leroy Jethro Gibbs hadn't wanted to celebrate Christmas, in fact the holiday had turned into something he feared and dreaded, the endless television ads of happy families, the children in his neighbourhood laughing in the street and the sight of couples kissing under the mistletoe were all painful and yearly reminders of what he no longer had. His aversion to any family oriented holidays was one of the reasons ex-wife number one divorced him, she was a big believer in celebrating and their difference of opinions on the topic led to some of their nastiest fights.

As it always seemed to be just as soon as he was beginning to find his inner holiday spirit once more, it was almost ripped away from him. The past few Christmases he'd spent with Tony had been some of the happiest, and one little letter with a that was Sealed With A Kiss had almost ended it at those three.

Too much had happened recently for any type of festive celebration to seem right, Kate's death was still only recent and he knew both he and Tony were each in their own way blaming themselves for her untimely passing. He knew his late agent's family wouldn't be enjoying the holiday, he could still hear the cries of Kate's mother as they lowered her daughter's coffin into the ground.

Tony, who had fallen asleep with his head on Gibbs lap half way through their viewing of Meet Me In St Louis, let off a round of short hacking coughs without waking up. Hearing the now ever present cough Gibbs stilled at the memories of his young lover's battle with the plague that always came flooding back with each cough, gasp for air or jagged inhale.

Feeling Tony's arm tighten it's grip on his thigh Gibbs knew what was headed their way. He had hoped for Tony's, well in all honesty both of their sakes, that the Italian's nightmares would let him have the holiday off, however, as the younger man's hand moved to his cheek to wipe off the blood and brain matter of his colleague that was no longer there, Gibbs realized they weren't to be so lucky.

Gently moving away Tony's hand before he scratched gashes into his cheek yet again, the older man whispered soothing words into his lover's ear until he settled down.

Placing a small kiss on the brunette's forehead, he watched as the small girl on screen ran out into the snow and destroyed her precious snow family and he sent a silent prayer up to the heavens that his girls, both his and Tony's mothers, and now Kate, included were at peace and that the next year would bring a happier Christmas for both him and Tony.

Tomorrow's Song: Maybe This Christmas by Ron Sexsmith

Thoughts?