~ Beautiful Disaster ~

Okay, so I know this has been angsty so far and Addison's life has been depressing. Don't worry, it will get better. She has kinda hit rock bottom, and now it is time for her to heal. This isn't the longest chapter ever, but don't worry, there'll be more soon. The first few parts have been to set up the story, and after this things really start to happen. So, yeah, that's all I have to say. Thank you to everyone who reviews, I really appreciate your feedback.

"Chief? Hey, chief?"

Richard Webber looked around himself, and then finally down. "Oh, Miranda, hi."

Miranda studied his downcast expression. "You heard?"

"I already knew, actually. I was one of the few people Addison told, she was so distraught. I think the only other ones who knew were Savvy, Nancy and Mark. I always thought Derek should know, but it's unfair that it had to come out like this. Those two don't deserve any more pain."

Miranda nodded. "I can't think – I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like losing Tuck."

Richard was silent. He was remembering when Adele had had a miscarriage not too long ago, and who had been there for them. "We need her back here." he said to Miranda, and she didn't have to ask who he was talking about.

Addison set her keys on the table. Work had been rather uneventful, a few exams and one birth.

For some strange reason she was missing Archer. He was in Europe, and she considered calling him, but she didn't want to make him fly out here.

She was also, for some unfathomable reason, thinking about the baby. Both babies. One she had lost on accident, the other had been terminated on purpose. She didn't know why she was thinking about this out of the blue, until she checked her blackberry and saw that she had an email from Callie.

Hey, Addie, it's Callie. I just wanted to say how much I miss you. I feel so lost up here. Erica is gone and my life is just . . . so confusing right now. But, wow, I shouldn't even be saying this to you. That is really unfair of me. I just wanted to say I'm so, so sorry about the miscarriage. I knew something was up that one time with the stillborn, but I didn't want to push you. And I know you dealt with it back in New York and are probably over it by now. It's just that Derek found out and Meredith found out and now the entire hospital has found out and me and Cristina heard Derek calling his family about it wanting to know if they had known. So I thought you should probably know that they knew, you know? Okay, now I'm pretty sure I'm rambling. Just hang in there, okay?

They knew. Oh shit, they knew. Addison panicked. She was still convinced it was her fault, all her fault. She was supposed to be a freaking OB for goodness sake. She shouldn't have lost the baby. She couldn't imagine what they were going to think of her now.

Four hours later

"Addison? Addison?" Derek called, rapping on a front door.

Mark was looking around. "Are you sure this is it?"

"Of course I'm sure, Mark. I am a brain surgeon and I think I am perfectly able to figure out where Addison's house is."

"Oh yeah, you're a real genius, you can't find it even with directions from Naomi. So you tell me, Shep, is this it? Because if not, you better hand me that piece of paper or else I'm taking your car and going off to find Addison by myself, because you are useless."

"This is it, okay Mark? Maybe she's just upstairs or something. Let's go around back." Derek walked away from the front door and found his way out onto the beach. Addie had an amazing view. He heard Mark's footsteps behind him and Mark cursing as he tripped over something in the dark. He was able to see most of the house through the sliding glass door in the back, and he squinted in the dim light, trying to see if Addison was in there.

"Oh, shit, Mark!" Derek called. He bounded up onto the porch where he tugged at the door. To his surprise it came open easily, it was unlocked. Derek walked in, Mark close by his side.

Addison was in the middle of the floor, bottles littering the ground around her, barely conscious. He ran forward to catch her, but she fell backward, onto some broken glass he hadn't noticed before. It looked like she'd knocked a vase down.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her this drunk. Addison was a social drinker, she drank in little amounts and mostly when there were other people around. He knew she had starting drinking a little more when he became more and more absent. He had also heard she had been pretty drunk when she found out about the panties, but it had never gotten like this.

"She's having a breakdown." Mark observed, walking over to help Derek carefully lift Addison out of the broken glass. Her head lulled against his shoulder. They took her upstairs through the unfamiliar house. He located her bedroom and then her bathroom.

She woke up enough to throw up several times into the toilet. Derek and Mark took turns holding her hair. Finally she laid still, her eyes open just a little bit. The blood from the glass splinters had stained her clothes, and they were already dirty with tears and vomit, so he and Mark removed them.

They had both seen Addie in various states of nakedness numerous times, so it wasn't weird. They just took care of her as gently and tenderly as they could. Mark ran a bath and put in some nice smelling whatever and Derek set her gently in the tub.

Derek took a washrag and gently cleaned her face. He frowned as a thick layer of make-up came off her face and a few day old bruise was revealed. He clenched his hands on the side of the bathtub and pointed it out to Mark. The stark rage in Mark's face was reflected in Derek's, but they decided to save that discussion for when Addison was feeling better.

Mark found some tweezers and carefully pulled the glass splinters out. He and Derek then proceeded to scrub her back, clean the rest of her body, dry her off, and find her a ratty tee shirt to sleep in. Mark also pulled a pair of his own fleece pajama pants on her. They were too big but Addison finally looked comfortable. Mark went downstairs to clean up the glass and Derek tucked Addie into bed and then lay down on the covers beside her.

"Addie?" he said softly, wondering whether she was still awake.

"Yeah?" she said softly back.

"I missed you. I know I was a royal jerk but . . . things were never quite right again after you left."

"Yeah . . ." she said softly. "Derek, about the baby –"

"We'll talk about it in the morning. I just wanted to tell you that I care about you and always will. I want to be your friend again, your best friend, like we were before everything else. Do you think we could try that?"

"Better. I think we could rock at it."

"That's my girl."

Joe's Bar

Eight people sat in a row at the bar. It had been a long, hard day at Seattle Grace Hospital. Callie, Miranda, Izzie, Alex, George, Meredith, Cristina, and Burke sat one after the other down the bar.

"I'm sorry about Natalie, Preston. I know you worked so hard on her for so long." Miranda said, to break the silence.

"Thanks, Miranda. That means a lot to me. It was hard to see her go."

"It's weird, with Mark and Derek and Addison gone. It is weird, isn't it?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah." Callie breathed. "They helped keep us in balance. It feels wrong, somehow, with all of them gone."

"Do you think Addison's okay?" George asked.

"I don't know." Alex sighed. "Do you think she might come back with them?"

"I hope she does." Izzie said. "I know that we all have our problems and sometimes we are pretty horrible to each other, but, after all we've gone through together, we're a family, you know?"

"Okay, enough with the sentimental gag-crap. Anyone want to talk surgeries?" Cristina asked.

"I have a balloon angioplasty tomorrow, if you're interested, Cristina." Preston told her, resting an arm around her shoulders.

"Alright." Cristina grumbled. "But I was supposed to get in on that case of Harlequin Ichthyosis with Sloan tomorrow. I was really looking forward to it."

"Looking forward to spending time with Sloan? There something you don't hear everyday. Or more like ever." Alex commented.

"It was an interesting case! Very rare!" Cristina said, as if that settled the matter.

"I wish I had a rare and interesting case." Meredith said. "It might take my mind off Derek."

"Hey! I have an idea!" Izzie exclaimed. The other doctors exchanged looks of trepidation. "We . . . should have . . ." Izzie was talking slowly, laying on the suspense. It was only making the others more nervous. "A ball! A Christmas ball!" Izzie practically shouted. "At the hospital, for charity!"

They all stared at her with dumbfounded expressions. "Izzie, you must be ape-shit crazy to suggest something like that. Did you suddenly get amnesia, or something? Do you NOT remember our last ball? Prom, whatever?" Alex asked.

"That was different, Alex, and it was a loooong time ago." Izzie said, laughing. She was barely containing the panic in her eyes. Denny was sitting across the bar. Or, he wasn't, but she thought he was. She hoped the ball idea would distract her. "I think this is a really good idea. Like the clinic. The clinic was a good idea, but no one wanted to consider that at first, right Dr. Bailey?"

Miranda just sighed.

"Maybe we should all just think about it," Burke said, and they left it at that.