Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man, no matter how I wish I could. That privilege belongs to Katsura Hoshino only.
Written for a request in the DGMkinkmeme community:
Kanda's "the birds and the bees" talk... to those who read the new chapter already...
...and went "awwww" when dear Yuu-chan asked what mothers were...
I do believe that was the beginning of Kanda's "the birds and the bees" talk. But, as we saw, it was interrupted.
What if, to this day, that talk was never finished? What if Kanda, gorgeous hot bastard that he is, remained oblivious and innocent even now that he is 18(?) years old?
Just grab that idea and write what you think it entails:
People hitting on Kanda, someone seducing Kanda without him understanding what is happening, awkward situations a few years ago where Kanda wondered what the hell was happening to his body, one of his friends having to give him the complete the bees and the birds talk (....just imagine Allen, the closet pervert we all know he is after all those formative years with Cross, giving Kanda the Talk... xD), Kanda feeling sexually attracted to someone and feeling really confused because he doesn't understand what it is - whatever strikes your fancy. Multiple fills (and even one-sentence fills!) welcomed.
Nursery Talk
The Head Nurse glared the two boys down with her hands on her hips, seething.
"Must I make you remember that you both are in an infirmary? This place is for sick ones and as such needs to stay quiet! Am I clear on this, young men, or do you need to be shown exactly what the word quiet means?" she hissed dangerously. Lavi "Eep!"ed in fright before nodding shakily. Kanda agreed as well, wary of what she'd do next.
Seeing that she had their full attention, she continued. "Now, would you mind to tell me what exactly has happened to make Mr. Kanda think that you've lost your mind, Mr. Lavi?" she asked, as her intimating stare landed on the redhead.
Lavi didn't need to be asked twice. "As I said before, I haven't lost my mind at all, I swear it! I just discovered that Kanda is still innocent inside both his mind and body, and tried to apologize to him for not realizing it sooner. But he thought that I was insane with what I was talking about, and when I was just about to ask him for forgiveness, he dragged me here for a brain check-up!"
Kanda snorted. "As if I can believe that. You entered my room the second I was awake, introduced me to wet dreams, asked me where babies come from, questioned my knowledge of the use of my shaft, suddenly categorized me as a virgin, then dragged me into a strangling hug while bawling apologies for no reason. You think this isn't insane?! And for the last time, rabbit, I'm not a virgin, I'm an Exorcist!" he retorted, pulling on his shirt to get the other to let go.
"See?" the redhead wailed at the nurse whilst he pointed a finger childishly in his best friend's direction. He continued to hold on to the piece of fabric, oblivious to Kanda's growing urge to use Mugen to slice his arm. Lavi anchored himself with his legs on the other side of the bed to keep him from going away. "That's why I wanted to apologize! But he didn't give me my chance and now thinks I've lost my mind!"
"You ARE insane, you retarded freak! Let me go, dammit!!" Kanda pulled stronger sharply, which made Lavi's boot slip from their position. The redhead toppled to the floor, and in his attempt to avoid landing on his head, dragged the samurai down with him. The bickering pair fell in a tangled mess of limbs on the floor. The bed sheet fell over them, blanketing them in white.
The Head Nurse sighed and rubbed a headache out of her temple, then calmly walked over to the pile of groaning teenagers. After having taken off the now dirty sheet, she took both boys by their collars and separated them in one swift movement. She dropped a dazed Kanda on the bed, and summoned her comrades.
"Girls, please take Mr. Lavi to another room and calm him down. I need to have a talk with Mr. Kanda."
The nurses gently led a sniffing and limping Lavi out of the room, and their comforting voices were drowned by the closing of the door. The matron sighed and turned to face the frustrated samurai.
"Do you truthfully not know anything of what Lavi was talking about earlier?" She asked, her tone softening.
"No. Am I supposed to?"
She blinked. "Yes, you're supposed to. In fact, you should have known of this sensible subject the very moment that you entered your teenage years."
"Then why haven't I been informed of this 'sensible subject', as you so put it, when I was supposed to?" clearly the young man before her didn't believe her, because the sarcasm in his voice was more than palpable.
Sensing that she had to approach this delicately to avoid a rampage from the bad tempered man, she took a chair and came to sit beside him, just like Lavi had done moments before. "First, let me introduce you to something that we adults have named as 'The Bird and the Bee's Talk'..."
And that's it for chapter 4! Chapter 5 will come tomorrow in due time lol.
Please review?