Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews :) This chapter is a little darker than the others, and the next one will most likely be a one-shot of their wedding, if that's what you want. Also, send me some requests because I'm low on ideas at the moment.
I hope you will like it. Let me know what you think, okay? :)
I glanced toward Peeta as I quietly pulled on my father's old jacket, and felt my mouth curve into a small, tired smile. His chest rose with every breath he took. He deserved the sleep. None of us had been getting much of it lately. Not with this date creeping up on us. It was like this every year, but this time it was worse. I couldn't sleep at all tonight, and I ignored the rain that fell down on me as soon as I stepped my foot outside the door. Somehow, it seemed appropriate that it was raining.
Finding my way in the dark night, I sat down when I realized I really didn't know where I wanted to go. My legs were too tired to carry me, and I fell down to my knees. The ground was cold and wet, but I ignored it as best as I could.
With every hour that passed, the rain started to fall harder and harder. As the sun started to rise, it was clouded by darkness.
Yes, very appropriate for this day.
Glancing up toward the sky I thought about Peeta. Knowing he would soon wake up, I only wished that his sleep hadn't been interrupted by dreams. There had been so many dreams lately, for both of us.
He would most likely wonder where I was. He knew I wouldn't be out hunting. I wouldn't be able to get a clean shot in this rain. So could he come looking for me? Knowing what day it was, he probably would. He wouldn't want me to be alone.
But where was I? Looking around my surroundings, I could make out the woods not very far away from me. There was flowers around me. If today had been a clear day, the mockingjays would be singing.
I was at the Meadow.
It didn't really surprise me, and I couldn't find it in me to move. For once, it didn't bother me that I was sitting on a grave yard. Again, appropriate.
I don't know how much time passed before I jumped from the touch of a hand on my shoulder.
"It's just me," Peeta assured me as he sat down next to me, and I calmed myself down with a deep breath. I hadn't heard him coming. I was so used to the sound of his feet on the ground after all these years. I hadn't heard him now though. I guess anyone could have sneaked up on me in this rain.
Peeta didn't ask what I was doing here. He didn't question how long. He said nothing as he scooped me up into his lap and cradled me close to his chest.
I was the one to break the silence moments later.
"I just wanted to hold her," I said, my voice low. I was afraid that it might break. He held me closer as I felt his lips press against my temple.
"I know," he whispered, his hand taking mine. I had been grasping a primrose ever since I realized where I was. I didn't let it go, even though my hand was starting to hurt. I don't know if it was because I was so cold, or because I had been holding the flower so hard.
I started to cry then, my tears mixing with the rain. When I noticed Peeta's tears, I dropped the flower to the ground and wrapped both of my arms around his neck, burrowing my face against his shoulder. And then we cried together.
He had just as much reason as me to cry today. He didn't cry often, and I hated his tears more than I hated mine. Peeta was so strong, so kind, so gentle. Somehow, tears didn't belong on his beautiful face. They didn't go with the smile that so often was showed on his face.
But today marked five years. Five years since I killed Coin. Five years since Snow died. Five years since the war had been over. Five years since we lost everyone.
I mostly cried for Prim, just wanting to hold her one more time. Wanting to tell her how much I loved her. Still. Always. I knew that Peeta cried for his family. But our tears belonged to so many more. Madge, Rue, Finnick, Boggs, Cinna, Portia. My father, too. All the people we wanted at our wedding in just a few weeks. All the people that wouldn't be able to be there.
Eventually our tears dried, and Peeta carried me home. He filled a warm bath for us. Didn't want any of us to get any colder, he said. Didn't want us to get sick. I think mostly he just didn't want to let go of me. That was fine by me. I didn't want to let him go either. I wanted his arms around me forever.
We were just getting undressed as we heard a knock, and Peeta pulled his shirt back on. Kissing me on the forehead, he told me he would be right back.
I gave him a nod, not wanting to leave his side, and then I slid down into the warm water as he left the room.
Waiting patiently, he came back a few moments later. He had changed into dry clothes, so I knew he wouldn't be joining me.
"Who was it? Haymitch?" I asked and he placed a hand on my shoulder to keep me down as I tried to get up.
Haymitch always came over on this day, every year. Always a little drunker than usually. Effie would sometimes join him. It always ended with Haymitch passed out, and Effie complaning.
"Take your time, he can wait."
Another kiss on the forehead.
"You know where to find me if you need anything."
And then he left.
I stayed in the bath until the water started to get cold, wrapping myself in a towel before I sneaked into our bedroom. Our guest was most likely in the kitchen, and he wouldn't be able to see anything as it wasn't linked in any way to the bathroom. Or our bedroom. But sneaking felt better.
Putting on something that would keep me warm, I took a moment to look through Cinna's sketchbook. I needed more time to mourn, but Peeta and I always looked through our book on days like this. When it was rougher than normally. When we needed to remember the most. And I knew that we would look through the book together tonight.
So Cinna's sketches and his note was enough for now.
I would have to talk to Peeta about not wearing a traditional wedding dress. I wanted one of Cinna's designs, and I still had all of the dresses he had once made me. They were locked away in my old Victory House, and I sneaked away to look at them sometimes. When I missed him the most.
I braided my wet hair and walked barefoot into the kitchen where I found our guest sitting at the counter. But it wasn't Haymitch. Or even Effie.
It was someone I had not seen in a very long time.
"Hey, Catnip."
I stood in the doorway for a long moment, taking him in. This man that I had not seen in years. This man that I thought I would never see again. This man that used to be my best friend.
He looked older, but five years had passed. He wasn't a boy anymore. His hair was just as dark, his eyes just as grey. But he looked tired. The small smile on his lips was wary, unsure. He didn't know if he deserved to smile. If he should really be here at all.
"Hi," I finally managed to say and I moved to make some tea for us. None of us spoke until the mugs were in front of us. Gale stared at me with questioning eyes as I plopped a sugar cube in mine. He knew I usually drank mine clean. No sugar, no milk. He didn't know that it was my own way of remembering Finnick. And I found that the sugar added a nice taste to it.
"How did you find me?" I asked, and he hesitated when he answered me.
"When I didn't find you in your house, I found Rooba. She said you would be here. So what, you live here now? With him?"
"Yes."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes."
"Good," he gave a small nod. More to himself, I think.
"What are you doing here, Gale?"
"I can't sleep. I haven't slept for real for five years. It's... I keep waking up from these nightmares. About her, about you. I keep thinking that what if I killed her? Not knowing, it's killing me. And yet if I knew that it was my weapon, then I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Killing her, breaking you..."
"Gale, you have to let it go."
He was close to tears, and I couldn't see him like this. No, Gale and I were not what we used to be. And no, I would never be able to come to terms with him ever again if I found out that it was his weapon that killed Prim. But we didn't know - we would never know - and he couldn't do this to himself. I wouldn't allow it.
"What, like you have?" he snapped, and I stared at him with wide eyes. I had seen Gale like this many times. But his anger was not directed toward me very often. Almost never.
"Peeta found me in the Meadow this morning. I just sat there in the rain, wishing to hold her one more time. One last time. I still wake up from dreams. Dreams that I will always have. Have I accepted that I'll never see my sister again? Yes. Have I moved on? Yes. Have I fully let it go? No. I will never fully be able to let it go. But you can't do this to yourself, Gale. You can't."
"But what if it was me, Katniss?"
His voice was so low I barely heard it. So broken.
"Don't be so tough on yourself," was all I said. I didn't know what to answer him. What I wanted to say wouldn't make him feel any better. It wouldn't make me feel any better. So I settled.
"I'm married," he changed the subject. "I... Her name's Alexandria. She's nice. We're having a baby soon. A daughter. I want to name her Prim, but it feels wrong. Not having an 'okay' from you. Yes, she was like a sister to me, but she was your sister. And I know that it's probably not okay with you, and that's okay with me. Alex's thinking about a dozen other names. We can just pick one of those."
He was married. He was having a baby. Gale would be a great father. I knew that. He had always been fantastic with his siblings. With Prim. And if I could make him feel a little better by giving him the allowance to name his daughter after my sister, then of course he could.
"It's okay, Gale. Prim is a lovely name. You should name her that if you want to."
He looked at me, a smile growing on his lips. It was sad, but it was there.
"Thank you," he said, reaching for my hand.
"So you're in love," I stated, smiling. It was nice that he had moved on.
"I don't know about that, but I do love her. In a way. But it will always be you."
He still loved me. He wasn't in love with his wife, because he was in love with me. That was wrong. He had to let go of me just as much as he needed to let go of Prim.
"Do you remember telling Peeta that I would choose who I couldn't survive without? I can't survive without him, Gale. You, you gave me fire. But I already had that. Peeta, he's always given me something more. Something important. Hope. He'll always give me hope. And I will always love him. Always be in love with him. There's no one else for me. And there shouldn't be anyone else than your wife for you. Let me go."
"If he's the only one for you, then why aren't you married?"
He didn't know. I thought he knew. Peeta and I were careful to tell Effie last because we knew she would somehow get it to the Capitol, to Ceasar. And then it was all over Panem.
We, the star-crossed lovers from District 12, was finally getting married.
Gale didn't know.
"We are," I whispered. "In three weeks."
"Oh," he answered. "I thought you never wanted to get married."
"I thought so too. I was wrong."
"So he's not forcing you or anything?"
"You should know Peeta enough to know that he would never do that."
"I don't really know him at all, do I?"
Maybe he was right. Before the Games started, Peeta was my secret. Him and the bread, it was mine. And then Peeta confessed his love for me, while Gale was in love with me. And the two never really interacted with each other until the War. And that wasn't Peeta. Not the Peeta that I had come to know. Gale saw him as a threat – someone to kill if things went wrong. We didn't know where we had him. But it was Peeta, and deep down I knew. He had to be in there somewhere.
And he was.
He had told me a few years ago when he realized that he loved me because of me, and not because of his old feelings. His memories. It was when he stopped me from taking the Nightlock pill after I killed Coin. At the moment he only really just knew that he couldn't let me die. He had felt the urge to protect me. The way he felt before, in his memories. He told me that that's when he really started to come back to himself, but then he didn't see me for months. He didn't see me until he came back to District 12. He didn't really think of me that way until I confessed to him that I was in love with him.
And then it still took months because he was scared. Scared that one day he might get a fit, and hurt me. But as the months passed, and every night and day passed with us being close and nothing ever happening, he felt better about it. More confident that he wouldn't hurt me. And then he wasn't scared of loving me anymore.
"It's what I want, Gale."
"Good."
Silence.
"So, how long have you two been...?"
"Four years, four months, and eighteen days."
"Counting, are we?"
I laughed without really wanting to.
I would never forget the day he told me he loved me back.
Gale didn't stay for long. Said he should go see his mother and the rest of his family. I followed him down the stairs, and hesitated for a short moment before leaning in and giving him a hug.
I even invited him to the wedding, but he said that maybe that wasn't the best idea.
Yeah, maybe not.
But he still used to be my best friend, and a small part of me wanted him there. Another small part still blamed him for Prim.
Watching him walk out into the rain, I closed the door behind him and turned to the left, to the door leading into the bakery. I knew Peeta would be there, and I needed to be close to him.
Closing the door to the bakery behind me, I let out a sigh.
Peeta was there alright, but he wasn't alone. Haymitch was already passed out over the counter, his dirty hands freakishly close to whatever Peeta had intended to bake.
Peeta tried his best to wake him up, and I watched him from where I stood.
"Cold water always works," I pointed out and Peeta looked at me, raising his eyebrows.
"I don't need him to be pissed, I just need him to get out of my cake."
I walked up to him, snaking my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest so that I could hear his steady heartbeat.
"You're still cold," I whispered, not liking it. I didn't want him to get sick. Especially not now when we were soon getting married.
"You're nice and warm," he stated and I chuckled before I let out a sigh and took a step back.
"You love me. Real or not real?"
"Real," he answered without hesitating and I nodded.
"You want to marry me because you're in love with me, and not because of any other reason. Real or not real?"
"Real." Again he said it without any hesitation, his eyes boring into mine. Peeta might be a good liar, but he wouldn't lie to me. Peeta loved me. I loved him. That's all I needed to know.
And he clearly wanted to know why I was asking this. He didn't know what Gale and I had talked about.
"Tell me the story, the one about when you fell in love with me."
"You've heard it before," he stated and I nodded. Yes, I had heard it. But I wanted to hear it again.
"Tell me."
Peeta led me to the counter right next to the oven, his hands on my hips as he lifted me up. His blue eyes stared straight into mine, his lips curving into a small smile.
"Which one?"
"I think you know which one."
And he told me all about that first time he heard me sing, and about how the birds stopped their songs to listen. He told me about the red dress and the two braids, and how he knew that he wanted to marry me. He told me that he chickened out every time he wanted to talk to me, that every time he thought I looked at him, he looked away because he thought I knew that he had been staring.
He knew I wanted to hear more, so he continued to tell me about the bread. Why he did it. How he never needed me to say 'thank you', because for that second that our eyes had met, he had known. He always kept an extra eye on me, making sure I was really okay. Checking if I needed some more bread, because he would do it again. Risk a beating, just to make sure I had something to eat.
"You're too good for me," I whispered and he shook his head. I was about to argue with him when Effie came running through the doors, screaming something about a big, big day.
Yes, it was a big day. But she had a smile on her face. Today was not a day for smiles.
"What are you screaming about?" Haymitch woke up, his voice annoyed. "And what is that?"
"That," Peeta said, watching as Haymitch removed his hand from the cake Peeta had been planning on making. "was supposed to be a cake. You can have it."
"No thanks," he answered sourly, shaking his hand off before he wiped it against his pants. I turned to Effie then, watching her, as I jumped down from the counter to stand beside Peeta. What was she screaming about? Why was she smiling?
"Haven't you heard the news?" she asked. Almost shocked that we didn't know about something.
"There's no news on Sundays," I told her and for a second I thought she would actually roll her eyes at me.
"Well, not here," she started, like it was the most obvious thing. "But in the Capitol."
"What news?"
"The last prisoners taken by the Capitol has been found and freed," Effie grinned, looking at me as she answered Haymitch's question. From the tone of her voice, the smile on her face, I got this feeling. My heart started to race, and after a few seconds I realized that I felt hopeful.
It had been five years, but some prisoners had been found. And released. That meant that they were alive, right? I don't know how anyone could survive for that long, but someone clearly had. And from the sound of Effie's voice, it was more than just one. Maybe more than a few. I didn't know. All I could really think about was this one name that kept running through my head.
But it wasn't possible. He was said to be dead.
He was dead.
"Katniss," Effie said and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I didn't like it. "I talked to Plutarch myself right after he had spoken to Paylor. One of the men matches the description of Cinna."
Cinna.
He was alive.
Somewhere underneath the ringing in my ears, I could hear the phone ring.