(I don't own BlazBlue or anything else mentioned besides the story… thingy.)

The BlazBlue Talk Show

Episode 4

*In the studio, 10 minutes before the show*

Terumi: "So, how's my buddy Relius doing at the hospital, Xdante?"

Xdante1: "No idea. Haven't heard anything about him ever since."

Carl: "Who cares about him anyway?"

Rachel: "Unfortunately, some of our viewers might."

Kokonoe: "As long as they don't ask, let's not care about it."

Terumi: "That's cold Grimalkin. I like it!"

Kokonoe: "You just shut up! Or do you want another punch like last time!?"

Terumi: "HAHA! You can't do that to me anymore! No violence during the show! Those are the rules, bitch!"

Ragna: "HA! We still have a few minutes before starting! So we can still hurt you!"

Litchi: "Sorry Ragna, but Terumi is right."

Ragna: "WHAT?!"

Lambda: "Our contracts clearly state that we cannot harm each other on stage. There are a few exceptions, but we do not meet the requirement for any of them right now."

Ragna&Kokonoe: "Damn!"

Bullet: *to Xdante1* "Is it always like this before the show?"

Xdante1: "Nah. It's usually worse."

Bang: "XDANTE!"

Xdante1: "Me and my big mouth. What now?"

Bang: "Luna and Tao are arguing over a meat bun!"

Xdante1: "That settles it! Hakumen!"

Hakumen: "Yes?"

Xdante1: "Throw Luna and Tao in the torture room for 2 minutes!"

Hakumen: "OK."

*Hakumen throws Tao and Luna in the torture room*

*2 minutes later Hakumen brings both of them out shivering in fear*

Terumi: "Not pleasant, right?"

*they just nod*

Xdante1: "Time to go to work guys!"

*Intro music, lights flashing.*

*After that's over…*

Xdante1: "We're back with the 4th episode of The BlazBlue Talk Show!"

Makoto: "HELL YEAH!" *whistles*

Nu: "YAY!" *claps*

Xdante1: (thought: how long will they be doing this?) "Yeah… okay. Now, before we start we have Professor Kokonoe permanently joining us along with Bullet."

Kokonoe: "Hi everyone!"

Bullet: "Hello."

Xdante1: "Now, last time Terumi received a hit to the groin from everyone here EXCEPT Bullet, since she wasn't with us back then." *saying quickly this next part* "So, we will let her do it now! Hakumen!"

*Hakumen chains Terumi to the same spot in the same way as he was before*

Terumi: "OH, COME ON!"

Bullet: "So… I can really hit him 'there' as hard as I want to?"

*everyone nods*

Bullet: *smiling* "I really like you guys."

*she put on her weapon and gave Terumi a huge, wall cracking punch*

Terumi: "NOT AGAIN! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"

*Hakumen let's Terumi loose and he falls down like a rock, then he crawled back to his seat*

Xdante1: "Now that that's done, it's time for the new questions."

Luna: *begging* "Please tell Luna she has one, please!"

Xdante1: *annoyed voice* "Luna has one."

Luna: "Seriously?"

Xdante1: "Yes! You'll get it later."

Ragna: "At least it'll make her shut up for a while."

Rachel: "I do hope so."

Tager: *to Xdante1* "Who are the questions from?"

Xdante1: "Deviljoh's Hatred. He came up with new ones."

Terumi: "I hope he has good questions again!"

Bullet: "Again?"

Ragna: "Yeah! He said that he didn't have any questions for Rachel the last time and he gave her a cookie instead! HAHA!"

Kokonoe: "I saw that one! It was awesome! HAHAHA!"

Bullet: "Nice!"

Rachel: *irritated* "Could we please get on with the new questions Xdante?"

Xdante1: "Sure. Jin gets the first one. Do you like ice related puns?"

Jin: "Well, if you recall I sometimes say 'Chill!' when I do a move in Calamity Trigger, but I like those and I know a few."

Tsubaki: *chuckles* "A few?"

Jin: "Fine, a lot."

Makoto: "Like?"

Jin: "For example 'Cool down' or 'Stay cool' and 'Have an ice day!'."

Tager: "That last one's pretty good."

Terumi: "You should just freeze your ass off and invent a new ice related pun! HEHEHEHEHE!"

Jin: "You want me to turn you into an ice cream?!"

Terumi: "Only if I'll be strawberry flavored! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jin: "I really hate you!"

Terumi: "Get in line! HEHE!"

Xdante1: "ENOUGH!"

*silence*

Xdante1: "Thanks for your answer Jin. Next question! Noel, has Ragna taught you how to cook better? He's only asking this because, and I quote, 'according to a lot of people in the BlazBlue universe, your cooking is powerful enough to stop the Black Beast in its tracks."

*everyone looks amazed, except Terumi who just laughs like a maniac*

Terumi: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! At least you guys know how to defeat the Black Beast now! HEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Ragna: "PUT A SOCK IN IT ALREADY!"

Terumi: "I never listened to you before. So why start now? HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Noel: *to Xdante1* "Can I?"

Xdante1: "I insist."

Noel: "Thanks. HAKUMEN!"

Hakumen: *walks to Noel* "Let me guess, Terumi?"

Noel: "Yep."

*Hakumen looks at me, I nod and he puts Terumi in the torture room*

Ragna: "You're the best Noel!" *gives Noel a hug and a kiss*

Noel: "Thank you, Ragna."

Tsubaki: "About the question, it carries some truth."

Noel: "Well… yes, my cooking was horrible before, but Ragna does help me to improve it. It's just not going so fast."

Luna: "HA! Even Luna can cook! You're lame!"

Ragna: "Hey! Don't you dare talk like that about her! And you can't cook! At least Noel is trying to improve her skills unlike you!"

Luna: "LUNA CAN COOK!"

Ragna: "Making a sandwich doesn't count!"

Rachel: "So does this mean she can cook slightly better now?"

Ragna: *already calm again* "I say she's doing alright now. Better than slightly."

Noel: "Thanks, sweetie." *hugs Ragna*

Xdante1: "OK, next question then. But before that, Hakumen!"

Hakumen: "Already gone to get him."

*Hakumen brings Terumi back from the torture room still shaking like a leaf*

Bullet: "Do I want to know what's in there?"

*everyone shook their heads, even Terumi*

Bullet: "Okay then."

Xdante1: "This one's for Makoto. Do people usually try to fondle your tail?"

Makoto: "Only some of them. But it's kind of annoying when Noel does it."

Noel: *in a cuddly way* "But it's so nice and fluffy."

Ragna: "It still isn't right Noel. Can I ask a question regarding this?"

Makoto: "Sure."

Ragna: "What about Carl?"

Makoto: "I would let him play with my tale but he always refuses."

Carl: "I always tell her that I love everything about her and not just her tale."

Makoto: *while giving her tail to Carl* "You know you can play with it anytime you want." *wink*

*Carl blushes*

Terumi: "Even I know you want it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

*Ada went to Terumi and punched him in the face*

Terumi: "HEY!"

Xdante1: "I allowed it."

Kokonoe: "Nice one, Ada!"

Nu: "You're awesome!"

Lambda: "Good work!"

Ada: "…"

Carl: "Ada says thanks everyone."

Xdante1: "Next question! Hakumen, please come here!"

Terumi: "Hey! I didn't do anything now!"

Xdante1: "I know. I called him because he got a question too this time."

Hakumen: "Really? Alright then. Ask away."

Xdante1: "He would like to know why you always say your long (yet badass) creed whenever you get into a fight with Ragna. The one about the 'White void… Cold steel… etc.'"

Ragna: "Is it really just me?"

Xdante1: "I don't know. The question remains though."

Hakumen: "Well, I don't only say it to the Black Beast but as you sad it's badass and sounds good when I say it. It also gives me enough time to get into my fighting stance and unsheathe my sword. Plus it's like a trademark of mine."

Bang: "I know what you mean. I always emphasize my role in being the warrior of love and justice!"

Kokonoe: "I think you just like to hear the sound of your own voices."

Hakumen&Bang: *blushing from anger* "Not true!"

Terumi: "You're just like me in that aspect! HAHAHA!"

Rachel: "Even one is too much of you in EVERY world. We certainly wouldn't need anymore of that."

Terumi: "You are right in that last part. I AM one of a kind! HEHEHEHE!"

Lambda: "Next question, please."

Xdante1: "Right. It's for Tao. What is the most delicious thing you have ever eaten?"

Tao: "Meow, that's easy. Boobie Lady's meat buns!"

Litchi: "Do you really mean that Tao?"

Carl: "I think she does. Why else would she go to your clinic every single day?"

Jin: "Brother told me she goes there to study."

Ragna: "She keeps saying that she'll go to Litchi's place to study and to taste her meat buns."

Litchi: *blushing* "Well, that certainly explains a lot."

Terumi: "So let me get this straight. The cat girl goes there to 'study' and after that she gets 'her meat buns'. And people think I'm perverted! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Bang: "MISS LITCHI ISN'T LIKE THAT!"

Terumi: "Oh really?! Have you seen 'her meat buns' lately?! HEHEHEHEHE!"

Litchi: "WHY YOU LITTLE-"

Xdante1: "STOP!"

*silence*

Xdante1: "One more word about this and it's the torture room AGAIN, Terumi!"

*Terumi starts shivering*

Tao: "Did Tao say something bad? Tao's sorry." *sadly*

Litchi: *caring tone* "It's not you Tao. Don't worry."

Xdante1: "You gave a good answer Tao, so cheer up!"

*she hoped over to me and gave me a bone crushing hug*

Tao: *cheerful way* "Thanks, X-guy!"

Xdante1: "No…problem." *to Litchi* "Could you patch me up after the show?"

*She nodded*

Xdante1: "Thanks. Next question! Luna and Sena, is-"

Luna: "YAY! LUNA GOT A QUESTION!"

Xdante1: *annoyed face* "Hurray." *back to normal, besides the slight pain in the back from Tao's hug* "So, is it annoying when one of you has to go to the bathroom and the other is watching?"

Nu: "That's a good question. Nu's curious about it too."

Luna: *blushing, angry* "Well, it certainly can be!"

Sena: *defensive voice* "It was an accident!"

Luna: *even angrier* "You're a perv! Just like Ragna!"

Ragna: "HEY!"

Noel: "HE'S NOT A PERV!"

Luna: "YOU BOTH ARE!"

Terumi: *to Luna* "HAHA! Is there vacancy inside you right now?! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Luna: "YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PERVERT IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!"

Ragna&Noel: "YEAH!" (Ragna-thought: I can't believe I agree with Luna on something.)

Terumi: "Why thank you! You're too kind! HEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Bullet: *to Terumi* "You're an ass!"

Jin&Tsubaki: "Nice!"

Kokonoe: "I like you."

Bullet: "Thanks."

Terumi: "At least I can dress properly! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bullet: *to Xdante1* "Let me kill him!"

Xdante1: "Sorry, you can't. Just ignore him. Or make Hakumen throw him in the torture room."

Bullet: "I'll go with option no. 2. Hakumen!"

Hakumen: "Yeah?"

Terumi: *terrified* "Please don't, please don't, please don't! I'll say sorry!"

Bullet: "That's better. Never mind Hakumen."

Hakumen: "He got lucky."

Rachel: "Please go on, Xdante."

Xdante1: "Our next questions are from Whatevs. Unfortunately, his first is removed."

Tager: "How come?"

Xdante1: "It's for Arakune."

Tao: "Oh, and Squiggly is nowhere in sight."

Rachel: "How did that foul and disgusting creature got a question?"

Xdante1: "Beats me, but it seems I have to clear up a few things for our viewers. You can only ask questions from the guests who are actually here. I already told you who are here in the first episode AND there was a good reason for Arakune missing."

Ragna: "So he wouldn't keep attacking us."

Makoto: "Plus, we wouldn't understand a word from him."

Xdante1: "Exactly. So to make things clear you can only send questions to the characters that were mentioned in Episode 1 and Bullet, plus Amane Nishiki. I forgot to mention he is in the staff now too."

Tsubaki: "I am curious about the question he got."

Xdante1: "He only asked what is it like to live in the sewers."

Terumi: "Judging by the looks of him, he IS the sewer! HAHAHAHA!"

*no one said anything*

Terumi: "How come I don't get any remarks?!"

Xdante1: "We actually agree with you on this."

*everybody nods*

Terumi: *surprised* "There's something you don't see everyday."

Xdante1: "So his first question is to Noel, but please don't get mad about it."

Noel: "Huh? It's that bad?"

Xdante1: "Um… just to be safe. EVERYONE TAKE COVER!"

*they came behind me*

Xdante1: "Not what I meant. Whatever, so your question: are you sure you're a girl?"

Noel: "WHAAAAAAATTTTTT?!"

*she summoned Bolverk and started shooting wildly all around the studio*

Bullet: *worried voice* "How do we calm her down?"

Jin: "Brother! He's your girlfriend, do something!"

Ragna: "I'm thinking!" *looks at Litchi* "I got it! Litchi let me borrow Lao Jiu."

Litchi: "You think it'll work?"

Ragna: "I hope so." *he comes out of the cover and slowly walks to Noel*

Noel: "I AM A GIRL!"

Ragna: "Hey, Noel! Look what I have!"

*she turns to Ragna and sees Lao Jiu in Ragna's hands, Noel quickly returned to her normal self and took the panda in a hug*

Noel: *like a little girl* "So fluffy and cute!"

Xdante1: *looks around the damaged studio* "I think we can go on." *a reflector fell down from the roof* "Could have been worse." *the show's sign fell down too* "I think I'll just shut up."

Bang: "That was creepy."

*everyone returned to their seats (they were still usable) and Noel gave Lao Jiu back to Litchi*

Ragna: "Thanks for the assistance, doc."

Litchi: "No problem."

Xdante1: "Next question! Ragna, are you a pedophile?"

Ragna: "WHAT?!"

Luna: "HAHAHAHA! Finally! Someone agrees with Luna!"

Terumi: "HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! I just love these types of questions! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Ragna: "OF COURSE NOT! WHY WOULD PEOPLE THINK THAT?!"

Rachel: "Well for starters, your girlfriend looks like a-" *stops considering what just happened a few minutes ago* "-you know, and you spend too much time around younger girls like Nu, Lambda and even Luna."

Tager: "You didn't say yourself."

Rachel: "I am not a little girl. I am over 200 years old."

Terumi: "So you're an old hag! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Rachel: "SWORD IRIS!"

*lightning struck Terumi*

Ragna: "As much as I liked what you just did, I am still NOT a pedophile! I have a girlfriend for crying out loud!"

Noel: "Who cares what others think. You're completely normal in my book." *smiles*

Ragna: "Okay, I feel better now. The answer is still no. Go on, Xdante."

Xdante1: "Alright. Bang, why are you so awesome?"

*everyone looked amazed except Bang*

Bang: "You must have a lot of confidence in yourself as well as your abilities. One must also train very hard every day and you must also keep pushing yourself over the limit every time. But the most important part, IS THAT YOU MUST BE AS PASSIONATE AS YOU CAN BE!"

Tao: "Stop yelling Scruffy Man!"

Bang: "My apologies. I got carried away again. Another thing: being a ninja is always awesome so that's also a part of it."

Xdante1: *hand over left ear* "I was hoping this wouldn't happen again."

Kokonoe: "DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?! I CAN'T HEAR A THING!"

Tager: *slowly* "Kokonoe, blow your nose."

Kokonoe: *did as she was told* "Much better."

Xdante1: "Moving on. Luna, you're Whatevs' favorite character."

Luna: "Really! Thanks Whatevs!" *winks*

Ragna: "That explains his previous question."

Terumi: "Someone had to ask it eventually! HEHEHE!"

Ragna: "Why don't you just go and die somewhere?!"

Terumi: "After you! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Xdante1: "STOP IT!"

*they stopped*

Rachel: "How do I put up with you people is a mystery."

Xdante1: "Then you'll like the last question, asking why don't you go on vacations so you can take a break from the rest of the cast."

Rachel: "As tempting as that sounds it would be, as Ragna would say, boring as hell. I'd rather stay and deal with the mess that happens every day rather than to be bored to death."

Terumi: "Just admit it that you like us! HAHA!"

Rachel: "Keep dreaming."

Terumi: "Thanks, but I'd rather dream of a sexy girl than you. HAHAHAHA!"

Rachel: "That is it!"

Xdante1: "ENOUGH ALREADY!"

Rachel&Terumi: "Yes, sir."

Xdante1: "That's all the questions we had time for today, but there is a message for Rachel from RagingChimera92."

Luna: "She got a message too?!"

Rachel: "Oh, the intelligent one. I am eager to hear his message."

Xdante1: "He says you addressed him wrong. He's not a human but a monster, a chimera to be exact and he says not to call him a human again or else he'll drag you to the depths of the Boundary where you'll never see the light of day again. He also calls you a dumb lolita."

*everyone laughs hard*

Terumi: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lolita vampire bitch! This makes it so worth getting all those punches! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Rachel: "I apologize for addressing you incorrectly, but if you ever call me that again I'll make sure you'll be functioning as a lightning rod."

Xdante1: "No threats to the viewers!"

Rachel: "Huh, fine. My apologies. I'll make sure to be precise next time."

Xdante1: "Good. There is also something else for you here, so I'll read out. 'P. S. You owe Ragna and Noel big time! Just like Terumi, don't think you're getting out of this one!'"

Rachel: "WHAT?!"

Terumi: "HAHAHAHA! This ain't your day vampire lolita bitch! HEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Rachel: "SHUT UP! And why do I owe my servant and that girlfriend of his anything?"

Xdante1: "Beats me, but I like his style, so you owe them."

Ragna: "HA! Who's laughing now, Rabbit?"

Rachel: "I will not do anything for them!"

Ragna: "Oh yes you will. Or else…" *turns to Xdante1*

*I nod and he turns back to Rachel*

Ragna: "…it's the torture room."

Rachel: "You wouldn't dare!"

Noel: "Try us!"

Rachel: "Xdante wouldn't let it!"

Xdante1: "Really? I already let Carl throw in Relius and Noel did the same to Terumi just a few minutes ago. You think I wouldn't let Ragna do the same to you?"

Rachel: *irritated* "Fine. But only ONE favor."

Xdante1: "Good. RagingChimera92 also wishes the best for Jin and Tsubaki AND Ragna and Noel when they decide to get married."

Tsubaki: "He's invited to the wedding and we won't take no for an answer."

Noel: "Same here."

Xdante1: "Time's up! What do you think about the show Bullet?"

Bullet: "It's cool. I'm looking forward coming back."

Tao: "Meow, Tao can't wait for the next one!"

Nu: "Nu likes it too!"

Xdante1: "Tanks guys! Hope everyone enjoyed this as much as we did. See you guys next time and as always, keep on asking questions. You know what to do, guys!"

BlazBlue cast: "See you guys! Please read and review!"

Xdante1: "Bye!"

*Ending song*

*Lights turn off, cameras turn off* (meaning the ones that are still working after Noel's outburst)

Litchi: "Okay, just relax and this won't hurt a bit."

*I do as she says and she fixes my back*

Xdante1: *while holding my back* "Ugh, thanks."

Litchi: "Anytime."

Hakumen: "Xdante."

Xdante1: "Yeah?"

Hakumen: "Tao's asking if she could take the left over from the buffet."

Xdante1: "Sure."

Tao: "Thanks, X-guy!" *gives me another bone crushing hug*

Xdante1: "Oh, boy. Litchi, could you help me again, please?"

Litchi: "Of course."