Chapter Four: To love and not know how

His appearance hadn't really changed. His hair was the same- deep black with the beginnings of graying around the temples (she had always found this incredibly sexy). His clothing was the same clothing he always wore, since she had finally gotten him out of those morbidly black upon black robes. In short, the appearance of her husband was exactly as he had always been. Yet something was oddly different.

His eyes held this unfamiliar glow. There was a light in them that had not been there before. His smile was not the one she had grown accustomed to, for the reason that he no longer seemed sure of himself when he smiled at her.

No matter what she did, this was not the man she had married. He looked the same. He rather acted the same. Nothing too drastic had changed. But a wife always knows when something is different.

He didn't kiss her the same. That much was for damn sure. When she blinked her eyes up at him, as she had always done while lying on the bed waiting for him to lie down next to her, he no longer dropped whatever he was doing to come to her. When he did put his mouth to hers, it was mostly on the occasions that she asked to be kissed, and Beatrice did not favor this change at all.

Bea lived for Severus' kisses. They were like sweet milk to survive upon for her. She didn't understand the changes in her husband, but she marked them off to stress to his new job, and kept her mouth shut. Even though she desperately wanted her mouth permanently on his.

She merely prayed that, as she moved from day to day, doing the things that he adored her for, he would slowly remember how much he loved her and would return to his old self.

IIII

Snape gathered the laundry in the bathroom and with his arms full, marched back into the bedroom to place them in the hamper. When he had emptied his arms of the load, he turned and laid eyes on Beatrice.

She lay on the bed, with her head at the foot and her feet on the pile of pillows near the top. Her hair had been pinned up for the Saturday cleaning and it was beginning to fall in pieces that he wished to take in his fingers and place back in the various clips.

She stretched out her arms to him above her head, and peered at him in an odd upside-down way. She wiggled her fingers to him and whispered, "Come here, my love." How could he resist?

He looked into her blue eyes, as startling as the spring sky and he couldn't help but smile. She was lovely. He came to her and sat on the edge of the bed, placing her head on his lap, so she looked up at him as he petted her head in a soothing fashion.

"Yes Bea… what might I do for you?" She giggled a girly, young laugh that made his heart tighten at the sound of it.

"You might kiss your tired wife."

"Are you tired? Maybe you should nap for a bit. It is only mid-afternoon. I'll make dinner if you'd like to rest," Severus said, purposely avoiding her request for a kiss.

"A nap would be lovely. But a kiss would be better." Beatrice fluttered her eyelashes at him and smiled wide with her soft pink lips.

He wanted to kiss her, he truly did. Yet, every time he tried images of Hermione's face, with her eyes half-closed and her lips parted, popped into his mind. He dreading kissing his wife for the idea that he might see her, and wish he was really kissing her. Unfortunately though, one cannot avoid kissing one's wife, or one's wife will definitely think there is something wrong.

So, with that being said, Snape moved Bea's head gently off of his lap and he slid to his knees next to the bed. She turned her head expectantly and within the next second, with his eyes closed, his lips were upon hers. He wrapped one arm around her neck, holding her lips to his, while his other hand roamed up and down her side.

He heard her sigh approvingly into his mouth. At this, he decided it was his cue to let up. Hermione's mouth had indeed floated before his closed eyes and he wished to God they hadn't. At the sight of Hermione in his mind he desired her with everything he had, and hoped only that he could once more desire the wife he loved in such a way. He rose from his kneeling position, kissing Bea on the floor.

"Darling, where are you off to?" Beatrice asked, sitting up on the bed with her knees tucked beneath her. "I don't believe you've ever just stopped kissing me before." Because she was blonde, sweet and charming, Bea's one fault was that she believed herself irresistible to men. So with her husband literally turning his back on her, her pride was hurt worst of all.

"I was just thinking of some tea. Would you like some? How about chamomile, so that you can still nap." Severus didn't wait for her response but moved quickly to the kitchen. He felt dark inside, as he once had. It was harder than he had ever imagined to pretend to be his more agreeable self, when the old Snape wanted to pop out and leave Beatrice to ravage Hermione.

Beatrice lay down on their bed with her head resting on the pile of pillows. Something was definitely wrong. She considered the idea for a moment before falling into a deep sleep, haunted with images of Snape leaving her in a whirl of magic dust.

IIII

She watched him enter the Great Hall in a flurry of black. She noted that on this Monday morning, one week after the beginning of the new school term, he was once again back in his familiar black robes. She sensed a bit of familiarity in the man who swerved his way through the groups of children and students to his spot at the head table for lunch.

Hermione's own head felt foggy from the lack of sleep she was receiving. Every time she lay her head upon her pillow she feared she might be once more swept up into the dreamscape that had haunted her last year with Snape. They had spent the most wonderful time together in the dreamscape, confiding in one another, falling in love and then it all was smashed to pieces when the last battle of the great war with the Dark Lord took place.

Sometimes she still wondered what would have happened to them if the dreamscape had never ended for the two. If, even though they had been apart, leading separate lives, if the dreamscape would still bring them together and they would be as close as the had been. It was best not to wonder, Hermione reminded herself. Such behavior will only lead to trouble.

Yet, she could not deny that she did want to be back in the dreamscape with him. She wanted to see his face up close, old his head close to her chest, and hear his thoughts once more. What she really feared was not the dreamscape, but what he might say to her within it.

IIII

He took two bites of the bitter porridge before him and glanced side-ways down the table at her mass of brown hair, bent over the morning paper. He sipped some coffee in his mug and once again turned to see her, to make sure that she really was there in the same room as he was. He kept this pattern for most of breakfast, occasionally looking at his left hand, upon which was his wedding ring, and guilt rose like bile in the back of his throat. He would choke it back down with coffee, or a bite of toast and then look down the table toward Hermione.

"She's rather easy to talk to if you want. It would be a lot easier than trying to catch her eye across the breakfast table."

Snape looked up to meet Headmistress Collins' eyes. Her voice was shrill as she spoke, and he noticed the none too subtle wink in his direction as she finished her speech.

"Although, I don't know how I feel about a married man hitting on my most beautiful teacher." Roberta gave a girlish giggle and Severus wanted to smack her with the thick romance novel she was reading.

"No, that isn't necessary. I just thought I recognized her from when I was a teacher her under Headmaster Dumbledore."

"Oh is that so? Was she your student back then?" Once more she gave a little giggle and Severus couldn't take the thought of not hitting her anymore.

"I don't know. Excuse me Headmistress." Snape quickly removed himself from the table and walked behind the chairs of his fellow professors. He stopped behind Hermione's and he leaned down, whispering in her ear. " Meet me in my office during lunch hour today."

Hermione jumped at the feel of his breath on her neck and she heard his words slither into her ear. By the time she turned, he was already making his way out the door.

IIII

Here is the next chapter… and review! If you read it, take the time to let me know what you think! It isn't a difficult process…. Thank you.